Nightmare on Elms Street All Over Again

So I'm sitting here, in my car by a hotel in Vegreville, because this is the only place in town with internet access. I want to write something, but I have no idea what is going to come out. So bear (bare?) with me.

I had a nightmare two nights ago. It was the result of a book I was reading (a good book too) where the heroine is being stalked by a bunch of bad guys. Nothing big, nothing new. But when I went to bed, its all I could think of. When sleep finally took over (around 130) I had a dream where my doorbell was ringing, and even though I knew it was bad, and I took precautions, a big burly bad guy with a butcher knife managed to pin me behind the door. Problem was, he was handicapped, and although he was only stabbing at the wall beside me, I was so scared because I couldn't understand his intentions or what he would do if I moved. I woke up wimpering.

So we all have has those daydreams about bad guys breaking in, and we save the day with our ability to stay cool and collected. I very frequently think about defeating the bad guys. So why was this dream so much different? I felt defeated in this dream, completely helpless. I didn't know what to do. Why?

The possibilities I've thought of are these:
- I was unable to read or judge my opponent in any way

- I panicked

- Due to being handicapped, the guy was as defenseless as me, minus the knife

- It was in the middle of the night, when everybody has illogical fears

I think I'm over analyzing this. However, I can't help but acknowledge the doubt that has wormed its way into my head. If I was attacked, say, in a dark alley, would I react like that, freeze up and wimper? Do I have the strength to even take down a guy if needed? Ack. This feeling is really crappy. I don't like it.

My training is my comfort. My blanket (blankie to me) when I was little. No matter where I go or what I do, it will always be there because I will never let it go. So the way I resolve this dilemma is just that. To acknowledge my dream as being only a dream, and acknowledging my training as always being there, as reliable and as strong as a I make it.

Never feel bad if you think nightmares are scary. I'm twenty four, and I seriously got up and locked all the doors after that one. Geez.

1002

So last Saturday a group of us were idly chatting, and someone decided it would be interesting to challenge ourselves. Due to a board breaking mishap (ahem, you know who you are) several of us had 500 push-ups assigned to us. So, evolved from this, our challenge was to attempt 1000 push-ups in one day.

With a challenge like this and a group of 5 blackbelts, no one backed down. Our days were set, and we agreed to report our success, or lack thereof, the following Friday.

Before I make my report, I want to issue a challenge; attempt 1ooo push-ups in one day. Whether or not you succeed, you will learn some things about yourself. For example:
-Your will is sometimes stronger than your body
-Your body is stronger than you think

So how did I do? Here's the blow-by-blow.
0640 hrs- Alarm goes off
0700 hrs- I get out of bed
0720 hrs- I leave the house with 80 push-ups complete
0900 hrs- I get to Vegreville, do 20 more in the parking lot
1230 hrs- I leave Vegreville, 310 push-ups complete
1400 hrs- I get home. Mini challenge myself to reach 500 before 1500 hrs
1500hrs- I'm at 500. My muscles are seizing, my joints creaking
1900 hrs- I leave for Stony Plain. 630 complete. I'm beat mentally. I think its physically impossible for me to reach 1000
2220 hrs- Get home. Still 630 complete. I'd be happy if I reach 750
2240 hrs- I reach 750. I lay down to sleep, happy. I start thinking about what I just accomplished in the last 20 min
2242 hrs- I get out of bed
2318 hrs- I complete 1002 push-ups

There was a point in the day where I decided enough was enough, I can't do it (yet).

Then, there was a point in the night when I realized what I had accomplished and what I was still capable of (right around 2241 hrs). I decided I wasn't giving up. I was able to complete 1002 push-ups in one day.

If Everyone Cared

This is an excerpt from a song that I'm sure most of you have heard. The lyrics touch me every time I hear it, and so I thought I'd place them here for those who don't know what they are. Think hard on them.

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

(Nickleback- If Everyone Cared)

Listen to Bonecracker and Tell Me You Don't Get Excited

On Friday, it was mentioned that it should not be difficult at all to find multiple hours in a day to commit to kung fu. I wholeheartedly agree, and I think I'm one of many who have realized just how much of our day is dedicated to kung fu.

For the last two days my task has been to reorganize all the code books, reference books, OH&S books, phone books, training books, regulation books.... alot of books. I never thought I could work up a sweat by playing librarian. But I really applied myself, thinking about how much easier it will be in the future for all my co-workers and myself to assemble reports and the like. It took alot of self motivation, self control and a bit of a back ache to do it. Things that I was taught and developed through kung fu, no?

In the car on the way to and from work I've been listening and relistening to one specific song, the one I want to perform with at next years Tiger Challenge. I can see myself flipping around and kicking butt and I'm faster than light. Sifu Edge would be proud. I find myself twitching as I'm driving in time with the moves in my head. My heart rate is increasing just thinking about what I want to do with this piece of music. This time, I'm not letting myself dismiss it.

I'm working to correct my posture in an attempt to aid my centre. I run through my forms in my mind when I get frustrated with a report or a crew. Just doing this calms me down or lifts me up and brings me back to the present. I replay the words of my peers and my instructors whenever I feel like just being lazy or when I need a perk up. I remember my conversation with Master Brinker every time I crave a coffee (it works half the time). I fold one more crane everytime I feel depressed after hearing the news.

Kung fu is a life style that I wouldn't trade for anything. The confidence you gain and the drive you find go so far in creating a life that is worth living and a world that is worth saving. I challenge anyone who does not feel the same to ask yourself honestly if kung fu hasn't changed you, if it isn't worth the time and the money and the effort. If you don't believe so, then you haven't yet developed the lifestyle and you haven't immersed yourself in kung fu and everything that it pertains to.

Look Up, You Doorknob

So, it hasn't been two weeks and I feel like I've hit a roadblock. Or, maybe its more like I hit the ditch. After all, I feel like I built the beepin' thing. I know I am falling behind on my goals. I'm clinging to the fact that they are not out of reach, and I know that all I need is a swift kick in the butt. So somebody kick me!

I'm realizing that I personally need both encouragement and butt whoopin' in balance. It's easy to get down on yourself, and to start thinking pessimistically. But it is equally easy to think you are doing better than you really are when there is no one to check up on you. In other words, if you can't see the light, get someone to point it out for you. Does this sound like raising a kid to anyone else?

So, this is me, checking up on myself. I am falling behind, but I will catch up. I have to, and I want to. One encouraging thing is, I have advanced in other areas of my training without actively planning to. Huh. Should have seen that one coming. It's sort of like all these things are connected... just like everyone says...

One more thing I have just pieced together. The people around you usually know what they are talking about, so listen to them.

I am not infallible. But I will be in this.