The Why Over the What

With the teams buy in regarding the daily diet tracking, the idea of returning to a vegetarian lifestyle is big in my head. I enjoyed being vegetarian; the challenge, the variety (if you look) and the way it made me feel better when I woke up in the morning and when I looked in the mirror. I felt better about myself. I miss it. I only returned to meat when I became pregnant as I wanted to ensure my kidlets would get what they needed from me.

But now, I find myself in a similar situation. I won’t make my kids become vegetarian; they are in such a critical time and what I feed them needs to fulfill and support the growth of not just their bones but their brains. So, I plan on continuing to cook meat for them in the hopes that they can choose for themselves when they are older and wiser.

Problem is, kids will be kids. I cooked up a big batch of penne alfredo for them. They both love pasta and they both loved the sauce when I put it on zucchini noodles. Then I added chicken for protein. And... no one will eat it.

This is where the reasons why I want to be a vegetarian kick in. I love me a big, juicy steak. I don’t believe it’s necessarily healthier; I’m good at eating poorly no matter what. The only reason is, as Sifu Brinker mentioned, because of the life that is needlessly lost so that I can have that steak. And beyond that, the creature who had to suffer because it was seen only as potential revenue and not a living being. When it comes to the meat industry, you can bet your pennies that money is more important than quality of life or life itself.

So to stay true to vegetarianism, I would not eat that pasta dish. And I’m sure Nick would put a good dent in it but then the rest would end up in a dogs belly or the trash can. In which case those multiple chickens who suffered and died that that I could fry them up in garlic would have died for zero reason. Or zero good reason- they did serve to line the pocket of someone.

I would have to be mindless to just say no because I decided no without thinking about why I said no.

Which is how the vast majority of us go about food. Myself included. But that is what I want to change. So yes, I will eat that pasta just as I ate the fish I made for them (which they also didn’t like). I will choose vegetarian for myself at every chance I get, but I will not let any meat otherwise in this house be wasted. In this way I hope to set an example for my kids and those around me; it’s not just what you do but why you do it that matters.

I Need a Nap

I can’t count the times I’ve opened this page and started to write something. It’s obvious how far I’ve gotten by the number of posts I haven’t posted.

My life has been revolving around naps and meal times and not a whole lot else. I can’t say that I’ve been keeping up with any of the requirements, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about any of it or that I don’t feel the pressure. Unfortunately failure has become something I’m overly familiar with and as a result it becomes easier to find excuses for it.

I write this as my two overtired but stubborn babies play at my feet. Another defeat as neither would go down for a nap and after two hours trying I’ve just accepted another rough night. I doubt either of them see it as a failure but I sure do.

This isn’t going to be another “I’m-falling-behind-but-here’s-some-motivational-talk-and-I’m-going-to-pull-my-socks-up” post. Those don’t work; if they did then my socks would be so high up my toes would be tearing through the ends. This is a “I’m sucking and need help” post.

Photo from yesterday and proof I don’t always fail.

I’m Still Here

I’m finally enjoying putting together a form, which doesn’t sound like much but for me it’s huge. I’m using YouTube as a base but changing things to suit me and make it more Kempo. I’m struggling with a couple steps, making it work with how I want to turn and how I want to end up.

I’ve been working on my ukulele requirement. It feels nice to pick it up again. And it makes the babies smile. Strangely enough the inspiration from the kids movie Trolls. Who would have thought.

Years ago I decided a good requirement would be to complete a room in the house. I had picked the living room- and no, it’s not complete. It’s hard when it relies on so many things outside my control but we’ve made a lot of progress throughout the whole house and that makes me happy. I managed to get the entire upstairs completed, mostly when I was pregnant, starting right from the studs. Goes to show what you can accomplish when you have the motivation. Just missing one door, which is on Nicks to do list.

I can recall so many times when I was able to accomplish so much; the key was having the right reason to do it. There are some requirements I’m already struggling on so I’m trying to change my approach, find the reason that will give me the drive to see them through. Blogging being one of them. Right now I have a little voice saying just shut up and do it. You’d think with so many beneficial and logical reasons this would be a no brainer.

Progress is Progress

I’m finding it difficult to keep up with all the requirements. I feel like I’ve been having to pick my battles; I have no excuse not to do the sit ups and pushups so those are the best numbers I have, but putting together my weapons form is creeping at a painfully slow rate. I can’t really swing a weapon around or even work on my stepping with my two critters at my feet. I regret not taking advantage of my access to the kwoon when I could; now I have to battle my guilt when I am there.

I didn’t mean to start this off on such a negative note. On the contrary, I feel like I’m finally being forced to add structure to my life. And that is a good thing. I’m reminding myself to stay present when I’m with my kidlets. I’m able to focus better when I have a chance to work on paperwork or a project as the opportunity can end at any moment. As a result I feel the quality of my work and time spent in general is higher. Although I have no time my time is well spent.

Normally a blog like this would have taken me 20 minutes to write and edit. This one was over three days. C’est le vie. And Carter just woke up so...

What We Do

I have a memory from elementary school that is as vivid now as the day it happened. I was a kid that befriended anyone, didn’t belong to any one “click” but wandered as I pleased and I feel like I was accepted by most in this role. I remember one day at recess I was with a few friends, one of which I considered my best friend. I don’t remember the circumstances but I do remember the girls I was with started picking on another girl, calling her names, pushing her to the ground. I was young, I didn’t know what to do but I knew instinctively that it was wrong. But I didn’t do anything about it. I stood back and watched it happen with wide eyes and later when this girl reported what happened I was named as one of the girls that was bullying her. I remember being called into the office, the incident went on my report, my parents were contacted and I felt so ashamed but I also felt it was unjustified, it was not me! I didn’t do it!

This was before Kung Fu but I still had the understanding that it was wrong. I just didn’t know what to do and even if I had I didn’t have the confidence to stand up to my best friend and risk the fallout.

When I see all the kids lined up in front of me I can remember what it was like at that age. Nothing was more important than acceptance from my peers. When I was older I remember being on the other side of the fence but it never bothered me. It just didn’t bother me if someone didn’t like me and I always knew that they’d come around or just quit. I had good friends and I felt secure in who I was. No one else could tell me who I was.

What do we teach? Too many just see the kicks and the stances and the pushups and the punches. They are only tools. The physical skills that we teach and develop are only tools to teach real Kung Fu, real self defence. In our lessons we encourage personal excellence, and make sure we acknowledge the big and little milestones alike. The words we use will never break a child or student down. We ensure we build up confidence, the real kind of confidence that comes from competence. Not the phony kind that stems from low self esteem. We teach the kids to love themselves, and if they can’t in the moment then we will for them. We temper this with a drive to always improve because no one is perfect. We’ll be excited for them at the things they achieve, especially if they’re too shy to be excited for themselves. We will accept them for who they are in each moment.

Do we teach kids how to handle conflicts and bullys? Every day. You may not hear the term or even see the dots in any given class. Given time these kids will not only have the skills to deal with conflict, but they will also have the conviction to do what is right but hard, the passion to excel at what they love, the confidence to admit and accept their faults, and the determination to never quit trying to improve.

I know now that I was rightly named and I acted no better than the girls directly involved. It felt horrible in my heart but I did not have the skills to handle the situation. As a result I feel shame when I think about it. If a child has a similar memory when they’re an adult, I want them to be able to think about it with pride instead of shame. This is what we do in Kung Fu.

Welcome Back to the Beginning

The banquet is behind us and I have to say the people recognized that night were truly extraordinary, each displaying what hard work and dedication can accomplish. Well done to you all, I’m proud to be able to train beside you.

I’m looking forward to the new year and the new team. I know that I never got back on track last year as I should have and could have done, so a reset like this is welcome and much needed. I have no excuses and no physical limitations other than those I can improve, which are the best kind.

I need to change the way I approach this year. I know I am not lazy- the kilometres I wrack up in a day can attest to that. What I need is to work on my time management skills and my ability to balance all my priorities so that one doesn’t get left to wilt. I need to create the habits that will make this sustainable and successful, something I have yet to accomplish. I know how; its written down for all to see. Less yak, more smack.

This Year

Looking back on the year is something I’ve been doing a lot of lately. So much has changed for me, my life does not look the same as it did a year ago.

I’ve learned the value of patience. Not just waiting for the coffee maker, but eight years of waiting for our little man and little lady to arrive. Patience to sit up all night with a baby who had a nightmare and enjoy it. Patience with myself because I cannot get it all done. Typical parenting stuff.

Unfortunately, a large portion of my year was defined by just surviving. I almost died. Not many people know how serious my condition was when I was in the hospital, but I was close to not making it out. The thought of which absolutely devastates me when I think of it in conjunction with the two little ones playing beside me now.

I have never been tested as I was this year. My strength, my character, my ability to stay calm and move forward. I had the physical strength to recover. I had the mental strength to take it day by day, do what I needed to do to get better and not (completely) break down with the thought of missing their first month of life. I had the intelligence to listen to the doctors, abide by the nurses and to take it easy when I got home. I had the perseverance to maintain my milk supply for a month in between ct scans and surgeries. I had the motivation and ability to return to classes in September, when I had originally said I would. I contribute all of these in large part to the IHC and to the lessons I’ve received over the years.

My scars from this ordeal will never leave me. The difference is that I have the ability to look at them and feel pride and immense gratitude. The devastation of missing out on their first month is ever present in the back of my mind but it does not shape my thoughts or actions.