Little Reminders

I’ve written several drafts in the past month, none of which will see the light of day. They were not productive, very negative and had no purpose other than to air my grievances, sort out my thoughts and just stomp my feet and cry. They were not meant to be productive, they were meant to be therapy.

I am happy to say this one will become public, as public as my little voice in the void can be. Why does that make me happy? Because I think I’ve turned a corner. I’m feeling better and I feel like I’m being restored.

A large part of this change comes from the one on ones. I’m not nervous when I’m in front of students being asked questions. I got over that years ago. However I’ve been getting some hard core questions that are challenging me as an instructor and as a martial artist. I’m learning that my knowledge is deeper than I thought and I am developing the vocabulary that has always eluded me in the past. Those things make me feel good about myself and motivate me to do better than the day before.

The slump I was in, and if I’m honest am still in, has nothing to do with Kung Fu or my training. However, once again, Kung Fu has been a large part of the answer. When I doubt myself or my self worth, Kung Fu reminds me that I am and should be confident. Why? Because I’ve earned it. Time and time again Sifu Brinker’s words prove correct; Kung Fu is an investment that gives back a thousand fold what you put in. 

In this moment, instead of feeling helpless I’m feeling gratitude.