During Wednesday's beginner adult class Sifu Brinker was getting the students to work on asserting themselves grounding themselves. Towards the end he had them pair up, one with guards up and the other hooking the guard and throwing a roundhouse to the midsection. There was an odd number so I jumped in. We drilled, I got kicked, we drilled, I got yanked around, we drilled. I found myself giggling to myself every time I was yanked off balance or kicked accidentally in the ribs. It was nice to get back to the roots and just experience, work with a new white belt and see the progress being made all over again in someone else. I was ecstatic, and I think I was more excited to see her progress than she was. Maybe because I could see it so clearly whereas she was just doing as she was told. Either way, for the first time in a long time I found myself completely immersed in what I was doing without all the distractions and stresses that are persistent in my head. I was happy like I couldn't have been if I hadn't been just living for the moment.
During my own class Thursday I found myself distracted. Not intentionally, but my mind would not stay put where it was supposed to be. I imagine partially due to the illness I'm still battling. However, for a moment I found myself distracted by the setting sun and the storm clouds. Twilight was working its magic. Beautiful. The clouds all seemed just in the right spot to reflect the setting sun. Although I was living in the wrong moment, I was most definitely living in the moment.
Of course everyone pays attention while driving, however at the beginning of spring and the beginning of fall I find myself even more mindful whilst on the road. Around our lake hundreds of salamanders are making their way into the mud of the ditches, which means they're all trying to cross the highway that encircles the lake. I find myself very aware of every little dark spot on the road, steering left and right in an effort not to squish any of these little guys. Now, if I were just in a rush to get here or there like so many others, there would be fewer of these guys come spring. And fewer newly hatched salamanders. Fewer salamanders seems so sad to me- they're a neat little creature willing to give up their tails for you. How could you not like them?
And last, as mentioned during the IHC meeting, this mindful eating/vegetarian challenge thing. It hasn't been the idea of becoming a vegetarian that has been gnawing away at me, but the why. I am cutting up an animal. Not just that, but I'm cutting up an animal that was specifically born in horrid conditions and suffered pain and abuse its entire life so that it could be inhumanely killed, hacked up, placed in cellophane and cooked for my culinary pleasure. I feel like such a self righteous monster when these thoughts surface while I'm preparing that stew. I begin to notice the feel of the knife as it severs the muscle tissues. My biology background kicks in and I can imagine the mechanisms that allowed that muscle to flex and support the animal, all of which I just hacked to bits. I name myself an animal lover and yet allow animals to die unnaturally for me, just so long as I don't watch it happen? Just so long as it's someone else doing it? No, I can't buy into that. I'm creating the demand, I'm responsible for the actions that demand throws into play. Awareness. You can't deny these things if you are truly aware. I think this decision has been creeping up on me slowly, and I just got slapped in the face with it Saturday.
Just so long as no one proves that coffee beans cry when they are slow roasted. If they do don't tell me, please.
1 comment:
That's the exact reason I became vegetarian. I felt like such a hypocrite calling myself an animal lover while allowing them to suffer. The deliciousness of steaks and bacon couldn't relinquish the guilt I felt.
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