The Gravy on the Side, Not the Meal

So I had a scare last week, and it sure put things in perspective for me. I've been working diligently on my Tai Chi, and I'm happy that I can see progress, but when I had a fellow student come up to me and say "so your degree grading is this weekend, eh?" I had a mini freak out. No, it wasn't last weekend, but the thought shook me up. This thing can happen at any time, and I need to be perpetually ready for it. The time I have now needs to be icing on the cake, not the bake time. It needs to be the cherry, not the split. You get my meaning.

I feel happy with my Tai Chi (but it still needs work), but now I'm scared I've let other things slide. I had Mastery memorized at one point, but I've let it fade. I was working on fixing some areas in Lao Guar, but I don't think I've practiced them enough to make the changes mine. And I haven't picked up my spade in a month. Ak.

With everything going on, my own training is slipping. And this is bad.

I Am Happy

I've started my 2013 requirements recently, and no I haven't completed most of my 2012 requirements. I don't have the time, but I'm making the time anyways.

A big one that I'm starting, struggling with but starting, is cutting back coffee. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to most, but to me its huge. Since I started university, coffee has been my emotional blanky- if I'm tired it perks me up, if I'm stressed it relaxes me, if I'm cold it warms me, if I'm mad it calms me and if I'm sick it soothes me. And this is just for starters. Now do you understand why I have resisted so much in the past? And yes, I'm sipping my coffee right now, as I type about how amazing it is and how I'm cutting it out. Not completely, just reducing it to one cup a day instead of one pot or more.

The other new requirement I've started is a journal- a private gratitude journal with a twist. When I was younger I was fairly artistic, something that I miss now and enjoyed then. Gratuity is something we can all use more of, therefore I've combined these two ideas. For example, a couple weeks ago, when I got home from class the snow was falling gently, it was dead silent and beautiful. I just stood there, under the dim streetlight and watched it fall, trying to see the individual flakes for what they were- beautiful. It was the kind of thing that just made me happy to be alive, made me breathe and as Sifu puts it, to recognize where I was and what I was doing. So, my second journal entry was a picture of snow, crisp and beautiful. The first entry was simply "My Art Journal", written pretty with pretty things around it. The fact that I live a life that allows me to have the time and resources to dedicate to making pretty pictures on paper- thats pretty amazing in itself.

Part II- In Theatres Soon

Part II of Operation Pistachio will be deployed tonight... I'll update as to how it goes. Or maybe the poor soul I'm targeting will provide us with some insight to its reception & possession.

Walls, Doors, Tables- You Name It, I've Hit It

So it seems to me that I've hit a wall. Hit and bounced back 20' and landed on my butt to be exact. I've been trying to apply everything that Sifu Brinker mentions in our class, but it seems that each fix I make 30 new problems result. I know this is the way it always goes, but it's more pronounced now that I've been turning my focus to Tai Chi. Not saying there's a tie, but maybe?

The climax was last Friday- not only was I having problems in our forms, I couldn't even maintain my balance. At one point I even stumbled forward from a cat stance- obviously my center was off, my weight distribution was off and my alignment was off. That would be fine, except that I've been practicing the cat stance for nearly 20 years and you'd think my body would have learned by now. Sifu has been mentioning our side kicks, and I realized I'm the biggest offender. He mentioned keeping the shoulders out of the picture, and I'm a perfect picture of shoulder chaos. What is happening?

However, the silver lining came from the forms seminar. I noticed that many of the corrections I was making directly applied to myself- I could see in my student everything I was striving for in my own forms, and it gave me back some degree of confidence. I don't think Sifu Brinker realized, but the two of us were a perfect match- her problems were my problems and I could see them plain as day. I hope that the corrections I gave her were helpful, and I know for sure that teaching the corrections and explaining what needed to happen helped me understand why it wasn't happening in me.

I'm now going to move forward from here, and figure out how to get things working for me again. I physically cannot get my shoulders to relax, and after both Sifu Dennis and now Sifu Brinker asked me why are you so tense, are you injured? its time I get my body fixed. And no, no injuries. Just crabby muscles. I run into walls everyday (literally) but this is so much harder to shake off.

MIA or AWOL?

I never realized how much I let myself get distracted. During the demo last Saturday, I had to force myself to refocus several times, after a stray thought went through my head or when I noticed a book title painted on the wall or when I glanced at the other demo-ees and started oohong and aahing. When this happened, I noticed myself speeding up and had to consciously slow down. This tells me that I practice too fast too much, and I'm reverting to what I've taught myself to do. Bummer. But, I didn't have to improvise the last half this time! Step in the right direction at least.

Now, switching gears about 180 degrees- I just wrote and deleted a very blunt paragraph regarding the attendance, or lack there of, at the last I Ho Chuan class. It was sharp and to the point and I took it out because... well because it was sharp and to the point. So, to get to the point, where is everyone?

There Were Butterflies in that Place, I Swear

The number one, most important thing in self defense is to stay calm. This was reiterated for me last Saturday during the demo. Not that I was in a threatening situation, but after watching the video of the demo you can see where and when I lost my nerve. At least, I can. The second half of the demo was strictly improv on my part- not that I don't know the Tai Chi form, but after I let myself get distracted I could not, no matter what I tried, find my place again. All of Sifu Dennis's words floated out of my head, everything about maintaining my high seat, how I need to shift my weight, keeping my upper body in sync with my legs. I was on survival mode only, and I have to say my survival mode is not pretty. Sorry Sifu Brinker, I was hoping to show you how far I've come.

But, ignoring me, I think the demo was a success. It seems to be getting good reviews, and even though we had a few glitches (what good SRKF demo doesn't) it seemed to me that the crowd was happy with it. I tease my students about paying more attention to the butterflies in the corners than to the instructors when they lose their focus. Besides me, no one seemed to notice the butterflies in that place, and everyone was on their game. Kudos, and thanks to everyone involved for making it happen. Because that's what we did- got up and finally made it happen.

Green Fields and Endless Squeak Toys

So the first of three parts of Operation Pistachio is nearly complete. I'm hoping it'll be received well, and helpful to those it targets.

The demo is coming along, I'm happy and pleasantly surprised that the song I choose worked- I was worried that it would crash and burn but everyone has been working hard and surprisingly understood my brain process when I tried to explain it at the beginning. Thanks for all your hard work everyone!

Tai Chi is coming, but I really feel like a whitebelt again. Its strange- in Kung Fu I can feel if my stances are off, I can understand what a move is trying to accomplish and I can self correct. In Tai Chi I have no eye for detail unless I look at my feet after every move to correct my stance, I have yet to identify the common fundamentals that flow through every technique. In Kung Fu, you can feel if something is wrong even if its new because these fundamentals apply. I can't in Tai Chi. Additionally, I've noticed that Tai Chi amplifies any problems that I have- the tightness in my shoulders affect all my movements, my center lifts in some movements, maintaining my high chair has to be a conscious, continuous effort, I have a problem with the harmony between my hands and feet. Ak. It reminds me of new students- you fix their bow stance, align their hips and they lose it as soon as the switch positions. They can't feel the difference yet. This is happening to me in the toyo (sp?) stance, and its driving me insane. Slowly, I'm developing a sense for the stance, but its been a rude awakening for me. But I'm excited also, because I am learning so much about the movement and the alignment of the body, so much that can help me in the rest of my training. So awesome.

On a bad note, our puppy passed away last night. By puppy I mean very old mutt, but I still remember when my mother and I bottle fed him and the rest of his litter mates. Goodbye Diesel, hope the raw hide is endless and the cats are clawless wherever you are.