Lately I've been feeling sad and worried and concerned, and I really don't know what to do about it. Talking and blogging hasn't seemed to solved anything, in fact I think it might be chasing some away. I don't know.

I find myself extremely worried about many people on this team. It seems like this years low it approaching rock bottom and many are dropping off, dropping out or debating quitting all together. Why? What is happening to you all that's making you even consider such a rash action?

I know there are injuries abound, but why would you let them run your life so fully? Yes, shoulders and backs are a huge part of everyday life,but why let it limit you so fully? If you can't to a push up or raise a weapon above your head, then don't. If you can't do one thing then don't do that one thing. But it's like Sifu Brinker says, the point of practice and drills is so you have a bounty of option, one door slams in your face but you always have dozens of windows still open.

Injuries, although they suck, can be viewed as a blessing if you choose to see it that way. If your shoulders are busted up, make it your goal to be the best with your legs. Build up another area of your training that you would have normally let drift. If everyone with a serious injury had just quit, none of us including me would still be around.

I know many of us are going through some very serious, very crippling things in our lives. I'm telling you, so am I. At this very moment, so am I, and although I have yet to share this with you all it does not meant I am not leaning on you all when I need to. Several months ago I needed to and the team had my back (even though few were aware). I'm pleading with you all, I need you now and I'm scared the team is going to crumble with the slightest pressure.

When things get rough, Silent River has been my rock and go to place for comfort and support. This has not changed for me. Not once did it occur to me to quit over something in my life that went horrible wrong, besides when the horribly wrong was my attitude and perspective. Take a breath, all of you, and please, think on this post.

How Are You All?

So where is everyone at? There are a handful of y'all that I see and hear from regularly, and there are a handful that I don't usually see and who are awfully quiet out there in cyberspace.

Only two people responded to my last post, which kind of saddened me. But, to the two of you who did contact me, I have not forgotten my promise and I will give you as much time as I can and as much help as you want from me. Not that I'm an expert in your weapons or forms, but I've been around the block and can at least give you some guidance, if you two want it. Thanks you two you're helping me stay engaged as well. It's what I need.

Ms. Gibbons, Mr. Smid, Mr. Sand and Sihing Chervenka; where have you four been hiding my entire I Ho Chuan life? Well done to the three of you! I know you guys feel frustrated and feel like everything is a struggle, but the whole point of this mastery project is to hit roadblocks and hardships and find your way slowly though them. You guys have spoken up about them AND are publicly doing something about it. Be it post your numbers or encourage others to get together and get stuff done. Thank you guys.

"With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility" - Uncle Ben

This post is not going to be about me or my progress or my struggles or my dogs. I want to use this post as a way to reach out to all of you. I know that some of us are struggling, some of us are frustrated and some of us feel in a rut due to work or injury or schedule. I know this, so don't try to deny it.

If you are any of the above please contact me. I want to extend my services such as they are to you. Use my knowledge or my ear or my great smile, whatever I have I offer to you. I don't know if I have the solution or the answer but I know I can help even if it's in the teensiest way. My cell number is (780)446-9625. My email is khona@silentriverkungfu.com. My facebook profile is under Khona Rybak, there aren't that many Khonas so I should be easy to find. I live at Sandy Lake. Contact me, find me, text me, phone me.

If you don't I will assume it's because of one of the following reasons;
1. You don't read my blog, in which case I'm hurt. I thought I was somewhat entertaining.
2. You know you're in the above group but are content with it. In which case... I don't know what to say.

So whatever you need, please ask it of me. Long email, chat over coffee (or tea, or water), quick text. I want to help.

Building a Foundation

Saturday was a great day, full of sunshine and like minded people. The Pandamonium is the pinnacle event for Silent River for good reason. Everything the school is about is embodied in this one event, and those who take part are also those who will benefit the most from its lessons.

It was a little disappointing that I didn't see all the faces I expected, but it was great to see all the faces that were there. The teamwork and camaraderie built should be able to carry us through the rest of the year as long as we nurture it from this point on.

This Saturday is another chance to build upon that camaraderie. Being in the parade is always a great experience. Not only do we get to walk in the sun and have some fun, but we get our faces out there for the community to see. The demos we do are not just for us to get our required numbers, but they give a little back as well. They are so important. It's a way to connect with the public, build on the foundation Sifu Brinker had laid and work on that one important lesson we've all been taught- out of the kwoon and into the world.

Mayhem

I've had a very full, very interesting week. I'm getting run down but I can tell you that it has nothing to do with my Kung Fu schedule and everything to do with everything else. I've managed I don't know how many firsts this week, all of which have been beneficial in one way or another. I'm making progress on one of my personal goals, not sure if it'll be a success but I'll just have to wait and see.

Thanks guys, those of you who fed me a cinnamon bun and sang to me Thursday. Sometimes its nice to be spoiled.

I'm struggling to find an ending for my chain whip. I had one ending together, but ditched the whole thing after a couple of days. It just wasn't going to work. I'm not very good at putting sequences together, I get hung up on one aspect and struggle to make things flow around it.

We bought a new bed and my back has improved huge. Didn't fix it but at least it's not being aggravated every time I sleep. Also had a MRI last night. Waiting for results.

May is panning out to be a very interesting, very full month.

Consistency is Key- Wait, I Think I've Heard That Before....

In the last couple of weeks I've had quite a few "aw geez, he's talking about me" moments in my classes. Fixes in Lao Guar, fixes with kicks, mastery is on or off, there is no try.

I want the team to know that I am practicing and I do take this seriously. I'm one of those people he was talking about practicing at home, privately, and then sucking in class. I've always hated doing anything publicly, expecially practicing, doing push-ups or fixing forms. If I'm in the middle of a set of sit-ups and my husband walks in I stop, like he's caught me doing something illegal, and I feel guilty. Makes no sense, right?

I'm guilty of finding excuses, always with the best of intentions. I am doing my reps, but not enough every day and whats worse, I suck at documenting the ones I do. The documentation is part of mastery, and therefore I've realized that I'm off, not on. And that sucks. And I'm sorry I'm not holding up my end of the bargain.

We need to find more active ways to hold eachother accountable other than just post work harder! every once in a while. Like Sifu Brinker said, some of us are expecting others to cover for us, to ride the shirttails of the guy next to us. It doesn't work that way- everyones progress is hampered then.

Its taken me years to get to this point where I'm able to be honest and tell everyone I'm sucking instead of highlighing the highs and hiding the lows. What I've learned is that I was never fooling anyone but myself in the process. So heads up guys, you're not fooling anyone. Those of you who are on mastery, its obvious. Your progress and constant doing of stuff can't be hidden. Those of you who are off, its obvious. Your lack of progress and lack of doing stuff can't be hidden. Sadly, I think I'm in the latter group. But I'm working on changing that!

Fyi- tonight I didn't take the easy route and say everything is fine. I didn't eat what my husband made just because it was easy, I made myself something healthier. I didn't stay home from classes just because my back is sore, I went and learned a lot. Its those stupid little decisions we make everyday that determine what path we're on. I need to find consistency in the things I do, thats all.

Mayday

I'm hitting a major rut, a wall, whatever you want to call it. And this is a call for help. I've been having problems with my back mostly, but I think it's causing problems with my hips, shoulders, knees. I'm finding that I'm scared to do a lot of things because it causes pain in my back, and now I'm losing skill and flexibility because of lack of activity. My push ups are taking a hit because my back hurts so much when I do them.

So, can I get some help? Sifu Wiebe, can I get the contact info for your chiropractor? Yes, I know it's about time but I'm stubborn and don't like going to those types of places.

Sifu Playter, can I get some help with my kicks? I'm losing strength and mobility and my hips crack and scream if I throw one even with minimal force. You were helping a student the other day with his kicks, have any more advice for me?

Does anyone have any advice for a bad runner? I figured I could at least go for some light jogging, but two days later I have huge pain in my shins. Shin splints have always been a problem for me and after talking to Ms. Csillag I'm sure it's my form.

I've made appointments to get my knee sorted out, so that's a step. I think my bed is a huge factor, so I'll be swapping it out in the next day or so for a firmer one we have upstairs. And I plan on getting a new pillow (again).

I'm going to start cooking more. My husband has the metabolism of a hummingbird and therefore cooks what he loves, namely gravy and meat. Not good for me, but if I cook he will eat. As long as I have a side of cheese so he can smother anything green.

Any other tidbits from you guys would help. I'm just so frustrated lately. Advil is what gets me through the day, and I hate being dependent like that.