Long over due update. I've been feeling like a jerk, specifically when I'm watching all my classmates rolling around and working their butts off and I'm standing on the sidelines watching or behind the desk making notes. Or, when I ask someone else to demonstrate something or to help out with something while I watch.
Sorry guys, I promise I'm not sitting out just because I can or because I want to. I got some bad news regarding my shoulder the week before last. I waltz into the appointment thinking that I've made some awesome progress and that all I need are some exercises to strengthen it back up. I thought the grinding and clunking that was going on was just due to imbalance in the muscles. I feel no pain when it grinds and there is no rhyme or reason when it does. Apparently the joint has completely destabilized, it's not holding itself together like it should and bad stuff is resulting. My doctor did give me some exercises to do, so if you see me wandering around with an elastic in my hands thats why. She told me to hope like crazy that the exercises work because otherwise I'll need surgery to place a pin in my shoulder to stabilize the joint. She told me its a nasty surgery, but it's my only option if I can't straighten it out with my muscles.
So now I'm paranoid, more than when I was immediately after my oopsies. I am paranoid that I'll never get full ability back, which is very possible. Who am I kidding, it is very probable.
I'm whining about all this so people know that I'm not disinterested or unwilling to work with them. I'm just scared, I feel like hissing at anyone who wanders too close to my left side. If I'm reluctant to help you, it is not because I don't care. I just don't know what is going to make things worse. I feel guilty, but this is where I'm at. Don't stop asking me for help though, I'm learning my limits and there is still much I can do. If everyone stops approaching me it'll just make me feel more like a jerk.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Newton's Third Law
I've been doing a lot of thinking, trying to relate two lessons- patience, trust and progressing wisely vs. out of the kwoon and into the world.
The first is always instantly related to our lessons in class. Have trust in your instructors and your ability, do not try to progress to quickly but always challenge yourself, have patience in your training. I'm learning how this lesson extends beyond all of that. Tough situations will always creep into your life, and how you deal with these situations will determine who you are and where you are going. Experience has taught me two things- snap decisions made during the heat of the moment will usually be detrimental, made with raw emotion rather than wisdom. Second, ignoring a situation doesn't make it go away, it creates festering resentment or bias. It seems to be a fine line between the two, trying to find the right balance of action and relinquishment is not easy.
Acting and not reacting takes patience, with yourself and with the situation. Look at your role in the issue, what would make it better and where are you at fault. Be honest. When you come to a decision you have to have trust in yourself that it is the right decision and to follow through but first, always first, think it through with a clear head. Placing your trust in the wrong decision is, well, bad. Move ahead using wisdom instead of emotion. The world will always throw curve balls at you. Use them as opportunities to grow and develop.
From the Silent River Kung Fu Code of Ethics-
The first is always instantly related to our lessons in class. Have trust in your instructors and your ability, do not try to progress to quickly but always challenge yourself, have patience in your training. I'm learning how this lesson extends beyond all of that. Tough situations will always creep into your life, and how you deal with these situations will determine who you are and where you are going. Experience has taught me two things- snap decisions made during the heat of the moment will usually be detrimental, made with raw emotion rather than wisdom. Second, ignoring a situation doesn't make it go away, it creates festering resentment or bias. It seems to be a fine line between the two, trying to find the right balance of action and relinquishment is not easy.
Acting and not reacting takes patience, with yourself and with the situation. Look at your role in the issue, what would make it better and where are you at fault. Be honest. When you come to a decision you have to have trust in yourself that it is the right decision and to follow through but first, always first, think it through with a clear head. Placing your trust in the wrong decision is, well, bad. Move ahead using wisdom instead of emotion. The world will always throw curve balls at you. Use them as opportunities to grow and develop.
From the Silent River Kung Fu Code of Ethics-
Act with integrity and honor while maintaining respect for all living beings.
Accept responsibility for their actions and mistakes, learn from the past, and prepare for the future.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Lesson Learned
I feel that I have been extraordinarily fortunate thus far in life. I have the opportunity to learn from anyone I choose, to learn anything I choose. I have not been met by the barriers many so many others encounter in life. I have the opportunity to learn and whats more, the opportunity to teach what I have been taught by others, to help extend and advance the knowledge.
I have been studying and teaching for most of my life. Sadly, much of this time I feel has been wasted for I have not come close to meeting my potential. This time however has given me the opportunity to observe and think. I have learned from countless people, many who don't even realize that they have taught me. I remember classes in Onoway where the youngest student was three years old, and he taught me more about natural motion than any of my formal instructors. I remember learning Tai Chi from Sifu Brinker and realizing the potential of energy over strength, although I couldn't formalize it into words at the time. I remember people who would snub me as an instructor, who taught me the limits of a closed mind.
No two people think alike, no two people have the same experiences. This also means that every single person has something they can teach you. Do not limit your instructors, do not limit yourself. However when you compare yourself to the person next to you it is near impossible to keep egotistical or damaging emotions out of the equation. It is sometimes hard, emotions are a powerful influence and they can sneak into any situation. Don't get me wrong, emotions are important tools and absolutely necessary for any type of advancement. Emotions can be strong motivators, however they can be an equally strong inhibitors. You can learn from anyone- the instructor in front of you, the student in front of you, the student beside you, the instructor beside you. The man beside you in the grocery store, the woman across from you on the bus. Each with a different lesson.
I have been studying and teaching for most of my life. Sadly, much of this time I feel has been wasted for I have not come close to meeting my potential. This time however has given me the opportunity to observe and think. I have learned from countless people, many who don't even realize that they have taught me. I remember classes in Onoway where the youngest student was three years old, and he taught me more about natural motion than any of my formal instructors. I remember learning Tai Chi from Sifu Brinker and realizing the potential of energy over strength, although I couldn't formalize it into words at the time. I remember people who would snub me as an instructor, who taught me the limits of a closed mind.
No two people think alike, no two people have the same experiences. This also means that every single person has something they can teach you. Do not limit your instructors, do not limit yourself. However when you compare yourself to the person next to you it is near impossible to keep egotistical or damaging emotions out of the equation. It is sometimes hard, emotions are a powerful influence and they can sneak into any situation. Don't get me wrong, emotions are important tools and absolutely necessary for any type of advancement. Emotions can be strong motivators, however they can be an equally strong inhibitors. You can learn from anyone- the instructor in front of you, the student in front of you, the student beside you, the instructor beside you. The man beside you in the grocery store, the woman across from you on the bus. Each with a different lesson.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)