There have been some thoughts weighing heavily on my mind in the last few weeks. The UBBT requirement of mending 3 relationships gone bad helped to spurr my last entry here. I will say this first- that is not a relationship I want to mend, despite still having some limited interaction with this guy through other people and organizations. That is where I want to leave it.
So, why am I feeling guilty about others limiting their interaction too? Because its because of me, I know, but as it was clearly put, he made his own bed and has to deal with it. I know that too. I was described as 'conflicted'. I couldn't put it better myself. I think I'm falling into old habits again. Look out for him, not myself. How can I be doing that?
I'm at two extremes here. I want to scream and yell and cry. And I want to smile and shrug and walk off. I honestly feel both ways. Bah. I need a coffee.
2 comments:
Khona
The spirit in which you wrote your last post sounded to me like you were setting in concrete your own decisions, while at the same time bringing awareness to it, in order to help others.I sensed no sign of vengeance or ill will.
In this post I sense compassion which I like to think is what a healthy and well adjusted individual does for someone who is ill or misguided...
Isn't the first step to getting help admitting there is a problem. And: as I always tell my radKIDS "Secrets are bad if they are harmful". Keeping secret a serious problem, I feel is enabling it to continue because they don't have to own up to the behavior... so really are you harming or helping?
Just a thought...
P.S.
Your post last week touched me and left me thinking about it for days...
Darnell McKinley
I chose not to do the mend three relationships goal because after I put a lot of thought into it, I realized there isn't anyone I want to mend a relationship with. The few I can think of that went bad, went bad for a reason and it wouldn't be healthy for me to rekindle anything. There's only one I regret but it can't be mended.
I don't think you should feel guilty at all. You have to do what is healthy for you and you can't control everything.
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