Solidarity

Every year in the IHo Chuan has meant different things to me, given me different insights and different tools when it comes to my own training. This year has been no different. This past year has given me the strength to change my priorities even when those changes have led to hardships, but also lead to new opportunities and have empowered me to come a step closer to the person I want to be. Doors have been opened for me that I had never dreamt possible, never even knew existed. I've had the rare and unique chance to train with some of the most inspirational, motivational people out there, to watch others as they grow and strive for mastery. Even beyond my own marginal growth, the growth of those around me has given me the drive to continue my own journey when I was beginning to succumb to mediocrity once again.

This year I had set out with the goal to focus on my own training and growth, and focus less on other peoples journeys. But I've come to realize that although that may work for others, it does not work for me. I'm not the kind of person that is self driven, self motivational. Being a black belt does require one to become more independent in their training. In this aspect I've failed. But in that failing I've started to reflect on my successes, and my success has always come when I've become involved in anothers journey. Not so much that I'm such a help to them, but I gain motivation in my own training when I watch another.

So what have I learned? Believe it or not, for all my solitary beliefs I'm a social creature. I want to continue to surround myself with people like you. Its not so much the program that provides the tools, it is more that the program provides the people that give me motivation and inspiration to utilize the tools I already possess. I've learned the strength of solidarity.

Shout Out

So I sit here, keyboard on my lap, trying to think of what this year's I Ho Chuan has taught me. But my brain is wandering, and I find myself thinking instead of several Kwoon Talk posts over the last couple weeks.

Mr. Smid, you're an inspiration to me. I haven't a clue who you are, how long you've been part of the family or what you look like (besides the tiny google groups picture) but I find myself pondering your posts. If only I had been in the mindset you are in when I was a white belt, oh the places I'd go. Who am I kidding, if only I was in that mindset now! Twenty years later, and I find myself reminded that anyone can learn from anyone. Encouragement can creep up on you anytime, anywhere. Dude, you should be on the Horse Team. You could be the catalyst for that team, if you so choose to be.

Nonsensical Fears

I'll admit, I have mixed feelings about my I Ho Chuan year. It's been so different from last year, the highs have been higher and the lows lower. I've got to know many of you who I wouldn't have otherwise, and that is a definite blessing. Very different from previous years, but such is evolution.

I'm at my most content at the kwoon. I still have issues with performing around others, including practicing in classes. When Sifu Robinson and I are working on our piece I'm constantly aware of everyone else in the room and their reactions. I fear both having everyone stop and watch, in case I'm not up par and I fear when no one watches, maybe we're boring and predictable. It was a shock when Ms. Csillag mentioned we had inspired her. Thank you, it's good to hear.

One thing I have finally figured out- people notice and become inspired not when you're trying to be inspirational, but when you're not. When you're just doing your thing, that's when we're at our best. When you're just concerned with putting the puzzle together, taking one step at a time, getting something done. I still receive positive feedback over my role in last years team. I sure didn't realize what I was doing at the time.

I Challenge You!

Man, I had fun at the Tiger Challenge this year. Every year it seems to get better, and I think, for me anyways, it's because of the closer bonds I have with everybody. I feel more at home and I feel like I can relax a bit more around everyone. I know things spill out of my mouth too much, but at least the reaction is a few giggles instead of omg she just said that?

I think Mr. Donohue has the right idea- next year, adult pool noodle tourney.

Don't Cry Over Spilt Milk

I just watched the video on Sifu Brinker's blog, and I'm crying. I could try to write it off on hormones or too much coffee, but the truth is it ignighted something, I saw the potential that people have when they come together. Watch the crowd, I bet there are a few in there that were inspired to take up music lessons, maybe the child on the lamppost will become a great composer. It lifted my spirits on a day that I needed it, but at the same time it saddened me because it reminded me of our own wasted potential. My own wasted potential. Why can't we do something that magnificent, why don't we? The foundation is there for us to do it.

I'll admit, sometimes I get emotional over small things. I remember a commercial for Leons years ago where an old man knocked over a glass of milk and started crying. The theme was don't cry over spilt milk, come buy a sofa, they're on sale! Every time I saw that man cry, I cried for him. What a silly thing, right?

But the fact is, small things can touch people in unexplainable ways. Look at where we are, where you are right now. You are a member of the I Ho Chuan, a project in mastery. No matter what your mindset is at the moment, frustrated, disappointed, indifferent, something in your past touched you and inspired you to join this project. Maybe Sifu Brinker said the right words to you at the right time. Maybe you saw someone from past years and what it did for them. I don't know, but I do know that at some point in time you recognized the potential this project had. The I Ho Chuan can be life changing if only we make it so. Its not the words on a paper that you promised to fulfill, its the people on the team that will make it grand or let it die.

I want to set up another demo. A spontaneous, street clothes demo like the video. I am willing to coordinate, set the date, work extra hours at the kwoon to do this. But I need you. All of you. That musical number couldn't have worked without all of its members. Same for this. Are you guys with me?

To All of You- a) blog and b) thank you!

This last week has really put the importance and the benefits of blogging into perspective. If you're struggling, blog. If you're in a rut, blog. If you're going through tough times, blog. If you don't think you have anything constructive to say, blog. It's the best advice I can give to anyone in the I Ho Chuan.

When I wrote my last post, it felt like a giant bomb had gone off. Oh wait, it still feels like that. But, unknowingly at the time, when I was writing I was doing the best thing I could have done for myself. Not only did it allow me to straighten things out in my brain, but the comments I received did wonders to put things back into perspective. The support structure we provide for each other is massive, and you guys had my back when I needed it. Even when I didn't know I needed it. And I did, and you guys were there. Thank you all so much for that.

So, as I mentioned, blog for heavens sake. Especially if you haven't blogged for a while or you're up for a promotion or you're feeling a bit frazzled or even if everything is exactly where you want it to be. Just blog. It's like breathing- you may not think about it but believe me, you need to do it.

I Need a Road Sign

So where am I in training and life in general? I don't really know at the moment. In the last few months so much of my life has changed that I'm feeling a bit lost, like when your teachers all asked you in junior high what you wanted to be when you grew up and you hadn't the foggiest. The only thing thats been constant is Friday nights, where I go to my classes and thats that. But then I go and miss last night and all day today I'm thinking its Friday. I'm completely, utterly lost without the Friday routine. It's my reset to the week, and now that I don't have a formal day job its my anchor when I can't even keep track of what day it is.

As I mentioned, everything has changed. Its strange to think that everything that I was a few months ago had been slowly developing over time, building up and on itself to take to me where I was, and then BAM! nothing is the same. Home life, work life, kung fu life, family life, even my pets all did a 180 or better. (Yes, I know, more than 180 is just closer to the original. Not the point.).

I think I need some kind of reset. Not just on the week, but on my life. There are a few things and a few things only that I know I want to keep constant, kung fu being one of them, and the rest is in the air. Where do I see myself in 10, 20, 40 years? In Stony Plain, at the kwoon. Other than that, I don't really know. I haven't the foggiest, actually.

I Love You Guys!

Yesterday's dragon/lion dance went great from my point of view. It was sad to see that not everyone was listening to the speakers, but the second Sifu Playter started pounding that drum everyone was paying attention to us. To me, that dance was an important one. The event we were there to support,their goals, as well as the ordeal we all had to go through to make sure it happened. The dragon dance was so close to being cancelled, and we managed to make it happen. Kudos to everyone who made it happen.

As much as I enjoyed the dance itself, I enjoyed the camaraderie even more. When we all sat down together, the idle chat and the jokes and the laughs we shared. Thats so important for this team, after all the hard times we've had and the negative experiences. To me it's all worthwhile on days like yesterday when we finally bring something like this together, give back to the community and enjoy each others company afterward instead of rushing off back to where ever we all came from. That part is so very important.

Thank you all for the experience and the friendship.

Batman Sound Effects

A few days after the forms seminar and I'm still pumped about how it went. No one can really say they know their stuff until they can teach it in a clear, through way. After all these years teaching, I'm still strugging with clairity, but I think the forms seminar took me a bit further. I hope the guys I was with understood half of what I was trying to say- as the Sifu's who instruct with me can attest, I have developed my own language when it comes to teaching. Half of my volcabulary changes to grunts and sound effects. But I found small pearls of wisdom falling out of my mouth while teaching Saturday- they may not have been pearls to the students (I hope they caught them) but there were a few things that made other things click for me in my own training. Teaching others is the absolute best way to progress yourself. There may be those who would argue, but those are people who don't teach. I just wish I had Sifu Brinker's eloquent speech.

No, I didn't intend to rhyme there...

Home Sweet Home

Well, by the feedback it sounds like it was a great bootcamp this year. Sucks that I had to miss it, but I did spend the day with family. It was still a great day for me, first time I played mc for anyone.

I'm finally fulfilling a goal I had set years back in the UBBT- my living room and dining room are getting done! I've been living with bare studs for years, but now I'm in the process of mudding the walls and should be picking out paint by early next week. Yes, this is big for me.

To fuel the rumours, yes, I quit my day job. No, I don't have another job line up. Yes, sleeping in is wonderful. Working on my home instead of someone else's is... Amazing. If only it could last forever.

Gor Your Numbers Yet?

So last night I stayed for San Shou- what a great class that is. Besides having a lot of fun, man am I learning my weaknesses in sparring. Its infuriating- I have a tendency to drop my guard when I throw my left. Oh, do I know it. And I can feel myself do it as my brain is screaming NO! Stupid bad habits. Believe me, I have more than just the one but I don't want to give any more away in case I spar with any of you :)

I want to encourage the team to start going to San Shou. It's such a great atmosphere, and no matter your level or if you're uncomfortable with sparring, its a great place to be. Sifu Lindstrom has been patiently helping me and pointing out my bad tendencies. The guys in the class are great to work with as well. You don't get hurt but they also don't let you get away with anything. I like it.

Tangents

Excited about seeing two dragons on stage. But it's going to be hard work- we'll have to see if we can pull it off (never mind fitting that many people on stage).

Little anxious about some personal stuff- big changes coming, along with possibly big financial problems. Stupid money. Who thought of the idea anyways?

Working on my spade, needs some polish and a good ending. Why is the ending so difficult?

Flat tire on my car. Not keeping me from the kwoon, however.

Now that my Onoway classes are over for the summer, not too sure what to do with myself. My garden looks good though.

My hands are healing nicely. Those twin hooks can't keep me down.

Ruffled Feathers

There have been some ruffled feathers lately, although I can't understand why. All the time spent towards the demos and the dragon dance have been for the benefit of everyone, not just those who have taken on the leader title. Every hour you spend at the kwoon is an hour towards your own training, your own goals, your own development. We are trying to create the most and best opportunities for people to develop personally, sometimes to the point of sacrificing our own goals. These practices are not prison sentences, not military strikes. They are an investment on your part. And they are what it means to be a part of the I Ho Chuan, which is defined as the elite of the school. Do you feel you're up to that title? I sure don't, hence the reason I'm pushing myself to earn that title.

'66 Coupe To Be Exact

This is the last week of Onoway classes, and I feel bad saying this but I'm relieved. Nick and I are trying to find a weekend where the two of us can tear out the transmission in the Mustang, but so far I haven't been around. Seems to be the same story with everyone, eh?

Still, I enjoy the time I spend at the kwoon and I enjoy my classes. I wouldn't be putting in this much time if I didn't. I'm comfortable at the kwoon, its my home when I can't be home. I can curl up on the couch and read a book and not feel strange doing it. I can fling around the spade before class and not be worried about which neighbor will see me. All I need is my dog and some dirty laundry and I'm home. Oh wait- there's always dirty laundry in my bag (it eats socks) and Chloe's been there a few times now.

We have to remember these things when where in a crunch like this. I feel the pressure, but at the same time its nice to have a goal. Don't let the stress of the situation ruin a good thing, remember why you decided to start this roller coaster in the first place. Take pride in what you're accomplishing, and make the kwoon your home. Fresh cut flowers do wonders for a home, do they not?

Two Weeks

It feels like we're hitting that half-way-through wall, which isn't unexpected but is still frustrating. It's time we all think about what we are a part of, why we joined the I Ho Chuan, what we want out of it and what was expected when we joined up. A big, team wide breath in, breath out. Refocus. Find that groove we need and get out of that rut. As Sifu Brinker mentioned, July 1st was always a date we were aware of. Its too bad we're not further ahead than we are, but that doesn't mean we can't be where we need to be by then. We have two weeks. Two weeks where the team as a whole has to push hard. Two weeks where we all need to be 100% committed.

The ultimate plan is to reduce the number of practices we need- ideally, dragon dance practice on Thursdays and demo practices Fridays during class. Thats it. But this is utterly dependent on each member training wholeheartedly on their own, and having this dragon dance together and great by July 1. If we pull this off, then we can reduce practices to once a week- maintain the dance thats been developed and work on new moves to incorporate in the future. Regarding the demo, if everyone is practicing and progressing on their own, then Fridays should be more than enough to put a demo together.

I know we're all getting tired, and missing our families and homes. I'm not immune to this, as some people think. I'm away from my home from seven in the morning to usually nine, ten, eleven at night, five days a week. Saturdays have been busy as well, as many of you know. My husband made a comment about maybe we can get together for Christmas- as I mentioned, I'm not immune to this schedule either. And thats why we have to push so hard these next two weeks. Two weeks, and we'll have it made. Two weeks, and maybe I can spend an evening with my husband. But, it depends on the team being committed these next two weeks.

I made this commitment knowing it could be like this, and planning on seeing it through to the end.

Sometimes Life Sucks

I'm not in a happy place right now. Over the last week I've been mentally and emotionally destroyed, and it just continued when I woke up this morning. Nothing too big this morning, I already have an appointment booked at the vet, but its draining. Last Tuesday- was rough. My saving grace was going to practice, immersing myself in the dragon dance for an hour and forgetting everything. Too bad reality hits you when you leave.

When I'm like this I need to have something constructive to do. Thankfully, we have lots of work to do in the I Ho Chuan, and being at the studio always lifts my spirits. Thanks everyone, for that.

Lessons from My Students

I feel like I have an advantage over most, simply because of the age I was when I joined. For example, last night in class we covered the front thrust kick. That's it. The front thrust kick, taking an entire night to dedicate to the first kick any of us ever learned. To me, the concept was simple- the ankle is fully extended, making a straight line from your knee to the base of your toes, aligning the skeleton. No, pull your toes back. Okay, but don't bend your ankle. But now your toes are pointed again. I didn't understand why my students were struggling until one gentleman mentioned he had never in his life thought to position his foot in such a way. Click.

I get what Sifu Brinker means when he says see a hole, fill it. If something needs to get done, do something to ensure it does. Leadership, both in the spotlight and behind the curtain is essential when striving for mastery. I get frustrated and don't understand why others can't see the gaping hole. But I figured it out- I've been taught since a very young age to recognize this type of thing and to fix it, be it in my stance or at class or in my life. The credit for this is not mine- I'm just the lucky duck in the middle. Recognition and credit goes to my instructors for getting these lessons through my thick, stubborn skull. Do something, fill the gap, even if you're unsure as to how. I know I've stumbled my way through many a problem. I know that I'm stumbling even now.

This is my vision for the I Ho Chuan team- a group of already exceptional people with strong leadership skills, the ability to motivate a community and a driving passion that can accomplish anything. This is where I want us to go. And you know what? It doesn't matter where you are in your training, where you are in the province or country, what your day job is- these are qualities that come from within. These are internal, personal qualities, independent from your schedule or any external factors. The physical goals outlined in the I Ho Chuan curriculum are external tools, in place to be used as stepping stones towards the development of these internal qualities.

I love to see leaders pop up from out of nowhere. When Ms. Gibbons took on the demo, that was one of the coolest moments in my I Ho Chuan/UBBT years. At the end of the year, wouldn't it be awesome to see everyone find their niche and run with it? We could have a dragon expert in our midst, maybe an extreme lion dancer, maybe the ultimate weapons expert. If you see a hole, fill it. Maybe you'll find your calling.

Thursday Extravanganza

-let three cars in traffic, two at a construction zone
-held door x2
-paid for coworkers lunch (different coworker)
-offered to make supper (I'm not normally the one who cooks)

Hump Day

Yesterday I-
-let two cars into traffic
-paid for lunch for two random people
-left my newspaper (the one I bought) for the next guy
-let my dog sleep on my side of the bed and let the cats sleep on each side of me (didn't kick them off or anything!)

Tuesday's Escapades

So what did I do yesterday...
-bought lunch for coworker
-held door x3
-let car in traffic x2
-let couple in first at greenhouse
-waved at a neighbor

Yowling Kittens Need Love Too

Acts of kindness from yesterday-
-held the door 3 times
-let car in traffic
-smiled & talked to the waitress
-complimented a couple students
-cuddled with my kitten when she wouldn't stop yowling

I love my animals and its hard to count what I do for them as acts of kindness. But last night, man, she was annoying. 11pm and she decides to make a ruckus. Why Charlie, Why?

The Good Thing about Construction Zones

I did record my acts of kindness for the first couple months, but I admit that I've fallen off the wagon recently. Big thank you to Sifu Playter for this challenge.

My acts of kindness for the last couple days:
-let a couple cars in at a construction zone
-held the door (about a half dozen times)
-let a lady in front of me at the grocery store
-offered to let a gentleman in front of me, but he declined (with a smile)
-cooked my ma the most amazing supper (not humble at all)
-gave my mom a jasmine bush & fudge (thanks Sihing Donohue) for "Christmas" (I was informed I was not allowed to buy her anything for mothers day)
-bought my neighbor a couple beers
-made the time to play with my puppies
-gave my husband a compliment


Looking for opportunities today!

Perpetual Struggle

I'm falling back into my old routine of dropping my stuff for everything else. Its so easy to put aside my own training because so-and-so is depending on me to do such-and-such. Its very short sighted of me, and I can only imagine where I'd be if I had just kept my focus constant for these past couple decades. Decades! Geez, I'm aging myself.

I poked Sihing Langner and Sifu Robinson last night about bringing out their new weapons. But what about my spade? It was sitting at home in my breezeway. Sheesh. Hypocrite. When I hear "I can't do this!" my heart flairs and I respond "Of course you can!". But I tell myself the same thing repeatedly. I've given up of many things because of this- as soon as it gets hard and I don't see myself getting better I throw up my hands and say its not for me. Hockey, softball, guitar, snowboarding, dance, learning sign language, archery. Makes me wonder how I've managed to stick with kung fu so long. Oh, I know- my mom used to drag me by the ear when I'd complain that I didn't want to go. Thankfully, I caught the bug one day. But I never gave myself a chance to catch the bug with anything else... downer. Even now, I get disheartened when I can't pick up something as quick as I think I should. Footwork, vectors, close combat, dragon- these are all concepts I continually struggle with, and I feel I'm not as good as I should be, considering how many years I've been training, how many times its been explained, how old I am.

Then, I get a compliment- the height of my kicks or how I move. I politely say thank you, but I'm secretly wondering what the heck are these people on? I watch myself in the mirror, and I see how high I am in my stances. I see how much I sway when I move, I see the sloppiness in my hands. But, then I notice how high my kicks really are, and how I still feel strong when I do them.

I'm thankful for inheriting my fathers stubbornness. And my mothers passion. I think thats what keeps me going. I turn my back to the mirror and focus on doing better than last time instead of what I look like.

Side note- I had a teammate comment about how he was surprised after the last meeting, how he thought I had everything together and was full speed ahead. Nope. I struggle just like the rest of you. I know what I am and I know what I ain't, and I ain't always what you think I am. That was just fun to type, doesn't really mean much.

Pandamonium? PandaAWESOME!

I am absolutely loving my kung fu family right now. I had such a good time on Saturday, the atmosphere was fun and friendly and passionate. I got my first taste of face painting- Sifu Brinker, you made my day. So many people just came up and started talking to me, and honestly I didn't know who half of them were. Parents of kids, random people who just stopped in to see what the fuss was about, reps from the charities. I can't name a single highlight, because there were so many. I had one kid break out in the biggest grin when he saw his painted reflection in my sunglasses- he was spiderman! Watching the yeti race for cookies with the kids, seeing the paramedics there, the puppies (puppies!), the weather.

The feedback I got on Saturday was great. Sifu Brinker, you've definitely made a name for yourself in that community. As I mentioned, I talked to quite a few strangers and the topic was usually the same- the positive impact that you've had on the community and its members, the amazing school you've built up over the years, how your passion is spreading like wildfire in the students. Someone even called you a white knight.

Even the small things that have come out of being a part of a team are huge. I've been introduced to music that I didn't know existed (and love!), learning the art of dramatic death (thanks Sihing Langner), air high fives where ever I go, movie plans, and oh, the fudge. I'm no longer afraid to be the nerd I am because I've discovered a group of nerds. I don't get embarrassed when my voice goes up an octave around puppies because I'm not the only one. I'm not worried about trying fancy flying maneuvers because I have someone to catch me when I fall (usually). Sihing Langner came to me and said hey, lets go practice outside, and I didn't even think twice about practicing in front of a group of people. That was a first for me.

I'm already excited for next year.

Karma May Get Me Later...

The demo craze is back, and it feels good to have a common goal again. My own training didn't show the same progress in the beginning of the year as it did last year when we started the demo's, and I'm excited that we got an earlier start this year. Huge kudos to Ms. Gibbons for stepping our of her comfort zone and taking charge. You're doing a great job.

I notice that a few of the big weapons have yet to make a debut, including my own spade. That too is something I'm looking forward to, finally, FINALLY being comfortable enough to get my spade involved, and seeing the new kwan dao, three sectionals, broom, hooks.

A few of you are aware already, but I'm pushing myself out of my own comfort zone and trying an aerial move. As I've said before, I'm a ground person and never been strong with any aerial or flying techniques. I just feel weak and unsure when I lose that connection with the ground. And I prefer not to fight gravity... Wish me luck, and wish Sifu Robinson luck. Or at least a speedy recovery if something goes haywire.

Gripe

I've been loading this page and closing this page all day. Its been one of those weeks, I guess.

Just to clarify from Saturday's meeting- yes, I will be kind to people I know, I just find it a bit unnerving for some reason when I get "caught". You see, my acts of kindness are not all opening doors and picking up dropped items; I make it a habit of always buying a coffee or lunch or breakfast for a stranger. Its just easier when I'm not identified- try to explain to a stranger that yes, I just bought you breakfast, no you don't know me, no I'm not hitting on you, no I'm not crazy. I pick a table, pay and run. That's my game.

As for my numbers- as always, I'm not as diligent as I should be. I have developed a habit of doing push ups and sit ups everyday, but I have also developed the habit of not completing them all everyday. Yeah, I know.

I miss being at the kwoon everyday, but this is a conflicting issue with me. I literally saw the candidates more than I saw my husband for a good while there. And while I was off fulfilling my kung fu dreams and schemes, my husband was working on our house by himself every night and my dog didn't get her walks. So now, I feel like I'm making that up at home- I have time on Tuesdays and Thursdays to help at home, and if we're not working on the house we're just spending time together. Its nice, but now I miss the kwoon. There is no happy medium here- no matter what, if I trim my trips to the studio back, I'm still gone to kung fu a minimum 3 nights a week. But then, I'm not fulfilling my goals and my commitment to the team. So now I plan on adding in Thursdays for demo practices and Saturdays for Tai Chi (as soon as my ma gets back home), and now I'm back up to 5 times a week where I'm leaving Nick to handle the reno's on his own. Sigh.

I Love Cadbury Anything, Actually

Update on my requirements- as always, I'm ahead on a few things and behind on most. Again, my downfall is lack of consistent tracking. I have a journal I carry around with me, but writing in it every day to record acts of kindness is not happening, I usually write it down every few days and remembering a coffee I bought for someone three days prior is hard. And for my own coffee, I'm not completely successful in my goal of one a day. Most days I'm disciplined and only have one, but there are days that I'll have two (yesterday) and other days (usually Sundays) where I have three. But, overall my coffee consumption has lessened drastically. Very drastically. I don't drink it as my only liquid anymore, and I always have water with me. So thats good, right? Oh, and no chocolate or candy thus far in the month of April. Even though my mom bought me Cadbury Cream eggs. I love those things.

Spade is getting back to where it should be. Cane never left. My mom and I are back in Tai Chi starting this Saturday (looking forward to that). Sparring- eek. Never been my fortay, and its been getting put on the back burner in exchange for my forms. Yep. That happens. I'll work on that.

Back in Black

I'm home! Will admit that I slacked while on vacation- did get plenty of miles in though. Geez, I can't believe how much I miss all of you and miss being at the kwoon. Its my home now, and although seeing my dogs and husband filled part of the gap, I'm still feeling a bit of a hole where all of you fit in!

It really doesn't take long to fall behind. Although I went through the motions a couple times in Mexico, I tried to swing my spade around this weekend and it didn't go well. So you can bet on seeing me there, just trying to get back to where I should be.

Regardless, I'm glad I took the time off. It was just my mom and I, with no men around, and we had a great time. Even though we both came home to full litter boxes, I'm glad we did it.

One Reason Mondays Aren't So Bad

Leaving on a jet plane soon, I'm hoping I'll have wifi down there so I can keep up on this blogging thing. Its become a morning habit of mine to check the I Ho Chuan blog site, see if there are any new posts. I love Mondays for this one reason- I don't normally check on Sundays, so come Monday morning I'm greeted with a whole new set of blog postings. I'm beginning to love reading what everyone has to write about. There is a huge diversity, and hey, I'm a curious person. I love reading about how school's going, gripes about the weather (I hear ya!), experiences in the various classes we all take, how a weapon form is progressing.

My progress is still steady, although it seems to me I'm continually getting sympathetic injuries. Sifu Regier hurts her foot, I twist my ankle. Ms. Donohue separates her shoulder, I wake up unable to lift one arm. Sifu Bryant dislocates a toe, I try to touch mine to my heel during class. Its a pretty shade of blue now. Sorry guys, I just can't seem to be unique. Mimicry is the best form of flattery, no?

There was Something in the Air Yesterday

Training has hit a small snag- my shoulder is buggered up for some reason. There was no specific injury, just a slow progression and now I can't lift even my coffee cup with my right arm. Good thing I'm left handed.

Other than that, things are a-okay. Little behind on numbers, but when am I not? Spade is progressing nicely, as is cane. Its been mostly air spade up to now- I had planned on working out some of the kinks last night after class, but Sifu Wiebe wouldn't let me try with my shoulder the way it is. Not a bad call, now that I think about it.

Met the nicest lady in Edmonton yesterday. I was a bit early for a site meeting, so I stopped in a small hole-in-the-wall cafe. Got a coffee. I had no change, so when I pulled out my debit card she absolutely would not let me pay. She said come back tomorrow, pay then. I want to see you tomorrow. But I don't know when I'll be in the area! Then you come back whenever you're in the area and pay. Come and visit.

Wow. Complete stranger. There were several other ladies in the cafe at the time, and none of them seemed surprised. When they saw my flabbergasted look, one said- she's a very special woman. Don't worry about it, she trusts you. Wow.

So after my meeting I found some change in my car and stopped in to pay her. She raised her eyebrow when I walked in and said, I thought I told you not to worry about it? I wanted to see you tomorrow!

So, if any of you are in the Gold Bar area, there is a small cafe on the corner of 106 ave and 50th street. You should stop in.

Gimme a Hug. Jellyfish!

Its only now that I'm really beginning to see what last year's team did for me. Things that I was taking for granted at the time I'm missing now, although I know I'll have them back once this team finds its groove. I'm already noticing a bond growing between classmates, and the bonds that were created last year are only getting stronger.

I always considered my classmates as friends, but always on the limited basis of inside the kwoon. Not that we changed personalities outside the kwoon, its just that we all went back to our day-lives after classes, which didn't necessarily include each other. But, as Sifu Robinson put it as we met up with Sifu Wetter one night, "Yay! We're friends outside the kwoon!". High five.

And why not? We're a group of people who share common interests, who strive for common goals, who sweat and bleed together. I can't say that of even my best friend. Love her to death. But we are very different people.

We help each other, support each other. We have stories we can share and memories we can laugh at. I've never felt so close to a person (literally) as I did in rope dart practices. By the way, you're hair smelled lovely, Sifu Regier. I've never had so much fun in a hospital as I did when Sihing Langner tried to pierce his ear with a sai. And Sifu Bryant will never let me forget how graceful I am.

Thanks guys.

But My Eyes Aren't Blind...

I'm having a hard time finding a balance. Not so much in my schedule, thats always just a big tornado, but in who I am and what I believe vs. the way the world really works. I had a rough couple days at work, solely due to the mentality of some people I work with. I had a job where there was quite a bit of friction between myself and another contractor, and in the end the other contractor showed no ethical consciousness, no qualms with distorting the truth. This last weekend was a downer for me, simply because I couldn't get this situation out of my mind. I was aghast that another soul could have such malicious intentions.

My boss has told me repeatedly that this is just a job, leave work at work. And I get that. But, herein lies the problem. I've been taught and I believe that everyone should be held accountable, and should be respectful towards other souls. It doesn't matter the setting, be it at work or at home or in the grocery store. So what bothers me is that no one is holding this man accountable, and he will continue to make other people miserable. He's been doing it to us for years now. And never has anyone stopped him.

Just let it roll off your back. You're better than that. Take the high road. Sure, fine. But does that really solve anything? No.

This is the problem- the more you stick your head in the sand the worse a situation will get. We assume too much that someone else will fix it. We assume that there are no consequences when we let something significant roll of our back. And this is why our world is in such rough shape. Stick your head in the sand about emissions, about politics, murder and diminishing forests and cruelty. Someone else will fix it.

That even sounds wrong.

Oi.

In a recent post I mentioned that I'm going to try to focus my blog more on my own training. Here's my first attempt.

Despite the fact that I love our classes and I love training with everyone, I still feel awkward performing. I know that classes are not performances, but working on my form with so many people in the room is, to me, along the same line. It's not anxiety, public performances don't make me nervous (maybe a little), they make me self conscious. Yes, I know these feelings are in the same family, but they're not the same to me. And yes, I am fully aware that every other individual in the room is in the exact same boat, but it doesn't change the problem. If I'm working on something at home and Nick walks in the room, I stop. If I'm working on spear or stick or spade in my yard and someone drives by I stop. If there is another soul within sight and I'm working on my own thing, I stop. I have a block that I'm trying very hard to work past, but its big. It's why so few of you have ever seen me working on my own stuff, and its why I don't go to open training. I know I won't get much accomplished. I don't mind getting feedback (although asking for it is hard) but its like I'm scared someone will see my thought process. I'd rather people see the end result first, I guess to make sure it's acceptable before I'm judged on how I got there.

Such a bad mentality, I know. The whole point of the I Ho Chuan is to pursue mastery publicly, for the benefit of myself and the school. But oi, its rough. Doesn't matter how many words of encouragement I hear, I have this issue. And it sucks.

Hi! Bye!

Hey all, quick not to say I'm still around, super busy at work and will post something more substantial over the weekend. Quick kudo's to everyone involved in the banquet, congrats to Sifu Robinson, Sifu Regier, Sifu's Stoddart, Masterson & Wonsiak and Sihing Langner. We're all still alive! Yay!

How to Fit Multiple Lions, a Dragon, a Skinny Buddah and a Snake on Stage

Even though I'm not one of the ones getting a black belt, I'm super stoked for this Saturday. There is a definite buzz around the kwoon right now, a tangible feeling of excitement and nervousness. I think its a good combination.

I think this year is going to be something special. It's the first year for this I Ho Chuan format, it's the first year we have demonstrations beyond the kids and candidates. It's also the first year four of us plan to lose our hair (yup, nervous feeling here). I'm not entirely sure how Sifu Brinker plans on fitting everything into one evening, including a 20 minute dragon/lion dance complete with a(spoiler warning) milk crate.

I'm happy. Although my brother used to be in Kung Fu, he's been out of it for so long I don't think he remembers what its all about. He'll be there with his wife and kids (who I hope to lure into classes with the amazing stuff that'll happen that night) along with Nick, my parents and my (technically Nicks) aunt and uncle. I have a decent entourage for the night, bigger even than the one I had for my own black belt promotion. Yay! I get to share the night with everyone I care about! Double yay! Look ma, I'm on stage! Look pa, I'm getting beat with a bokken! Look bro, death by rope dart! What else can a girl ask for?

Bruised knuckles and pulled muscles ain't got nuthin' on me!

Snakes & Snails....

Its a new year, but so far it doesn't feel like it. We still have the banquet we're working toward, and I'm a bit scared about afterwards, how do I keep my focus when I don't have an immediate goal ahead of me. Sifu Brinker told me my downfall was my lack of focus in my own training, so this is something I'm going to try to keep in front of me in the following months.

Many of my personal goals did not change, either because they are still a work in progress or because I didn't manage them last year. They are-

Master Tai Chi (continued)
1000 reps Monks Spade (continue to develop the form)
1000 reps of Cane
Learn Sign Language (continued)
Take my mom on a Tandem Skydive

Increase my presence in Onoway (continued) including arranging and performing demos (2).

Work on acknowledging when I’m wrong and apologize when it is appropriate. I’m stubborn, opinionated and I do have a temper- I try very hard already not to press or influence others, however it does happen and I’m horrible at admitting when I’m wrong. Record.

Start a weekly art journal. I used to be very artistic, wish I still was. At the same time I want to try to incorporate the idea of a gratitude journal & focus the art on this.

Reduce the amount of coffee I drink and restrict it to 1 cup a day (tea doesn’t count!) Additionally, increase the amount of water to a minimum of 2L a day.

Define the goal of each technique in the curriculum.


Most of these are going to take quite a bit of time and quite a bit of work. I started the art journal, but have not kept it up- well, starting today I have to. Making my mom jump out of a plane may prove difficult. I'm already having difficulties cutting out coffee, and its only day 2! I love that stuff so much!

As for my Tai Chi, I have not attended classes in the last couple weeks. Weekend mornings have been the only time lately that Nick and I can just sit and relax together, so I made the decision to prioritize this time I have with him and thus Tai Chi classes didn't happen. After this week, my time at home will increase again and therefore Tai Chi classes will be on the table again. At the start of the third part, my mom will rejoin me in classes. This is one way for me to focus on my own training.

This round, I want to focus on me and my training and use the team as a support structure instead of what I did last year, which was focus on the team and leave my own training in the dust.

Side note- I'm taking my mom to Mexico in March. Just the two of us. Yay!

Secondary side note- abs and pecs and arms and shoulders burning so good today! 1000 p/u and s/u yesterday is a nice boost for a new year.

Trust the Process

I know you are all well aware, we are hitting a very critical time in our year. I have been striving to find the balance between pushing the team forward and keeping motivation at a high, and I am fully aware that there is some resistance from several members. I want to address this.

No one is asking you to choose between your health, family, job, well being or Kung Fu. I'm asking you to choose all of the above. We all have been putting in long hours, but in the end every hour you dedicate will show through, just as every hour you don't will show through. This is a personal choice. If you do not want to spend long hours at the studio, perfecting your technique, then don't. That's your prerogative. But, I ask you this- what were you looking for when you signed up for the I Ho Chuan? The journey was never meant to be easy, never meant to be all smooth road. If it was, then there would be no value in it. The effort you put into this program will directly correspond with what you get out of it in return. In the end, its your choice.

I think I've seen more of the candidates in recent months than I have my own husband. Definitely more than my family or friends. But you know what? I don't regret a second. The time I have with my parents and husband is sweeter because they see the changes in me, and they are happy to see me succeed. Just as I am happy to see the candidates succeed.

I joined this team for one reason- to give myself the chance to expand and better who I am. The key is the team- this is not an individual effort. If it was I would have failed, as I have failed every year I approached it that way. We are a team, meant to push and encourage each other, share knowledge and experience, support and be honest with each other. In the end, its your choice. But your choice will affect the team as a whole.

I know some of you think I'm pushing too hard. A sprained wrist will heal, but I'll never get a chance to be a part of this specific team in this moment of time again. The fact that I'm a member of a team weighs heavily on my decisions.

So what is expected from this team? Your very best. This is a process, this is striving for mastery. What you as an individual will get from this program is directly linked to what you put in. So again I stress- you can make the choice to be at practices and to put in long hours, our you can choose not to. I will never force you, but I will strongly encourage you, I will push you and I will be honest with you. This is my promise to every member, present and future.

I choose to dedicate myself to this team because I know I'll become a better individual, and the process will better my life as a whole. Money and my job pays for my bills, but it will never make me happy or fix the problems in the world. Only individuals working together can do that.

Flower

This is a posting I wanted to write last week, but for personal reasons I couldn't until this week. Last Monday I lost a dear companion, my dog Flower. She was the first puppy I've ever had, and she was at my side longer than anyone I know other than my parents and brother. When I started this blog, it was in the light of this dog, her loving personality, her innocent soul and her compassionate spirit. Hence the title and hence the link.

I'm not ashamed to say I cried when she left me. I'm not ashamed to say that right now I'm tearing up. I owe her this admittance, for she never denied me her love and affection, and I will not deny her. This dogs unbelievable ability to forgive and to survive, to love and somehow be so independent while being so dependent on me. At the end, the only thing she wanted was me to be with her. If I left the room, she would try to follow me even though she didn't have the strength to hold her own head up. So I stayed with her, pet her and talked to her until she was gone.

I have full blown tears on my cheeks now.

She was the soul who taught me compassion. When she was a puppy, she broke her leg. I found her outside, crying, all the other puppies around her and sniffing her. The following weeks, I kept her with me at night in case she needed out, so that I could take her and make sure she made it back in okay. I learned compassion and empathy through this small, helpless animal new to the world. Up to the day she died, if she cried at night I would get up and find her. Usually, she just wanted fresher water.

She was a fluffy white dog, so needless to say grooming was always an episode. She had a tendency to be timid, after barely surviving an attach by another dog years ago. She feared the brush and she feared the clippers, but for all the growls and all the nips, she never hurt me and always trusted me. Although, she would try to make a run for it if given the chance. How did she have so much faith in me, the one person who was responsible for her well being and the one person who was not there to help her when she got hurt?

I know for all my talk about my dogs, Flower was not mentioned with the frequency of my other two. Honestly, its because she was simple and relaxed, she really didn't go on any adventures like the other two would. She was content, as long as she had her bed and as long as I came home everyday. But she was the first, the first I called my girl and the first to introduce me to the unbelievable ability of a dog to change your perspective, your thoughts and beliefs.

I miss her.

Cuz Dogs Are Important Too

Hmm... I had a meeting with Sifu Brinker last night and he most definitely gave me a lot to think about. One of the many topics was my blogging- so here I am blogging.

This aspect is rough for me. Not that I'm lacking topics, believe me that there is a lot rolling around in my head, but I've always been nervous about getting too deep into my own training. I'm worried that it'll either come off as egotistical when I'm on my ups or it'll come off as negative and I'll possibly loose the confidence others have in me when I'm on my downs. I can analyze a technique I've been working on seven ways to Sunday, but it may not necessarily benefit anyone unless you can get into my body and feel what I'm feeling. And as Sifu Brinker mentioned; I get frustrated when I can't explain myself accurately, don't have the vocabulary or terminology I'm looking for. I can be so sure of something in my heart but my head just won't listen.

Its strange. I absolutely feel confident and I've been told many times by friends and strangers alike that I come across as confident and more mature than my age. But I also lack confidence. Sometimes I can be sure and assertive, other times I question myself. I've been trying to figure this one out even before my meeting last night, but insofar I can't see a pattern as to why I switch gears. Take the Tiger Challenge- I was confident my forms were solid enough to perform and I felt good in sparring (even had fun when Sifu Beckett went snaky on me. Get it? Snaky? Year of the Snake?). But when I got the Grand Champ I was like, What? Really? Did I earn this or did I win this by default?

Another thing I realized while chatting with Sifu Brinker- while taking on a leadership role is intimidating for most, it doesn't bother me. Ever since I was 18 and went from just another newbie blackbelt to the head instructor overnight, leading doesn't shake me. You just get done what has to be done and people will either take the opportunity or not. Hence why I tried to stay in the shadows for the first part of last year.

What does shake me? My own progression. I feel like I've fooled you all, that if I try too hard and don't manage to get where I'm going then you'll all realize I really am just a mediocre martial artist. A three dressed up as a nine.

Huh. Just read over that and saw my confident/not confident conundrum rearing its head. See?

You nailed that one, Sifu Brinker.

So, now what? Now I take Sifu Brinkers' advice and shut up and do it anyways (or try really really hard to). Take my own advice from my last post and trust Sifu Brinker and trust myself. So I apologize in advance- if, in my posts, I'm doing nothing but talking about myself and how great I'm doing or alternately how crappy I am and how crappy I feel, I'm sorry. I'm not an egomaniac and I'm not meek or depressed. I'm just lost in the middle.

I will, however, still have intermittent postings about my dogs. Period.

Thought Bubble Required

Yesterday, while en route to the studio for a practice, I got to thinking about my grading, and why I'm doing it. I think a lot while driving, and this time I decided to record my thoughts with the audio recorder on my phone. I felt kinda stupid at first, talking to myself in my car to my phone, but I'll try to transcribe my jumbled thoughts for you now.


When it comes to me personally getting promoted, I didn't care much if I did or not, I was content with what I was doing, I enjoyed what I was doing. I knew I was progressing, albeit slowly, I didn't need the visual effects of extra stripes to satisfy everyone else. But a while ago, Sifu Brinker told me that I needed to start getting promoted, not just for me but for my school, so my students could see that I was actually progressing, that their instructor has what it takes to be their instructor.

Now, thinking about it, it goes beyond those reasons as well. It was selfish of me not to try for my next degree. If I didn't try I couldn't fail, and therefore no one could say I failed. Now, I feel I need to get this thing in order to be what I'm striving to be, to be the leader I need to be. Being a leader is more that telling others what they need to do, where they need to be and helping them to get there. I have to show that I myself am able to take direction, to take what I'm told and apply it, that I am able to progress in my own training. Break the chains of mediocrity.

Sifu Brinker has laid out all these stepping stones for us. I need to show that a) I have full trust in my instructor and b) I am capable and eager to do what is required. How can I encourage others to become leaders if I am unable to follow?

This year I've had a lot of feedback from people, comments about how I've really become a good leader and stepped up my game. It wasn't so much me stepping up my game. I finally, finally listened to Sifu Brinker and trusted myself enough to give it a shot. Now, I'm really hoping others take my example to heart and do it for themselves. Trust in your instructors and trust in yourself.


But, as always, these things are two fold. This is now me thinking, after my grading. I'm sitting here after my grading thinking about what went well and what didn't, what I did right leading up to this day and what I did wrong. Because ultimately, whatever the outcome, it was me and the results are solely on me. If I want to master this, I need to recognize that the results are a reflection of me, and I need to take those results and make them better. Always strive for better. Don't settle for passable; make it great, then make it even better.

I've Already Been Threatened with Garden Shears and Weed Whackers

I've had a crummy last two days, for reasons I will elaborate on next week. As such, I kinda missed being able to reflect on the Tiger Challenge. But after reading (and watching) the last wave of blog postings, I'm feeling better and I'm realizing that it isn't just me, that the Tiger Challenge was really was as awesome as I felt it was. Kudos to the competitors and to everyone involved!

Next, I just put a posting up on Kwoon Talk. I have officially committed to joining Sifu Stoddart when she loses her hair. Additionally, whoever donates the most will be the one to cut it off. Yes. I know. I'm scared for me too. I'll let you in on a secret- on stage, when its happening, I'll be smiling and laughing. But in my mind I'm going to be screaming and panicking and rocking myself in a corner. Yay!

Tai He? More Like Tai Huh?

So my parents and by brother left for Jamaica early this morning, which means I've inherited a couple dogs for the next two weeks. Needless to say, no one got any sleep last night- poor puppies were just waiting by the door all night, hoping my parents would come back for them. It'll get better, they're with family and its not the first time they get to stay away from home.

I've been practicing mastery, reciting it to my mom and typing it out when she's not around. Except my mom was more interested in what Stewart Emery had to stay than if I was correct, but thats a good thing too.

Ma's really been a huge help lately. And my dad too, who drops everything to drive her over when I call her in a panic saying I need help with Tai Chi. They know my schedule, they know the pressure I'm putting on myself and they're doing what they can to help me along. And they forgive me when I start talking gibberish or my brain goes blank. Thanks ma & pa! Have a good time in Jamaica!

After practicing Tai He yesterday in the back shop, oi! I can see what difference 8 hrs a day can make. Sifu and Sihing Beckett are amazing, and my jaw almost dropped when Sifu Beckett thought one of her forms wouldn't be good enough for the tournament. I just want to watch them all day, and then practice my butt off. And then go to China.

The Proof is In the Pudding

I've been in the program for years now, but it feels like this was finally the year of change. Some changes for the better, some worse, and some so far from what I originally expected that they don't make a map to place them.

As with every other year, I have to give myself a slap- going over my requirements, the ones I've failed are the ones I need to document. I know I do at least three acts of kindness a day, but you can't see that from my documentation. And I know I've done more push-ups than my spreadsheet stays... although right now I can't do more than ten at a time because of my back...

Physically, I'm all over the map. Several years ago I made it a goal to lose weight, and no I didn't hit my goal but I made a step towards it. As of this week I'm back on the wagon- we'll see where it goes. However, my joints have degraded, and I've failed to take care of myself and now I'm suffering bad because of it. Throughout the year, I did go to see specialists, but one was too far away to be feasible (Leduc) and the other was as busy as I am and the only time we could coordinate was Sunday evenings (which to me is out of the question). I contacted Sifu Cosgrove a couple days ago- I'm hoping since she's in the area anyways I'll be able to see her on a regular basis.

Mentally, I've made a huge leap. I'm engaged, and now that I am I realize that I hadn't been for a long time. I'm at the studio at least six days a week, as well as running the Onoway classes twice a week (mostly, I'll admit Sifu Wiebe has covered for me on more than one occasion. Thanks!). Its been exhausting, but its also been thrilling and amazing. This school is filled with absolutely amazing people and a huge amount of knowledge.

No, I don't feel that my current schedule is maintainable, which is one of the goals of the I Ho Chuan. However, with last year's experiences under my belt and a new team coming in, it shouldn't have to be. I believe the next team will make the connections faster than the last, simply because now we know what we need to do to make it a successful year.

Flyingsreamingmonkeymove!

I can't believe what the I Ho Chuan has given me this year. Last night was, to me, absolutely irreplaceable and will be a memory I fondly think of for a long time to come. The camaraderie I saw and experienced was exceptional. We got so much accomplished, we laughed and we worked. I had the bejeezuz scared out of me by Sihing Robinson with his flying screaming monkey move (say that three times fast). We debated the many ways of death by rope dart. And I imagine they all think I'm crazy- there was a point where I was laying on the floor, half on another teammate, laughing so hard I think I snorted.

Mind you, I very much feel the aftereffects now. Steadily training, never getting home before 9pm, getting beaten and bludgeoned and broke. This is what typing with eight digits looks like, as two of my fingers scream if I make them work after catching a bokken across the hands. My wrist isn't healing. I have a permanent ache in my back and shoulders. And I'm tired.

But, as I see it, its all about your frame of mind. My fingers taught me that timing is everything, my wrist is teaching me to keep a good grip on my weapons, my back... well I'm not sure, but you get the point. I'm enjoying life right now. I'd rather live and be broken on occasion than not.

Days like today I wish I could quit my day job. All I want to do it go back to the kwoon. And nap.

The Benefits of Pajamas

We're in crunch time. That's about the only thing on my mind now, crunch time for me, for the I Ho Chuan, for the candidates and for the tournament. Every moment I have away from work will be spent training (minus Sundays- thats laundry day), and it still doesn't seem like enough time to do everything that needs to be done. My poor house needs a good once over, but that will probably not happen until the end of February.

Nick and I spent yesterday doing nothing. We had a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon, ate soup and thats about it. One intermission for me when I went to the kwoon to meet with a few others. I took full advantage and otherwise never changed out of my jammy pants. We won't have the chance to be that lazy for a very long time.

Sifu Brinker- Answer: 40km/h. I did my research!