Building a Foundation

Saturday was a great day, full of sunshine and like minded people. The Pandamonium is the pinnacle event for Silent River for good reason. Everything the school is about is embodied in this one event, and those who take part are also those who will benefit the most from its lessons.

It was a little disappointing that I didn't see all the faces I expected, but it was great to see all the faces that were there. The teamwork and camaraderie built should be able to carry us through the rest of the year as long as we nurture it from this point on.

This Saturday is another chance to build upon that camaraderie. Being in the parade is always a great experience. Not only do we get to walk in the sun and have some fun, but we get our faces out there for the community to see. The demos we do are not just for us to get our required numbers, but they give a little back as well. They are so important. It's a way to connect with the public, build on the foundation Sifu Brinker had laid and work on that one important lesson we've all been taught- out of the kwoon and into the world.

Mayhem

I've had a very full, very interesting week. I'm getting run down but I can tell you that it has nothing to do with my Kung Fu schedule and everything to do with everything else. I've managed I don't know how many firsts this week, all of which have been beneficial in one way or another. I'm making progress on one of my personal goals, not sure if it'll be a success but I'll just have to wait and see.

Thanks guys, those of you who fed me a cinnamon bun and sang to me Thursday. Sometimes its nice to be spoiled.

I'm struggling to find an ending for my chain whip. I had one ending together, but ditched the whole thing after a couple of days. It just wasn't going to work. I'm not very good at putting sequences together, I get hung up on one aspect and struggle to make things flow around it.

We bought a new bed and my back has improved huge. Didn't fix it but at least it's not being aggravated every time I sleep. Also had a MRI last night. Waiting for results.

May is panning out to be a very interesting, very full month.

Consistency is Key- Wait, I Think I've Heard That Before....

In the last couple of weeks I've had quite a few "aw geez, he's talking about me" moments in my classes. Fixes in Lao Guar, fixes with kicks, mastery is on or off, there is no try.

I want the team to know that I am practicing and I do take this seriously. I'm one of those people he was talking about practicing at home, privately, and then sucking in class. I've always hated doing anything publicly, expecially practicing, doing push-ups or fixing forms. If I'm in the middle of a set of sit-ups and my husband walks in I stop, like he's caught me doing something illegal, and I feel guilty. Makes no sense, right?

I'm guilty of finding excuses, always with the best of intentions. I am doing my reps, but not enough every day and whats worse, I suck at documenting the ones I do. The documentation is part of mastery, and therefore I've realized that I'm off, not on. And that sucks. And I'm sorry I'm not holding up my end of the bargain.

We need to find more active ways to hold eachother accountable other than just post work harder! every once in a while. Like Sifu Brinker said, some of us are expecting others to cover for us, to ride the shirttails of the guy next to us. It doesn't work that way- everyones progress is hampered then.

Its taken me years to get to this point where I'm able to be honest and tell everyone I'm sucking instead of highlighing the highs and hiding the lows. What I've learned is that I was never fooling anyone but myself in the process. So heads up guys, you're not fooling anyone. Those of you who are on mastery, its obvious. Your progress and constant doing of stuff can't be hidden. Those of you who are off, its obvious. Your lack of progress and lack of doing stuff can't be hidden. Sadly, I think I'm in the latter group. But I'm working on changing that!

Fyi- tonight I didn't take the easy route and say everything is fine. I didn't eat what my husband made just because it was easy, I made myself something healthier. I didn't stay home from classes just because my back is sore, I went and learned a lot. Its those stupid little decisions we make everyday that determine what path we're on. I need to find consistency in the things I do, thats all.

Mayday

I'm hitting a major rut, a wall, whatever you want to call it. And this is a call for help. I've been having problems with my back mostly, but I think it's causing problems with my hips, shoulders, knees. I'm finding that I'm scared to do a lot of things because it causes pain in my back, and now I'm losing skill and flexibility because of lack of activity. My push ups are taking a hit because my back hurts so much when I do them.

So, can I get some help? Sifu Wiebe, can I get the contact info for your chiropractor? Yes, I know it's about time but I'm stubborn and don't like going to those types of places.

Sifu Playter, can I get some help with my kicks? I'm losing strength and mobility and my hips crack and scream if I throw one even with minimal force. You were helping a student the other day with his kicks, have any more advice for me?

Does anyone have any advice for a bad runner? I figured I could at least go for some light jogging, but two days later I have huge pain in my shins. Shin splints have always been a problem for me and after talking to Ms. Csillag I'm sure it's my form.

I've made appointments to get my knee sorted out, so that's a step. I think my bed is a huge factor, so I'll be swapping it out in the next day or so for a firmer one we have upstairs. And I plan on getting a new pillow (again).

I'm going to start cooking more. My husband has the metabolism of a hummingbird and therefore cooks what he loves, namely gravy and meat. Not good for me, but if I cook he will eat. As long as I have a side of cheese so he can smother anything green.

Any other tidbits from you guys would help. I'm just so frustrated lately. Advil is what gets me through the day, and I hate being dependent like that.

Something Wonderful Happens Here, I Promise

It seems like as a team we've hit that first roadblock, where some of us are falling off the wagon or feeling the pressure of what we're trying to accomplish here. I always struggle to try and help, not saying that I'm a shining example for everyone, but when I hear about struggles with balance and life with kung fu or life vs. kung fu I just don't know what to say. I feel like I have an advantage over everyone- I started at a young age and honestly, kung fu was already ingrained in me before my life started. I had kung fu before I had university schedules, a job, a husband. Thus, I made everything fit in with kung fu instead of what many of you are struggling to do, which is fit kung fu into your everything else. I had the attitude of this is my life, accept it or not. The jobs I've taken had to bend around kung fu (to a point). My husband had to accept it as part of who I am- one of the reasons we're a good match is because he accepts it, if not fully understands it. I've approached my life from one angle whereas many others have to approach it from the opposite side.

Which gets me thinking, why is it that kung fu had grown so important to me, beyond a hobby or just something I like to do? Why have I taken such a hard stance, where I let it define all aspects of my life? I've given up jobs for it. I've removed people from my life because they wanted me to quit so I'd be more available to them. I've grown distant from friends who get angry with me for being unavailable Friday nights.

Yes, there has to be a balance. I choose to make it work because I can answer that first question- why is it so important to me? The answer is this- everything that I am that I like, everything that I've accomplished, everything that I feel I am capable of is because of two things- my parents and kung fu. I have a university degree that I couldn't have obtained if it weren't for the lessons I gained from my parents and kung fu. I have a sense of self worth because of my parents and kung fu. I have confidence, empathy, discipline, ethics, motivation and health because of my parents and kung fu. Its that simple. I understand what kung fu gives me. Doesn't that describe everything you want your children to grow up with? The best way to teach is to lead by example, no?

If you're struggling with balance, just remember why you joined in the first place, why you decided to join the I Ho Chuan. You recognized there was value in joining. Remember what that value is, remind yourself everyday what that value is.

Youtube has Limits?

I'm finally getting somewhere with the chain whip, and I'm getting excited about it. I had hit a plateau with the weapon, managed to get a few moves down and had the ability to swing it without giving myself a consussion but then I was struggling to get any better or to be able to sting together pieces. Youtube can only teach you so much.

I think I'm past that now. I have bits of a form together, still need to work out the beginning and the end but I have some material now I can build on. This is my weakness however; I can copy and mimic other people, but I'm not very creative when it comes to putting together my own form. I get repetitive and boring. No fun.

I hope by this Friday I'll have the beginning nailed down. And I'm hoping to meet our next deadline and be able to perform infront of all of you proudly. It's just like when I was in school- if I was really interested in a subject then I'd excel, but if it bored me I tended to brush it off. The chain whip has my attention, and I still feel like a giddy kid when I pick it up, something like what Sihing Chervenka described with his long axe.

Tree Branches

I have half a dozen things floating around in my mind that I want to write about. I guess that means I don't have an excuse for being late on my blog today or in the coming weeks. I just wish I had a keyboard instead of tapping this screen. Oh, wait...

Bluetooth baby. Anyways, in the last week or so I've had a couple conversations that have really stuck with me. I think as human beings we all have our moments of doubt (now I have Rolling Stones in my head), and I seem to be prone to that quite a bit. My mom recently watched one of the morning classes I taught, and she mentioned that she could see that I knew what I was doing and I had a way of talking, but she also mentioned to me that I repeatedly look for reassurance from the students. How did she say it, I have "am I doing okay?" moments. I never noticed it before, but she's absolutely right. Couple days later one of the other kids instructors also mentioned to me that I apologize to her every time we talk. I was like really? For what? But again, she was right. We started paying attention and counting, and by the end of an hour long meeting I had apologized 7 times without realizing it and without any real justification to it.

What the hey? I thought I had some self esteem and self confidence in here. I still think I do, although I obviously get twinges of doubt on a daily basis.

We've all been there, have we not? I see it in the people around me as well, either afraid to power through a wooden board or worried about upcoming demos or performances. I'm constantly reminding these people that there is no real reason to be worried or scared or whatnot. They don't give themselves enough credit. I tell them, but it doesn't sink in, doesn't stick. But then I realize, it doesn't always stick with me either.

Separate from these two conversations, there were two others that hit home as well. Both came from a couple of gents who I hold in high regard. The first was about teaching in Onoway, how at first he wasn't sure what kind of instructor I could be, young and such, but he realized I did have something to offer. How'd you phrase it? You miss you own personal instructor out there? I miss it out there too. The second was an unexpected comment about how I have found my niche with the morning class and have been able to really make it my own. That was great to hear, considering I walked in there a stranger to everyone, and they were expected to learn from me. It meant a lot to me to hear that.

We're always concerned about others judgements, making sure we don't make mistakes or make a fool of ourselves. I'm beginning to see that this is the wrong approach. This hampers us, makes us scared to go out on a limb. How can we progress?

Of all the limbs I've been on, most were because someone pushed me out there. Thank you.