Long over due update. I've been feeling like a jerk, specifically when I'm watching all my classmates rolling around and working their butts off and I'm standing on the sidelines watching or behind the desk making notes. Or, when I ask someone else to demonstrate something or to help out with something while I watch.
Sorry guys, I promise I'm not sitting out just because I can or because I want to. I got some bad news regarding my shoulder the week before last. I waltz into the appointment thinking that I've made some awesome progress and that all I need are some exercises to strengthen it back up. I thought the grinding and clunking that was going on was just due to imbalance in the muscles. I feel no pain when it grinds and there is no rhyme or reason when it does. Apparently the joint has completely destabilized, it's not holding itself together like it should and bad stuff is resulting. My doctor did give me some exercises to do, so if you see me wandering around with an elastic in my hands thats why. She told me to hope like crazy that the exercises work because otherwise I'll need surgery to place a pin in my shoulder to stabilize the joint. She told me its a nasty surgery, but it's my only option if I can't straighten it out with my muscles.
So now I'm paranoid, more than when I was immediately after my oopsies. I am paranoid that I'll never get full ability back, which is very possible. Who am I kidding, it is very probable.
I'm whining about all this so people know that I'm not disinterested or unwilling to work with them. I'm just scared, I feel like hissing at anyone who wanders too close to my left side. If I'm reluctant to help you, it is not because I don't care. I just don't know what is going to make things worse. I feel guilty, but this is where I'm at. Don't stop asking me for help though, I'm learning my limits and there is still much I can do. If everyone stops approaching me it'll just make me feel more like a jerk.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Newton's Third Law
I've been doing a lot of thinking, trying to relate two lessons- patience, trust and progressing wisely vs. out of the kwoon and into the world.
The first is always instantly related to our lessons in class. Have trust in your instructors and your ability, do not try to progress to quickly but always challenge yourself, have patience in your training. I'm learning how this lesson extends beyond all of that. Tough situations will always creep into your life, and how you deal with these situations will determine who you are and where you are going. Experience has taught me two things- snap decisions made during the heat of the moment will usually be detrimental, made with raw emotion rather than wisdom. Second, ignoring a situation doesn't make it go away, it creates festering resentment or bias. It seems to be a fine line between the two, trying to find the right balance of action and relinquishment is not easy.
Acting and not reacting takes patience, with yourself and with the situation. Look at your role in the issue, what would make it better and where are you at fault. Be honest. When you come to a decision you have to have trust in yourself that it is the right decision and to follow through but first, always first, think it through with a clear head. Placing your trust in the wrong decision is, well, bad. Move ahead using wisdom instead of emotion. The world will always throw curve balls at you. Use them as opportunities to grow and develop.
From the Silent River Kung Fu Code of Ethics-
The first is always instantly related to our lessons in class. Have trust in your instructors and your ability, do not try to progress to quickly but always challenge yourself, have patience in your training. I'm learning how this lesson extends beyond all of that. Tough situations will always creep into your life, and how you deal with these situations will determine who you are and where you are going. Experience has taught me two things- snap decisions made during the heat of the moment will usually be detrimental, made with raw emotion rather than wisdom. Second, ignoring a situation doesn't make it go away, it creates festering resentment or bias. It seems to be a fine line between the two, trying to find the right balance of action and relinquishment is not easy.
Acting and not reacting takes patience, with yourself and with the situation. Look at your role in the issue, what would make it better and where are you at fault. Be honest. When you come to a decision you have to have trust in yourself that it is the right decision and to follow through but first, always first, think it through with a clear head. Placing your trust in the wrong decision is, well, bad. Move ahead using wisdom instead of emotion. The world will always throw curve balls at you. Use them as opportunities to grow and develop.
From the Silent River Kung Fu Code of Ethics-
Act with integrity and honor while maintaining respect for all living beings.
Accept responsibility for their actions and mistakes, learn from the past, and prepare for the future.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Lesson Learned
I feel that I have been extraordinarily fortunate thus far in life. I have the opportunity to learn from anyone I choose, to learn anything I choose. I have not been met by the barriers many so many others encounter in life. I have the opportunity to learn and whats more, the opportunity to teach what I have been taught by others, to help extend and advance the knowledge.
I have been studying and teaching for most of my life. Sadly, much of this time I feel has been wasted for I have not come close to meeting my potential. This time however has given me the opportunity to observe and think. I have learned from countless people, many who don't even realize that they have taught me. I remember classes in Onoway where the youngest student was three years old, and he taught me more about natural motion than any of my formal instructors. I remember learning Tai Chi from Sifu Brinker and realizing the potential of energy over strength, although I couldn't formalize it into words at the time. I remember people who would snub me as an instructor, who taught me the limits of a closed mind.
No two people think alike, no two people have the same experiences. This also means that every single person has something they can teach you. Do not limit your instructors, do not limit yourself. However when you compare yourself to the person next to you it is near impossible to keep egotistical or damaging emotions out of the equation. It is sometimes hard, emotions are a powerful influence and they can sneak into any situation. Don't get me wrong, emotions are important tools and absolutely necessary for any type of advancement. Emotions can be strong motivators, however they can be an equally strong inhibitors. You can learn from anyone- the instructor in front of you, the student in front of you, the student beside you, the instructor beside you. The man beside you in the grocery store, the woman across from you on the bus. Each with a different lesson.
I have been studying and teaching for most of my life. Sadly, much of this time I feel has been wasted for I have not come close to meeting my potential. This time however has given me the opportunity to observe and think. I have learned from countless people, many who don't even realize that they have taught me. I remember classes in Onoway where the youngest student was three years old, and he taught me more about natural motion than any of my formal instructors. I remember learning Tai Chi from Sifu Brinker and realizing the potential of energy over strength, although I couldn't formalize it into words at the time. I remember people who would snub me as an instructor, who taught me the limits of a closed mind.
No two people think alike, no two people have the same experiences. This also means that every single person has something they can teach you. Do not limit your instructors, do not limit yourself. However when you compare yourself to the person next to you it is near impossible to keep egotistical or damaging emotions out of the equation. It is sometimes hard, emotions are a powerful influence and they can sneak into any situation. Don't get me wrong, emotions are important tools and absolutely necessary for any type of advancement. Emotions can be strong motivators, however they can be an equally strong inhibitors. You can learn from anyone- the instructor in front of you, the student in front of you, the student beside you, the instructor beside you. The man beside you in the grocery store, the woman across from you on the bus. Each with a different lesson.
Monday, February 23, 2015
So Long and Thanks for All the Fish
I've been so used to being on the IHC team that now that I'm not I'm a bit confused. It's the first time since the change in the program. I think to myself alrighty, it's time to get busy again and get my weapon form together, get cracking on my hand form, reset my logs. Oh, wait.
I am not on the team this year, however I have ambitions for this year I hope to accomplish none the less. Big ones too. I have several projects that I had listed in my requirements from previous years that I plan to set to right away. One being a big, ominous one that I have no idea where to start. I've also bribed Sifu Brandi Beckett into teaching me one of her forms before summer, bribed Mr. Repay to teach me the double chucks and plan to bribe Sifu Melanie Beckett into teaching me her Dragon/Tiger form.
That has a ring to it, eh? Sifu Melanie Beckett and Sifu Robert Tymchuk. Congratulations you two, and welcome to the fold. We're stronger with you two, no doubt about it.
I am not quitting the IHC. I am not a formal member, but I will be there with you all the entire way. You have not gotten rid of me so easily. I've always found that watching classes can be extremely informative and helpful in my own training, and this year is my chance to watch and learn from a new perspective.
I am not on the team this year, however I have ambitions for this year I hope to accomplish none the less. Big ones too. I have several projects that I had listed in my requirements from previous years that I plan to set to right away. One being a big, ominous one that I have no idea where to start. I've also bribed Sifu Brandi Beckett into teaching me one of her forms before summer, bribed Mr. Repay to teach me the double chucks and plan to bribe Sifu Melanie Beckett into teaching me her Dragon/Tiger form.
That has a ring to it, eh? Sifu Melanie Beckett and Sifu Robert Tymchuk. Congratulations you two, and welcome to the fold. We're stronger with you two, no doubt about it.
I am not quitting the IHC. I am not a formal member, but I will be there with you all the entire way. You have not gotten rid of me so easily. I've always found that watching classes can be extremely informative and helpful in my own training, and this year is my chance to watch and learn from a new perspective.
Monday, February 16, 2015
The Sweet Taste of Dust...
This has been a long, rough year, one that I am happy to see over. Of course there were highs along the way, but you tend to overlook them in light of the negative. It's a fault to do so, but it happens none the less.
The one thing I have learned this year is the influence of attitude is everything. It shades everything that happens; it can either leave you jaded or give you rose coloured glasses. A change in attitude can change your perspective. And perspective is everything.
It's easy to see in others- I see students that are held back by nothing than their own attitude and students excel because of their attitude. I know people who are happy and content despite bad things that happen to them. I see people with beautiful families, who are surrounded by loving people who do nothing but complain. It's easy to see, even easier to make judgement, but it is hard to see it in yourself and even harder to change it when you do.
Several situations in my life have been a challenge. I've been encouraged to have a positive attitude, think positive, be positive. For the most part I succeed, but there have been times where I would break. Thankfully, I have the tools and ability now to recognize the folly in this and the strength to pick my butt up out of the dust and trudge on. I may not have met many of my goals, I may have stumbled too many times to count, but the fact that I'm still moving forward is testament to the power of a good attitude adjustment. Without this lesson I don't know where I'd be, I just I know I wouldn't be where I am. Probably face down in the dust somewhere.
Recognize your attitude, good or bad, and recognize its ability to make or destroy. No one can change it but yourself.
The one thing I have learned this year is the influence of attitude is everything. It shades everything that happens; it can either leave you jaded or give you rose coloured glasses. A change in attitude can change your perspective. And perspective is everything.
It's easy to see in others- I see students that are held back by nothing than their own attitude and students excel because of their attitude. I know people who are happy and content despite bad things that happen to them. I see people with beautiful families, who are surrounded by loving people who do nothing but complain. It's easy to see, even easier to make judgement, but it is hard to see it in yourself and even harder to change it when you do.
Several situations in my life have been a challenge. I've been encouraged to have a positive attitude, think positive, be positive. For the most part I succeed, but there have been times where I would break. Thankfully, I have the tools and ability now to recognize the folly in this and the strength to pick my butt up out of the dust and trudge on. I may not have met many of my goals, I may have stumbled too many times to count, but the fact that I'm still moving forward is testament to the power of a good attitude adjustment. Without this lesson I don't know where I'd be, I just I know I wouldn't be where I am. Probably face down in the dust somewhere.
Recognize your attitude, good or bad, and recognize its ability to make or destroy. No one can change it but yourself.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Profound Statement About Lemons
I find that this time of year is one of my favourites as well as one that causes me a lot of anxiety. The upcoming festivities and performances are something I always look forward to, along with the time dedicated to it prior. Practices always get the place buzzing; you can't miss the energy when so many people pull together to accomplish something.
However there are always moments that you can feel everything pushing back. Anxiety happens, and it's how you deal with this anxiety that will determine how you feel about the pressure. Remember, we're all on the same team. Part of mastery is recognizing pressure for what is it- a tool you can use to become better. I'm reminded about Mr. Sands post about fight or flight and recognizing these are not the only two options.
I like the push. More specifically, I like seeing everyone grow from the push. Multiple late night practices have the ability to turn into sour experiences, but they also have the ability to turn us into a fine tuned, inspiring team. After the banquet every year everyone agrees that is was all worth the work and the time. So I promise you, it will be worth it to you in the end.
Make the choice to grow and thrive from the experience. You won't regret it.
However there are always moments that you can feel everything pushing back. Anxiety happens, and it's how you deal with this anxiety that will determine how you feel about the pressure. Remember, we're all on the same team. Part of mastery is recognizing pressure for what is it- a tool you can use to become better. I'm reminded about Mr. Sands post about fight or flight and recognizing these are not the only two options.
I like the push. More specifically, I like seeing everyone grow from the push. Multiple late night practices have the ability to turn into sour experiences, but they also have the ability to turn us into a fine tuned, inspiring team. After the banquet every year everyone agrees that is was all worth the work and the time. So I promise you, it will be worth it to you in the end.
Make the choice to grow and thrive from the experience. You won't regret it.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Blame Jim. All Jim's Fault.
New years is a mixed blessing in my opinion. It really reiterates how fast time moves and how fast time can get away from you. It shows you how close those looming deadlines and endlines and newlines are. But it also gives you the feeling of new beginnings and new opportunities. Which I find ironic- it's not like those opportunities did not exist the day before.
It is so easy to push off things until tomorrow. So easy to think about how busy you already are. But this morning, as I was making my first cup of joe, I was thinking about this and realized something- despite how busy I am or how rushed or if I need to be somewhere soon I make the time to make my coffee. Key words being make the time. I did not have the time as I had slept in, my kitty and I were too cozy. I blame him, I didn't want to disturb him. And yet, I managed to not only make my coffee but also feed the dogs, brush my teeth, warm up the car.
It is so easy to make time. So why is it so hard?
It is so easy to push off things until tomorrow. So easy to think about how busy you already are. But this morning, as I was making my first cup of joe, I was thinking about this and realized something- despite how busy I am or how rushed or if I need to be somewhere soon I make the time to make my coffee. Key words being make the time. I did not have the time as I had slept in, my kitty and I were too cozy. I blame him, I didn't want to disturb him. And yet, I managed to not only make my coffee but also feed the dogs, brush my teeth, warm up the car.
It is so easy to make time. So why is it so hard?
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