Long over due update. I've been feeling like a jerk, specifically when I'm watching all my classmates rolling around and working their butts off and I'm standing on the sidelines watching or behind the desk making notes. Or, when I ask someone else to demonstrate something or to help out with something while I watch.
Sorry guys, I promise I'm not sitting out just because I can or because I want to. I got some bad news regarding my shoulder the week before last. I waltz into the appointment thinking that I've made some awesome progress and that all I need are some exercises to strengthen it back up. I thought the grinding and clunking that was going on was just due to imbalance in the muscles. I feel no pain when it grinds and there is no rhyme or reason when it does. Apparently the joint has completely destabilized, it's not holding itself together like it should and bad stuff is resulting. My doctor did give me some exercises to do, so if you see me wandering around with an elastic in my hands thats why. She told me to hope like crazy that the exercises work because otherwise I'll need surgery to place a pin in my shoulder to stabilize the joint. She told me its a nasty surgery, but it's my only option if I can't straighten it out with my muscles.
So now I'm paranoid, more than when I was immediately after my oopsies. I am paranoid that I'll never get full ability back, which is very possible. Who am I kidding, it is very probable.
I'm whining about all this so people know that I'm not disinterested or unwilling to work with them. I'm just scared, I feel like hissing at anyone who wanders too close to my left side. If I'm reluctant to help you, it is not because I don't care. I just don't know what is going to make things worse. I feel guilty, but this is where I'm at. Don't stop asking me for help though, I'm learning my limits and there is still much I can do. If everyone stops approaching me it'll just make me feel more like a jerk.
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