Noodle Soup

I wonder how many people have stopped to think about why one of our biggest events is named the Pandamonium. It's not because someone didn't know how to spell when we named it. Most know it's inspired by Po from Kung Ku Panda. But the name isn't just because our fearless leader is a fan of Jack Black.

There is no secret ingredient.

Cool line. Even cooler when you thing about the connotations behind it.

At any given moment you are capable of anything. There is nothing more you need, it's all inside of you right now. Perhaps there are feats you are physically or mentally unable to complete, but you have the ability to take the first steps towards anywhere you'd like to go, anything you'd like to do. And you will make it there, if only you keep striving forward.

So what does this mean? Each one of us has the ability to shape the world around us, for better or for worse. We have the ability to inspire others to think beyond the screen in their hand or the paycheque at the end of the week. We as humans have more influence on our environment than any species before us, which means we also have more responsibility. We have control over what we put into our bodies, which means we choose to live healthy or not. We decide to be kind, compassionate and empathetic or we ignore, enabling suffering, apathy, destruction.

The Pandamonium is about spreading awareness. Not just of suffering animals, people in need or the state of the environment. We need to become aware of our ability to fix these things and our influence on others to do the same. Things will change for the better in the world if we reach enough people. But to reach the world we need to start with ourselves. One person believed he had the ability to reach others. It spread to a school, who has spread it into the community. Its already started, we just need to keep striving forward.

I'm happy that I can say that I think I had a breakthrough with the snake form. I'm not saying its flawless, but I'm more comfortable with it. And, according to Sifu Beckett, that is what you need if you want to perform snake- most of the challenges are in your mind, related to how you think you look whilst wriggling around in an attempt to look deadly.

As I've mentioned, I only feel comfortable practicing on my own with no witnesses. During one impromptu practice session in my kitchen with no one watching (minus the cat begging for food) and I understand what she was telling me. She told me you need to feel like a snake, deadly and venomous, and move in a way that no one around would dare laugh at you. Because really, who would laugh with a viper in the room?

So I tried. I just let go of my inhibitions and tried to feel it. And I felt better when I did it. And I felt like I looked closer to what I was trying to mimic.

So the next challenge; finding that happy place with people in the room. Still not there, but getting there. I felt a bit more comfortable practicing it on Thursday, although I can't say that I was in as a productive state of mind as I was in my kitchen. But, one step at a time. Calls for a small victory dance (woohoo!).

Redemption

It's good to hear that everyone enjoyed and thrived during Thursday's class. Sifu Brinker is right, you all are so far beyond where the team usually is, we could almost put a demo together now. And you guys will only get better with time.

I think I was the only one not happy with my performance. I realized how badly one year off the team affected me, my performance anxiety hasn't been that bad for years. I didn't think much about a year of no performances but the results were obvious. Coupled with being the last one to perform and performing someone else's form, I lost my head near the beginning and never recovered.

So the main thing on my mind since then is redemption. For the first time I'm wishing for another performance date so I can perform it the way it's supposed to be done, at the level I should be capable of. And perhaps perform snake too. Get over my jitters. Again.

Forms Update

So, how goes it? Me, depends on what you're referring to. I'm making good headway on Sifu K. Csillag's broadsword form. It has proven difficult just because I have been altering it a bit to flow better for how I move. You'd think the would make it easier, but sorting out two very similar sequences is harder than just remembering his sequence. Regardless, you've created a great form Sifu Csillag, and I'm enjoying it quite a bit. Thank you.

Tai chi short hasn't been getting the attention it deserves. I'm pleased that I managed to pick it up again in one night after so many years. I knew it once upon a time, so I felt it was about time to get it back. I like it and I don't have an excuse not to do it more frequently considering its significantly shorter than 21 minutes. I owe thanks to Sifu Vantuil for this one.

Snake. Yeah, I'm talking to you, snake. To begin with I was loving this form. Now I love it, but it doesn't love me. I'm finding I'm having a very difficult time doing it justice, moving in a way that satisfies its goals. Sequence is firm, but the subtleties are vast and noticeable if they're missing. This one is proving quite the challenge I daresay. Sifu M. Beckett- thank you. And how do you do it so snakey?!?

Villy

Yesterday marked the last day that my mothers dog Villy was here. I say my moms dog but I considered her my dog too. She lived with me for years before her Houdini ways forced me to give her to my mom where there were no fences to escape. Months ago she had what we believe was a stroke, and has been deteriorating quickly since then. It seemed like she had a second episode about a week ago, leaving her stumbling, confused and scared, so earlier this week we made the decision to let her go. The vet told us it may have been a tumor. I held her as she left us.

Its been a rough week and the last couple days I've been trying to inject a bit of awesome into my world. Little things, like wearing my most awesome cat t-shirt Thursday, taking a bath yesterday, bringing Chloe to class this morning. They work while you're in the moment. Then life returns and I have to put on a different shirt.

How do you make those moments last without just ignoring the rest of life? And without letting the rest run you down?

Banquet

First, I'm still here. Spent the better part of four days asleep, battling fever and one heck of a headache that still won't leave. But I'm still here.

This year's banquet was different for me than any other, and probably not for the same reasons as everyone else. It was the first year that I was not officially a part of the team. It was the first year I was not in the demo and the first year that I did not help with the set up or tear down. I felt very much separate from it all, and I didn't like it much. Maybe it was the headache.

The banquet itself was great, you guys really did a great job with the organization and all the performances. Congrats to everyone who was recognized or promoted, and to the rest of you who made it happen. I'm sorry I wasn't a bigger part of it.

It kinda sucked when I realized I wasn't needed. But I guess thats the whole point of a team- if one person stumbles the rest are there to fill in the gap. So thanks guys. It was a great night because of you.

The Not Stage Fright Stage Fright

So in this past week I've already been on then off then on the band wagon. I love weekends just like normal people, but this last long weekend really threw a kink into my new, young schedule and for three days I didn't do much other than pretend I was an electrician. I had time, not saying I was too busy, but I cannot bring myself to work on my requirements or do a set of sit ups when someone is in the room. The little bit I do at the kwoon when everyone is there is about the extent of my public practice, and only because I'm surrounded by others doing the same thing and I can get lost in the crowd. I've been with Nick for 10 years but I can't for the life of me practice in front of him.

I don't understand it. I have no problems teaching a room full of people, staring at me and trusting me to have the answers. But I can't do my own thing. It's infuriating at times. Last Saturday I had asked Sifu M Beckett for some feedback on my snake and I noticed the dragon dance team was standing right there, some with their faces turned to me. I almost stopped, but I didn't because I had asked her for her time and did not want to waste it. But it's hard to be mindful about what you're doing when you're so mindful about everything but what you're doing.

So this makes it hard, considering this is supposed to be a public journey, show the school what you're made of and how to drive for mastery. I'd much prefer to work on my own, in the privacy of my living room in the middle of the day when the world is at their day jobs and the only witness is the cat. Is this stage fright? I've done performances and demonstrations, dance recitals, taught seminars in a room full of professionals. Given testimony in a court of law. Explained haploid diploidy to a room full of university students. Ran a small school. So no, I don't consider this stage fright.

To me, it's the one time when being mindful is a hinderance.