This Is What Happens When You Think You Don’t Have Much to Write About but Dang It I’m Going to Sit Down and Do It Anyways

There have been quite a few moments lately that I find myself hitting a threshold, flirting with losing my temper or wanting to just throw my hands up and walk away. If I’m honest, I’ve more than flirted. There are stressors in anyone’s life. There have always been stressors in my own life, but I’m usually pretty logical and level headed when it comes to dealing with them. I experience the initial shock or knee jerk reaction, but then I can slow myself down and proceed with less heat and more thought.

I think it has to do with the added pressure of being responsible for two tiny humans. Now a days everyone seems to have an opinion on how to parent, when to parent, why to parent. The previous generation did it wrong, the previous generation did it right. This new generation is so much more educated. This new generation is ruining their kids. You read too much, you should trust instinct. You should read this book, it explains everything. 

Things were getting pretty bad, I’ll admit. I had never experienced waking up that mad. And honestly, I knew going to bed why I was mad, but waking up the next day it wouldn’t matter why, it just was. Mad at the husband, mad at the cat, mad at the dog, mad at the husband, mad at the kitchen counter, mad at the husband. Did I mention the husband?

I’ll stop you right there. I had reasons. Logical, all too real reasons. But my reactions were becoming non productive and self sabotaging. I see that now; I was so focused on not ruining my kids that I didn’t see that I was ruining my kids with my mood. No wonder they’d run to daddy first. Then I’d get upset. Then they’d run faster. Then I’d cry.

As I said, I’m usually fairly good at proceeding logically. It just took a lot longer this time. 

What changed? Not the stressors. We’re talking about tackling potty training, so hey, lets just add to the stress pile. Sounds fun. 

I changed my mind, that’s what happened. I decided I didn’t want to be mad, and I let it go ❄️. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself).

I listened to the wisdom of others around me and I thought about what I have and what I should be grateful for. And I saw how my emotions were tainting everything I had, reflecting back at me. I became grateful for those around me, for their efforts and concern instead of resentful. 

I noticed the age of my dog and immediately hated myself for being mad and so impatient with her. 

Then I quit doing damage. And I petted my dog.