Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Year of the Dragon (And Her Family!)

2012-01-27T22:03:00.003-07:00

Tonight was the first I Ho Chuan class of the new year, and of the new team. I thought it was amazing that even though I do not attend classes at Stony during the week (excluding Fridays), I recognized every face there tonight. It gives me the feeling that this team is going to do amazing things. SRKF has broken new ground in previous years, and I don't doubt that this team will again this year.

Sifu Brinker talked about keeping motivation and focus throughout as being the key to mastery. I can attest to this, not because I have thus managed to accomplish it, but because I have not. I know I lose focus and motivation quickly. My first, second and third time around blatantly tell me this. But, I have the solution. I want to develop the first ever Sifu Brinker bobble-head, complete with a little button that you can push any time you lose focus and it'll spit out motivational phrases. "Where am I? What am I doing?" or "Only 80 more push-ups" or " The answer is... 42".

But since I first need funding for my plan, I need to think of a more immediate solution to my lack of motivation. And, I want to figure it out and implement it before I fall behind. Proactive, it's a new thing for me.

I don't think there is any other way other than to make sure I'm fully engaged with my team mates. I am the loner that tries to do it on her own, the one Sifu Brinker mentioned tonight. I always have been, and its been difficult admitting that I can't do it by myself. I remember it being a part of my speech at my blackbelt promotion ceremony, talking about my ability and independence and blah blah. I got it so wrong. I cannot be alone in this now, just as I was not alone in it then. Horrah. Lightbulb. Finally.

By the way, I'm not a dragon, I'm a rat. But, big or little, we all need family!

Take a Chance on Me

2012-01-20T11:53:00.000-07:00

For the last couple months its been a struggle to find the time to eat, clean, sleep. I'm home only on Sundays and Tuesday evenings for any length of time. But, its okay. I finally feel good about what I'm accomplishing, what I'm helping others accomplish and in my general direction regarding my training. Nick says he misses me, but fully understands what I'm doing an why (although he thinks I'm a bit crazy).

Its a struggle, and Sifu Brinker is right when he says you find you can't relate to people who are not martial artists. They don't understand why you would be willing to sacrifice home time and free time for a "hobby". The abuse we put our bodies through, the sacrifices, the incredible devotion it takes to live the stuff we teach. My usual response to "why would anyone do that?" is to smile & shrug. I've tried to explain, and the only person who's come close to understanding is my dad.

When I think of my training, the sacrifices I make are not the first things I think of. I think about who I am because of it about who I wouldn't be if I never joined. I think about whats its given me, not what its taken. The ability to walk with confidence, the ability to catch my coffee before it hits the ground, the ability to take joy in how the snow covers the trees, how it gets so quiet at night, to recognize each and every moment for what it gives us.

Its strangely satisfying, listening to ABBA and mending a dragon. You have to live it to understand.

Happy Happy I Ho Chuan

2012-01-13T08:53:00.004-07:00

Its already a new year, and I know I need a game plan. Fist step is completed- enlist myself once again. Step two was determine my requirements.

This year I tried to change my thought process when I set my goals. I added skydiving, not because I want to try to fly but because I have always wondered if I have the ability to stay calm in specific situations, and what better way to find out than jump out of a plane? I thought of a situation that would guarantee scare the heebee jeebee's out of me, induce panic and raise my hackles. I figured it was the same as getting hit for the first time- you really have no idea what you're in for the first time you take a heavy one to the body. I have no idea what a full on panic frenzy, scared stupid situation will do to me, be it turn me into a blob of sobbing jelly or Iron Woman. Well, I'll let you know when I find out. I'm aiming for the second scenario.

Next is learn sign language. I've always been impressed and a wee bit jealous of bilingual people. I think its an invaluable skill, having the ability to communicate with more of the population. I considered French, since I have several years of high school French to work with (but je suis, tu est, il/elle est, nous sommes, vous etes is about all I remember). I considered Spanish, since I've had language barriers with people I've worked around. Eventually I settled on sign language. Empathy is a huge part of what we do and teach. I cannot imagine how hard it could be to loose the ability to verbally communicate. Perhaps if I learn sign language, one day I may be able to use it to help someone communicate at a grocery store, gas station, ball game, who knows.

For the mastery of two forms requirement, I choose Tai Chi, Monks Spade and Tai Chi Broadsword. It reminds me of a buddy's t-shirt "There are three types of people in the world; those who are good at math and those who aren't". I have very specific reasons for each form I choose. In previous posts I've mentioned Tai Chi as being my nemesis and my sidekick. Still true today. I love Tai Chi, I can feel how it changes my body mechanics, induces flow and chi, teaches balance, strength, harmony. I'm a very visual learner. If I am learning a new technique, I'll watch Sifu Brinkers' hands, feet, knees, shoulders, hips, and absorb how they move, when and where they go, why they move, how they flow together. I watch for the correlation between whats happening and how he's getting there. There are underlying principles in Kung Fu that can be seen in everything we do. I have a harder time seeing these things in Tai Chi. I see the way Sifu Dennis moves. I see what she's doing, how it induces flow and relieves stress on the joints, forces you to move in alignment with your body. But for the life of me I can't translate it into my own body. So, I ask her for help. A lot. A good example being Carrying the Tiger to the Mountain; Sifu shows me, breaks it down, works with me, corrects me, encourages me. I follow beside her and I can mimic what she's doing, but the minute she is gone I lose it. I feel like I'm always mimicking instead of making it my own. Hence, make it a priority and do it a thousand times until it is my own.

Tai Chi Broadsword is another one, for all the reasons I listed above. But now, lets put a weapon in my hand and do it all over again.

Monks Spade. How to explain this... I need to challenge myself. I need to get myself into the best shape of my life, strengthen muscle and build endurance. What better way than to heave around (with technique!) a big, long, heavy weapon, which will force me to build muscle, endurance, patience, dedication, commitment, confidence?

These aren't all my requirements, but I think they're the ones what needed some explanation. And, they'll give the other blackbelts challenges as well- Sifu Dennis will get to spend loads of time with me (insert wink here), Sifu Freitag will have to think of a way to peel me off the wing of a plane, and everyone will have to get good at dodging when I'm practicing the Monks Spade!

There are Two Things that can Make this World Better

2011-12-19T06:59:00.004-07:00

I've had a few things going around in my mind over the last few weeks, but I'm not sure how to phrase it all. One of the first things we are taught is "what does kung fu teach?". Normally when I ask this question I get the same answer I gave to the student- discipline and respect. But, when I ask what is discipline and respect, and why is it so important, I often get crickets as an answer. And so, I will do my best to define it and to explain to some degree why they are so important.

In this case, discipline does not necessarily refer to the negative connotation. Its not only a case of "do 30 push ups" after someone forgets to bow, or talks too loudly, or decides to show up late to class. It is also the ability to motivate yourself to do those push-ups, in an effort to better yourself body and soul. Its the ability to devote yourself to what you happen to be doing at the moment, to complete the task to the very best of your ability. Its the motivation behind everything we do in an attempt to become better workers, employers, practitioners, spouses, individuals. Without it, we will become stagnant, ignorant and loose all sense of accountability and responsibility.

Respect does not stop at bowing at the door or remembering previous or current masters of our art. It shows esteem for those around you as well as for yourself. Its what makes you choose to acknowledge the feats of others, or like discipline, it can be what motivates you to choose a healthy lifestyle, to listen to others before prematurely judging them. If given respect, it can do wonders for your self esteem, it can make you smile, it can make your day. To show another respect is to acknowledge them as individuals, with unique abilities and unique ideas. You know yourself, what you are capable of and how things affect you- why wouldn't you want to be respectful of others if you know that's what you yourself would want?

Discipline and respect can be seen on every level, from showing up to class on time, to finding a garbage can rather than throwing it out the car window, to becoming active politically, to helping those with no homes or warm clothing, to smiling at a cashier.

The things we teach in kung fu are meant to last beyond the kwoon. You cannot be taught kung fu in a week long seminar, or in a month or in a year. Even if you learn every move, every kick or block or escape or form, you will not know kung fu until you understand the importance of discipline and respect, and understand how they can touch every aspect of your life. It's a life long process, striving to become a better martial artist by becoming a better worker, employer, practitioner, spouse, individual. It does not stop once class is over, or you get injured, or you receive a black belt. It only becomes more important as you come to understand it.

Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day

2011-09-23T21:20:00.002-06:00

Today has been... rough. I was no showed by employees, had to cancel two jobs (one twice), deal with grumpy contractors, pay $460 for one single tire since I ran over a piece of shrapnel the size of a small country, I think I broke my back and a strut on a back country road, I had to deal with a company car accident (not me, and no one was hurt) (but the van is a write off), and I just burnt my tongue on my supper.

But... class was great, the night is beautiful, and I have a dog curled up in my lap. Today has been great.

Or an Astronaut...

2011-09-08T09:36:00.003-06:00

I am still in process of deciding what I want to be when I grow up. The problem is, now that I'm older I can't just say "I want to be a fire truck!" without first thinking it through, what education do I need to become a fire truck, where would I work as a fire truck, do I need to move as a fire truck, oh, wait, I'm human, not a truck.

I can list several disciplines that I'm interested in, but the problem is, am I willing to do what is required to follow through? If I need to move across the country, am I willing to? If I need to take night courses, sell my car, quad, holiday trailer to pay for tuition, will I? Am I willing to take 2 steps back before I can take one forward?

Despite being made of organic materials, I think being a fire truck would have been simpler and easier.

(Scary) True Story

2011-08-17T07:51:00.005-06:00

I often have dreams, as well as nightmares, about kung fu. My dreams are probably fairly common- I kick butt with cool weapons or I can jump from tree to tree like Chow Yun-Fat. My nightmares usually consist of my students deciding to go crazy, climbing the walls, screaming & yelling and hanging from the rafters on the same day Sifu Brinker decides to give a surprise visit, and there I am yelling at some random kid to quit beating on an adult, all the while Sifu is giving me the eyebrow glare, with a 'tsk tsk' finger wag.

Then there's what I dreamt last night- completely and utterly failing the test for my next stripe.

And it wasn't that I had bad technique on my side heel, or broke my hand on a board. It was... Tai Chi. My nemesis. Oh how I both love and loath you.

It was grading day, there we all were, gathered in the old elementary school gym (that's always the setting for these dreams). There were so many second degrees going for third. Strangely, several were black belts from years past, several from now that are still first degrees, one was even Spock. Yes, Dr. Spock, pointy ears, overly logical and formal with a bad hair cut. And if I didn't achieve my 3rd, he'd be standing to my right instead of two rows back.

Spock and all the others were asked to perform the Tai Chi form together. They did, most of them. Many could not make it through the form, and I could see Sifu Dennis docking points off for whatever was not sufficient or for what they didn't know. Then, I went, all by my lonesome, doing great at first, then struggling, then utterly forgetting everything I knew. Oh the shame.

Then, mercifully, I woke up. It was 5am, I had to get up for work in an hour, but now I'm sweating, my heart is pounding and my mind is reeling. Oh how do I go back to sleep when I'm all wound up?

Then (this is all a true story) I remembered something Sifu Brinker said in the last UBBT meeting- "if you think you're too busy and don't have the time, I'll show you how to set your alarm one hour earlier". Well, by golly, I had woken up one hour earlier and now I'm extremely motivated, after that scary dream!

Guess what I did... how'd you know? And, today seems a bit brighter now. Brighter than yesterday, and definitely brighter than 4:59am this morning.

Kudos

2011-07-12T16:00:00.000-06:00

I have two friends who are leaving today for the UK to compete in something called Mongol Rally 2001, "16,000km of adventuring bliss through deserts, mountains and steppe tackled in a tiny car your Granny would use for shopping. The Mongol Rally is hurling yourself at 1/3 of the Earth’s surface in woefully unsuitable vehicles to see what happens".

I have to say kudos to them for taking up something like this, where there are no prizes for first or last, only an opportunity to raise money for charity and a chance to travel across multiple countries where no one knows who you are and you know nothing about.

I wish I had the courage to do something like this. They're leaving behind their friends and family for two months, and I'm sure they will come home if not with an accent, with many new expressions and stories.

Its amazing. Good luck to you guys!

If anyone is interested, their website, built by Steve (one of the two guys going) is http://silentnoise.ca/mongolrally/

Apologies

2011-07-04T14:23:00.002-06:00

I admit, very little has been accomplished over the last two months, June specifically. All my numbers are suffering, my training has suffered and as Sifu Brinker has recently posted, guilt is setting in.

Hopefully July will be the turning point. Things have cleared up, my family is back to some degree of normalcy and I've finally put in a full work week, the first since May. Mind you, it was a long weekend, so technically I only worked 4 days. Oh, and I had to leave early on Monday.

Regardless, I miss training, both the physical movement and the family feeling, and all the mojo that comes with walking into the kwoon. I'm looking forward to Friday.

Motivation

2011-06-13T21:37:00.005-06:00

What is your motivation? Why are you here? What is it that causes you to show up to class, day after day, month after month, year after year?

Not everyone has the same wheel driving us. Sometimes, this wheel changes. Personally, I think we need to know what it is that motivates us, what could motivate us, and what we need to motivate us. I know what motivated me when I was 16 no longer applies, and what I use as motivation now never even occurred to me then. This is not necessarily bad, we all change with time as does our thought processes, our personality and of course, our motives.

Additionally, not all of us know truly what it is that motivates us. Or alternatively, what does motivate us may not be working as well as we would like. Maybe, we are not motivated at all, or we are extremely motivated and progressing great. Perhaps its

So, what is it? Do you want to increase your independence, or maybe your conditioning? Maybe its a way to become a strong role model for a child, or maybe your ego is whats driving you?

Now, how far will that motivation get you? Because its true, some motives make it further than others. Some will get you to blue or brown, some to black, others will be endless. Again, keeping in mind things change with time. By the time you get to blue or brown, something can change and all of a sudden you are capable of anything, in regards to your motivation.

The key is to recognize where it is you stand. I've seen a lot, been through a lot, where I can't help but gain motivation or lose motivation, put in a rut or maybe I put myself there, and then I find myself crawling out. Regardless, know where you are at and you will better understand how to get to where you want to go.

Seven Days Without a Shower, And I'm Happy

2011-05-25T15:04:00.002-06:00

I am currently sitting in the middle of a bush somewhere in Athabasca County, and I haven't had a real shower for a week, I have a slight sunburn, several new scar inducing cuts and wounds, but I an more than content. Right now I'm the only one here, Nick and his brother Matt are off playing somewhere. I caught myself breaking out the dance moves to the local radio station, playing everything from Golden Earring to AC/DC to Rihanna. My dog added her own moves and tail wags, completing the spectacular duet.
Sometimes, simplicity is the answer. Don't become bogged down by details or stress, live to make yourself happy, be honest about what that is, and take it from there. Me, I feel best when I see the lightbulb above a students head, when I throw a stick for the dogs, and when I'm burried deep in a bush with limited water, hot dogs and a lot of mud on my quad fenders.

Hot Sauce

2011-04-29T15:50:00.002-06:00

I've been denting the couch for the last three days, but I've managed to drag my butt to work today. This still doesn't mean I'm in a talkative mood, however. Nicks cure isn't working very well- chicken soup with hot sauce. Doesn't taste too bad, though. Who woulda thought.

My Car Doors Were Frozen Shut With Mud

2011-04-18T08:23:00.002-06:00

Sorry, I did had a post prepped, all about the signs of spring but then everything disappeared under a blanket of snow.

So, new list; How You Know You Live in Alberta
1. Two days of snowfall in the middle of April, the day after you rake your lawn.
2. You turn on the heat in your car in the morning, and open your windows en route home.
3. Your dog has a muddy underbelly and snowballs on her feet all at the same time.
4. You feel bad for the first few geese you see.
5. One day you're practicing spear in the driveway, the next day you're shoveling the driveway.
6. I'll be able to post my signs of spring tomorrow.

Happy April Everybody!

Sister Sledge- They Know What I'm Talking About

2011-03-28T10:10:00.005-06:00

This was something that came up once in a UBBT meeting, and I was reminded again this last Friday.
Its true that the kwoon affects us, that when you're there you can feel a connection to the room and to the people in it. When someone is missing, it feels different. When someone is there that normally is not, it adds to the mood and to the overall effect the kwoon has. It's great.
I'm not exactly shy, but I do not normally approach strangers for no reason. In class however, when we have new blackbelts or long lost blackbelts return, I don't feel like I'm approaching a stranger, I'm approaching a peer and family member. Conversation is usually easy, usually Kung Fu related, and always stimulating in some way. I'm not shy.
I like this. I like how we can all connect easily, how we do connect even if I've never talked to the individual before. At work, I meet new people everyday in a professional manner. I'm not shy then either, but its disconnected and just part of the job description to me. Even if I don't talk to a specific individual in class, I don't feel that I need to to feel a connection. Just being in the same room, training towards the same goals is enough.

Sunshine & Lollipops

2011-03-16T06:44:00.004-06:00

Good news- Nicks mom was misdiagnosed, and although she still has some health issues to overcome, she should be around for a longtime yet. We went out for supper last night with her and her husband, to celebrate Matts (Nicks brother) birthday, and it was good to see her, even if there is only 97lbs of her.

They still do not know what she has. There are no signs of cancer in her blood, so they have ruled that out. They need to do another biopsy (the fourth now) and then maybe we'll know what is going on. I still have faith in medical technology, but I have to admit its been rattled as of late.

When I Grow Up, I Want to Be a Hyena

2011-03-08T10:03:00.003-07:00

After discussing the diet tracking with Sihing Wiebe, I have learned a lesson about myself- I don't eat, I scavenge. I mean, look at my entries, there is no rhyme or reason to what I eat, I eat what happens to be closest at that time. Who eats a bun and a cheese slice- separately?!?

I think I can write a Christmas carol right now. Sing with me!

Fiiiive cups of coffeeeee!
Four black plums
Three chocolate cookies
Two bowls of cereal
And a processssed cheeeeeese sliiiiice!

I always knew I wasn't a saint when it came to my diet, but I never realized how random my diet is. Even if I'm not often eating greasy or fatty food, I doubt I have any balance to my diet- one day would be all fiber, the next all fruit, the next all cookies (they are their own food group).

It definitely teaches you to me mindful throughout the day.

(Unity with Vigor) A Dozen Energizer Bunnies in a Row, All Hitting Their Drum at the Same Time

2011-03-01T11:10:00.006-07:00

Last night we were working on breakfalls, so I had my students line up and start slapping the mats. Not doing breakfalls, but just kneeling beside the mat and smacking their hands over and over and over. A few of them gave me funny looks, probably wondering why I'm making them slap the floor, but they also are not going to quickly forget the lesson.

When it comes to teaching, I have no shame. If prancing around the gym is going to help them with their center, then that's what I'll do. If pretending I'm the Energizer Bunny will help them remember the meaning of Hsieh Chein, then give me the floppy ears. If creating new words for the English language will help get my point across, bring on the grammar police.

I have rug burn on both my forearms from throwing all my students, my hip is bruised and my knee got twisted sometime during the escapade, but they now have some experience with effectively breaking their falls, a better understanding of the importance of landing without injury, and they had fun. That's the name of the game, right?

The Dishes Need Scrubbing, That Spider Looks Intimidating, The Cat is On My Lap...

2011-02-23T12:17:00.004-07:00

This UBBT thing can be very overwhelming. I work on my forms, but in the meantime my push ups are a disaster. I come home and ask myself, what to do? Do I do a few reps of Mlong Kuen, do I read my book, do I work on the renovations, or do I tackle the heap of laundry?

I spent my short weekend working on my goals, but you can't see the dent. Saturday I caught up on laundry & housework. Sunday I got called to work, then came home and spent some time with Nick. Monday I worked on the renovations and took my dogs to my parents to run- both of which are goals. Tuesday night I tried to catch up a bit on my forms reps- it helped.

But its strange, I felt guilty on Monday for not doing a single form rep, but I did work on my goals. I see that I'm behind on reading- do I sit and read my book, do I choose shorter books, or do I work on Tai Chi? Do I look for an evening course to learn American Sign Language and give up my Tuesday/Thursday training? Or, do I stay home one night and spend time with Nick, who I see for maybe an hour a day, who works 12 hour days, 6 days a week and who is asleep before I get home from classes?

Also, with all the form repetitions, I'm identifying bad habits and breaking them, all the while forming new shiny bad habits. I know you train so you can react on instinct, and your brain is not required. However, I need my brain fully engaged to make it through Da Mu Hsing in a technically correct manner.

The UBBT is absolutely helping with my creativity. I can find any excuse not to do a push up- the dog is in the way, I should do Mlong Kuen, I need to vacuum first, I just showered, my back aches, the microwave is beeping, Nick is talking to me, the cat wants in, the cat wants out, the dogs want out, the dogs are hungry, Nick is hungry, I'm hungry, my book looks lonely, my walls look dirty, I'm teaching, I'm learning, I'm working, the dryer is beeping, the plants need watering, the drive needs salting, the phone is ringing, that peanut needs shelling, shall I go on? You know I can...

Boy, I understand why its called Ultimate and not just Mildly Extreme or the Somewhat Difficult Challenge.

I feel overwhelmed, but at the same time I can see that I'd be lost without the UBBT. Maybe one of my goals should be to take a time management course!

I Dub This Post Short

2011-02-10T08:36:00.002-07:00

Congratulations to all the promotion recipients!

I'm confused as to where my UBBT is at. I'm training more than ever, 6 days a week in a formal setting, in addition to the at home training. I find myself strategizing in an attempt to bring my numbers up. I'm wishing for one full day with no one around and nothing to do but Mlong Kuen and push ups. I feel happy with my progress in my forms, but then I look at my numbers and feel a twinge of despair.

Hmph. I'm going to go do a couple reps of Mlong Kuen in the back shop.

My Green Marble

2011-01-26T09:14:00.005-07:00

Everyone has been lectured on the importance of proper technique, body alignment, flow. This goes beyond how fast you can move or how much power your muscles can generate. All these years of training are to develop body awareness, to have to ability to feel how you are moving, feel how your body is aligned and to then translate that into proper technique.

Without proper technique, your skeleton is not supporting your power and you cannot achieve proper flow. Instead of being limited by the amount of power you can generate or how quickly your body can move, you become limited by the amount of force your joints and ligaments can withstand. Example- I judge my technique by mentally putting it up against a brick wall. If I am practicing an overhand punch, I have two possible outcomes; a) I have proper technique, my body, my skeleton and my flow are supporting my movements, and I blow a hole through the brick, or b) I lack body awareness, the bones in my arm, shoulder, core are not aligned and not supporting my movement, and therefore I break my knuckles, hand, wrist.

It does not matter how fast you are or how strong you are if you lack body awareness and technique. You just hurt yourself faster and more efficiently.

Remember that Kung Fu is over two thousand years in the making. It is not, for example, a new car model, where the glitches have yet to be discovered and fixed, where road testing is required. Kung Fu has been tested and tweaked and has evolved into what it is now. The theory is sound. And the great thing is, it will only continue to get better.

Kung Fu is limited only by the limitations imposed on it by those who practice it and those who teach it. This is why it is so important to constantly strive to better ourselves and our technique. We have limited time on this green marble, and therefore we will reach a time when we cease to improve. This is a scary thought for me- I don't want to admit that my time is limited when it feels like I will never be without Kung Fu and I have all the time in the world. But I don't, and I have to strive to make the most of what I have.

A New Respect

2011-01-20T08:20:00.004-07:00

I have a new respect for the disabled- for the last two days I've been running around half blind and squinting. On Tuesday I had a consultation for laser correction for my eyes. They had to dilate my eyes, and as a result I was light sensitive, couldn't see anything closer than 6 feet or further than 20, every light source had a halo or whited out my vision. I thought it was neat at first- my eyes were bigger than my cats, we had staring contests all day yesterday.

Back to the point, it took a lot to get used to it. I couldn't drive and I couldn't see a computer screen. Even now, I have to concentrate to see what I'm typing.

I know there is a challenge on the UBBT regarding this- go blind for a day, mute for a day, in a wheelchair for a day. I wasn't even blind, and it was hard. I could still use on my eyes, as fuzzy as they were, but I still had to rely on others for some things. I can only imagine the hardships that come with losing your sight, speech, hearing, ability to move.

On a high note- I will be officially glasses free next Thursday! Whoot!

First Week of 2011

2011-01-10T10:11:00.002-07:00

So, its been a rough week all around. I had a good first few days, but then all heck broke loose and I have to say I have some catch up to do.

The only words of wisdom I have right now is go hug your ma and pa, tell your loved ones how much they mean to you.

Love you, mom and dad.

Happy 2011

2011-01-01T16:43:00.002-07:00

This is my first post of the new year, and my first post with the UBBT 8 team. I want to list my goals, and maybe explain the logic behind them a bit.

1. 50,000 P-U's and S-U's

2. 150 reps of 12 different forms- I'm picking a different form every month, thereby hopefully keeping them all dust free.

3. 1000 reps of Mlong Kuen- part of advancing as my own martial artist it to strive for mastery. Picking a form from outside our original Kempo style is out of my comfort zone, therefore perfect for this challenge.

4. 80% attendance at Tai Chi, 80% at I Ho Chuan and 85% at blackbelt classes- something I should strive for anyways, now formalized

5. Grade for third degree- self explanatory

6. Body for Life- shudder

7. Learn a new language- something I always wanted to do, but never made time for

8. 99 laps of swimming in 40 min by years end- I am NOT a strong swimmer!

9. Walk the dogs 210 times- having a big yard, I tend to not walk them enough

10. Finish the living room- going on 5 years of renos is starting to get ridiculous

11. Compete with my spear form in May- I strongly dislike competing

12. Journal minimum of once a week

13. Contact a UBBT member minimum once a week- inspired by Sifu Regier :)

14. 250 reps of the full Tai Chi form- wish me luck

15. Read 20 books

Thats it. Cheers, and happy new years everyone!

Bye Todd, Hello Jimmy

2010-11-24T11:46:00.004-07:00

I've lost a cat. My grey cat named Todd is MIA for the last 5 weeks, and I don't see him coming home. I'm hoping that a neighbor took him in, and he's lounging on a couch in front of a fire with some happy kid giving him pets. Chances of this being true are slim, but I"m praying for it none the less.

Thus, I was down one cat for a while, but not anymore. Now, I have a very rambunctious semi-kitten named Jimmy, who torments my plants, chases my dogs, yowels at my bedroom door & knocks everything from the tables & counters. But, he has the loudest purr, snuggles me when I'm reading, gets along with the dogs (my other cat Jack is getting better, she doesn't hiss any more), visits me when I'm brushing my teeth or showering (the strange guy likes water) and has an automatic 'empty food bowl' sensor built in.

I miss Todd, he was my boy, and he always knew when I needed some love. But, now Jimmy has a chance for a warm home and loving family. Its not like I needed to have two cats and three dogs, but I can afford it, I love them and it gives potentially homeless animals a home.

Its the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Insert Music Note)

2010-11-16T08:38:00.003-07:00

So, its time for the annual Pandemonium/Sweatfest. I hope that everyone doesn't just think of this even as another annoying fundraiser or hoop to jump through. This event is one of the best things that anyone can get involved in, if they really put their heart into it.

There are so many wrongs in this world, and many believe that these things are not correctable. But they are, if only people could see how their actions can cause ripples, and how those ripples can produce waves.

Think of all the stories that have come out of Kwoon Talk and through these blogs. When the lady at the restaurant came to the conclusion that someone from SRKF had bought her meal, because thats what we do, there is a prime example. Sifu Brinker has put his soul into this school and into these ideals; of empathy, compassion, accountability, awareness, personal development and self defense in a broad sense. It shows. Its not that this school only attracts individuals who already have these qualities. This school creates these people, you people, and I'm unbelievably thankful and proud to be apart of it, to be one of you.

Please use this years Pandemonium as an opportunity to help others outside the school become aware of everything around them. We are not raising funds for ourselves, and even though the funds we do raise will go to great causes, its the awareness that we all pass on when we approach our comrades and family and explain to them what we are doing, for who and why, that will ultimately lead to the changes we all seek.

Pickled Carrots

2010-08-30T10:38:00.003-06:00

So we're back to reality now, the wedding is over, the honeymoon is over. The trip to Banff was great- we stayed at Castle Mountain Chalets, we rented a 2011 Mustang convertible for the trip, ate pickled carrots and drank coffee on the way down. The chalet was amazing. The first morning we were there, Nick woke up and headed straight for the jacuzzi. I was surprised, Nick normally avoids pools of water like the plague. Now he wants a jacuzzi tub, so maybe this is an opportunity to push him to fix the hot tub...

The wedding was good, the weather behaved, the food was great and the bugs were nonexistent. We have an amazing, absolutely amazing group of friends, and it showed before and during the wedding. For months we've had friends offer to help, come out and trim trees, pick up stuff and run errands. The week leading up to the wedding, my maid of honor Holly did nothing but run errands for us, or accompany me on errands, or both. My mom kept saying "you know you have an army working for you?". I'd say, I know mom. She'd say "no really, you know you have an army, an army, working for you?". I'd say, yes mom, I'm aware. I though I was pretty tough, but I was a blubbering baby when it came to speeches. Holly gave an awesome speech, first one, and I believe she was four words in when I started blubbering. Then Evan toasted Nick, mentioning Nick's deceased father, and I blubbered. Then my brother welcomed Nick with some extremely warm words, and I blubbered. Then Nicks mom warmly welcomed me, and I blubbered. Then Nick and I went to say our thanks, and I blubbered and sniffled and cried. When I was thanking one friend for all her help, support and her kicks-in-my-rear, I couldn't even talk, so she started crying and ran up and we hugged. I didn't even say anything.

Oh, the wine was great too. Towards the end there was only the "lake crew" left, so we all danced like idiots to the Safety Dance, and acted like buffoons all night. Only found out later that my mom had sat on the deck and watched the whole thing, so now we can't deny our dance skills...

Stay Tuned for More Tummy Rumbling Action!

2010-08-03T21:14:00.002-06:00

Bah. This diet tracking challenge is scaring the buhgeezuz outta me. I am aware of when I am eating healthy and when I'm not. I like to think that I'm honest to myself about it. I thought that I wouldn't be the only one who slips up now and then, but after reading the first couple days worth of posts by others, it seems like I have a lot farther to go than most. I like my Ichiban, my red meat and my coffee. I don't want to confess how often I indulge in these!

The only good things I can say about it is that my coffee is fair trade and my red meat is from a local farmer... other than that...

Oh, and to Sifu Beckett- thank you. That was a well deserved kick-in-the-butt for everyone, including me!

All that Jazz

2010-07-06T12:39:00.004-06:00

Wow. I'll slap myself for you. How time flies.

I've been taking some time off from classes, as many of you have probably noticed. It was not a decision easily come by, but a decision I made none the less. I have three main 'topics' in my life right now- work, wedding and, until recently, kung fu. Lack of time was causing all areas to suffer- I was falling behind and getting buried under paper at work, I had not booked what needed to be booked and therefore running out of time to organize a wedding, and was failing to attend classes regularly. Mojo deprived. With three big priorities, each needing endless hours a day, I had to cut something. Considering I cannot, and will not, cancel my wedding (I mean really, how many times will I ever get married? I wanna do it right) and work is what pays for everything; food, car, place to sleep, bills, class tuition, I had to do something. I'm sorry, my dear kung fu, but you got put on the back burner for a while.

There is a light in the horizon though. After August, the wedding will be over with. I'm catching up at work, and my home no longer looks like dust bunny paradise. I will be back in action, so to speak, at the end of August. And believe me, I'm looking forward to it.

Don't worry, I'm still going over my forms and all that jazz. I always wanted to say that.

Take it Like a Champ

2010-05-26T10:03:00.003-06:00

I never thought that I was a soft individual, but I'm realizing that I'm finally growing a spine. I can be stubborn about things I believe, but to vocalize them is another matter. Working in project management is not something I ever saw myself doing. I can't stand egotistical or arrogant people, and now I get to butt heads with them on a nearly daily basis. And finally, now after over a year, I have the spine to tell them to smarten up and don't try to pass the blame, just fix it or make the call or whatever, just do your job.

Alternately, I also get to rub shoulders with some of the best people in this field. I'm working with good people, and the company I work for actually has a conscious, trying to do the jobs as safely as possible, following and surpassing the legislation requirements. And, I can have my act-like-a-child moments without ridicule! Just this morning I threw a (small) eraser as a fellow project manager, just because, and he took it like a champ!

Warm Fuzzies for Everybody

2010-05-03T08:53:00.003-06:00

Its days like today where I wish I could go back and change where my life went. With 5000 barrels of oil spilling into the Gulf of Mexico every day, I wonder what I can do to help. I wonder if I had changed my concentration at University, maybe I could be down there doing my part instead of sitting here hearing about it.

Then there is the flood in Nashville. Nick, my parents and I were watching CNN last night, and its unbelievable how fast devastation can set in. Many people lost friends, family or pets, or did not have flood insurance... where does that leave them now?

Additionally, what do you do to help the wife and mother of the two girls and their father who were killed when their vehicle was hit by a train? I could never imagine the grief she is going through- one stroke and her family is gone. I had a scare once. Nothing happened, it was just a scare. A fellow named Nick who worked for my brother was killed two years ago in a car accident, and through a miscommunication my dad briefly believed it was my Nick. Just the thought of it after the fact was enough to throw me mentally for the rest of the day. I was a mess, and nothing had happened to my Nick. Again, the grief that the young man's family and friends had to endure...

It comes down to be grateful for what you have, be conscious of those around you and count your blessings for knowing those people. Things happen so fast, its scary. I'm grateful to know all of you, no matter if I've only read your posts, trained with you once upon a time, known you for years or days or have never personally met you. Go home, pet your dog, kiss your loved ones and be fully conscious of what you have. Never take it for granted.

Super Pine! (Not a Cleaner)

2010-04-29T08:53:00.004-06:00

So, I met a blackbelt's worst nightmare last night. An unbreakable wood board. I had a parent of one of my kids come to me and ask how the kids are expected to break these boards if even he couldn't. My response was "huh?".

The board was made from super pine. It must been the superhero of the forest as light as a feather, but as dense as ironwood. Either it was a superhero, or perhaps just a very slow growing tree from up north, where they grow dense. I think it was a superhero, personally.

My hand hurts now. Two hits and my hand is black and swollen. I left dents about an eighth of an inch deep with my knuckles (at least that was a bit impressive). My fall back technique has always been an elbow, and even that didn't do it. Bugger. What was cool was you could see the pattern from my uniform in the dent left after the elbows. That was pretty nifty, I thought.

Glow-In-The-Dark Vikings

2010-04-21T22:27:00.002-06:00

So I'm sitting here, watching an episode of Corner Gas, all about blogs. And strange, I felt like blogging. Although, I still don't know what to write about. It seems easy on the show, all about Stretch Armstrong and how impressive glow-in-the-dark objects would be to Vikings. But as amusing as it is on the show, I somehow doubt that posting about Vikings would be very beneficial to anyone.

I had a good time at class tonight. It felt like we accomplished a lot, and one of my white belts earned a stripe. We've been working on push-ups quite a bit, and its really showing. I'm not sure if the students realize how far they have come since September, but I'm telling you, you have all come a long way, and you make me proud. Its extremely humbling to see people grow, and doubly so when young kids become the leaders in the class. I love it when someone asks me a question and I can say that I had never thought about it, good question. It goes to show that there are always questions to be asked, no matter how long you've been training, how well you know a technique, or how hard you practice. You can always learn more.

Several weeks ago I sat out and just watched the black belt class. I always knew that you can learn from watching, but that night I was able to absorb so much I was amazed. It was invaluable to be able to watch how each of the black belts move differently, and how each interpreted the lesson and technique. I felt that even though I didn't do the technique once that night, that I was able to take more from the class, and as a result was able to grasp the technique better when I did finally perform it. Everyone learns differently, and the more ways you can train yourself to learn, the more beneficial each lesson can be.

Sweet Dreams (Sarcasm Intended)

2010-04-12T09:12:00.002-06:00

I'm really starting to feel the pressure again. Its to the point where I dream of push-ups and blog posts. I've been stressing out because I've missed the last two weeks of journal entries, and last night I had a dream that I finally got a post up. I felt relief when I woke up, up to the point where I realized it was a dream and not reality. Odd how a dream can work as a reality check.

Writing these posts is a bit of a stress relief for me in so many ways. Number one, I have completed a weekly goal, which always feels good and I feel relief for the rest of the week. Number two, it makes me think about everything going on in my life, and although I may not write about most of it it still brings everything into awareness. It really is a valuable tool, albeit not necessarily my favorite one.

So hopefully I don't dream about posting tonight. I'll probably dream of push-ups though, since I have some serious catch-up to do at the moment...

I Now Know the Title to my Blog is Inaccurate... Oops.

2010-03-19T15:40:00.005-06:00

This post is really just a muffled jumble of words- just a heads up.

I've always though infinity and finite measurements to be perceptions. Case in point- you paint yourself into a corner. You shrink, you paint yourself back into the corner, you shrink, you paint yourself back into the corner. To you, it will never end because when you shrink, you and your paintbrush shrink while the unpainted surface does not. But to an observer, you and the unpainted surface disappear, therefore its finite to an outsider and infinite to you.

You can sell anything if you put it on a stick.

Right now, I'm eating pickles off a stick.

Have you ever noticed that your handwriting reflects your mood? Another reason computers and texting are so impersonal.

I can have a full conversation with my cat.

I still think the timer on the coffee maker is a nuisance.

There are two types of people in the world. Those who think I'm named after a bike and those who think I'm named after coffee. :)

According to my friends t-shirt, there are three types of people in the world. Those who can do math and those who can't.

Even with all the windex and vinegar in the world, I can't get my dog's nose smudge marks off the patio door.

Oatmeal Packet Wisdom-
Don't be afraid to ask your inner child to come out and play.
When you start the day with a smile, it'll most likely end that way too.

Kona Makes for a Good Coffee Too...

2010-03-07T20:24:00.002-07:00

I've posted before about the stray dogs I see on the side of the road, and I finally get to share a good story about one of them. The following is an e-mail that I received last week. Its pretty well self explanatory...

"Hi Khona,

You and I met about two years ago when you delivered a dog into SCARS' care. I met you in the parking lot of the St. Albert mall and picked up a very malnourished dog that looked like she had just had pups, but was now on her last legs. Thank goodness you and your mom had fed her for a few days prior to our picking her up.

That dog is the SCARS calendar dog for March in the 2010 calendar. If you have not received a copy of the calendar please let me know. I would hate to think that you didn't have a calendar with a copy of the picture of the dog you saved. We intended to foster her for a short time until she could find a permanent home. The problem was that she became a very fast member of our canine family, and we adopted her. Her name (although spelled differently) is no accident. We wanted to honour you, another family dog with the same name, and my late mother's association with her Hawaiian birthplace. So Kona is the March calendar page on the SCARS calendar.

Please let me know if you don't have a copy and I'll be pleased to mail you as many as you'd like.

Thanks again so much for rescuing Kona. You made a huge difference in the lives of Kona and her human, canine, and feline family."

I'm excited to see her again (if only in a calendar). The only picture I have of Kona is from the first night I had her, and I have to admit she didn't look her best. Its just an example of the effect your actions can have on the lives of others, even if the other is a dog...

Sequins and Fur

2010-02-23T08:36:00.002-07:00

Despite my last post, I always love this time of year when we get a fresh batch of eager black belts. The ceremony on Saturday was absolutely amazing, honestly one of the best ones yet. Praise to everyone involved, it goes to show what we can do when we work as a team. And to the new black belts, kudos on the performances. I'm looking forward to Friday when you join the black belt class for the first time. Honestly, I love watching the new guy go from shy and nervous to confident and one of the family. You guys have always been a part of the SRKF family, but now you're also one of our peers and a new face to look forward to Fridays.

By the way, the credit for this post's title goes to Sifu Young, whilst discussing the fashion merits of the lion dance pants.

Winter Blues

2010-02-19T09:22:00.004-07:00

Now that the weather is turning, I'm realizing more and more that I am soooo ready for spring. Normally, I don't feel like winter affects me, I rather like it, but for some reason this year I'm getting the winter blues. Considering that its February, supposedly one of the coldest months, and we're hitting plus 6, you'd think that I'd be skipping in joy and enjoying the break in the weather. Instead, I'm dragging my feet, feeling overly tired, getting grumpy and wishing for a change in pace or something. I have brief moments when I walk outside, take a deep breath and really enjoy the fresh air and the sound of the nothing. But they're not lasting like they usually do. Bugger.

So, I'm waiting for the day that I don't have to put on a jacket when I leave. Mind you, today I actually had the sun in my eyes on the way to work today. That hasn't happened for months. Maybe its a turning point.

I've Never Seen Such a Playful Buddha...

2010-02-01T13:02:00.005-07:00

I've been spending all my free time today staring at this blank page, wondering what I could write that would be of interest and of use to others. Several topics have breezed through my head- the family feeling or SRKF and how its been obvious as of late, updating the status of my beloved car (now named Heika- she's a tough German girl) and her recovery, praising my lion dancers for their effort and creativity, applauding my boss for the lunch he just bought me (thanks Dean!), describing my utter discust with some contractors, or mentioning the heartfelt words at a memorial service I attended this last Sunday.

So with all that in mind, I guess I'll just do a few brief mentions.

My car is still in shambles, although you'd never know looking at her. Again, she's a tough girl. The damage is estimated at over $1100.00, with more to come once they open her up. The lady that hit me has not contacted anybody, police, insurance or otherwise, so the police said if they have to they will report it as a hit & run. Come on lady! You don't need criminal charges on top of everything! Please, just do your part!!

Its a great feeling to know that if I need them, SRKF is there for me. Last Wednesday I was in Calgary, and wasn't sure if I was going to make it back in time for my first class. Ended up that the meeting we had scheduled 3 hrs for took twenty minutes. I had lots of time. Regardless, SRKF members in Stony had already stepped up to find someone and to cover for me if I needed it. Thanks you guys.

Last thing- why can't people show up when they say they will, and do what they say they'll do? Geez...

Get Well Soon, My Girl

2010-01-19T08:25:00.005-07:00

So, I got rear-ended on Monday. It was the first accident I've been in that has involved another vehicle (backing into Nicks truck with Nicks car in Nicks driveway sooo doesn't count)(okay, quit laughing). The very first thing I did was reassure my car that she would be alright, that she'll make it through this, that I'll be there for her. Is this odd? It worked to keep my head straight, which I really needed since out of the three of us I was the only one not in the wrong and the only one who was calm. I've always felt that if I ever got into an accident, whether not I'm in the wrong or right, why get upset or mad or panicky? Its called an accident because no one meant any harm, so relax, crap happens. All in all, I had a really good day yesterday. My car has mostly survived, little visible damage (although I can't say that about the Mercedes that hit me, and got hit, ouch), the police officer that helped me with my statement was a really nice guy, the auto mechanic guy was uber friendly, and I got a free coffee at the gas station! Really, why do people assume I didn't have a good day? Its my car that had the bad day.

Lesson- relax! Things always go better if you don't get grumpy.

Thanks, Dude

2010-01-14T09:25:00.003-07:00

Just a quick word to thank the tall, young, lightly bearded, kind fellow at the Petro station near the studio in Stony on Tuesday. If anyone knows who I'm talking about, tell him thanks from the dark haired girl with the washer fluid and coffee. I was already gone when I noticed. He earned a gold star for the act of kindness towards me...

Long List of Stuff

2010-01-06T13:53:00.004-07:00

I never really make any formal New Years resolutions, just continue on in my days as I normally do, but here are some things, relevant and otherwise, that I'm hoping to accomplish.

- drink less coffee and more water
- master tai chi and cane
- get regular haircuts (its been 6 months...)
- read some different kinds of books
- become better educated in good music
- learn sign language
- put my chunky dog and chubby cat on a diet
- get my students to black
- change my last name
- create a new lion dance
- keep up with the laundry (and dishes, and vacuuming, and the grass, and my dogs...)
- cook more, eat less
- practice my flying kicks more
- buy some RRSP's
- get my environmental practitioners certification
- get my AMRT and eventually AMRS certification
- jump out of a perfectly good plane
- go back to Castle Mountain
- find homes for strays
- catch the strays first
- remember to water my plants before they wilt
- complete an anger management course
- finish the renovations
- pay off my quad, car, cards
- spend more time with my dogs playing fetch
- spend more time with my friends and family

Well, these are some things just off the top of my head. Not everything, to be sure, but some things.

UBBT 7

2009-12-28T12:02:00.005-07:00

So, I went and did something I was not planning on doing. I played the little birdy on Wednesday, and Sifu Brinker managed to convince me to join UBBT 7, which I had no intention of doing. But, now that I have, I'm happy about it. No quitting and no going back, right? So, wish me luck and sweat. Sifu Brinker, you're gooood.

Work in Progress

2009-12-09T15:09:00.003-07:00

So, I do believe I can claim the title of worst Body-For-Life participant. I don't think I've hit 6 meals yet this week, or even last week now that I think about it. Still, I've been paying attention to what I eat, focusing on protein and carbs as required, and throwing in as many veggies as I can. I'm out of cottage cheese- this is a crisis as I have been relying on it to be a quick straight-from-the-container meal. I'm out of the shakes, which means I haven't been getting in the first meal of the day. I haven't had breakfast during the week for the last how many years, so getting into the habit now is a work in progress. I'm slowly getting better with the entire routine, so I figure that if I keep at it I'll get it down eventually and can write something a little more inspiring for everybody.

And living with a skinny Ukrainian isn't helping...
That should be an oxymoron.

Revelations

2009-11-25T15:35:00.010-07:00

So, what has the UBBT done for me?

I remember when Sifu Brinker first proposed the UBBT to us, I went home and had a long hard talk with Nick about it. He was helping me think it through- my time was already limited, I'm a very personal kinda person and hate any kind of publicity, I already had numerous other commitments. Talking it through, logically I shouldn't have joined. So, I did.

I remember saying, this is my opportunity. This is something that can completely change who I am and turn me back into the person I was at 16, prior to obtaining black belt. When I explained it to my parents, I remember my mom saying it was a great idea, but whats the point? How do you explain to someone the benefit of doing a challenge when the benefit is the challenge behind it? I think I managed to, though.

So, what has it done for me? I'll start with the simpler stuff, because I'm still not sure what to write on the big stuff. I feel like I know some of my fellow SRKF blackbelts better. We always had a conversation starter, rather than "hello, how was your week?". I've developed a deep respect for vegetarians. I've spent many a dollar of coffee for strangers, which gives me a fuzzy happiness inside. I've gotten back friends that I thought I had lost forever, which is a priceless thing.

In the beginning, I wanted to turn back into the person I was prior to black. I haven't. Now that I'm here, I've realized that I did not manage to become her again, and I wouldn't want to. Evolution means progress forward, and not backwards. I am definitely not where I thought I'd be, but I can say I am not where I was a year ago. I may not have trimmed down as I wanted to, but I have definitely increased my strength, and as a result developed my confidence back enough to say "if you don't like me as I am, then thats truly your loss". If I'm going to change, it will be for me and no one else.

Its caused me to reach out to people I never had before. As I've gotten to know others, I think some know me better. Its also made me see things about me I hadn't before. I remembered I have strength, and its clearly defined my weaknesses. Its defined what I want to change in myself, and although I have not yet changed some of these things, I feel that the UBBT has given me the tools I'll need to do it.

I've also noticed that its made me more emotional instead of detached. Not that I'm crying at Nick or yelling at my boss, but the issues of the world are reaching me deeper, making me feel more compassionate and more responsible. Watching videos like Charter for Compassion, NASA's Sustainability Base and the impromptu dance of hundreds of people in a Belgium train station has been triggering deep emotions.

I'm sure I'm not thinking of something fundamental here, but for now this is what I have. I'll post more if there are any future developments...

Round II....

2009-11-20T13:34:00.003-07:00

So I've been reattempting the Body-For-Life challenge, and I have to say the challenge is there. Again, as before, its the number of times a day that I'm supposed to stop and eat thats killing me. Following the diet is fine, eating healthy is fine, work-outs are time-consuming but fine. Its just eating 6 times a day takes a huge amount of work to prepare the food, and to remember to stop when you're not even hungry... doesn't always happen. You can eat only so many of those energy bars before you just want to huck it out the window. And I can't exactly stop and heat up my chicken when I'm driving down the Whitemud or Henday.

Well, I'll just keep plugging along. I doubt I'll be a shining star of an example for this challenge, but I'm trying...

You are Brilliant, and the Earth is Hiring

2009-11-10T09:22:00.004-07:00

This is an e-mail that was shared by a peer in one of my on-line classes. Please take a moment to read it- its honest and really puts life into perspective.

[from Canada's Green Job Site, http://www.GoodWorkCanada.ca ]

You are Brilliant, and the Earth is Hiring

The Unforgettable Commencement Address to the Class of 2009, University of Portland, by Paul Hawken

When I was invited to give this speech, I was asked if I could give a simple short talk that was "direct, naked, taut, honest, passionate, lean, shivering, startling, and graceful." No pressure there.

Let's begin with the startling part. Class of 2009: you are going to have to figure out what it means to be a human being on earth at a time when every living system is declining, and the rate of decline is accelerating. Kind of a mind-boggling situation... but not one peer-reviewed paper published in the last thirty years can refute that statement. Basically, civilization needs a new operating system, you
are the programmers, and we need it within a few decades.

This planet came with a set of instructions, but we seem to have misplaced them. Important rules like don't poison the water, soil, or air, don't let the earth get overcrowded, and don't touch the thermostat have been broken. Buckminster Fuller said that spaceship earth was so ingeniously designed that no one has a clue that we are on one, flying through the universe at a million miles per hour, with no need for seatbelts, lots of room in coach, and really good food --- but all that is changing.

There is invisible writing on the back of the diploma you will receive, and in case you didn't bring lemon juice to decode it, I can tell you what it says: You are Brilliant, and the Earth is Hiring. The earth couldn't afford to send recruiters or limos to your school. It sent you rain, sunsets, ripe cherries, night blooming jasmine, and that unbelievably cute person you are dating. Take the hint. And here's the deal: Forget that this task of planet-saving is not possible in the time required. Don't be put off by people who know what is not possible. Do what needs to be done, and check to see if it was impossible only after you are done.

When asked if I am pessimistic or optimistic about the future, my answer is always the same: If you look at the science about what is happening on earth and aren't pessimistic, you don't understand the data. But if you meet the people who are working to restore this earth and the lives of the poor, and you aren't optimistic, you haven't got a pulse. What I see everywhere in the world are ordinary people willing to confront despair, power, and incalculable odds in order to restore some semblance of grace, justice, and beauty to this world. The poet Adrienne Rich wrote,
"So much has been destroyed I have cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world."

There could be no better description. Humanity is coalescing. It is reconstituting the world, and the action is taking place in schoolrooms, farms, jungles, villages, campuses, companies, refuge camps, deserts, fisheries, and slums.

You join a multitude of caring people. No one knows how many groups and organizations are working on the most salient issues of our day: climate change, poverty, deforestation, peace, water, hunger, conservation, human rights, and more. This is the largest movement the world has ever seen. Rather than control, it seeks connection. Rather than dominance, it strives to disperse concentrations of power. Like Mercy Corps, it works behind the scenes and gets the job done. Large as it is, no one knows the true size of this movement. It provides hope, support, and meaning to billions of people in the world. Its clout resides in idea, not in force. It is made up of teachers, children, peasants, businesspeople, rappers, organic farmers, nuns, artists, government workers, fisherfolk, engineers, students, incorrigible writers, weeping Muslims, concerned mothers, poets, doctors without borders, grieving Christians, street musicians, the President of the United States of America, and as the writer David James Duncan would say, the Creator, the One who loves us all in such a huge way.

There is a rabbinical teaching that says if the world is ending and the Messiah arrives, first plant a tree, and then see if the story is true. Inspiration is not garnered from the litanies of what may befall us; it resides in humanity's willingness to restore, redress, reform, rebuild, recover, reimagine, and reconsider. "One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice," is Mary Oliver's description of moving away from the profane toward a deep sense of connectedness to the living world.

Millions of people are working on behalf of strangers, even if the evening news is usually about the death of strangers. This kindness of strangers has religious, even mythic origins, and very specific eighteenth-century roots. Abolitionists were the first people to create a national and global movement to defend the rights of those they did not know. Until that time, no group had filed a grievance except
on behalf of itself. The founders of this movement were largely unknown -- Granville Sharp, Thomas Clarkson, Josiah Wedgwood -- and their goal was ridiculous on the face of it: at that time three out of four people in the world were enslaved. Enslaving each other was what human beings had done for ages. And the abolitionist movement was greeted with incredulity. Conservative spokesmen ridiculed the abolitionists as liberals, progressives, do-gooders, meddlers, and activists. They were told they would ruin the economy and drive England into poverty. But for the first time in history a group of people organized themselves to help people they would never know, from whom they would never receive direct or indirect benefit. And today tens of millions of people do this every day. It is called the world of non-profits, civil society, schools, social entrepreneurship, non-governmental organizations, and companies who place social and environmental justice at the top of their strategic goals. The scope and scale of this effort is unparalleled in history.

The living world is not "out there" somewhere, but in your heart. What do we know about life? In the words of biologist Janine Benyus, life creates the conditions that are conducive to life. I can think of no better motto for a future economy. We have tens of thousands of abandoned homes without people and tens of thousands of abandoned people without homes. We have failed bankers advising failed regulators on how to save failed assets. We are the only species on the planet without full employment. Brilliant. We have an economy that tells us that it is cheaper to destroy earth in real time rather than renew, restore, and sustain it. You can print money to bail out a bank but you can't print life to bail out a planet. At present we are stealing the future, selling it in the present, and calling it gross domestic product. We can just as easily have an economy that is based on healing the future instead of stealing it. We can either create assets for the future or take the assets of the future. One is called restoration and the other exploitation. And whenever we exploit the earth we exploit people and cause untold suffering. Working for the earth is not a way to get rich, it is a way to be rich.

The first living cell came into being nearly 40 million centuries ago, and its direct descendants are in all of our bloodstreams. Literally you are breathing molecules this very second that were inhaled by Moses, Mother Teresa, and Bono. We are vastly interconnected. Our fates are inseparable. We are here because the dream of every cell is to become two cells. And dreams come true. In each of you
are one quadrillion cells, 90 percent of which are not human cells. Your body is a community, and without those other microorganisms you would perish in hours. Each human cell has 400 billion molecules conducting millions of processes between trillions of atoms. The total cellular activity in one human body is staggering: one septillion actions at any one moment, a one with twenty-four zeros after it. In a millisecond, our body has undergone ten times more processes than there are stars in the universe, which is exactly what Charles Darwin foretold when he said science would discover that each living creature was a "little universe, formed of a host of self-propagating organisms, inconceivably minute and as numerous as the stars of heaven."

So I have two questions for you all: First, can you feel your body? Stop for a moment. Feel your body. One septillion activities going on simultaneously, and your body does this so well you are free to ignore it, and wonder instead when this speech will end. You can feel it. It is called life. This is who you are. Second question: who is in charge of your body? Who is managing those molecules? Hopefully not a political party. Life is creating the conditions that are conducive to life inside you, just as in all of nature. Our innate nature is to create the conditions that are conducive to life. What I want you to imagine is that collectively humanity is evincing a deep innate wisdom in coming together to heal the wounds and insults of the past.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once asked what we would do if the stars only came out once every thousand years. No one would sleep that night, of course. The world would create new religions overnight. We would be ecstatic, delirious, made rapturous by the glory of God. Instead, the stars come out every night and we watch television.

This extraordinary time when we are globally aware of each other and the multiple dangers that threaten civilization has never happened, not in a thousand years, not in ten thousand years. Each of us is as complex and beautiful as all the stars in the universe. We have done great things and we have gone way off course in terms of honoring creation. You are graduating to the most amazing, stupefying challenge ever bequeathed to any generation. The generations before you failed. They didn't stay up all night. They got distracted and lost sight of the fact that life is a miracle every moment of your existence. Nature beckons you to be on her side. You couldn't ask for a better boss.

The most unrealistic person in the world is the cynic, not the dreamer. Hope only makes sense when it doesn't make sense to be hopeful. This is your century. Take it and run as if your life depends on it.

..........
Paul Hawken is a renowned entrepreneur, visionary
environmental activist, and author of many books, most
recently Blessed Unrest: How the Largest Movement in the
World Came into Being and Why No One Saw It Coming. He was
presented with an honorary doctorate of humane letters by
University president Father Bill Beauchamp, C.S.C., in May,
when he delivered this superb speech. Our thanks especially
to Erica Linson for her help making that moment possible.

http://www.paulhawken.com/multimedia/UofP_Commencement_05.03.09.pdf

Body-For-Life Part II

2009-11-05T14:44:00.002-07:00

So, I'm planning on restarting the Body-For-Life challenge. You may have noticed, last time I attempted it, that my posts suddenly stopped mentioning it. That was because I fell off the wagon (obviously).

Now I figure is a good time. I have enough reasons to do it- the holidays are coming up, I have to fit in a wedding dress next summer, because I want to. I'll be starting one of these Sundays, probably on the 15th. That seems like a nice date to start on.

Bugs and Puppy Dog Tales

2009-10-29T10:09:00.010-06:00

Hello again.
Hearing about the H1N1 virus is giving me flashbacks of my college years, specifically my virology class. I remember my teacher explaining what the N and the H stand for, what the numbers indicate. Mostly, I remember seeing a picture of an actual influenza virus, all blurry and elegant. I was in awe. We have developed the technology to create images of something as small as a virus, and that little virus still outsmarts our technology. He's a clever fella. I'm not saying I'm a pro-illness or whatever you'd say, but I do have a respect for virus's and what they can do. They are so simple- really just some proteins and genetic material, be it RNA or DNA. No one can even say if they are really alive. They sure act like it, in my opinion.

And then, there is the vaccine issue. To vaccinate, or not to vaccinate, that is the real question. I consider myself a scientist. I admit I am not educated in the medicinal area. I do not know every specific detail pertaining to this issue, medical or holistic or health or otherwise. However, I do know that vaccinations have helped save lives, including that of my (well, Nicks, actually) dog who had canine parvovirus as a pup. Obviously, it was lack of vaccination that caused her to catch the virus in the first place. (Side note- the parvovirus is actually very pretty).

I've heard so many theories about the new H1N1 virus, from its a hoax to it'll kill us all to its not worse than a regular flu bug. I've reserved making judgements and any kind of comment, mainly because I am not prepared to get into a heated debate with anyone. However, I do have my own opinion. And although I may not get vaccinated myself, I wholeheartedly believe vaccines are effective, and that although there is always a risk associated with them, they are more beneficial than not. The only reason I may not get vaccinated myself is because I am prone to procrastination. I haven't had a vaccine since I was in college- but I would absolutely get it if I was.

My limited science background may be limited (allow myself to introduce myself), but I imagine it is more extensive than some of those who make snap decisions about issues like this and who argue that vaccines are dangerous and all you are doing is injecting yourself with the virus (actually, the virus is rendered noninfectious prior to injection)blah blah. This is only my opinion, and feel free to disagree. I just felt like I've been quiet long enough about the subject, in an attempt to not step on toes. I'd rather my kid get mildly sick after vaccination that severely ill after infection. And really, its not that bad. The pin prick is the worst part for me, and even that is minor. Papercuts hurt worse.

This is What Happens When I don't Know What to Write

2009-10-21T10:43:00.004-06:00

I've been staring at this computer screen for about twenty minutes now, and I still don't know what to write. When I started this journal challenge, I loved it. I think that I've tapped the well dry, though. I don't know if its because nothing exciting happens in my life, or at least anything that I'd consider submitting you to. I doubt anyone would want to hear about my wedding dress shopping nightmares.

Thats one thing. I've been having alot of vivid, sometimes disturbing dreams lately. They end up taking events in my life and twisting them brutally. I'm always anxious in my dreams now, and I end up waking up feeling anxious and down. What the hey. Why can't I dream about Vin Diesel or a trip to Hawaii, maybe with Vin Diesel. I'd even take Johnny Depp.

Maybe I'm taking my anxiety from the day into my dreams. Hm. Didn't think of that. But I didn't think I was that anxious. Maybe I handle stress badly? You'd think I would have figured that out by now, though.

I have a headache. Thats all I'm really worried about right now. Well, the only thing that I'm currently worried about that I'm going to think about right now. The rest of it can just be a dull humm of perma-worry, as usual. Perma-worry. That should be a word.

Anorexia Nervosa

2009-10-07T15:02:00.004-06:00

In the spirit of Mental Awareness Week, here is my contribution.

Anorexia nervosa is an illness that many have heard about, however few can understand. It is a psychological disorder, characterized by out of control dieting, obsession with weight and weight loss. Individuals suffering from AN normally have a distorted body image and poor self image, which only serves to compound the problem. Methods used by individuals with AN are voluntary starvation, excessive exercise and the use of dietary drugs. The obsession with becoming thinner is actually secondary to the driving fears and need for control over one’s body.

There are multiple components contributing to AN, including neurobiological, psychological and sociological factors. Some researchers believe that this disorder can stem from the demands placed upon individuals by society and family expectations. 90-95% of those affected are female, most often from middle and upper socioeconomic groups. Individuals who are in a position where thinness is more desirable (eg. athletes, models, dancers) are seen to be at higher risk. Despite these identified trends, no definite cause for AN has been determined. If the condition becomes too severe, it can often become fatal.

Bah Humbug (Again)

2009-09-28T15:58:00.005-06:00

By Friday of last week, I was ready to run to the hills and start making a living off the land with a bow and arrow and a wooden spoon. I was stressing over so many issues, pretty well every area you can think of- home, personal, work, school, health... I found my first gray hair on Friday. And it wasn't even gray, its white. Bah.

I was not in a happy place. I was affected after dealing with people who showed no qualms about dragging the world through the mud for their own benefit. I was in so much discomfort, and so stressed out about my health and how it might now impact my future. I had intented on attending the black belt class just to watch- ends up that my ride to my car ignored the fact that I had to be gone and thus I walked in for the last ten minutes only. I was already crabby- now I was grumpy. Yes, there is a difference between the two.

I walked in grumpy. I sat down grumpy. I smiled at everyone, but I was still grumpy. Finally I tuned into the conversation going on in class, and I began to ignore my grumpiness. Then, when we started to actually talk about the Benevolent Foundation, and I was physically and emotionally surrounded by everyone in the room, I finally destressed, calmed down, thought rationally and felt better. You can't help but feel better when surrounded by people you know, who hold the same values and ideals as you.

Long story short- thanks everybody for making me feel better on Friday. I'm sure no one was aware that they did anything, but you did, and I needed it. Thanks.

Kason is His Name

2009-09-15T15:38:00.004-06:00

I've officially ended my vegetarian time. I initially planned to try for one month, and I managed 33 days. I'm happy that I tried that challenge, but I'll admit I was uber happy when I had my first piece of steak. Soooo tasty. I have a new found respect for vegetarians, but from now on, you guys are on your own.

On another note, my brother is now a daddy. Introducing Kason Aurthur LaRocque. I've had nieces and nephews for as long as I could remember, but I have never been as close to my half siblings as I am with Rene. So, this is something new and exciting for us all. And my mom is now officially an oma (you hear that, ma?).

I get to meet Kason for the first time tonight. I was getting a little misty eyed just talking to Rene last night, so we'll see how I do tonight. I could hear the difference the little guy has made in my brother over the phone.

And, now we have another name that catches the spell check!

Drool...

2009-09-11T13:21:00.004-06:00

I had a dream. It was about steak. It was the most delicious, tender steak, seasoned perfectly, cooked perfectly. When I realized what I was eating, while dreaming, I had a panic attack. It was just so normal for me to have that steak that I hadn't noticed what I was doing. I cheated at the vegetarian challenge without knowing it.

When I woke up and realized it was a dream, three things happened in my head. I was happy I was still on track with the challenge, I had a major craving for streak, and somehow I felt satisfied that I had gotten to have a steak after so long. So what if it was a dream steak. I still enjoyed it hugely and remember enjoying it. No difference than if I had really had a steak and then remembered enjoying it. Both memories are in my head. And I bet my dream steak will never be matched by any restaurant. Or even Nick.

Soon. I can have one soon.

Thank You Guys, It Looks Great

2009-09-09T14:53:00.003-06:00

Its great to see people come out and lend a hand. Last week was the annual reno's at the kwoon, and I have to say the place looks good. Its understandable, with school starting and the long weekend, that we might have been running lean. However, echoing Sifu T. Playter, we were lacking volunteers, and missed some from those who signed up. I left work one day to help Sifu Playter, since no one who was signed up showed up. One night I had help from two who were scheduled and from two who were not (thanks guys). Please note- this is not for anyone who let us know beforehand that they could not make the scheduled times. Thank you for letting us know.

Leaving on a good note- to everyone who helped, you guys were amazing. Sifu Brinker was right on the mark when he said that though the crew was small, they were incredible. And the enthusiasm! It didn't seem to matter when I gave you guys horrid little jobs like scraping the paint from the mirrors and windows, scrubbing the baseboards with a toothbrush or edging the ceiling- you guys still made me smile with your attitudes.

Quote- "You're Only Eating Foods' Food Now"

2009-08-13T15:42:00.010-06:00

So, I've been pretending to be a vegetarian since Sept 9. I say pretending because, although I respect others who choose to be vegetarian, I am not. I'm only eating like one for a while. I have to say, its gone easier than I thought (except for the first day, when Nick had to slow cook a mouthwatering roast, and the whole house smelled sooo good all day, I coulda licked the walls).

Sifu T. Beckett is helping me out. She's been giving me some really great ideas, and really, its not as hard as I thought it would be. I enjoy so many other things, I'm just revisiting foods that I haven't had for a long time like spaghetti squash, spinach, etc. Even so, I really do have a whole new respect for people who choose this lifestyle. I went to a major restaurant chain while in Vernon, B.C and from the entire menu I only had two options. Sometimes, you don't even have two. Geez, I would have thought that restaurants would have caught on to the trend and would start offering more alternatives to meat.

I'm slightly worried though. I have been abnormally tired for the last couple weeks. It seems no matter how much sleep I get, I'm still tired during the day. The hardest thing I do everyday is get out of bed. I don't know the specifics, but I'm suspecting the lack of protein may be part of the cause. I've been eating cottage cheese (yes, I actually like the stuff now) eggs and tofu often, but not as often as I would have eaten meat. I don't know. Maybe its just a coincidence.

Later Gators

2009-08-11T10:37:00.001-06:00

We're gonna miss you two.

The Pic Was Titled "Lego Ninja Floats Through the Branches Like a Stealthy Breeze"

2009-08-06T16:06:00.007-06:00

Lego is something that should never be forgotten and never be denied. Its great for fun time, for flexing your creative muscles and for bonding with those you love. Age is not a factor.

Its great to be a mature, responsible adult, but I find that I need to keep in touch with my internal kid in order to really be happy and to appreciate the little things. Kids have a way of noticing everything and fully appreciating everything. Including just how great Lego is. Because, really, the stuff is awesome.

I think that being a martial artist falls in line with being a kid. We notice the little things. When we finally throw that first good, technically correct front thrust, we can feel it, and feel the difference from when we were blindly throwing a weak front thrust. We can appreciate the little light bulb, and we don't forget. Same goes when we watch a great demo, or a great sparring match. We notice the subtle differences between mediocre and great and we understand the effort that particular student went through to train their body to snap like that or to turn the foot the extra degree. Hard work really does pay off.

I'm Feeling Warm Fuzzies After Writing This

2009-07-31T12:20:00.000-06:00

While reading all the short blurbs people had posted on what Kung Fu had done and is doing for them, I realized there are a few universal areas.

1. Empathy
Although this is self explanatory, I'm really beginning to see the results through the UBBT. Some of the things written by the other black belts and students really makes you think, makes you want to help your fellow man, and opens your eyes to the problems and blessings around you. It is your greatest ally when teaching, and it broadens you own mind when you apply it.

2. Strength
This applies to so much more than physical ability. I doubt many people fully understand the magnitude of strength you can draw from Kung Fu, and Silent River specifically. The strength to do push ups or hit the heavy bag are minor when compared to the strength needed to say no or yes, to walk away from a bad situation or a bad relationship, or to follow through with a commitment. I would not have had the strength required to live the life I have if I did not have Silent River as a part of me. I am fully aware that I could have so easily fallen into the same traps people around me have, such as staying with the wrong individual, or giving into peer pressure, or not taking the risks that have paid out so fully. From picking a salad at lunch, to breaking my own heart but knowing that it would get better. The strength I have drawn from the lessons I have been taught in class... it is so much more than I can ever begin to repay.

3. Family
I know this topic had been hit heavily in the last little while, but that is because it really is amazing. Knowing that you really do have an entire school filled with people filled with a sense of belonging. I would happily give my left arm (means more to me than my right) to help a family member. And I know they'd give me their right. I spend more time with the people in my classes than I do with almost everybody else. We are all committed to the same ideals, the same path. Its odd to think that the only reason I know most of you is because I was put in a class when I was nine, a decision made by my parents and following my brother. It really brings into perspective how a little rock you think nothing of can create such big and lasting ripples.

There are more, so many more things that Silent River has done for me. I say Silent River and not Kung Fu because without the school, there is no art. And I have to say, its been the lessons, the people and the life given to me, more than the punches and kicks, that have left their mark.

I Can Tell You the Exact Thought Process I Went Through, But It Might Scare You Away

2009-07-23T12:27:00.004-06:00

Several people have told me that my brain works very randomly. I think this is another case of that.

Last night I was sitting, watching a movie with Nick and folding cranes. I have a small mountain of them on my dining room table that I'm quite proud of. Anyways, as I was folding, I became very aware of what I was actually doing. Not the purpose behind the cranes, ie. support peace, but just the folding of the paper itself. I've always been aware of what they are a symbol of. Not so much of what they really are.

Many people have a hard time with origami, understandably. There are some very complicated folds that have to be made in order to create something like an elephant, a vase, or a crane. So my thought was, if we have such a hard time following a preset pattern, imagine the individuals who created the pattern to begin with. The thought, the logical sequence and the time that must have been required to figure out how to make a piece of paper create a desired shape. It reminds me of a rubix cube. To logically understand what twists are required to move one section to a specific location... eek. Only origami would be a hundred times worse. I think there are a lot more Einstein's out there than we know of.

It brought me back into the moment, to what I was doing. Breathe in, breathe out. And it reiterated the idea of noticing the small things around us, and appreciating everything. I couldn't even attempt to create a recognizable shape from a scrap of paper without someone telling me how.

Tying this into my last post- give appreciation and acknowledgment where it is due.

"Go away, I'm looking for the Truth"

2009-07-20T16:10:00.006-06:00

I managed to surprise one of my best friends this past weekend. When I asked her to be my maid of honor, she was stunned, which actually stunned me. She said absolutely, but why did I choose her? I have many other friends that either I see more often, who I've known longer and grown up with, or who know me better. But to me, this girl what who I wanted to stand beside me. I don't know many others who have her compassion, her morals and her loyalty. She is a great human being, and I told her so.

Its interesting how the truth can be so openly blatant and obvious, but people miss it. "The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth,'' and so it goes away. Puzzling." (Robert M. Pirsig).

If you've got a buddy like this, acknowledge them. They probably don't know.

Good Golly!

2009-07-15T11:05:00.003-06:00

On Monday I was discussing theory with several of my students. I came across the respect vs. discipline question, and although I had to lead them to some different thoughts, I was excited about what came out.

One specific point that was brought up was about self discipline. I had asked them what are some of the ways that they are or can be self disciplined. I think I stumped them. We went over a few things like practicing at home, push-ups, etc. So, I threw in one more- I said "You guys are here". Their response was something like "Yeah, of course. So?". Its the summer holidays, its a Monday night, we all have other things we could be getting done. Yet here you are, willing and eager. Thats pretty gosh darn great!

However, I don't think any of them had ever thought of it that way. Kung Fu is something that they do because they want to, they enjoy it and they get something out of it. This, I thought, is even better!

It takes alot to commit to anything, expecially something that takes so much time, money, sweat, blood and potentially a full lifestyle change. But, we don't see it like that, right?

A Couple of Things....

2009-07-07T11:58:00.006-06:00

So, I just finished a post on logic. I think it was boring, so I'm just gonna lay it to the side. And, it involves onions. Really, how good can something be if it involves onions?

On another topic...

I think that my brain works differently than everyone else. Things that seem so black and white to me, so obvious, are lost on people closest to me. Even when I try to explain what I'm feeling or why I reacted to something the way I did, I can't get the ideas through. I get so frustrated, and I'm tempted to pull out the paper and crayons in an attempt to clairify things.

I know part of the issue is that the other person also works on a different level than the rest of the populace. You are a result of your environment, your home life, the lessons you've been taught, the experiences you go through. But only in part. You are also a result of what you choose to do about your environment, home life, experiences. And I have to say, I'm getting a glimpse of how different our minds are, how different our 'life theories' are, for lack of better words. And even though our brainwaves are clashing and cutting eachother off, that does not mean we are not compatible, or that we are really so different.

Another side track. I'm happy to say that even though I did not choose to add the mending relationships to my list, I have recently gotten back two good friends. We had gone astray, for very good reasons. Its been about three years for one, four for the other. What the issues were do not apply here, only that fact that they are both back in my life, and I am supremely estatic about it. The saying that you never know what you're missing until its gone does not apply here. More like I never knew how much I missed them until I got them back.

At the time, a break was the best idea for all parties involved. I don't regret the time away from them, but I realize the value of the time I will now have with them. Sometimes the second time around can be strengthened by the failures of the first. The mending three relationships requirement of the UBBT is absolutely invaluable.

Smiley Happy People....?

2009-06-30T15:58:00.002-06:00

I always like to think that there are more happy, cheerful people in the world than not. Its hard to believe this when everyone you pass sneers at you or looks mad if you meet their eyes. I live in a summer village beside a lake, where you know your neighbours and you do 35 km/h down a dirt road. Meaning you have plenty of time to wave at anyone around you. I make it a practice to wave any anyone I see or pass on that road, but I have to say I get an angry look back much of the time.

Why are people always so judgemental? Is there something about me that says I'm not worthy of a smile or wave? I dunno. But it is definitely sad that I am judged by where I live or who with or whatever.

Some things that you should know in order for this post to make sense. When I was living at home, people around the lake ie. in the small community I live in now, knew me through my mother, who at the time owned the little store there. Everyone liked me because most knew I taught the local kids kung fu, I got honors and I was a college student. Aka, I was doing something with my life, I had potential, I was making the right decisions, etc. At the same time, there was one guy who had a bad reputation. He was a bachelor who lived at the lake by himself in the house that he was left by his late dad (sad story, maybe another time). He often had friends over on the weekends, and would have a fire, play horse shoes and play music. He was never irresponsible, would help his elderly neighbour, clear the driveways around him, fix his neighbours truck. But, yes, he would throw a good party once in a while. And because of this, he had a bad rep, was thought of as young, dumb, reckless, a nuisance, tsk tsk that guy is not going to go anywhere with his life.

Well, I'm engaged to this man. He has settled down, and I can say from experience that he is one of the smartest, most loyal, hardest working and kindest people I know. In his words, he didn't settle down because he didn't have a reason to. I came along, and that changed. Mind you, we still play horse shoes frequently.

Anyways, the point is that people will believe what they want no matter what they see. Since I started dating him, I have been given the image of reckless, dumb, I'm not going anywhere with my life. All because I chose to be with a guy they didn't like. And this all comes from people that do not know me or him.

Thank goodness that those who do know us know we are good people, who clear the driveways around us and help the old lady catch her cats. My man is a great man.

I guess all I really had to say was get to know someone before you judge them.

I Love Birdies

2009-06-19T13:02:00.005-06:00

Every year around this time I am reminded of why I love nature and the country and life in general so much. Its way too easy to lose track of the world around you, to miss details and moments and such. However, this time of year always works to reground me and bring the moments I might have otherwise missed back to me.

I've been trying to spend more time at my parents house. Even though they live maybe 5 minutes away from me, its a whole different place. There are no fences because nothing needs to be kept in or out (mind you, there should be one around the garden...). There are no neighbours looking through a window at your front yard. There is hardly any traffic, millions of birds and bugs and deer. Our dogs sing along with the coyotes. That, by the way, is something to hear. When I'm there, not even the smallest detail gets by me. I get to pretend I'm a little kid and chase the dogs around the yard, then drop, right where I stand, on the grass and let them all pounce on me. I putter around the yard, throw sticks and pick up interesting objects.

My mom, dad and I spent a good 45 minutes watching birds eat the blooms off the apple tree. This was sooo not a waste of time, as many people I know would tell me. It brought me right back into the moment, and made me breathe deeper (that tree smells so good!), smile and remember how privileged I am to be able to just stop without worry.

I'd suggest finding a spot like this, by a lake or in a meadow, and just stop, listen and watch everything around you. Take note and appreciate nature and the life around you. You can borrow our lake or apple tree if you want (as pictured above). We even have a meadow up in the bush, if you don't mind a short walk.

The 178th Street Dancin' Guy

2009-06-11T12:14:00.005-06:00

There are so many ways people in the world can make this place happier and brighter. Dancing Dan is one of those guys who has found an effective way, albeit unusual. Even people who outwardly shake their heads at his behavior should inwardly applaud him. By dancing by the street, with no reservations and not worrying what everyone else thinks, Dancing Dan is making not only himself feel good, but also others who can appreciate his dancing for what it is. Expression, and a method of creating more good feelings in the world.

I'm reminded of a video Sifu Brinker had posted, where a guy went around the world and just got people to dance. My heartstrings were a humming when I watched it. I wanted to be apart of it. And now, we have something very similar occurring on our doorsteps. We shouldn't be trying to shut him down, or fine him, or run him out of town. If we really wanted to make the most out of this life, and make an impact for the better, we should be joining him. How often do you see an individual who honestly does not care if others think he's odd? How often do you meet someone who does things just because it makes them feel better, who actually stops to do something that makes them feel better? How often do you see someone who through his actions can reach so many people, and potentially make the angry man behind the wheel relax and smile? Who knows, maybe instead of "potentially causing" accidents, Dancing Dan may be preventing them by helping put a cap on anger.

You dance, kid. You dance.

Puppy Dog Tales

2009-06-04T12:36:00.005-06:00

Master McNeill asked us of our emotions are closer to the surface since starting the UBBT. I had to answer yes, most definitely. I had been wondering what was wrong with me over the last several months- everything gets a response from me now. Little things like dumb commercials about an old man spilling his milk nearly makes me cry.

Larger things like driving home and seeing all the stray, unfed and uncared for dogs makes me so angry, every day. On multiple occasions I have stopped to pick up a particulairly bad looking dog, and have successfully found homes for them. I know one is named after me, bringing the total up to two dogs that bear my name. After watching a car stop, drop off three young pups on the side of a highway, then speeding off, I was torn between running the car down or stopping. I stopped for the dogs, and they all have homes. My fiancee says I care more about animals than most people. I wonder why. We had a box of day old puppies (seven of them) dropped off at my moms store several years ago. The mother had been shot, punishment for getting pregnant. The pups were not moving- we thought they might already be dead. I took them to the vet, and they told me there was no way they could be saved, and were going to euthinze them. I said no, and I took them home. My mom and I hand raised them, feeding them every three hours, day and night, from a bottle. Every one of them lived. The two we kept, Diesel and Harley, grew into two of the biggest suckiest monsters I've ever seen. My own dog, Chloe, was found as a starved puppy on the side of the road. I was to take care of her until we found her owners, and needless to say the owners did not want her. So, she's mine, and I'll never give her up. Happiest dog I've ever known, and most spoiled.

The UBBT has made me even more aware of these kind of issues, from poverty to crime to puppies without a home. I now carry a container of dog food in my car. I know I cannot save every dog, but I will absolutely help those I can.

Pearls of Wisdom

2009-06-01T13:06:00.005-06:00

Yes, I know everybody from Silent River is writing about the visit from Master Dave McNeill, and I don't plan to be too different.

The things we had the opportunity to learn we unbelievable. Things were so simple and so effective. Canes are a nasty weapon in the right hands. Heck, even in the untrained hands they can be nasty.

The information we all learned I can only describe as invaluable. I have taken shots in the kidneys before, but never so effectively and so nasty. By the way, nasty is good in this sense. Simple bits of knowledge such as poke 'em here, give a little twist here, wow. Again, invaluable. I've always told my students be sure to really listen to your instructors and people around you, you never know when a pearl of wisdom may fall out of their mouths. I was absolutely buried in pearls this weekend.

Even outside the training hall, Master McNeill is an amazing man to know. Sifu Freitag and I got the opportunity to take him out to the drop zone between seminars. Its not very often that I feel comfortable and relaxed around someone I've just recently met and whom is held in such high regard. If I didn't have an interest in skydiving, I sure do now. Sifu Freitag may find herself with a tag along in the sky.

Needless to say, this last weekend was one that I am so grateful to be apart of. Thanks to Sifu Brinker for punting my butt at the last minute.

Take Comfort in the Little Things

2009-05-26T15:22:00.004-06:00

Lately I've been so overwhelmed by blown up plans, misjudged goals and stress, I can't see the forest through the trees. I've been forgetting everything that has gone right, too wrapped up in everything that has gone, and is going, wrong.

So, I need to step back. I'm forgetting what I am capable of, and to remind myself I'm looking back on what I have accomplished. I have been in Kung Fu for about fifteen years, and I have never regretted the blood, stress and pain (physical or otherwise) that goes along with it. Its all been a part of a struggle that has been more than worth it, even in those times that it feels overwhelming.

Despite immensely disliking competing, I had made it a goal to compete with completely new weapons in this years Tiger Challenge. I did it, along with winning metals in hand forms, grappling and continuous sparring. Its not the metals I'm proud of ( although they are pretty), it's the fact that I successfully forced myself up there.

I also feel that my lion dance and teams give me bragging rights. Come see us June 6 in Onoway. Enough said.

I have always prided myself in what I know I can do. So why have I slacked? I don't know. But, having been given an immense wake up call, I feel oblidged to not only make it up, but to fully reach my peak, push my capabilities to the limit and see if I can't show everyone who believes in me that they have underestimated me instead of overestimated. I'm not going to just wave off my difficulties. I'm stressed out for a reason, and I recognize this. I will, however, work to overcome them.

And a warning- there are several of you that I plan to drag along with me. Kicking and screaming if need be.

Motivation vs. Discouragement

2009-05-25T11:17:00.007-06:00

I am really learning the value of empathy and understanding your students. This goes way beyond simple training and teaching methods- it involves who they are, what they need and what their intentions are. It involves what will help the individual student to get past their speed bumps- there is no blanket works-for-everybody method. Some students who are not aware or do not admit their failings may pull encouragement from a harsh reality check. Others who are aware and who are honest about their failings may not be encouraged by this method. I firmly believe that if an individual has been honest enough and straight enough to admit their failings, and not make excuses for them, that should be an indicator that a self reality check has been completed, and that now the student is ready to try again and is asking for help. (Note: Help comes in different froms, depending on the individual. Again, no blanket method exists).

Every student is different. You cannot force a square student with round methodology. Getting to know each student beyond knowing if they are a visual vs. vocal learner is not enough if you want your students to progress beyond just a practitioner into an internal martial artist.

Wicked Awesome Times

2009-04-28T15:58:00.004-06:00

So I was majorly stressing about my kama form. I'm happy with what I have, but I was hoping to lengthen it (ie. go for the entire song) and it can be hit and miss with my timing to the music. But, its kinda cool (I think) thus far.

The Tiger Challenge last weekend was wicked great. It was the scene of my kama form debut. I really thought I could have majorly done better, but I did get a lot of positive feedback. I tried to make it go with the music, and the song was excellent for giving me ideas. The lyrics were descriptive, ie. 'come from behind with a back attack", "strait in your face" and later "down to your feet". Again, it could have been great if I had gone the entire length of the song. I was even planning on switching to sai's near the end. There was a great place to do this.

Congrats to everyone involved, everyone did so awesome it was a room full of wickedness and awesomeness and electrical greatness. Every year I am awed about what we as a group can do and create. Awesome job to all the competitors and all the volunteers and voluntolds.

Several of the students in Onoway now want to maintain and expand on what they have, so we can put together a wicked awesome demo for the summer of wickedness that is approaching. Everyone is invited to join in our awesomeness.

Babbling Mind and Body

2009-04-22T09:34:00.006-06:00

So, getting back to tradition, a group of us did an oldschool demo last Saturday. The only prep we had was some minor communication over the net, a (disastrous) run through Friday night, and a couple more choppy runs Saturday before we headed out.

It ran smoothly for the most part. I have to admit one of the two biggest fumbles was mine, but thankfully the act following was on the ball and was able to jump on the stage when I decided it was best to get off. "Decided" is the wrong word. I have a strangely clear memory of my performance, and even more strange is the fact that there were either too many thoughts or no thoughts at all going through my head when I fumbled, recovered, improvised, fumbled, and finally left the stage.

Well, there were thoughts initially. During the first part, I was thinking, this 'ain't so bad, confidence is key, keep moving, no, not really bad at all. Then, I fumbled. I remember realizing all the internal babble was probably to blame. I can babble to myself during my forms only IF I am completely comfortable with them. Ie. if they are ingrained into my body and no brain is required. My kama form is NOT in this category. My fumble was not a pause, ohno-what-do-I-do moment. It was a hey, this isn't what I'm supposta do here moment. Happy to say that although my improv was choppy, sloppy and odd, I didn't stop moving or showed any of my internal thought process on my face (except when I turned to Master Brinker, who was just offstage left, and mouthed the word "Sorry" followed by a sheepish grin, all while the internal babble screamed KEEP MOVING!!!).

So, I recovered and found a spot to jump back into my original form and continue. I attempted to just go through the motions the way I had back at the studio, with my internal cue system running, (flip kamas, both slash, pull back, butt 'em good). However, much to my dismay, I quickly found myself aborting mission and walking off stage. Sad to say that instead of continuing the cue's, my head just shut down. It was like I blanked out, and then I found myself walking off, without my brain giving my body, and specifically my legs, consent. I'm still mad at them.

Well, maybe my body was the smarter of the two. Maybe it realized that it was for the better, instead of attempting a larger section of improv and probably not getting lucky the second time. I guess I'll never know what my body was thinking....

Be a "Lucky" Person

2009-04-08T14:52:00.003-06:00

Constriction and hindrance can only influence you if you allow them to. So many people would argue with me on this, but stop and think honestly for a moment. What is the last thing that 'constricted' you? Your job, your spouse, your schedule? Now, why do you define it as constriction? Because you couldn't do what you wanted, or you couldn't find the time. Are you not in control of every single decision you make, of every single move you make? Even if you have a gun to your head, you have a choice of what to do. You may not feel that way, but its true. Its whether or not you want to make the choice or take the harder road.

I was in an argument this weekend about this mentality. I feel if something isn't going well for you, or if something can use improving, then get to work. The fellow I was arguing with, I'll call him Bob, figured that why stress over anything, live your life, take what comes to you, and move on. Now, I believe this to work to a point. The no stress is good, the live your life is good. But the take what comes..? No. I disagree. I think "luck" and "fate" are created by you. There are no "lucky" and "unlucky" people, there are people who take control and improve a situation, or work for what they want, and people who just "take what comes to you".

I understand if some horrid event befalls you, such as a fatality, you may think there is nothing you can do to improve the situation. I understand mourning, I've had my share. But, I choose to believe that the worse the situation, the more opportunity to learn and improve. When you lose someone you love, don't take it as the end of the world. Instead, take it as a wake up call to make the most of the time you have with those who are left. "Bob" has taken the mentality "if I don't care about anything, nothing can hurt me anymore". I believe nothing that does not have the ability to hurt you or to fail is worth the time. Yes, I may get hurt worse, but I believe my life will be richer and fuller.

So, back to the point. If something hinders you, its because you need to look at the situation differently. If the situation cannot be changed, then create a new situation. If your spouse is constricting, work to understand why and work with them to fix it. If your schedule is too hectic, make the time you need. To do this, define what you need time for. Everyone needs time for family, friends, themselves. Daily. Everything else comes in second. Second. This includes your job, that appointment you have, that money you need to make.

Lately, several people have made comments that I firmly disagree with, not just "Bob". This is in response to said people. I will argue this until the day I die.

Hiss-Hiss Stretch, Sratch Behind Ear

2009-03-30T10:47:00.004-06:00

For the last 7 or 8 months, I have been attempting to put together a lion dance out in Onoway. I'm not yet sure how its all going to turn out, however I am proud to say that my guys are working their butts off, and putting together something that resembles what I have in my head.

These guys are great, I have to say. I ask them to try some kamikaze stunt, and without a blink they attempt it (well, maybe a single blink). They try so hard to give me what I see in my head, even though my explanation is usually foggy and such. I know that sometimes what I say doesn't even make sense to me, however they try it out anyways.

I'm also happy to say that we attempted our first stacked rolls last Wednesday, and there were no casualties. Lei Bei is still as peppy as ever, and we are that much closer to putting together the dance. Now my only issue is mastering the double beat on the drum, and keeping the tempo even while giving my full attention to the lion in front of me.

Kudos to all SRKF lion dancers out there! Its not an easy task, and you all are fantastic!

Weeks 3 and 4

2009-03-19T07:51:00.003-06:00

Sorry about the lateness of this post. Hectic would be the word. You all know what I mean.

So, for my last few days at my last job, I had to go to Grande Prairie on one hours notice. Needless to say, I fell off the wagon when I was there. I'm still working on getting back on. I'm hitting about four meals a day, and I cheated with a muffin and a cookie. No matter what I say, thank you Sifu for the cookie. Yum.

Regardless, I'm not our of the running yet. My mom has apparently noticed my butt getting smaller. She must have the eyes of a hawk, or maybe a scale, you know, like in the eyepiece of a microscope. That would be handy.

Week Two...

2009-03-02T11:39:00.004-07:00

So its been one week since I've started the Body-For-Life program and it is just as hard as I thought it would be. Eating six times a day is.... hard. I'm not hungry six times a day, and if I'm not hungry I don't think of eating. When I remember, I eat, but I feel like I'll be gaining weight instead of loosing it, since I'm eating so much. The food is healthy, of course, however I was never one to really eat badly (when given the choice). The water is going better, but with the same problem. How do you drink ten glasses of water? I'm never thirsty, so I'm drinking it just for the sake of drinking it.

The workouts are going well(ish). Finding the time for them is challenging. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I do not get home until nearly 10 pm, and by then I'm tired and lazy and I have to get up early the next day. I'm not a morning person, I love my sleep, so waking up at 5:30 am is hard. Best of intentions when I go to bed, but when the alarm goes off, the snooze button is much better than crawling out of a warm, cozy, comfy bed. Guess I just have to form the habit.

I'm learning to (like) cottage cheese. I never have, but its just too convenient of a food. So, like the water and the other meals, I'm eating it for the sake of eating it, not to enjoy it. I'm worried that this is going to backfire with this mentality. But, perseverance is a virtue, no?

There just isn't enough time in the day....

My Turn

2009-02-23T09:20:00.004-07:00

So today is Moday, February 23, and it is also the day that I set to start the Body-For-Life challenge. I'm proud to say, that even though its only 9:30 in the morning, I've started out strong. I got up at 5:30am to do my workout (lower body) and completed it with a bit of sweat on by brow. I never imagined 5:30am could actually feel good! My spouse Nick was thrilled to have the company in the morning too. I even made coffee for him.

Right now, I feel like I'm cheating because the Myoplex bar I'm eating is so yummy. Thanks Sifu Shipalesky for the info on that!! Last night I prepared several meals for myself, since I know that if I didn't do it then, packing a lunch for myself in the mornings wouldn't happen. Its great that the things I like are still available to me. I'm a big fan of food- the good stuff (and , yeah, some bad). Mmmm... Snow peas...

I'm attempting to get some of my family involved, even if its on a smaller scale. Its very hard to convince others to change their habits, expecially ones 20 years in the making. However, I'm really hoping that, in 12 weeks, I'll be living proof that this thing works. I can tell my mom and dad stories of other people and blackbelts who have followed through with it and succeeded, but honestly, they're just names to my folks. However, if their daughter struts up, leaner, meaner and stronger, I think they'll be convinced. Dad, I'm talking to you here....

Sifu Khona LaRocque
Silent River Kung Fu, Alberta, Canada

Correct Me If I'm Wrong...

2009-02-05T16:27:00.004-07:00

I'm sure the people who know me could argue some of these, this is me trying to reflect and be honest with myself... and you guys too.

My Strengths

-I'm willing to try anything, attempt anything

-I love what I do (my classes)

-I'm kind, and usually polite

-I catch on fast, learn fast

-I'm smrt. Kidding. I mean smart

-Apparently I think I'm funny
-I'm strong in body and mind (however, note my mention on will power below)

My Weaknesses

-I procrastinate...alot

-I have very little will power with some issues, too stubborn with others

-I'm lazy

-I love my sweets

-Things that really bother me I brush off

-I have a wicked temper (as previously stated)

There you go. Both of these lists can be longer, of course, but these are what came to mind. The goal of this post is to let everyone know about me, know me better, and therefore hold me accountable. On this note, I want to send out a plea. As I said, I'm lazy, and I procrastinate. A bad combination. I need random and spontaneous kicks-in-the-rear, both self-inflicted and from others. I can cover the self-inflicted, but the rest...

Medium Rare with Sauteed Mushrooms... I'm Drooling

2009-02-02T09:24:00.002-07:00

I'm not too sure where this post is going to lead so bear with me.

I can't seem to get a good routine going with the UBBT. It seems that when I'm doing well in one area, I fall behind on another. Its constantly a game of catch up with me. I've got my miles on track, thanks to the long walks everywhere in Mexico, but my form reps got forgotten. You not only need to train your body, you have to train your mind to set an alarm off when its needed.

So for anyone out there that is taking the Body-for-Life challenge, I'm setting a date. I'll be back in Mexico next week, but then I'll be back in full force. Anyone want to join me for Monday, February 23rd?

Then, after that, its the vegitarian challenge. I'll need everyone's support on that, I'm a huge steak lover. Love that Alberta beef.

Where Do You Draw the Line?

2009-01-16T09:36:00.000-07:00

There have been some thoughts weighing heavily on my mind in the last few weeks. The UBBT requirement of mending 3 relationships gone bad helped to spurr my last entry here. I will say this first- that is not a relationship I want to mend, despite still having some limited interaction with this guy through other people and organizations. That is where I want to leave it.

So, why am I feeling guilty about others limiting their interaction too? Because its because of me, I know, but as it was clearly put, he made his own bed and has to deal with it. I know that too. I was described as 'conflicted'. I couldn't put it better myself. I think I'm falling into old habits again. Look out for him, not myself. How can I be doing that?

I'm at two extremes here. I want to scream and yell and cry. And I want to smile and shrug and walk off. I honestly feel both ways. Bah. I need a coffee.

I Think Reader's Discretion is Advised

2009-01-10T13:04:00.000-07:00

I just spent the last hour reading some of the postings made by people I know and care about. Some of them opened up so much that I'm now in a mood to do the same, rather than just write about what happened to be on the telly in my head.

I can't say that I've even come close to experiencing some of the things I just read about in other individuals lives. I can only talk of experiences that I have gone through, and how they have permanently affected me.

Today, if I feel threatened I do not get scared, I get angry. This is not a good thing. Anyone who knows about my mom's store and one of her "clients" knows this is true. I have a temper, luckily with a very long fuse but usually with a fairly big boom. I have zero patience with individuals who try to be threatening or manipulative. Absolutely zero. I know this is the direct result of one person whom I was very close with several years ago. For three years I turned a blind eye to the manipulative actions of this individual, to the controlling and the obsessive possessive actions. It got to the point where I was not permitted to talk to my childhood friends. I would be dragged, literally, away from people who tried to defend me. I would be threatened with weapons. Never against me, only against himself. Being burdened with feeling responsible for another humans actions against himself is hell.

It took me three years to break away. Three years that have absolutely defined who I am now. At the time, I had no control over this portion of my life. I had no power, or I felt I had none. It drove me to persevere on all the other areas of my life, the areas that I could define for myself. It drove me to persevere in anything that others told me I couldn't do. I would not allow anyone to believe I had limits. No matter the task, I would be able to do it. One side of me was completely dictated to, so the other side I held complete control. I guess I thought that the two extremes would balance out.

After three years I snapped. I lost all feelings of responsibility for this individual, and lost all positive feelings for this individual I thought existed. It was the first and only time in my life where I didn't care what happened to to a human. I feel ashamed to admit it, but I cannot change the truth. I had finally begun to care what happened to me. I said never again, and long story short I walked out with threats of suicide being yelled at my back. I called his bluff for what it was- a mode of control over me. Nothing else. I think he was too infatuated with himself for the threats to be anything else.

I know that I still carry anger. It is a reminder to stay strong and to never have blinders. It reminds me to only surround myself with good, honorable people who honestly care and work to improve things, not control them. In the few instances where I have since seen this individual, I have seen that he has not learned a thing. He carries my initials in scar tissue on his arm. It was supposed to show me how much he cared. It showed me that I cannot be responsible for those who do not take responsibility themselves.

I have to apologize to my parents. I just wrote more about this than I had ever admitted to. Just know that your daughter is only stronger for it, not scarred by it.

I'm publishing this just in case there might be another person that may be experiencing a similar situation. Admit to the situation, pull out of it and use it to define yourself, your own qualities and what you want to do and to be in this life. I will not tolerate manipulation or threats in my life. No one else is accountable for my decisions. Every day I consciously ensure that I do not press my will on others in any way that would influence who they are or want to be. Another scary thing is, I knew many of you when this was happening. I was so good at lying to myself, I completely convinced myself that everything was okay. I convinced everyone who knew me. If you are in this situation, don't take as long as I did. Everyone wants to be happy in life. No one has the right to force others to be unhappy.

Remember the Show The Littlest Hobo? Thats Kinda What I Feel Like

2009-01-08T20:47:00.000-07:00

As many of my fellow trainees have heard, I'm hitting some difficult times due to my job. I have my own school out in Onoway, Alberta, a small branch of Silent River Kung Fu. I started there when I was 9, under the instruction of Master Brinker, and I remember thinking how scary and intimidating he looked. I can't forget how scared I was on my first day, even with my older brother standing next to me. However, it didn't take long to see that Master Brinker wasn't as scary as he looked, but nonetheless he was just as intimidating. A good intimidating, though. Not because of his physical strength and abilities (although that definitely helped), but because of his "quiet strength". Those of you who have met him know what I'm talking about. His ability to teach, guide and nurture.

Anyways, I'm off topic here. I took over the school I grew up in when I was 18. I wasn't sure if I could do what was necessary to run a martial arts school, but it was an offer Master Brinker gave me that I would have been more than stupid to turn down. And I'm pleased to say that she's still going strong, and after all the instructors that school has seen, it now has one that has no intentions of giving it up. I have to say, even though its small, its my pride and joy.

I love that place. I grew up there, I bled and sweat and trained there. My students are a great bunch, and I learn just as much from them as they learn from me. I don't know of any other experiences that can quite match it. If anyone out there hasn't had the opportunity to teach, give it a shot. The rewards are unbelievable.

I work as an environmental consultant. Its a good job, good pay and I have a good boss, but its not my calling. Recently, its been requiring me to go out of town on occasion, as I am right now. I'm sitting in a motel room in Fairview, 5 hours from home. Obviously, I can't make my classes when I'm out of town so far away. This is a big problem. Very big problem. Very bad, big bad problem.

This situation, coupled with the goals of the UBBT, have been making me think heavily on what my class and my training really mean to me. I never really had to make a choice before. As far as I'm concerned, there is no choice to make. When I moved into Edmonton, there was no question if I was going to drive the hour long drive one way to continue to teach. It didn't bother me when I had to pull an all-nighter to finish a paper that was due on a Tuesday or Thursday (classes are Monday and Wednesday nights). I don't know what I want to do as a career, however I know that I never want to lose the Silent River family. I don't remember being without it.

So, I have to quit my job. As I said to my boss, being an environmental consultant is my primary job, but it's not my priority. There are always going to be other jobs. What my training and my instructors have given me is irreplaceable. My job does not define who I am. My training has.

So, any suggestions on a new career for me? Your guess is a good as mine. I don't know where I'm going from here. But, now that I have firmly defined my priorities, not knowing my next move isn't so scary. Well, my next move is a set of push-ups. Then, its anyones guess.

Nothin' Much

2009-01-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

Happy 2009 everybody.

So the UBBT has officially started, and I'm feeling just as anxious as ever. One of my co-workers just walked in on me doing sit-ups in the back office. They'll just have to get used to that, eh? I still need to get my totals together so I know where I stand for 2009. First, I need to find all the scrap pieces of paper I used to document my numbers. Good luck to me.

I'm going to Mexico for two weeks, leaving on the 19th. I dunno how that will work out, but I'm hoping that I can get ahead on my numbers. Its not like I'll have anything important to do, besides counting grains of sand. Can that be a challenge? Count grains of sand? Just thinking aloud here.

Introducing Beepbeep

2008-12-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

So I've meant to upload some pictures of my baby birdy, but... I haven't. You will see her soon, though. Oh, and she's a she. I know that now, her feathers are finally filled in. And she is doing well. I've named her Beepbeep, for obvious reasons, and after my mom's late kitty.

So Beepbeep is definitely a great new addition to my funny farm. I never thought I could interact with a somewhat wild bird like this, but I guess hand raising a bird in place of its mother can do that. She can fly, but when I bring her out of the cage to feed her, she is content in my hand or perching on my finger. We whistle to eachother, to the distress of her Papa. And I had never thought that if you scratched a bird behind its 'ear' that it would react like a cat. She closes her eyes and pushes into my finger. I swear that she almost purrs.

My doggies get along with her too (too bad my cats don't). They sniff at her while Beepbeep pecks at their noses. (Everybody go 'awwww'...)

Things Can Get Very Sad So Fast

2008-12-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

I have always been a pet owner and an animal lover, and I recently became the caregiver to two young zebra finches. When I bought them, the store did not realize that they had mated, and that soon this inexperienced girl would have to assume the responsibility of little baby birdies. My female had laid an egg the day after I got them, and since I was under the impression that they had not mated I had not given them a nesting area. Once the first egg was around, I gave them a nest, but it was too late for the egg. I didn't know if she would lay any more, or if she had left them all back at the store. Its sad to think that I possibly took her away from her brood, even unknowingly.

To begin with, I wasn't even sure there were any other eggs or chicks, until I started hearing the unrelenting cheep from hungry babies. I couldn't see them, just hear them. Things were going good for about a week. Then I found my female dead at the bottom of the cage. I have no idea what happened, or why something killed her and left the male and chicks healthy. That really struck me, first her eggs and now her.

So, I had to very quickly learn how to become mother to some chicks that I had never even seen. Feedings are every two/three hours, day and night. At first Papa got fairly noisy each time I took them out of the cage. Now he patiently waits for their return, checks on them, and proceeds to sit on them. Oh, there were two chicks and an unhatched egg. Another one down. Geez.

So I've been feeding them for about five days. This morning I fed them before leaving for work. I had planned on taking a picture of them, but forgot. Even young, they each had their own characteristics. One is a loud little piggy, the other was a small quiet thing. This morning, literally as I fed the smaller one, it died. I don't know why. It took maybe three seconds to go from slurping chick to limp. I can only assume that it inhaled some of its food into its lungs. I'll always be an animal lover, but man can it get hard sometimes. I miss the little guy.

May many seeds and fruits ripen where ever you all are.

Don't Know What To Do? Drop a Bomb!

2008-11-27T20:32:00.000-07:00

Today I found myself watching CNN and the Mumbai Massacre. I tend to stay away from these programs for one reason- I'm selfish and find it hard to stay happy when I am constantly bombarded with avoidable death and loss. I don't get it. What is the point? All these terrorist groups and all these righteous groups. They don't understand that they are all acting the same, creating the same outcomes. Death. Thats it. Do they really believe that is the answer? Death? That if we kill the wrongdoers, remembering that they are the rightdoers in their own eyes, it is the way to peace and enlightenment? The outcome is the same, no matter who is behind the gun or bomb or hostage. Why does no one get that?!?

I'm finding lately I get more emotional over everything, big and little. Anyone who is human probably is, knowing the world today is no better off than during the Vikings, the Crusade, WWI and WWII. We all figure we are smarter, educated, enlightened. We figure that what they did was wrong. Killing all those people? That was wrong. What are we doing? We're 'freeing the country from terror' or 'eraticating the threat". Thats not wrong! Ha! Its the same damn thing! We are still killing people who don't agree with us. That is the bottom line. No wonder violence in schools and cities is increasing. That is what the youth of today is learning. Kill those who don't agree.

This is why my blog is named what it is. I know its awkward English. But honestly, if we could just stop and think like sane animals, we'd be farther along than we are now. Act out of compassion and we'd truly be enlightened.

Now, we can just kill more efficiently. Thats all we have learned.

The Movie Channel is a Curse

2008-11-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

This is a magnified picture of pollen. It is my mortal enemy.

You can do half a form when you do two sections of the Tai Chi form, for those of you who inquired. So there.

I once had to open a can of dog food with my pocket knife. Its not worth the blood. This lesson has stayed with me a long time.

Why do men always go out and buy themselves everything they want one month before Christmas?!?

Cold tea with honey is better than iced tea. Cold coffee is doable but more of a necessity than a pleasure.

Is it just me or does it seem that your hands swell every time you pick up a set of sai's?

I think the wall beside me has ceiling stipple for texture. Is this laziness, or efficiency?

This is a previous published thought. No one ever gave me an answer. If you are what you eat, and a cannibal eats a vegetarian, does that make the cannibal a vegetarian?

I have a cat named Jack and a dog named Jill. They are both females. No crowns involved.

I love how the parents have more fun than the kids when we play games like dodgeball or tag.

Who writes abouts scooters? Has anyone labeled their posts 'scooters'?

Does anyone else find it extremely annoying when the heater in a coffee pot shuts off automatically?

I just found out that scientists have been successful in creating antimatter. I find this super scary and exciting. We can power all of New York for days or make a 20 kiloton nuclear warhead with one gram. Any bets on which one happens first?

Speaking of tea, I just spilled allover myself and the table. Excuse me for a minute...

I miss Teddy Ruxpin and Astroboy. I think I had a crush on Teddy.

I have no interest in the UFC. There. I admit it.

I cried yesterday while listening to the Help Kids Hope broadcast. Yes, I did make a pledge.

Squaring the Circle- Yeah Its Possible

2008-11-14T20:02:00.000-07:00

Geez. I haven't posted yet in November. Shame on me.

I am currently enrolled in another program, long distance learning through the Royal Roads University. The courses I'm taking are Enviro Law, Sustainable Development and Management. I have homework to do, but that's not the point. The point is I'm learning alot of new information, and when its coupled with the current happenings around SRKF and the Benevolent Foundation, it causes everything to click in place.

For example, define sustainable development. Think you can? There are multitudes of scholarly papers defining the term, and everyone has a different twist. For example, "The term ‘‘sustainable development’’ has been seen by some as amounting essentially to a contradiction in terms, between the opposing imperatives of growth and development, on the one hand, and ecological (and perhaps social and economic) sustainability on the other. These critics might indeed be said to believe that trying to achieve sustainable development amounts to trying to square the circle, in the sense of trying to achieve the impossible." (Robinson, J. 2003). Personally, I believe that sustainable development is not only possible, but absolutely essential to our future generations.

Next, do you know what social capital is? It is "the internal social and cultural coherence of society, the norms and values that govern interactions among people and the institutions in which they are embedded" (Serageldin, I. Vice Pres. Social Capital Initiative). In other words, social capital is everything from well defined organizations, such as the Elks Club, 4-H and the government network, to the inadvertent relation between two stangers that nod to eachother in a grocery store line (Putnam, 2001). Even us, SRKF and the Benevolent Foundation, are social capital.

I like the terminology, social capital. Capital is usually monetary, a given value, ie. valuable. The term socal capital implies a certain valuable aspect to the whole thing. Which goes without saying. Without social capital, society and culture would collapse.

So, what does any of this have to do with us? Why am I lecturing all of you? Social capital is the key to sustainable development. Sustainable development is the key to the survival of future generations. WE are SOCIAL CAPITAL. WE are the KEY TO SUSTAINABLE DEVELOPMENT. We will decide the survival of our children, our grandchildren, their grandchildren..... See the link?

We are on the right track. We need to change the social norms and values to support sustainable development. We are. This little group is striving forward, getting the word out, and bettering our community, and other communities around the world. Even shovelling the snow for a stranger will cause people to stop and think, and can ultimately change their views and values.

I'm excited. We are apart of an awesome group of people, with an awesome group of people leading us. This post was a long way of saying I'm excited about what we are doing, and what we are capable of doing. Lets keep it up.

The Little Things

2008-10-28T18:36:00.000-06:00

I'm finding it very difficult to document all of my Acts of Kindness throughout the day. For one, I have realized I can hardly remember the details of my day. I have noticed that when I do the 'breathe in, breathe out' routine, I remember very specifically where I am and what I am doing. I need to find a way to keep that kind of focus throughout the day.

Number two, I have noticed I have a tendency to forget the little things. I know I've had this habit for a very long time, and I think its my brain being in study gear. I sort through my 'school files' throughout the day, and disregard, for lack of a better word, things that won't affect me later. Another bad habit I need to break.

This is not meant to be another negative post. So, I'm going to focus on the positive. People smile alot when you surprise them. And, they smile back when you smile at them. Try it. Next time you are sitting at a red light and glance beside you, flash your pearlys. I know this doesn't qualify as an act of kindness, but it has the same result. People walk away from it feeling better about their day. Isn't that part of it?

Also, people love their coffee. Me included. Buy a grumpy person a coffee (or tea, or whatever) and they forget why they are grumpy. I've made this a habit (finally, a good one!) and even my days get better. Expecially on cold days.

I now have a confession. I don't really know how many Acts of Kindness I've done. I know when I make a consious effort, I can usually think of four or five a day. So, I think if I pull my socks up and document everything properly, I'll surpass my goal.

So, now an update.

Since October 2:

Push-ups: 2195

Sit-ups: 2570

Miles: 27.9

Forms- 18.5 reps

Yeah, I still have catch-up to do. Thats the point of this blog, right? To stay accountable?

I Wanted the Post Short, But That Doesn't Mean the Title Can't Be Long!

2008-10-17T08:43:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'm hoping this stays brief. I'm back! Actually, I never left. My last post was just my rant about how disappointed I was in myself that I let a bug, no matter how many legs it had, get to me. I wanted it public so people will realize to err is human, and we are all human. Some are just more extraordinary than others, in my opinion.

So now, I'm looking forward to the task of making up for those days I lost. Isn't that what this is about? Never quitting? I think that is my favorite requirement. Its good stuff, no?

Hey, it did stay brief!

Bah Humbug

2008-10-14T18:47:00.000-06:00

So I've already hit a snag. The last week has been a complete write off. Last Wednesday I came down with some kind of killer cold, and nearly lost my lunch when I did my first 20 push-ups. Thursday I never moved from the bed (except to adjust the heat according to my hot flashes) and Friday I dragged my butt and probably caused more headaches than I attempted to solve. I was not over my cold on the weekend, but at least I was mobile. So, in short, the last few days I haven't done a single physical task. The only thing I've kept up with is the Acts of Kindness, followed with a sniffle. Today, I'm feeling better, still sniffling but capable. And now, I'm lacking the motivation I had at the beginning of the month. I remember feeling great, but I feel craptastic now. Geez, its only the 14th and I need a boost.

Any time I get into these moods, I always relied on my classes in Onoway to get me back on track. I don't have that now, since I'm sitting in a motel in Wainwright, and won't make it back tomorrow. Yeah, I know I'm wining, but this is my online journal, and its my birthday and I'll cry if I want to (kidding, my birthday is in May). I'll give you five bucks if you can tell me the exact mileage from Edmonton to Wainwright. I'm kidding again.

The only things that are working for me, as I sit here thinking about it, are the comments I have been receiving from those closest to me about how insane I am for agreeing to the UBBT, and more specifically the look on their faces when I answer no to the question "do you have to do this?". Ha. I think only my fellow fanatics understand.

So, my fellow fanatics, this is the first of many pleas you'll get from me. I'm writing this publicly so everyone knows this isn't all sunshine and lollipops, that there is a lot of backaches and kleenex involved sometimes.

Hey, I think this worked somewhat. I'm back in the game, fellow fanatics! (cough)

The First 7 Days

2008-10-08T09:18:00.000-06:00

So like many others, I've completed the first week if the UBBT. My brain has been on overdrive trying to juggle work, school, classes and now this. Its been a hard week, but a great week. Already it seems like I've fallen in to a routine of relaxing slightly one day, then going hard to make up for it the next. I don't know if this it the best way to go about it, but I feel it gives me breaks and challenges at the same time.

Master Brinker is right about this giving us an opportunity, or excuse, to finally train as much as we want, without feeling guilty about pushing other things off for the moment. I finally get to say, "I really ought to do the dishes, but they'll have to wait until I get another 50 push ups done" instead of the other way around. Don't worry, the dishes are getting done too.

The running and the biking are doing wonders for me. I'm not saying that I see any physical differences so soon, but I feel better everytime I pull out my bike. Again, it gives me an excuse to do these things that I enjoy without the guilt of making some other task wait. Jill, one of my dogs, is enjoying it too. We have good talks whenever she comes with me :)

I'm aware that there will be a time where I need a kick in the pants. I'm just glad I have over a dozen other blackbelts to do it for me when the time comes. And, I can kick them back when they need it. I love this family.

Lightbulbs are Great

2008-09-30T15:55:00.000-06:00

So I promised a post and here it is. Like many of you, I keep a seperate, private journal. This is part of one entry I wrote very recently after simply standing on my driveway and, for the first time since I've lived there, really saw everything that surrounded me. By we I mean Nick and I.

"I was standing outside today and I finally saw what we have, what we have done and what we have accomplished in this short time. At the same time, I finally saw what I could have done and what I have not done. I am capable of so much more. I have the ability to change everything I see, all I need is the will to go through with it. I need to use all of my ability to do it, but I know in the end I will be able to take pride in what I have done. From small things like our yard, to make it something to take pride in. The upcomming UBBT, something I know will be wracked with mental and physical pain, but nevertheless something I am capable of and something that in the end has the potential to change the very person I am into the person I want to be. I think to myself now, why whould I not go through with it? To the very end, to my full potential? It would be foolish to ever let the thought cross my mind that anything is too hard or too insignificant."

I don't know what has held me back up to this point. I thought to myself standing outside, after finally realizing what I could be capable of, that now the difference is that I don't know how I can ever let it hold me back again. What a waste of a life that would be, and I am unwilling to let my life be wasted.

Its utterly amazing how someone can have a huge moment like that. I feel like that was the single most important lightbulb (lamp, I mean) that has ever clicked for me. Not to mention the brightest.

When I Say We, I'm Including You

2008-09-29T08:43:00.000-06:00

Okay, just so everyone knows I have a plan to post again tomorrow (because I forgot my book today), so check back.

This is just my attempt to write a note about everything that has been reeling in my head the last couple of weeks. I'm feeling stressed and antsy and the anticipation is hitting a peak. I'm feeling renewed energy and vigor in accordance with this anticipation. I haven't been so excited for a long time. The prospect of doing something amazing, with a group that won't let me fail, wow. Lets just say I'm excited. And grateful. Lets just say I'm grateful.

These things are not because of just one upcomming event. These things are a result of the prospect of what we as a group are doing in the world, and at my latest realization of not only what we are capable of seperately, but what we are capable of together.

Imagine what we are all capable of together. Anything.

I apologize for the the alloverness of this post (yeah I know thats not a word) and for the lack of explanation for this post. As I said, I'm just attempting to solidify things in my head.

Even Better If You Have No Teeth!

2008-09-17T09:27:00.000-06:00

So something was reiterated for me last night at the San Shou class. Its nothing new, but it is something worth noting- smiles are more intimidating than grimaces.

Watching each of the matches, most people can be classified in some aspect of their fighting style and mentality. We have all heard of the bulldog, the tank and the little dog (think a little yappy thing bounding around you). But watching the facial expressions of the fighters gives you another idea of how others fight. Not saying its a good idea to watch the face of your opponent. Watching from the sidelines is just as beneficial as being in the ring.

A certain blackbelt last night was noted for having a calm, collected and fierce exterior while he was squared up against a cue belt. He was sure of every move and every counter he completed, and you felt the intimidation roll of of him just by observing his posture and his expression. Yeah, that can be pretty intimidating when you are in front of him.

However, watching his opponent was even more intimidating. Yes, the blackbelt had more skill, scored more frequently and with more aggressive blows, but the cue belt just wouldn't have his smile wiped off his face. This man was getting his butt kicked, but he was enjoying it so much, it made me wonder to myself "if I were in the ring with him, would the man ever quit, ever succumb, or ever even notice the damage inflicted by me?". Scary thought, that even if you have the skill and the power, it may not be enough.

This smile is different from the average in the ring smile. I can't get the smile off my face when I'm in a good sparring match. I'm thrilled with what I'm learning, with the intense and intimate interaction with the other blackbelts and students. There isn't a way not to learn while you are in that zone, while you are interacting with others in that manner. But this is a "I'm happy to be learning" smile, not a "I'm ecstatic to be here, and nothing you do will change that" smile. Okay, sometimes it is. But still, is that not more intimidating?

The grimace is something that can be used to your benefit. Its something you learn to expect, and you know its purpose is specifically to intimidate and shake the confidence. Knowing this lessens its impact, at least for me. The smile though, now that is scary. It tells me that no matter what I do to this guy, he's going to enjoy it and come back for more. Its like they don't know any better. The shake and then smile move is even worse. The guards are down, so you give the guy a quick schmuck to the forehead to let him know. Or, you deliver a blow with enough force to stun, but not to damage. The guy grunts, shakes it off, and flashes you his pearly whites. Yikes.

Everyone has a unique way to deal with a sparring match. Most are fairly effective too. However, those methods that are not learned but are natural seem to be the most effective (with exceptions). When you expect something, it loses its potency. When its unexpected, or seems out of place, that can throw you for a loop.

Thank You, Travis

2008-09-09T10:24:00.000-06:00

I honestly didn't know Travis very well, but that doesn't mean he didn't leave a powerful impression on me. I saw him at San Shou and at lion dance practices, and he never failed to impress me by being one if the best and most driven cue belts I've ever come across. I found that I was always drawn to him, and I watched him more intently than I did anyone else in the classes. It was his passion that most inspired me, passion that even someone who only passed him in the training hall could identify. I was in awe. He was always more than happy to hop around in the tail of a lion, no matter how much sweat it entailed.

I'm thankful to you Travis, for being such a great friend to everyone around you. I know that people close to me are grieving at the moment, but I'm so grateful that you did leave such a powerful legacy for us all to draw strength from. There is no one who passed you who didn't feel the enthusiasm radiate off of you. I can see what a remarkable man you were in the words and the actions of those around me now. Even though it would be years down the road, I was already looking forward to seeing you in blackbelt class. It was a guarantee that you would eventually become one, and when you did you would outdo us all.

We all miss you. Goodbye, Travis.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

2008-09-04T21:02:00.000-06:00

So last night was my first night back in Onoway since the summer holidays began. I have to say that even though every September is the same, it still always hits me off guard.

I love my class. I love teaching the kids and adults alike, and every September reinforces this. I never realize that I was missing my classes over the summer until I got them back. But the first class in September is always different. I don't just love everything, I realize I'm addicted to it. Its the most awesomely awesome awesomeness that was ever awesome. We didn't do anything fancy or showy. All I ever focus on the first class back is running through the basics and evaluating who practiced, who needs practice and where I need to fill in the gaps. Its the best opportunity to really see how each student is growing, and believe me they do grow, even over the short holiday. I always get a few newbies, which throws a nice spice in with the mix of all the well known faces. You never know what new talents come walking through the door.

It feels like I'm cheating them all a bit. My students always provide me with so much, it seems like there is no way that I could be giving enough in return. They provide me with insights that I have never considered, make me critically think about every action and the whys behind them, they reinforce my own training immensely, and now they are another group of people who will hold me accountable and provide me with good reason to follow through on my goals. The harder I work on my goals, the better teacher I can be for them.

Thanks guys. You all have no idea how much you provide me with every Monday and Wednesday and every day inbetween.

Nightmare on Elms Street All Over Again

2008-08-27T10:41:00.001-06:00

So I'm sitting here, in my car by a hotel in Vegreville, because this is the only place in town with internet access. I want to write something, but I have no idea what is going to come out. So bear (bare?) with me.

I had a nightmare two nights ago. It was the result of a book I was reading (a good book too) where the heroine is being stalked by a bunch of bad guys. Nothing big, nothing new. But when I went to bed, its all I could think of. When sleep finally took over (around 130) I had a dream where my doorbell was ringing, and even though I knew it was bad, and I took precautions, a big burly bad guy with a butcher knife managed to pin me behind the door. Problem was, he was handicapped, and although he was only stabbing at the wall beside me, I was so scared because I couldn't understand his intentions or what he would do if I moved. I woke up wimpering.

So we all have has those daydreams about bad guys breaking in, and we save the day with our ability to stay cool and collected. I very frequently think about defeating the bad guys. So why was this dream so much different? I felt defeated in this dream, completely helpless. I didn't know what to do. Why?

The possibilities I've thought of are these:
- I was unable to read or judge my opponent in any way

- I panicked

- Due to being handicapped, the guy was as defenseless as me, minus the knife

- It was in the middle of the night, when everybody has illogical fears

I think I'm over analyzing this. However, I can't help but acknowledge the doubt that has wormed its way into my head. If I was attacked, say, in a dark alley, would I react like that, freeze up and wimper? Do I have the strength to even take down a guy if needed? Ack. This feeling is really crappy. I don't like it.

My training is my comfort. My blanket (blankie to me) when I was little. No matter where I go or what I do, it will always be there because I will never let it go. So the way I resolve this dilemma is just that. To acknowledge my dream as being only a dream, and acknowledging my training as always being there, as reliable and as strong as a I make it.

Never feel bad if you think nightmares are scary. I'm twenty four, and I seriously got up and locked all the doors after that one. Geez.

1002

2008-08-21T16:02:00.000-06:00

So last Saturday a group of us were idly chatting, and someone decided it would be interesting to challenge ourselves. Due to a board breaking mishap (ahem, you know who you are) several of us had 500 push-ups assigned to us. So, evolved from this, our challenge was to attempt 1000 push-ups in one day.

With a challenge like this and a group of 5 blackbelts, no one backed down. Our days were set, and we agreed to report our success, or lack thereof, the following Friday.

Before I make my report, I want to issue a challenge; attempt 1ooo push-ups in one day. Whether or not you succeed, you will learn some things about yourself. For example:
-Your will is sometimes stronger than your body
-Your body is stronger than you think

So how did I do? Here's the blow-by-blow.
0640 hrs- Alarm goes off
0700 hrs- I get out of bed
0720 hrs- I leave the house with 80 push-ups complete
0900 hrs- I get to Vegreville, do 20 more in the parking lot
1230 hrs- I leave Vegreville, 310 push-ups complete
1400 hrs- I get home. Mini challenge myself to reach 500 before 1500 hrs
1500hrs- I'm at 500. My muscles are seizing, my joints creaking
1900 hrs- I leave for Stony Plain. 630 complete. I'm beat mentally. I think its physically impossible for me to reach 1000
2220 hrs- Get home. Still 630 complete. I'd be happy if I reach 750
2240 hrs- I reach 750. I lay down to sleep, happy. I start thinking about what I just accomplished in the last 20 min
2242 hrs- I get out of bed
2318 hrs- I complete 1002 push-ups

There was a point in the day where I decided enough was enough, I can't do it (yet).

Then, there was a point in the night when I realized what I had accomplished and what I was still capable of (right around 2241 hrs). I decided I wasn't giving up. I was able to complete 1002 push-ups in one day.

If Everyone Cared

2008-08-12T09:26:00.001-06:00

This is an excerpt from a song that I'm sure most of you have heard. The lyrics touch me every time I hear it, and so I thought I'd place them here for those who don't know what they are. Think hard on them.

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

(Nickleback- If Everyone Cared)

Listen to Bonecracker and Tell Me You Don't Get Excited

2008-08-12T09:26:00.000-06:00

On Friday, it was mentioned that it should not be difficult at all to find multiple hours in a day to commit to kung fu. I wholeheartedly agree, and I think I'm one of many who have realized just how much of our day is dedicated to kung fu.

For the last two days my task has been to reorganize all the code books, reference books, OH&S books, phone books, training books, regulation books.... alot of books. I never thought I could work up a sweat by playing librarian. But I really applied myself, thinking about how much easier it will be in the future for all my co-workers and myself to assemble reports and the like. It took alot of self motivation, self control and a bit of a back ache to do it. Things that I was taught and developed through kung fu, no?

In the car on the way to and from work I've been listening and relistening to one specific song, the one I want to perform with at next years Tiger Challenge. I can see myself flipping around and kicking butt and I'm faster than light. Sifu Edge would be proud. I find myself twitching as I'm driving in time with the moves in my head. My heart rate is increasing just thinking about what I want to do with this piece of music. This time, I'm not letting myself dismiss it.

I'm working to correct my posture in an attempt to aid my centre. I run through my forms in my mind when I get frustrated with a report or a crew. Just doing this calms me down or lifts me up and brings me back to the present. I replay the words of my peers and my instructors whenever I feel like just being lazy or when I need a perk up. I remember my conversation with Master Brinker every time I crave a coffee (it works half the time). I fold one more crane everytime I feel depressed after hearing the news.

Kung fu is a life style that I wouldn't trade for anything. The confidence you gain and the drive you find go so far in creating a life that is worth living and a world that is worth saving. I challenge anyone who does not feel the same to ask yourself honestly if kung fu hasn't changed you, if it isn't worth the time and the money and the effort. If you don't believe so, then you haven't yet developed the lifestyle and you haven't immersed yourself in kung fu and everything that it pertains to.