This Is What Happens When You Think You Don’t Have Much to Write About but Dang It I’m Going to Sit Down and Do It Anyways

There have been quite a few moments lately that I find myself hitting a threshold, flirting with losing my temper or wanting to just throw my hands up and walk away. If I’m honest, I’ve more than flirted. There are stressors in anyone’s life. There have always been stressors in my own life, but I’m usually pretty logical and level headed when it comes to dealing with them. I experience the initial shock or knee jerk reaction, but then I can slow myself down and proceed with less heat and more thought.

I think it has to do with the added pressure of being responsible for two tiny humans. Now a days everyone seems to have an opinion on how to parent, when to parent, why to parent. The previous generation did it wrong, the previous generation did it right. This new generation is so much more educated. This new generation is ruining their kids. You read too much, you should trust instinct. You should read this book, it explains everything. 

Things were getting pretty bad, I’ll admit. I had never experienced waking up that mad. And honestly, I knew going to bed why I was mad, but waking up the next day it wouldn’t matter why, it just was. Mad at the husband, mad at the cat, mad at the dog, mad at the husband, mad at the kitchen counter, mad at the husband. Did I mention the husband?

I’ll stop you right there. I had reasons. Logical, all too real reasons. But my reactions were becoming non productive and self sabotaging. I see that now; I was so focused on not ruining my kids that I didn’t see that I was ruining my kids with my mood. No wonder they’d run to daddy first. Then I’d get upset. Then they’d run faster. Then I’d cry.

As I said, I’m usually fairly good at proceeding logically. It just took a lot longer this time. 

What changed? Not the stressors. We’re talking about tackling potty training, so hey, lets just add to the stress pile. Sounds fun. 

I changed my mind, that’s what happened. I decided I didn’t want to be mad, and I let it go ❄️. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself).

I listened to the wisdom of others around me and I thought about what I have and what I should be grateful for. And I saw how my emotions were tainting everything I had, reflecting back at me. I became grateful for those around me, for their efforts and concern instead of resentful. 

I noticed the age of my dog and immediately hated myself for being mad and so impatient with her. 

Then I quit doing damage. And I petted my dog.

Time

I used to think there wasn’t enough time in the day. Not to say I was wrong; the way I was going about my days I was absolutely right, I did not have enough time. 

But the thing is, I have never had enough time. I’ve had long hour jobs. I took over the Onoway school. Then I ran the Onoway school while living an hour away and attending full time university. And now I have kids. But you know what? So what? It’s not like time is being stripped away from me.

So when do I fit in Kung Fu? 

Saturday afternoon found me picking rosehips in the bush across the road from my home. Something I haven’t “had the time” for in years. While I was picking them I made sure to never strip a bush completely. Remember, those rosehips were grown by that bush for a very specific reason, and so I could take them is not the reason. That plant invested a massive amount of energy into creating the flowers, attracting the bees, growing thorns to keep critters like myself away and then finally creating a beautiful fruit whose purpose is to perpetuate the life of the plant. 

I was also mindful of any other critters around, be it a spider who made a home between two hips or the caterpillar I saw on a branch. I could have just knocked them away and taken the fruit, but why? There are plenty. Their home and security is worth more than that specific rosehip is worth to me. 

I made sure to use a colander to collect the fruit and then let them sit for a bit outside. Just to give any critters I missed a chance to get out before I gave them an unwanted bath. 

Last, I made sure to make enough jelly to provide for my family as well as to share. People need to share their resources and skills more without expecting compensation. In my mind, anyways.

So when do I fit in Kung Fu?

Seems to me that entire process was a chance to practice my Kung Fu. The art of Kung Fu is ninety percent mental, is it not? 

As for time, we have enough. We just have to be honest in how we spend our time and honest in our priorities. If we’re clear about it, then we have the time for it.