Revelations

So, what has the UBBT done for me?

I remember when Sifu Brinker first proposed the UBBT to us, I went home and had a long hard talk with Nick about it. He was helping me think it through- my time was already limited, I'm a very personal kinda person and hate any kind of publicity, I already had numerous other commitments. Talking it through, logically I shouldn't have joined. So, I did.

I remember saying, this is my opportunity. This is something that can completely change who I am and turn me back into the person I was at 16, prior to obtaining black belt. When I explained it to my parents, I remember my mom saying it was a great idea, but whats the point? How do you explain to someone the benefit of doing a challenge when the benefit is the challenge behind it? I think I managed to, though.

So, what has it done for me? I'll start with the simpler stuff, because I'm still not sure what to write on the big stuff. I feel like I know some of my fellow SRKF blackbelts better. We always had a conversation starter, rather than "hello, how was your week?". I've developed a deep respect for vegetarians. I've spent many a dollar of coffee for strangers, which gives me a fuzzy happiness inside. I've gotten back friends that I thought I had lost forever, which is a priceless thing.

In the beginning, I wanted to turn back into the person I was prior to black. I haven't. Now that I'm here, I've realized that I did not manage to become her again, and I wouldn't want to. Evolution means progress forward, and not backwards. I am definitely not where I thought I'd be, but I can say I am not where I was a year ago. I may not have trimmed down as I wanted to, but I have definitely increased my strength, and as a result developed my confidence back enough to say "if you don't like me as I am, then thats truly your loss". If I'm going to change, it will be for me and no one else.

Its caused me to reach out to people I never had before. As I've gotten to know others, I think some know me better. Its also made me see things about me I hadn't before. I remembered I have strength, and its clearly defined my weaknesses. Its defined what I want to change in myself, and although I have not yet changed some of these things, I feel that the UBBT has given me the tools I'll need to do it.

I've also noticed that its made me more emotional instead of detached. Not that I'm crying at Nick or yelling at my boss, but the issues of the world are reaching me deeper, making me feel more compassionate and more responsible. Watching videos like Charter for Compassion, NASA's Sustainability Base and the impromptu dance of hundreds of people in a Belgium train station has been triggering deep emotions.

I'm sure I'm not thinking of something fundamental here, but for now this is what I have. I'll post more if there are any future developments...