Get Well Soon, My Girl

So, I got rear-ended on Monday. It was the first accident I've been in that has involved another vehicle (backing into Nicks truck with Nicks car in Nicks driveway sooo doesn't count)(okay, quit laughing). The very first thing I did was reassure my car that she would be alright, that she'll make it through this, that I'll be there for her. Is this odd? It worked to keep my head straight, which I really needed since out of the three of us I was the only one not in the wrong and the only one who was calm. I've always felt that if I ever got into an accident, whether not I'm in the wrong or right, why get upset or mad or panicky? Its called an accident because no one meant any harm, so relax, crap happens. All in all, I had a really good day yesterday. My car has mostly survived, little visible damage (although I can't say that about the Mercedes that hit me, and got hit, ouch), the police officer that helped me with my statement was a really nice guy, the auto mechanic guy was uber friendly, and I got a free coffee at the gas station! Really, why do people assume I didn't have a good day? Its my car that had the bad day.

Lesson- relax! Things always go better if you don't get grumpy.

When I Say We, I'm Including You

Okay, just so everyone knows I have a plan to post again tomorrow (because I forgot my book today), so check back.

This is just my attempt to write a note about everything that has been reeling in my head the last couple of weeks. I'm feeling stressed and antsy and the anticipation is hitting a peak. I'm feeling renewed energy and vigor in accordance with this anticipation. I haven't been so excited for a long time. The prospect of doing something amazing, with a group that won't let me fail, wow. Lets just say I'm excited. And grateful. Lets just say I'm grateful.

These things are not because of just one upcomming event. These things are a result of the prospect of what we as a group are doing in the world, and at my latest realization of not only what we are capable of seperately, but what we are capable of together.

Imagine what we are all capable of together. Anything.

I apologize for the the alloverness of this post (yeah I know thats not a word) and for the lack of explanation for this post. As I said, I'm just attempting to solidify things in my head.

Even Better If You Have No Teeth!

So something was reiterated for me last night at the San Shou class. Its nothing new, but it is something worth noting- smiles are more intimidating than grimaces.

Watching each of the matches, most people can be classified in some aspect of their fighting style and mentality. We have all heard of the bulldog, the tank and the little dog (think a little yappy thing bounding around you). But watching the facial expressions of the fighters gives you another idea of how others fight. Not saying its a good idea to watch the face of your opponent. Watching from the sidelines is just as beneficial as being in the ring.

A certain blackbelt last night was noted for having a calm, collected and fierce exterior while he was squared up against a cue belt. He was sure of every move and every counter he completed, and you felt the intimidation roll of of him just by observing his posture and his expression. Yeah, that can be pretty intimidating when you are in front of him.

However, watching his opponent was even more intimidating. Yes, the blackbelt had more skill, scored more frequently and with more aggressive blows, but the cue belt just wouldn't have his smile wiped off his face. This man was getting his butt kicked, but he was enjoying it so much, it made me wonder to myself "if I were in the ring with him, would the man ever quit, ever succumb, or ever even notice the damage inflicted by me?". Scary thought, that even if you have the skill and the power, it may not be enough.

This smile is different from the average in the ring smile. I can't get the smile off my face when I'm in a good sparring match. I'm thrilled with what I'm learning, with the intense and intimate interaction with the other blackbelts and students. There isn't a way not to learn while you are in that zone, while you are interacting with others in that manner. But this is a "I'm happy to be learning" smile, not a "I'm ecstatic to be here, and nothing you do will change that" smile. Okay, sometimes it is. But still, is that not more intimidating?

The grimace is something that can be used to your benefit. Its something you learn to expect, and you know its purpose is specifically to intimidate and shake the confidence. Knowing this lessens its impact, at least for me. The smile though, now that is scary. It tells me that no matter what I do to this guy, he's going to enjoy it and come back for more. Its like they don't know any better. The shake and then smile move is even worse. The guards are down, so you give the guy a quick schmuck to the forehead to let him know. Or, you deliver a blow with enough force to stun, but not to damage. The guy grunts, shakes it off, and flashes you his pearly whites. Yikes.

Everyone has a unique way to deal with a sparring match. Most are fairly effective too. However, those methods that are not learned but are natural seem to be the most effective (with exceptions). When you expect something, it loses its potency. When its unexpected, or seems out of place, that can throw you for a loop.

Look Up, You Doorknob

So, it hasn't been two weeks and I feel like I've hit a roadblock. Or, maybe its more like I hit the ditch. After all, I feel like I built the beepin' thing. I know I am falling behind on my goals. I'm clinging to the fact that they are not out of reach, and I know that all I need is a swift kick in the butt. So somebody kick me!

I'm realizing that I personally need both encouragement and butt whoopin' in balance. It's easy to get down on yourself, and to start thinking pessimistically. But it is equally easy to think you are doing better than you really are when there is no one to check up on you. In other words, if you can't see the light, get someone to point it out for you. Does this sound like raising a kid to anyone else?

So, this is me, checking up on myself. I am falling behind, but I will catch up. I have to, and I want to. One encouraging thing is, I have advanced in other areas of my training without actively planning to. Huh. Should have seen that one coming. It's sort of like all these things are connected... just like everyone says...

One more thing I have just pieced together. The people around you usually know what they are talking about, so listen to them.

I am not infallible. But I will be in this.

Imagine...

As of this morning, I have seven unidentified bruises on my legs, two seriously swollen hands, and various unidentified cuts and other abrasions. I think my first couple days have been a success.
I'm not judging this based on my wounds. I'm happy because I know that the aches I feel are only making me stronger, faster and more flexible. I earned the swollen knuckles, and can proudly say the boards broke when asked about them. The knuckles only swelled because of a bad angle on the first break. But did that stop me? Ha!
It has been little over two week since I first learned Danielle's matirx scene with Jesse, and already I feel an increase in ease and proficiency. I can just imagine what we could do if we increased the time given to these specific tasks. If something feels that much better after only a couple weeks, imagine what it could be like after a couple of months, or a couple of years. I joined Kung-Fu when I was nine (correct me if I'm wrong, Master Brinker) and I shudder at the wasted time. Imagine what I could do now if I had only practiced an extra five or ten minutes a day. That would have been an extra 60 hrs 48 min a year. I would have another 912 hrs 30 min under my belt. I could have been awesome!!!
So I say, okay. I admit I'm still young. If I start now, I will have made up for those lost 912 hrs in fifteen years. No time like the present.

Sorry, I gotta go. I have things to do.