I've noticed that I've had fewer blogs to read over during my Monday morning coffee. Hmmm... (poke).

I'm still riding the high from the horsemanship seminar last Friday. Although it ended on a wet note I came away with so much more understanding of horses that before. I've ridden many times before, but I hadn't realized that no one really ever took the time to teach me anything about horsemanship. Only that a nudge in the flanks means go, pull on the reins means stop. It explains a lot with regards to the last few rides I had been on. And why I've only felt connected to one horse in my life (unlike every dog I've come across).

I know lately my focus has been pulled away from the kwoon. I'm still there nightly and when I'm not I'm thinking about it, however my time and efforts have been going into rebuilding and finishing the upstairs floor. I've been living in a reno nightmare for a long while. There are some things that are out of my control and on hold, however the upstairs is not one of them. The only things holding me back are time and money... nothing big... :( Regardless, I see progress. Progress makes me happy.

Hopefully once the weather changes I can pull myself away from the drywall and paint. But then again I don't want to pull away.

Maybe the chilly weather is a blessing in disguise.

Limitations of Anger

Lately I've been pondering and delving into self reflection, something I don't take time to do as I've always felt confidence enough to know who I am and to admit my faults or attributes. However, events have forced me to come to terms with several aspect in my life that I had previously thought I had under control.

Wich is funny, as one of those areas specifically is coming to terms with a situation that is out of my control. Everyone has heard it before, the only thing in life you can control is yourself. If someone has power over you it is because you give them that power. I've experienced this before and can attest first hand to the validity of this statement. However, there are issues in my life that cause me stress, I loose sleep over, I get angry over and, generally speaking, make me feel like I'm going crazy. I have no control over some things, but the knowledge does nothing to lessen their impact on me and my life. To the point where I have had to seek help.

I've always admitted that I have a temper. Long fuse, big bang. It's something I've been told numerous times and something that I have accepted as truth. However, I had a major monkey wrench thrown at me when someone said to me that maybe I don't have a temper, I just have good reasons to be angry. I couldn't help but stare at her for a minute. Whether or not she was right she blew a door wide open for me. I can liken it to telling yourself I can't vs. I can't yet. One slams a door in your face. The other opens them.

It makes me wonder how many other doors I've closed for myself. Or how many doors I've let others close for me.

It's the power of your words and thoughts. We teach always strive for mastery, always try to be better today than your were yesterday. My approach on things that anger me has changed, as though I am no longer limited in my reactions- not limited to becoming angry because I have a temper. I'm learning that first you have to make sure your environment, attitude and thoughts are supporting your goals. What you tell yourself will be the truth. What others perceive will be their truth. We have to ensure that we are not limiting ourselves before we even leave the gate.

The only thing in life you can control is yourself. Your thoughts and actions, your reactions and your perspective. You need to be truthful to yourself before you can hear the lessons around you.

A Plea

I have a couple questions. Fist, why is the term environmental protection always associated with job loss? Second, why is greed the biggest driving factor in life?

I just returned home after a conversation where the the following statements were made. "Why do I care what happens in 200 years? I want to make money now!". Shortly after this was followed by "Why bother wasting money on space exploration? There's nothing out there anyways.".

Is anyone else disturbed by this mentality? Is anyone else mortified by the implications of this thought process? By the impact of this? By the sheer number of people who identify with this individual? By the cyclical nature and relationship of the two statements?

I know you're out there. And I am afraid because of this knowledge. And the problem is there is no way to convince you otherwise. I can go on and on about the industries that would be created and the jobs that would be available with a switch from current methods and resources. It is not like a switch from coal or crude will somehow eliminate the need for energy production. If there is a need, there will be industry to support the need. It may look different, act different and feel different but it will provide the same opportunities as the current industries. We will need people to work the industry. To excel in the industry. To innovate and to labor in the industry, whatever it may be. If you are afraid or unwilling to apply your skills to something different then how can industry evolve? We should still be stuck with only the spinning jenny with this mentality. Rocks and sticks, more likely.

How narrow does your vision need to be to believe that everything exists here. Especially with the current course we are set upon space exploration is never a wasted effort, in my opinion anyways. I'll ignore global warming and damages by pipelines or oil spills as, somehow, those are in debate. If you are honest, you cannot disagree that non renewable resources are not infinite. You cannot debate that we rely on these resources and that these resources will, one day, run dry. So, on the current course, how long do you figure until this planet cannot give us what we need?

Guess it doesn't matter if you are not concerned about future generations.

I know I can argue and debate and plead until I'm blue in the face and some people will not change their views. I have to accept that. So I plead with the rest of you, those who are willing to reason and think for yourself and with the confidence to listen openly and honestly determine your own opinions, your own conclusions.

I know that we as a species will one day make the right choices. I'm not completely jaded with the human race. I just doubt as to whether or not we reach that day soon enough to matter.