Mindful Learning

When teaching, I always try to ensure I get the lesson across, not just stuff the students brains with sequences and and new moves and foot positions and depth of stances. Everything in the curriculum has a purpose, and that purpose is not always a defense or application. Much of the time the purpose is to further the students understanding of body mechanics, harmonies, vocabulary of motion. The art of kung fu, not the application of self defense. Art will lead to application.

As a student, I strive to hear my instructors and to identify the lessons buried in the motion. I find myself often asking questions that I could answer for myself if I just stopped long enough to think about it. If I quit thinking about the application and think about the lesson behind it. Normally if I ask do you do this or this? the answer is yes. That's enough to tell me a Picard face palm is in order.

As both a student and teacher my advice would be this- find that lesson and work on it mindfully. If you feel the need to try and modify the technique, maybe try different finishes or change its direction, that's fine but make sure you have the lesson first. I see too many students try to advance the technique without first understanding it, without identifying the lessons and making them their own. Work on the lesson mindfully and the sequences, foot positions and deep stances will follow much easier. It'll become what your body wants to do instead of what you have to force from your body.

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

I am determined to make the most of this shoulder injury I have. I can't lift anything heavier than a toothpick, twist or torque it. The swelling and stiffness is a constant reminder not to push it, a hard feat when you lose your dominant arm and get tired of asking someone to help put on your jacket. I've noticed lost muscle mass, so even when I get my arm back it'll be a weak little thing.

Regardless of that whining paragraph, I see this as an opportunity. I've struggled constantly with my shoulders. They try to take over the show when I do my forms, are constantly tense and ache, reminding me that they're too involved and dominant. I have no choice now, if I want to get anything done towards my forms I have to move slow and deliberately, keep my shoulders completely relaxed. Nothing can be rash or sudden otherwise I get a jolt of pain to remind me to behave myself. Everything has to be deliberate and mindful. I lose the moment and do something stupid and my shoulder will tell me.

I've been more engaged and focused lately when doing my forms. They may not reflect that yet- all motion is smaller and below my shoulders, my kicks are slow and soft. But I think in the long run this is a good thing. I have no choice but to address the problem with my shoulders and I get immediate and unrelenting feedback. My six harmonies have a chance to improve now. Too bad it took a ruptured ac ligament to get me here.

Mischief Managed

Let there be no doubt as to the importance of practice and the basics. One gross miscalculation on my part has left me feeling like a toddler, phoning my mommy because I'm stuck with a t-shirt half way over my head and asking her to please put my hair into a ponytail.

I have never hidden the fact that I suck at right handed shoulder rolls. Or that I dislike flying techniques. Well, now I feel the urge to practice them on a daily basis, but alas I cannot. Not for a good 6 weeks, and I bet I'll be a scared wimp the next time I try.

Moral of the story- practice your basics people! I don't care if you don't like doing such and such, they exist for a good reason. Otherwise you'll be asking your spouse to open your pill bottles and your mother to please feed me, I can't even butter my toast!

android

If you guys can see this it works off android as well.

The Moon Can Wait

Last night I had supper at our neighbors house with their family. Caught up with a few friends, how have you been, whats new, hows the job? I'm starting to hate this question, as I never know how to answer it. When I explain that I haven't gotten a job, that I'm still just at SRKF teaching I get a couple common responses- mostly I get the feeling that they believe I'm freeloading off my husband, letting him earn the bacon as I frolic. When are you going to get a real job? Do something with your life? Why did you give up a sweet job just to muddle with a hobby?

My response to this is a whole other post. I got a new one yesterday that really threw me for a loop. My friend suggested that I start my own school, separate from SRKF, surely your students would follow you? You're smart, you can make it successful, make a living from it. I love her as a friend, but it struck home how much the people around me don't understand me or what I do. I could only shake my head and tell her it would never happen.

Sometimes I feel alone. I've surrounded myself with loving, good people but very few of them can understand that this is not a hobby. I am not wasting my time. I do not like having to defend my choices or my loyalty to the school.

When I was a kid I wanted to do something amazing with my life. I aimed high. I wanted to work at NASA or cure cancer or design the new Burj. As I grew up I saw things around me that I couldn't accept. Arrogance, ignorance, abuse, apathy.

I've been given an opportunity to reach my childhood dream of making a difference. To promote kindness, compassion, empathy, awareness. I'm taking it. I would ask my friends who judge me, what are you doing with your life?

Trying to Move Forward

I'm trying to figure out what motivates me and what holds me still. I know that I suck at self motivation. I know the meetings we have and the classes I attend start off little sparks, but they don't always live past the moment. When they do I don't know what enables it. Like many people I sometimes find it hard to get up and drag myself to class but I do knowing that I'll feel better for doing it. I'm trying to always be in the right place at the right time to ensure that I keep moving forward. Considering the time and effort I've thus far invested in my training it would be ridiculous to waste it by falling short now.

On the flip side, it's hard to find the balance between encouraging teammates and pushing them away. It's not always easy to read someone and know what they need to hear to bring them back. Too much talk turns into white noise, too much pushing can lead to resentment. All I know is that I believe everyone can benefit from kung fu, even if I can't properly voice why they should stay in such a way that will reach them.

It was nice to see that many of us on Saturday, all in the same spot at the same time. Its been a while since that last happened. It reinforces that this is a team, not a solitary endeavor. Some people can excel on their own, but everyone can excel when there is a herd of teammates behind you. And the company is infinitely better.

Read Me Repeatedly, Khona!

Well, thought I'd let everyone know I'm not dead. I had the flu for a couple days which evolved into one heck of a bout of bronchitis, which I'm still battling but I'm on meds and things are looking up. Missing so many classes has not been enjoyable- it really is easy not to do anything when you feel ill and can't walk across the yard without wheezing and coughing.

My lack of participation these last couple weeks has got me thinking about what I want to do differently next year. Oddly enough, it's the same things that I wanted changed this year but just didn't. So logically, its my approach and commitment levels that need an adjustment. So, how to do this? I have a plan. Oddly enough, its a plan that I've heard about before. It's a strange concept called accountability...

My grand plan is to get one other individual on board to be my cheer team and butt whooper when required. I offer my services as cheerleader and reality checker in exchange. Weekly get togethers if possible, number crunching on a regular basis, running and/or biking buddy moments. The logic behind only one individual is this- too many and getting together gets difficult. Others of course would be welcome to join in, but not necessary. And I'm talking about getting things done other than what we have time for on Fridays. Maybe burn a little more gas but that isn't something I'm not already used to.

I have not given up on this year, but I woefully recognize all the lost and wasted time. I'm good a procrastination. Tangent- I've always done my best when under pressure to meet a deadline, preferably one that is unrealistic. In university I took my prof's advice once and worked on my term paper months in advance, checking and polishing and researching. I almost failed. All other papers that I put together two days before they were due (all one billion pages) I aced. So practice makes perfect. Unfortunately I've perfected the art of procrastination.

So there it is. A grand plan laid out just waiting to be executed. Still I worry, it's not the first time I've decided to change my pace and failed.

Oh, the title is a reminder to me. So I can scroll through my past posts and catch my attention in the future... my past self (which is currently my present self) talking to my future self (which will then be my present self too)... woah, messing with the space-time continuum!

Delve Deeply

Open a small portal and delve deeply. I imagine most of you have seen this written on the whiteboard at the kwoon in Sifu Brinkers hand. Sifu Brinker gave us a brief explanation as to what it means- it means that there is so much to learn in a single form or technique or aspect of kung fu that you could spend a lifetime on one and never reach the end. Seems like an exaggeration when you first hear it, but the more that I learn the more I realize the truth in this. We are given a year to repeat a form a thousand times, and hopefully each time we improve a little bit and move a little closer to mastery. The more I learn the more I realize that after a thousand mindful reps I may have a few pieces of the form perfected, but I doubt I'll ever reach mastery. A thousand more after that and I may be ready to tackle the next couple pieces. A thousand more and I'd be ready for the next lesson that form has to offer.

This is what it means to be a true martial artist. Martial arts is a term thrown around so often and so easily that people tend to miss the obvious and overlook the meaning of the words. The term undoubtedly was given to kung fu practitioners by a mindful individual who saw beyond the practice of self defense and development of movements used in combat. A painting by a master artist is layered, thought is given to the piece and each inch of the canvas holds immeasurable secrets and skill. Such can be the practice of kung fu. When asked what is the meaning of the blackbelt many know to answer that it is the beginning and not the end of a journey. So tell me, what is this journey you speak of? Where then is the end? How many of you have really thought though this answer and its implications?

This would almost be intimidating if it wasn't so exciting. So exhilarating. If one day Sifu Brinker told me okay you're done, you've hit the end of the journey, there is no more- I would be heartbroken. I'm thankful that there will always be a road I haven't traveled.

Integrity

The art of kung fu, the art that we are learning, is over two thousand years old. Its been through every challenge and test through time, who are we to think we know better?

I've been asked many times why I haven't branched out, why I'm still at Silent River. It's because of the integrity of the school and its leaders. I've been asked to grade and award the rank of black for students who did not want to go through the process under Sifu Brinker. I refused and will continue to refuse because I believe the line would then be broken and the rank I would award would be meaningless to the individual who received it. Not because I think I'm a poor black belt, but because I have respect for the process I went through an understand its reason. To skip the process would render it worthless.

It is a tough process. But so is university, so is building a career. In each of these the process is what it's about, learning skills and the ability to apply knowledge. I see kung fu as the same. The time it takes to train, learn a form, paint a bridge. It all works to increase our abilities and our knowledge. It works to train our bodies how to move and our minds how to open. To lose the process would mean losing the skills. It would be receiving a degree without attending the courses. What good is that really, other than to have a shiny piece of paper to hang on the wall? We are all willing to invest time to ensure a steady flow of cash. It seems that to many it's harder to invest in our own well being, for reasons I can't fathom.

The integrity of this school we are all apart of is what keeps it strong and thriving and is what allows us as students to thrive as well. If you're drifting, don't let yourself continue to fall away. Come back to this place, it will always be welcoming and doesn't judge. That is one of the reasons I love this place so much, because Lord knows I've been adrift too.

Everything is Awesome!

I had a major breakthrough before classes Friday, and I was so excited I hugged Sifu Kichko for helping me get there. For years I've hated my right leg front thrust kick. It never felt like there was any power, it never felt as good as my left and it sucked. It seemed like no matter what I did, it never improved, I just got more and more aware of how bad it was without an answer as to why. Then a few of us had a discussion about the pivot of the base foot. I wasn't thinking anything of it until I threw a few. That was it! So simple! I wasn't pivoting and therefore my hip was not behind the kick. I finally figured out what I should have noticed ten years ago.

See? It just goes to show you that you can always learn something and always improve on the most basic of things. I was taught that kick over 20 years ago and figured out something about it just last week. That. Is. Awesome.

I'm also happy that I finally decided to join my teammates who are posting their numbers daily. I've definitely had moments where I've thought to myself why the @#** did I start that? But I always feel happy after I post and can see my number for the day. Something, no matter how much or little, feels better than nothing. And that is awesome too.

Lastly, my ma and I had a spa day today. Nick bought me a gift certificate to a spa for my b-day, and I took my mother along for her b-day. A day filled with pampering and relaxing with my momma. That too is so awesome. So awesome.

Just to annoy you guys..
Everything is awesome! Everything is cool when you're part of a team! Everything is awesome! When you're living your dream!
If you haven't seen the movie, you really, really should.

Potpourri

I've been having a rough couple of weeks, and it pains me to say that its all due to summer. My allergies have been grinding me into the ground to the point that I need to lock myself indoors to keep my eyes from swelling and my sneezing from scaring the dogs. I've been living off of double doses of antihistamine and sinus meds. I hate to think what that stuff is doing to me, but I have to live.

I wanted to join the conversation about running as I've been wanting to get back into a regular routine with it, but my lack of knowledge and inability to be outside stopped me. I've stolen my moms HEPA half mask which provides some relief, but I imagine it'll scare people to see me running through town like that. SARS all over again.

Okay, enough of me whining.

The meeting was great in my opinion, driving home some of the great stuff that can happen when people are engaged. Sadly, it makes me think of those who are not and who are missing some prime opportunities and amazing experiences. Sihing Krebs, you are NOT in this category. You have been engaged even from a distance and how you manage it is a mystery to me. So kudos to you. And to you too Sihing Chervenka. You're going to do awesome even from a distance with that attitude!

I've made some changes to my whip and added an ending, Sifu Brinker will be happy to hear. I'm not smooth with the changes at all and half the time go back to the old way out of habit. I think I'm making progress, albeit slowly.

I just walked to the bathroom to get my eyedrops and saw my cat lounging in the yard in the sun. I hate him a little bit right now.

Lately I've been feeling sad and worried and concerned, and I really don't know what to do about it. Talking and blogging hasn't seemed to solved anything, in fact I think it might be chasing some away. I don't know.

I find myself extremely worried about many people on this team. It seems like this years low it approaching rock bottom and many are dropping off, dropping out or debating quitting all together. Why? What is happening to you all that's making you even consider such a rash action?

I know there are injuries abound, but why would you let them run your life so fully? Yes, shoulders and backs are a huge part of everyday life,but why let it limit you so fully? If you can't to a push up or raise a weapon above your head, then don't. If you can't do one thing then don't do that one thing. But it's like Sifu Brinker says, the point of practice and drills is so you have a bounty of option, one door slams in your face but you always have dozens of windows still open.

Injuries, although they suck, can be viewed as a blessing if you choose to see it that way. If your shoulders are busted up, make it your goal to be the best with your legs. Build up another area of your training that you would have normally let drift. If everyone with a serious injury had just quit, none of us including me would still be around.

I know many of us are going through some very serious, very crippling things in our lives. I'm telling you, so am I. At this very moment, so am I, and although I have yet to share this with you all it does not meant I am not leaning on you all when I need to. Several months ago I needed to and the team had my back (even though few were aware). I'm pleading with you all, I need you now and I'm scared the team is going to crumble with the slightest pressure.

When things get rough, Silent River has been my rock and go to place for comfort and support. This has not changed for me. Not once did it occur to me to quit over something in my life that went horrible wrong, besides when the horribly wrong was my attitude and perspective. Take a breath, all of you, and please, think on this post.

How Are You All?

So where is everyone at? There are a handful of y'all that I see and hear from regularly, and there are a handful that I don't usually see and who are awfully quiet out there in cyberspace.

Only two people responded to my last post, which kind of saddened me. But, to the two of you who did contact me, I have not forgotten my promise and I will give you as much time as I can and as much help as you want from me. Not that I'm an expert in your weapons or forms, but I've been around the block and can at least give you some guidance, if you two want it. Thanks you two you're helping me stay engaged as well. It's what I need.

Ms. Gibbons, Mr. Smid, Mr. Sand and Sihing Chervenka; where have you four been hiding my entire I Ho Chuan life? Well done to the three of you! I know you guys feel frustrated and feel like everything is a struggle, but the whole point of this mastery project is to hit roadblocks and hardships and find your way slowly though them. You guys have spoken up about them AND are publicly doing something about it. Be it post your numbers or encourage others to get together and get stuff done. Thank you guys.

"With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility" - Uncle Ben

This post is not going to be about me or my progress or my struggles or my dogs. I want to use this post as a way to reach out to all of you. I know that some of us are struggling, some of us are frustrated and some of us feel in a rut due to work or injury or schedule. I know this, so don't try to deny it.

If you are any of the above please contact me. I want to extend my services such as they are to you. Use my knowledge or my ear or my great smile, whatever I have I offer to you. I don't know if I have the solution or the answer but I know I can help even if it's in the teensiest way. My cell number is (780)446-9625. My email is khona@silentriverkungfu.com. My facebook profile is under Khona Rybak, there aren't that many Khonas so I should be easy to find. I live at Sandy Lake. Contact me, find me, text me, phone me.

If you don't I will assume it's because of one of the following reasons;
1. You don't read my blog, in which case I'm hurt. I thought I was somewhat entertaining.
2. You know you're in the above group but are content with it. In which case... I don't know what to say.

So whatever you need, please ask it of me. Long email, chat over coffee (or tea, or water), quick text. I want to help.

Building a Foundation

Saturday was a great day, full of sunshine and like minded people. The Pandamonium is the pinnacle event for Silent River for good reason. Everything the school is about is embodied in this one event, and those who take part are also those who will benefit the most from its lessons.

It was a little disappointing that I didn't see all the faces I expected, but it was great to see all the faces that were there. The teamwork and camaraderie built should be able to carry us through the rest of the year as long as we nurture it from this point on.

This Saturday is another chance to build upon that camaraderie. Being in the parade is always a great experience. Not only do we get to walk in the sun and have some fun, but we get our faces out there for the community to see. The demos we do are not just for us to get our required numbers, but they give a little back as well. They are so important. It's a way to connect with the public, build on the foundation Sifu Brinker had laid and work on that one important lesson we've all been taught- out of the kwoon and into the world.

Mayhem

I've had a very full, very interesting week. I'm getting run down but I can tell you that it has nothing to do with my Kung Fu schedule and everything to do with everything else. I've managed I don't know how many firsts this week, all of which have been beneficial in one way or another. I'm making progress on one of my personal goals, not sure if it'll be a success but I'll just have to wait and see.

Thanks guys, those of you who fed me a cinnamon bun and sang to me Thursday. Sometimes its nice to be spoiled.

I'm struggling to find an ending for my chain whip. I had one ending together, but ditched the whole thing after a couple of days. It just wasn't going to work. I'm not very good at putting sequences together, I get hung up on one aspect and struggle to make things flow around it.

We bought a new bed and my back has improved huge. Didn't fix it but at least it's not being aggravated every time I sleep. Also had a MRI last night. Waiting for results.

May is panning out to be a very interesting, very full month.

Consistency is Key- Wait, I Think I've Heard That Before....

In the last couple of weeks I've had quite a few "aw geez, he's talking about me" moments in my classes. Fixes in Lao Guar, fixes with kicks, mastery is on or off, there is no try.

I want the team to know that I am practicing and I do take this seriously. I'm one of those people he was talking about practicing at home, privately, and then sucking in class. I've always hated doing anything publicly, expecially practicing, doing push-ups or fixing forms. If I'm in the middle of a set of sit-ups and my husband walks in I stop, like he's caught me doing something illegal, and I feel guilty. Makes no sense, right?

I'm guilty of finding excuses, always with the best of intentions. I am doing my reps, but not enough every day and whats worse, I suck at documenting the ones I do. The documentation is part of mastery, and therefore I've realized that I'm off, not on. And that sucks. And I'm sorry I'm not holding up my end of the bargain.

We need to find more active ways to hold eachother accountable other than just post work harder! every once in a while. Like Sifu Brinker said, some of us are expecting others to cover for us, to ride the shirttails of the guy next to us. It doesn't work that way- everyones progress is hampered then.

Its taken me years to get to this point where I'm able to be honest and tell everyone I'm sucking instead of highlighing the highs and hiding the lows. What I've learned is that I was never fooling anyone but myself in the process. So heads up guys, you're not fooling anyone. Those of you who are on mastery, its obvious. Your progress and constant doing of stuff can't be hidden. Those of you who are off, its obvious. Your lack of progress and lack of doing stuff can't be hidden. Sadly, I think I'm in the latter group. But I'm working on changing that!

Fyi- tonight I didn't take the easy route and say everything is fine. I didn't eat what my husband made just because it was easy, I made myself something healthier. I didn't stay home from classes just because my back is sore, I went and learned a lot. Its those stupid little decisions we make everyday that determine what path we're on. I need to find consistency in the things I do, thats all.

Mayday

I'm hitting a major rut, a wall, whatever you want to call it. And this is a call for help. I've been having problems with my back mostly, but I think it's causing problems with my hips, shoulders, knees. I'm finding that I'm scared to do a lot of things because it causes pain in my back, and now I'm losing skill and flexibility because of lack of activity. My push ups are taking a hit because my back hurts so much when I do them.

So, can I get some help? Sifu Wiebe, can I get the contact info for your chiropractor? Yes, I know it's about time but I'm stubborn and don't like going to those types of places.

Sifu Playter, can I get some help with my kicks? I'm losing strength and mobility and my hips crack and scream if I throw one even with minimal force. You were helping a student the other day with his kicks, have any more advice for me?

Does anyone have any advice for a bad runner? I figured I could at least go for some light jogging, but two days later I have huge pain in my shins. Shin splints have always been a problem for me and after talking to Ms. Csillag I'm sure it's my form.

I've made appointments to get my knee sorted out, so that's a step. I think my bed is a huge factor, so I'll be swapping it out in the next day or so for a firmer one we have upstairs. And I plan on getting a new pillow (again).

I'm going to start cooking more. My husband has the metabolism of a hummingbird and therefore cooks what he loves, namely gravy and meat. Not good for me, but if I cook he will eat. As long as I have a side of cheese so he can smother anything green.

Any other tidbits from you guys would help. I'm just so frustrated lately. Advil is what gets me through the day, and I hate being dependent like that.

Something Wonderful Happens Here, I Promise

It seems like as a team we've hit that first roadblock, where some of us are falling off the wagon or feeling the pressure of what we're trying to accomplish here. I always struggle to try and help, not saying that I'm a shining example for everyone, but when I hear about struggles with balance and life with kung fu or life vs. kung fu I just don't know what to say. I feel like I have an advantage over everyone- I started at a young age and honestly, kung fu was already ingrained in me before my life started. I had kung fu before I had university schedules, a job, a husband. Thus, I made everything fit in with kung fu instead of what many of you are struggling to do, which is fit kung fu into your everything else. I had the attitude of this is my life, accept it or not. The jobs I've taken had to bend around kung fu (to a point). My husband had to accept it as part of who I am- one of the reasons we're a good match is because he accepts it, if not fully understands it. I've approached my life from one angle whereas many others have to approach it from the opposite side.

Which gets me thinking, why is it that kung fu had grown so important to me, beyond a hobby or just something I like to do? Why have I taken such a hard stance, where I let it define all aspects of my life? I've given up jobs for it. I've removed people from my life because they wanted me to quit so I'd be more available to them. I've grown distant from friends who get angry with me for being unavailable Friday nights.

Yes, there has to be a balance. I choose to make it work because I can answer that first question- why is it so important to me? The answer is this- everything that I am that I like, everything that I've accomplished, everything that I feel I am capable of is because of two things- my parents and kung fu. I have a university degree that I couldn't have obtained if it weren't for the lessons I gained from my parents and kung fu. I have a sense of self worth because of my parents and kung fu. I have confidence, empathy, discipline, ethics, motivation and health because of my parents and kung fu. Its that simple. I understand what kung fu gives me. Doesn't that describe everything you want your children to grow up with? The best way to teach is to lead by example, no?

If you're struggling with balance, just remember why you joined in the first place, why you decided to join the I Ho Chuan. You recognized there was value in joining. Remember what that value is, remind yourself everyday what that value is.

Youtube has Limits?

I'm finally getting somewhere with the chain whip, and I'm getting excited about it. I had hit a plateau with the weapon, managed to get a few moves down and had the ability to swing it without giving myself a consussion but then I was struggling to get any better or to be able to sting together pieces. Youtube can only teach you so much.

I think I'm past that now. I have bits of a form together, still need to work out the beginning and the end but I have some material now I can build on. This is my weakness however; I can copy and mimic other people, but I'm not very creative when it comes to putting together my own form. I get repetitive and boring. No fun.

I hope by this Friday I'll have the beginning nailed down. And I'm hoping to meet our next deadline and be able to perform infront of all of you proudly. It's just like when I was in school- if I was really interested in a subject then I'd excel, but if it bored me I tended to brush it off. The chain whip has my attention, and I still feel like a giddy kid when I pick it up, something like what Sihing Chervenka described with his long axe.

Tree Branches

I have half a dozen things floating around in my mind that I want to write about. I guess that means I don't have an excuse for being late on my blog today or in the coming weeks. I just wish I had a keyboard instead of tapping this screen. Oh, wait...

Bluetooth baby. Anyways, in the last week or so I've had a couple conversations that have really stuck with me. I think as human beings we all have our moments of doubt (now I have Rolling Stones in my head), and I seem to be prone to that quite a bit. My mom recently watched one of the morning classes I taught, and she mentioned that she could see that I knew what I was doing and I had a way of talking, but she also mentioned to me that I repeatedly look for reassurance from the students. How did she say it, I have "am I doing okay?" moments. I never noticed it before, but she's absolutely right. Couple days later one of the other kids instructors also mentioned to me that I apologize to her every time we talk. I was like really? For what? But again, she was right. We started paying attention and counting, and by the end of an hour long meeting I had apologized 7 times without realizing it and without any real justification to it.

What the hey? I thought I had some self esteem and self confidence in here. I still think I do, although I obviously get twinges of doubt on a daily basis.

We've all been there, have we not? I see it in the people around me as well, either afraid to power through a wooden board or worried about upcoming demos or performances. I'm constantly reminding these people that there is no real reason to be worried or scared or whatnot. They don't give themselves enough credit. I tell them, but it doesn't sink in, doesn't stick. But then I realize, it doesn't always stick with me either.

Separate from these two conversations, there were two others that hit home as well. Both came from a couple of gents who I hold in high regard. The first was about teaching in Onoway, how at first he wasn't sure what kind of instructor I could be, young and such, but he realized I did have something to offer. How'd you phrase it? You miss you own personal instructor out there? I miss it out there too. The second was an unexpected comment about how I have found my niche with the morning class and have been able to really make it my own. That was great to hear, considering I walked in there a stranger to everyone, and they were expected to learn from me. It meant a lot to me to hear that.

We're always concerned about others judgements, making sure we don't make mistakes or make a fool of ourselves. I'm beginning to see that this is the wrong approach. This hampers us, makes us scared to go out on a limb. How can we progress?

Of all the limbs I've been on, most were because someone pushed me out there. Thank you.

Call Me Crazy

There are some days that I feel like an outright lunatic. Most of my friends think I am. Sometimes my family thinks I am. Why would I ever choose to spend my weekdays and weekends in Stony Plain at the kwoon when I had a job that paid well, didn't require all my Saturdays and evenings and let me see my husband for more than an hour at night? Why don't I get another day job, one that will pay for my car and bills?

I've chosen not to because it wouldn't allow me to be at the kwoon as much as I am now. Because I believe all those silly sayings on Pintrest and Facebook about happiness being more important than money, being honest is more important than being successful, a happy home is more than pretty things and fancy cars. I've heard people say these things, but never live by them. People who chase careers not because it's their passion but because it's a good paycheque.

I want to live by what I believe. I may not see Nick as much but when I do it's more fulfilling. We used to sit and vent about what happened earlier in the day, who did what and the stress of it all. That was our life- stress, worry and repeat. Why would anyone want to live like that?

I'll admit, I'm not as financially secure. But I'm alive. I'm happy. I see my family more. I enjoy life more. And I hope I'm more useful to those around me. If I have to sell my car, so be it. I'll gladly give it up. I recognize that not everyone can make this decision. I'm lucky enough to have that option so I'm not going to waste it.

Cats Meow

A Cats Tale

I come home and what do I see
Cat puke just waiting for me
I start to clean and what do I hear
My cat ralphing somewhere near
On the dogs bed
On the living room floor
In the back entry
What a chore
Think I'm done, where else can it be?
How about the back of the washing machine!

Sorry, this has nothing to do with kung fu (well, patience with the cat can be tied in somehow). Just had to vent. Strange way to vent, I know.

And people wonder why I'm a dog person.

Personal Goals

Well, I suppose now is as good a time as any to post my personal goals...

Personal Goals

Learn a second language (ASL)

Train my dog Chuck using the German system of Schutzhund training

Reduce the amount of coffee I drink and restrict it to 1 cup a day (tea doesn’t count!) Additionally, increase the amount of water to a minimum of 2L a day.

Define the goal of each technique in the curriculum. I want to make this my masters project.

1000 reps of Lao Guar
1000 reps with the chain whip
Learn Sifu Wetters pole form

These may not seem all that difficult to the average person, but some are going to be uber hard for very specific personal reasons. And, I'll admit, I'm leaving something off for personal reasons. So far, failing at the coffee/water goal, failing with the Lao Guar goal. Have some plans in place, such as the deal I've made with some of you over bringing in our journal every Friday so we can nag each other over the sit ups and push ups. Also have a deal with Ms. Gibbons, she'll help me with my chain whip if I'll teach her Lao Guar. Win win for me, as I'll get my reps in either way.

Now, I just have to learn ASL, learn German so I can train my dog, and STOP DRINKING SO MUCH COFFEE! Yeah, that last one is going to be tough.

There are Some Amazing People Out There, Hiding in Plain Sight

Today has proved an interesting day. Back when I had a day job I was in the habit of going out for breakfast before work and picking someone at random, whos breakfast I would pay for before I left. It always made me feel good knowing that some of what I earned was making someone's day a bit brighter. I have since fallen out of the habit, seeing that I no longer have said day job. Today, my mother, my Oma and I decided to go for supper in St. Albert. My Oma, being a tiny 90 year old woman was, shall I say, moving a bit slower than the man who was stuck behind us on the way to the restaurants front door. When I turned to apologize to him he just smiled at me and said it wasn't a problem, he was just going to meet his kids and wasn't in a rush. He was also in uniform, the familiar green camo of the military. I smiled and thanked him for his patience. When I tried to hold the door for him he wouldn't budge, insisting that I go ahead and stay with my family. It was then that I decided I was buying dinner for this man and his children.

I've always thought of myself as being a bit sneaky when required. The man turned right and sat in the lounge while we moved deep into the restaurant, around the corner and out of sight. I then got our waitress to keep an eye on the mans table and to bring me the bill once they've ordered. Our meal arrives, we eat, our bill and his arrives. My mom and Oma go put ahead of me as I pay the bills. As I'm punching in my pin the fellow walks around the corner and sits down beside me. He says, hi, how are you? I see you're doing a random act of kindness? At this point, I look up at my waitress with one eyebrow up and she replies I didn't say a word to him! I look at him and ask how did you know? I'm in the military and worked in intelligence, I have my ways. I'm stunned, I've been caught! He thanks me, and I thank him (he's in the military after all). He continues to tell me a bit about himself. He's the commanding officer of the 4th Canadian Rangers and about to leave town to train a group of recruits up north. He'd like to give me something in return, if I don't mind. Again, I'm stunned. I follow him into the parking lot and he gives me a calendar. In it I learn his name. He never asks for mine.

Now I truly know the value of the acts of kindness requirement. I always thought I did- it spreads a little happiness and love throughout the world. I never understood what it would do for me though. It is just a calendar, but when the man gave it to me I felt thrilled, I felt honored and I felt a little more connected to the big world we all share. I was hoping to make his day a bit better, but he ended up making mine bright.

Take It Into the Next Round

I'm still working off the buzz from the banquet on Saturday. And I think there were a few lessons in there somewhere too. It was everyone's attention to detail that made the night such a success. Not only in the setup and the placement of the tables, but in our performances.you can see the difference between a form just being done and a form someone has poured their heart into. It's in the details. Kudos to everyone, you all did extremely well.

The other lesson, one we can all take with us into the year of the horse, is to push on even when things are going rough or going horribly wrong. We would not have had such a great dance if we hadn't made mistakes. Although we didn't have two dragons, we did have one amazing dragon. If Sifu Playter and myself hadn't messed up the drumming more than once we wouldn't have had the jungle drumming that sounded awesome. If a couple of others hadn't played the tango for fun, we wouldn't have had the idea for the rose.

Let's take these lessons into the year of the horse. Boo yeah.

Don't Be Overwhelmed

I've been having quite a few conversations and have been working with people towards the upcoming performance. Seems to me that everyone is in the same boat- everyone is anxious and worried about their part. I'm not immune either. But I have to remind myself of what Sifu Brinker has been teaching me all of these years- where am I, what am I doing.

Sifu Robinson and I were practicing yesterday with very little progress being made. It was Sifu Hayes who reminded me of this, pointing out that the two of us were not in the moment, at least not both of us at the same time. It's easy to get caught up in the energy of the kwoon, which can be a good thing, but sometimes you have to ground yourself.