Introducing Beepbeep

So I've meant to upload some pictures of my baby birdy, but... I haven't. You will see her soon, though. Oh, and she's a she. I know that now, her feathers are finally filled in. And she is doing well. I've named her Beepbeep, for obvious reasons, and after my mom's late kitty.

So Beepbeep is definitely a great new addition to my funny farm. I never thought I could interact with a somewhat wild bird like this, but I guess hand raising a bird in place of its mother can do that. She can fly, but when I bring her out of the cage to feed her, she is content in my hand or perching on my finger. We whistle to eachother, to the distress of her Papa. And I had never thought that if you scratched a bird behind its 'ear' that it would react like a cat. She closes her eyes and pushes into my finger. I swear that she almost purrs.

My doggies get along with her too (too bad my cats don't). They sniff at her while Beepbeep pecks at their noses. (Everybody go 'awwww'...)

Things Can Get Very Sad So Fast

I have always been a pet owner and an animal lover, and I recently became the caregiver to two young zebra finches. When I bought them, the store did not realize that they had mated, and that soon this inexperienced girl would have to assume the responsibility of little baby birdies. My female had laid an egg the day after I got them, and since I was under the impression that they had not mated I had not given them a nesting area. Once the first egg was around, I gave them a nest, but it was too late for the egg. I didn't know if she would lay any more, or if she had left them all back at the store. Its sad to think that I possibly took her away from her brood, even unknowingly.

To begin with, I wasn't even sure there were any other eggs or chicks, until I started hearing the unrelenting cheep from hungry babies. I couldn't see them, just hear them. Things were going good for about a week. Then I found my female dead at the bottom of the cage. I have no idea what happened, or why something killed her and left the male and chicks healthy. That really struck me, first her eggs and now her.

So, I had to very quickly learn how to become mother to some chicks that I had never even seen. Feedings are every two/three hours, day and night. At first Papa got fairly noisy each time I took them out of the cage. Now he patiently waits for their return, checks on them, and proceeds to sit on them. Oh, there were two chicks and an unhatched egg. Another one down. Geez.

So I've been feeding them for about five days. This morning I fed them before leaving for work. I had planned on taking a picture of them, but forgot. Even young, they each had their own characteristics. One is a loud little piggy, the other was a small quiet thing. This morning, literally as I fed the smaller one, it died. I don't know why. It took maybe three seconds to go from slurping chick to limp. I can only assume that it inhaled some of its food into its lungs. I'll always be an animal lover, but man can it get hard sometimes. I miss the little guy.

May many seeds and fruits ripen where ever you all are.

Don't Know What To Do? Drop a Bomb!

Today I found myself watching CNN and the Mumbai Massacre. I tend to stay away from these programs for one reason- I'm selfish and find it hard to stay happy when I am constantly bombarded with avoidable death and loss. I don't get it. What is the point? All these terrorist groups and all these righteous groups. They don't understand that they are all acting the same, creating the same outcomes. Death. Thats it. Do they really believe that is the answer? Death? That if we kill the wrongdoers, remembering that they are the rightdoers in their own eyes, it is the way to peace and enlightenment? The outcome is the same, no matter who is behind the gun or bomb or hostage. Why does no one get that?!?


I'm finding lately I get more emotional over everything, big and little. Anyone who is human probably is, knowing the world today is no better off than during the Vikings, the Crusade, WWI and WWII. We all figure we are smarter, educated, enlightened. We figure that what they did was wrong. Killing all those people? That was wrong. What are we doing? We're 'freeing the country from terror' or 'eraticating the threat". Thats not wrong! Ha! Its the same damn thing! We are still killing people who don't agree with us. That is the bottom line. No wonder violence in schools and cities is increasing. That is what the youth of today is learning. Kill those who don't agree.

This is why my blog is named what it is. I know its awkward English. But honestly, if we could just stop and think like sane animals, we'd be farther along than we are now. Act out of compassion and we'd truly be enlightened.

Now, we can just kill more efficiently. Thats all we have learned.

The Movie Channel is a Curse

This is a magnified picture of pollen. It is my mortal enemy.

You can do half a form when you do two sections of the Tai Chi form, for those of you who inquired. So there.

I once had to open a can of dog food with my pocket knife. Its not worth the blood. This lesson has stayed with me a long time.

Why do men always go out and buy themselves everything they want one month before Christmas?!?

Cold tea with honey is better than iced tea. Cold coffee is doable but more of a necessity than a pleasure.

Is it just me or does it seem that your hands swell every time you pick up a set of sai's?

I think the wall beside me has ceiling stipple for texture. Is this laziness, or efficiency?

This is a previous published thought. No one ever gave me an answer. If you are what you eat, and a cannibal eats a vegetarian, does that make the cannibal a vegetarian?

I have a cat named Jack and a dog named Jill. They are both females. No crowns involved.

I love how the parents have more fun than the kids when we play games like dodgeball or tag.

Who writes abouts scooters? Has anyone labeled their posts 'scooters'?

Does anyone else find it extremely annoying when the heater in a coffee pot shuts off automatically?

I just found out that scientists have been successful in creating antimatter. I find this super scary and exciting. We can power all of New York for days or make a 20 kiloton nuclear warhead with one gram. Any bets on which one happens first?

Speaking of tea, I just spilled allover myself and the table. Excuse me for a minute...

I miss Teddy Ruxpin and Astroboy. I think I had a crush on Teddy.

I have no interest in the UFC. There. I admit it.

I cried yesterday while listening to the Help Kids Hope broadcast. Yes, I did make a pledge.

Squaring the Circle- Yeah Its Possible

Geez. I haven't posted yet in November. Shame on me.

I am currently enrolled in another program, long distance learning through the Royal Roads University. The courses I'm taking are Enviro Law, Sustainable Development and Management. I have homework to do, but that's not the point. The point is I'm learning alot of new information, and when its coupled with the current happenings around SRKF and the Benevolent Foundation, it causes everything to click in place.

For example, define sustainable development. Think you can? There are multitudes of scholarly papers defining the term, and everyone has a different twist. For example, "The term ‘‘sustainable development’’ has been seen by some as amounting essentially to a contradiction in terms, between the opposing imperatives of growth and development, on the one hand, and ecological (and perhaps social and economic) sustainability on the other. These critics might indeed be said to believe that trying to achieve sustainable development amounts to trying to square the circle, in the sense of trying to achieve the impossible." (Robinson, J. 2003). Personally, I believe that sustainable development is not only possible, but absolutely essential to our future generations.

Next, do you know what social capital is? It is "the internal social and cultural coherence of society, the norms and values that govern interactions among people and the institutions in which they are embedded" (Serageldin, I. Vice Pres. Social Capital Initiative). In other words, social capital is everything from well defined organizations, such as the Elks Club, 4-H and the government network, to the inadvertent relation between two stangers that nod to eachother in a grocery store line (Putnam, 2001). Even us, SRKF and the Benevolent Foundation, are social capital.

I like the terminology, social capital. Capital is usually monetary, a given value, ie. valuable. The term socal capital implies a certain valuable aspect to the whole thing. Which goes without saying. Without social capital, society and culture would collapse.

So, what does any of this have to do with us? Why am I lecturing all of you? Social capital is the key to sustainable development. Sustainable development is the key to the survival of future generations. WE are SOCIAL CAPITAL. WE are the KEY TO SUSTAINABLE DEVELOPMENT. We will decide the survival of our children, our grandchildren, their grandchildren..... See the link?

We are on the right track. We need to change the social norms and values to support sustainable development. We are. This little group is striving forward, getting the word out, and bettering our community, and other communities around the world. Even shovelling the snow for a stranger will cause people to stop and think, and can ultimately change their views and values.

I'm excited. We are apart of an awesome group of people, with an awesome group of people leading us. This post was a long way of saying I'm excited about what we are doing, and what we are capable of doing. Lets keep it up.

The Little Things

I'm finding it very difficult to document all of my Acts of Kindness throughout the day. For one, I have realized I can hardly remember the details of my day. I have noticed that when I do the 'breathe in, breathe out' routine, I remember very specifically where I am and what I am doing. I need to find a way to keep that kind of focus throughout the day.

Number two, I have noticed I have a tendency to forget the little things. I know I've had this habit for a very long time, and I think its my brain being in study gear. I sort through my 'school files' throughout the day, and disregard, for lack of a better word, things that won't affect me later. Another bad habit I need to break.

This is not meant to be another negative post. So, I'm going to focus on the positive. People smile alot when you surprise them. And, they smile back when you smile at them. Try it. Next time you are sitting at a red light and glance beside you, flash your pearlys. I know this doesn't qualify as an act of kindness, but it has the same result. People walk away from it feeling better about their day. Isn't that part of it?

Also, people love their coffee. Me included. Buy a grumpy person a coffee (or tea, or whatever) and they forget why they are grumpy. I've made this a habit (finally, a good one!) and even my days get better. Expecially on cold days.

I now have a confession. I don't really know how many Acts of Kindness I've done. I know when I make a consious effort, I can usually think of four or five a day. So, I think if I pull my socks up and document everything properly, I'll surpass my goal.

So, now an update.

Since October 2:

Push-ups: 2195

Sit-ups: 2570

Miles: 27.9

Forms- 18.5 reps

Yeah, I still have catch-up to do. Thats the point of this blog, right? To stay accountable?

I Wanted the Post Short, But That Doesn't Mean the Title Can't Be Long!

Okay, I'm hoping this stays brief. I'm back! Actually, I never left. My last post was just my rant about how disappointed I was in myself that I let a bug, no matter how many legs it had, get to me. I wanted it public so people will realize to err is human, and we are all human. Some are just more extraordinary than others, in my opinion.

So now, I'm looking forward to the task of making up for those days I lost. Isn't that what this is about? Never quitting? I think that is my favorite requirement. Its good stuff, no?

Hey, it did stay brief!

Bah Humbug

So I've already hit a snag. The last week has been a complete write off. Last Wednesday I came down with some kind of killer cold, and nearly lost my lunch when I did my first 20 push-ups. Thursday I never moved from the bed (except to adjust the heat according to my hot flashes) and Friday I dragged my butt and probably caused more headaches than I attempted to solve. I was not over my cold on the weekend, but at least I was mobile. So, in short, the last few days I haven't done a single physical task. The only thing I've kept up with is the Acts of Kindness, followed with a sniffle. Today, I'm feeling better, still sniffling but capable. And now, I'm lacking the motivation I had at the beginning of the month. I remember feeling great, but I feel craptastic now. Geez, its only the 14th and I need a boost.

Any time I get into these moods, I always relied on my classes in Onoway to get me back on track. I don't have that now, since I'm sitting in a motel in Wainwright, and won't make it back tomorrow. Yeah, I know I'm wining, but this is my online journal, and its my birthday and I'll cry if I want to (kidding, my birthday is in May). I'll give you five bucks if you can tell me the exact mileage from Edmonton to Wainwright. I'm kidding again.

The only things that are working for me, as I sit here thinking about it, are the comments I have been receiving from those closest to me about how insane I am for agreeing to the UBBT, and more specifically the look on their faces when I answer no to the question "do you have to do this?". Ha. I think only my fellow fanatics understand.

So, my fellow fanatics, this is the first of many pleas you'll get from me. I'm writing this publicly so everyone knows this isn't all sunshine and lollipops, that there is a lot of backaches and kleenex involved sometimes.

Hey, I think this worked somewhat. I'm back in the game, fellow fanatics! (cough)

The First 7 Days

So like many others, I've completed the first week if the UBBT. My brain has been on overdrive trying to juggle work, school, classes and now this. Its been a hard week, but a great week. Already it seems like I've fallen in to a routine of relaxing slightly one day, then going hard to make up for it the next. I don't know if this it the best way to go about it, but I feel it gives me breaks and challenges at the same time.

Master Brinker is right about this giving us an opportunity, or excuse, to finally train as much as we want, without feeling guilty about pushing other things off for the moment. I finally get to say, "I really ought to do the dishes, but they'll have to wait until I get another 50 push ups done" instead of the other way around. Don't worry, the dishes are getting done too.

The running and the biking are doing wonders for me. I'm not saying that I see any physical differences so soon, but I feel better everytime I pull out my bike. Again, it gives me an excuse to do these things that I enjoy without the guilt of making some other task wait. Jill, one of my dogs, is enjoying it too. We have good talks whenever she comes with me :)

I'm aware that there will be a time where I need a kick in the pants. I'm just glad I have over a dozen other blackbelts to do it for me when the time comes. And, I can kick them back when they need it. I love this family.

Lightbulbs are Great

So I promised a post and here it is. Like many of you, I keep a seperate, private journal. This is part of one entry I wrote very recently after simply standing on my driveway and, for the first time since I've lived there, really saw everything that surrounded me. By we I mean Nick and I.

"I was standing outside today and I finally saw what we have, what we have done and what we have accomplished in this short time. At the same time, I finally saw what I could have done and what I have not done. I am capable of so much more. I have the ability to change everything I see, all I need is the will to go through with it. I need to use all of my ability to do it, but I know in the end I will be able to take pride in what I have done. From small things like our yard, to make it something to take pride in. The upcomming UBBT, something I know will be wracked with mental and physical pain, but nevertheless something I am capable of and something that in the end has the potential to change the very person I am into the person I want to be. I think to myself now, why whould I not go through with it? To the very end, to my full potential? It would be foolish to ever let the thought cross my mind that anything is too hard or too insignificant."

I don't know what has held me back up to this point. I thought to myself standing outside, after finally realizing what I could be capable of, that now the difference is that I don't know how I can ever let it hold me back again. What a waste of a life that would be, and I am unwilling to let my life be wasted.

Its utterly amazing how someone can have a huge moment like that. I feel like that was the single most important lightbulb (lamp, I mean) that has ever clicked for me. Not to mention the brightest.

When I Say We, I'm Including You

Okay, just so everyone knows I have a plan to post again tomorrow (because I forgot my book today), so check back.

This is just my attempt to write a note about everything that has been reeling in my head the last couple of weeks. I'm feeling stressed and antsy and the anticipation is hitting a peak. I'm feeling renewed energy and vigor in accordance with this anticipation. I haven't been so excited for a long time. The prospect of doing something amazing, with a group that won't let me fail, wow. Lets just say I'm excited. And grateful. Lets just say I'm grateful.

These things are not because of just one upcomming event. These things are a result of the prospect of what we as a group are doing in the world, and at my latest realization of not only what we are capable of seperately, but what we are capable of together.

Imagine what we are all capable of together. Anything.

I apologize for the the alloverness of this post (yeah I know thats not a word) and for the lack of explanation for this post. As I said, I'm just attempting to solidify things in my head.

Even Better If You Have No Teeth!

So something was reiterated for me last night at the San Shou class. Its nothing new, but it is something worth noting- smiles are more intimidating than grimaces.

Watching each of the matches, most people can be classified in some aspect of their fighting style and mentality. We have all heard of the bulldog, the tank and the little dog (think a little yappy thing bounding around you). But watching the facial expressions of the fighters gives you another idea of how others fight. Not saying its a good idea to watch the face of your opponent. Watching from the sidelines is just as beneficial as being in the ring.

A certain blackbelt last night was noted for having a calm, collected and fierce exterior while he was squared up against a cue belt. He was sure of every move and every counter he completed, and you felt the intimidation roll of of him just by observing his posture and his expression. Yeah, that can be pretty intimidating when you are in front of him.

However, watching his opponent was even more intimidating. Yes, the blackbelt had more skill, scored more frequently and with more aggressive blows, but the cue belt just wouldn't have his smile wiped off his face. This man was getting his butt kicked, but he was enjoying it so much, it made me wonder to myself "if I were in the ring with him, would the man ever quit, ever succumb, or ever even notice the damage inflicted by me?". Scary thought, that even if you have the skill and the power, it may not be enough.

This smile is different from the average in the ring smile. I can't get the smile off my face when I'm in a good sparring match. I'm thrilled with what I'm learning, with the intense and intimate interaction with the other blackbelts and students. There isn't a way not to learn while you are in that zone, while you are interacting with others in that manner. But this is a "I'm happy to be learning" smile, not a "I'm ecstatic to be here, and nothing you do will change that" smile. Okay, sometimes it is. But still, is that not more intimidating?

The grimace is something that can be used to your benefit. Its something you learn to expect, and you know its purpose is specifically to intimidate and shake the confidence. Knowing this lessens its impact, at least for me. The smile though, now that is scary. It tells me that no matter what I do to this guy, he's going to enjoy it and come back for more. Its like they don't know any better. The shake and then smile move is even worse. The guards are down, so you give the guy a quick schmuck to the forehead to let him know. Or, you deliver a blow with enough force to stun, but not to damage. The guy grunts, shakes it off, and flashes you his pearly whites. Yikes.

Everyone has a unique way to deal with a sparring match. Most are fairly effective too. However, those methods that are not learned but are natural seem to be the most effective (with exceptions). When you expect something, it loses its potency. When its unexpected, or seems out of place, that can throw you for a loop.

Thank You, Travis

I honestly didn't know Travis very well, but that doesn't mean he didn't leave a powerful impression on me. I saw him at San Shou and at lion dance practices, and he never failed to impress me by being one if the best and most driven cue belts I've ever come across. I found that I was always drawn to him, and I watched him more intently than I did anyone else in the classes. It was his passion that most inspired me, passion that even someone who only passed him in the training hall could identify. I was in awe. He was always more than happy to hop around in the tail of a lion, no matter how much sweat it entailed.

I'm thankful to you Travis, for being such a great friend to everyone around you. I know that people close to me are grieving at the moment, but I'm so grateful that you did leave such a powerful legacy for us all to draw strength from. There is no one who passed you who didn't feel the enthusiasm radiate off of you. I can see what a remarkable man you were in the words and the actions of those around me now. Even though it would be years down the road, I was already looking forward to seeing you in blackbelt class. It was a guarantee that you would eventually become one, and when you did you would outdo us all.

We all miss you. Goodbye, Travis.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

So last night was my first night back in Onoway since the summer holidays began. I have to say that even though every September is the same, it still always hits me off guard.

I love my class. I love teaching the kids and adults alike, and every September reinforces this. I never realize that I was missing my classes over the summer until I got them back. But the first class in September is always different. I don't just love everything, I realize I'm addicted to it. Its the most awesomely awesome awesomeness that was ever awesome. We didn't do anything fancy or showy. All I ever focus on the first class back is running through the basics and evaluating who practiced, who needs practice and where I need to fill in the gaps. Its the best opportunity to really see how each student is growing, and believe me they do grow, even over the short holiday. I always get a few newbies, which throws a nice spice in with the mix of all the well known faces. You never know what new talents come walking through the door.

It feels like I'm cheating them all a bit. My students always provide me with so much, it seems like there is no way that I could be giving enough in return. They provide me with insights that I have never considered, make me critically think about every action and the whys behind them, they reinforce my own training immensely, and now they are another group of people who will hold me accountable and provide me with good reason to follow through on my goals. The harder I work on my goals, the better teacher I can be for them.

Thanks guys. You all have no idea how much you provide me with every Monday and Wednesday and every day inbetween.

Nightmare on Elms Street All Over Again

So I'm sitting here, in my car by a hotel in Vegreville, because this is the only place in town with internet access. I want to write something, but I have no idea what is going to come out. So bear (bare?) with me.

I had a nightmare two nights ago. It was the result of a book I was reading (a good book too) where the heroine is being stalked by a bunch of bad guys. Nothing big, nothing new. But when I went to bed, its all I could think of. When sleep finally took over (around 130) I had a dream where my doorbell was ringing, and even though I knew it was bad, and I took precautions, a big burly bad guy with a butcher knife managed to pin me behind the door. Problem was, he was handicapped, and although he was only stabbing at the wall beside me, I was so scared because I couldn't understand his intentions or what he would do if I moved. I woke up wimpering.

So we all have has those daydreams about bad guys breaking in, and we save the day with our ability to stay cool and collected. I very frequently think about defeating the bad guys. So why was this dream so much different? I felt defeated in this dream, completely helpless. I didn't know what to do. Why?

The possibilities I've thought of are these:
- I was unable to read or judge my opponent in any way

- I panicked

- Due to being handicapped, the guy was as defenseless as me, minus the knife

- It was in the middle of the night, when everybody has illogical fears

I think I'm over analyzing this. However, I can't help but acknowledge the doubt that has wormed its way into my head. If I was attacked, say, in a dark alley, would I react like that, freeze up and wimper? Do I have the strength to even take down a guy if needed? Ack. This feeling is really crappy. I don't like it.

My training is my comfort. My blanket (blankie to me) when I was little. No matter where I go or what I do, it will always be there because I will never let it go. So the way I resolve this dilemma is just that. To acknowledge my dream as being only a dream, and acknowledging my training as always being there, as reliable and as strong as a I make it.

Never feel bad if you think nightmares are scary. I'm twenty four, and I seriously got up and locked all the doors after that one. Geez.

1002

So last Saturday a group of us were idly chatting, and someone decided it would be interesting to challenge ourselves. Due to a board breaking mishap (ahem, you know who you are) several of us had 500 push-ups assigned to us. So, evolved from this, our challenge was to attempt 1000 push-ups in one day.

With a challenge like this and a group of 5 blackbelts, no one backed down. Our days were set, and we agreed to report our success, or lack thereof, the following Friday.

Before I make my report, I want to issue a challenge; attempt 1ooo push-ups in one day. Whether or not you succeed, you will learn some things about yourself. For example:
-Your will is sometimes stronger than your body
-Your body is stronger than you think

So how did I do? Here's the blow-by-blow.
0640 hrs- Alarm goes off
0700 hrs- I get out of bed
0720 hrs- I leave the house with 80 push-ups complete
0900 hrs- I get to Vegreville, do 20 more in the parking lot
1230 hrs- I leave Vegreville, 310 push-ups complete
1400 hrs- I get home. Mini challenge myself to reach 500 before 1500 hrs
1500hrs- I'm at 500. My muscles are seizing, my joints creaking
1900 hrs- I leave for Stony Plain. 630 complete. I'm beat mentally. I think its physically impossible for me to reach 1000
2220 hrs- Get home. Still 630 complete. I'd be happy if I reach 750
2240 hrs- I reach 750. I lay down to sleep, happy. I start thinking about what I just accomplished in the last 20 min
2242 hrs- I get out of bed
2318 hrs- I complete 1002 push-ups

There was a point in the day where I decided enough was enough, I can't do it (yet).

Then, there was a point in the night when I realized what I had accomplished and what I was still capable of (right around 2241 hrs). I decided I wasn't giving up. I was able to complete 1002 push-ups in one day.

If Everyone Cared

This is an excerpt from a song that I'm sure most of you have heard. The lyrics touch me every time I hear it, and so I thought I'd place them here for those who don't know what they are. Think hard on them.

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

(Nickleback- If Everyone Cared)

Listen to Bonecracker and Tell Me You Don't Get Excited

On Friday, it was mentioned that it should not be difficult at all to find multiple hours in a day to commit to kung fu. I wholeheartedly agree, and I think I'm one of many who have realized just how much of our day is dedicated to kung fu.

For the last two days my task has been to reorganize all the code books, reference books, OH&S books, phone books, training books, regulation books.... alot of books. I never thought I could work up a sweat by playing librarian. But I really applied myself, thinking about how much easier it will be in the future for all my co-workers and myself to assemble reports and the like. It took alot of self motivation, self control and a bit of a back ache to do it. Things that I was taught and developed through kung fu, no?

In the car on the way to and from work I've been listening and relistening to one specific song, the one I want to perform with at next years Tiger Challenge. I can see myself flipping around and kicking butt and I'm faster than light. Sifu Edge would be proud. I find myself twitching as I'm driving in time with the moves in my head. My heart rate is increasing just thinking about what I want to do with this piece of music. This time, I'm not letting myself dismiss it.

I'm working to correct my posture in an attempt to aid my centre. I run through my forms in my mind when I get frustrated with a report or a crew. Just doing this calms me down or lifts me up and brings me back to the present. I replay the words of my peers and my instructors whenever I feel like just being lazy or when I need a perk up. I remember my conversation with Master Brinker every time I crave a coffee (it works half the time). I fold one more crane everytime I feel depressed after hearing the news.

Kung fu is a life style that I wouldn't trade for anything. The confidence you gain and the drive you find go so far in creating a life that is worth living and a world that is worth saving. I challenge anyone who does not feel the same to ask yourself honestly if kung fu hasn't changed you, if it isn't worth the time and the money and the effort. If you don't believe so, then you haven't yet developed the lifestyle and you haven't immersed yourself in kung fu and everything that it pertains to.

Look Up, You Doorknob

So, it hasn't been two weeks and I feel like I've hit a roadblock. Or, maybe its more like I hit the ditch. After all, I feel like I built the beepin' thing. I know I am falling behind on my goals. I'm clinging to the fact that they are not out of reach, and I know that all I need is a swift kick in the butt. So somebody kick me!

I'm realizing that I personally need both encouragement and butt whoopin' in balance. It's easy to get down on yourself, and to start thinking pessimistically. But it is equally easy to think you are doing better than you really are when there is no one to check up on you. In other words, if you can't see the light, get someone to point it out for you. Does this sound like raising a kid to anyone else?

So, this is me, checking up on myself. I am falling behind, but I will catch up. I have to, and I want to. One encouraging thing is, I have advanced in other areas of my training without actively planning to. Huh. Should have seen that one coming. It's sort of like all these things are connected... just like everyone says...

One more thing I have just pieced together. The people around you usually know what they are talking about, so listen to them.

I am not infallible. But I will be in this.

Boowr Rouuwrr

We all need people to be accountable to, and people to support our endeavors. I think we, including me, have more than our fair share of these individuals. And I just found one more to help me on my way.

My dog has more personality than most people I know. I think she knows what I'm up to here, with my training and all that. Every time I throw a kick without any enthusiasm, she barks at me. When I sit down and stretch inattentive muscles, she starts to play tug-of-war with me, which really gives me a good stretch. And I have made a bit of a game out of my workouts. Every time she woofs, its ten pushups. Every time she does her rouuwrr, I can't really spell that, its fifteen. She makes it very difficult to go to bed too. She is only a foot tall, but she is, no kidding you, over four feet long. So me not going to bed may sound like a bad thing. However it only encourages me to do a little bit more every night, if only to throw an extra couple (soft) kicks to get her to move over.

By the way, her name is Cloudie Oudie Odis. Chloe for short. Matches her body, no?

Imagine...

As of this morning, I have seven unidentified bruises on my legs, two seriously swollen hands, and various unidentified cuts and other abrasions. I think my first couple days have been a success.
I'm not judging this based on my wounds. I'm happy because I know that the aches I feel are only making me stronger, faster and more flexible. I earned the swollen knuckles, and can proudly say the boards broke when asked about them. The knuckles only swelled because of a bad angle on the first break. But did that stop me? Ha!
It has been little over two week since I first learned Danielle's matirx scene with Jesse, and already I feel an increase in ease and proficiency. I can just imagine what we could do if we increased the time given to these specific tasks. If something feels that much better after only a couple weeks, imagine what it could be like after a couple of months, or a couple of years. I joined Kung-Fu when I was nine (correct me if I'm wrong, Master Brinker) and I shudder at the wasted time. Imagine what I could do now if I had only practiced an extra five or ten minutes a day. That would have been an extra 60 hrs 48 min a year. I would have another 912 hrs 30 min under my belt. I could have been awesome!!!
So I say, okay. I admit I'm still young. If I start now, I will have made up for those lost 912 hrs in fifteen years. No time like the present.

Sorry, I gotta go. I have things to do.

Accountability, Here I Come

I have been doing a lot of reading lately, mainly about other peoples' opinions, aspirations, goals, feats and development. Every time I read a new post, I feel inspired and thrilled that people I know are doing so much to improve themselves and their community. Then I think, I think its my turn.
First, I'll explain the title to this page. A couple of posts have been made about a certain dog named Sophie, and about her zeal for life, her love for everything, her innocence and the impact she made in this world. It was these posts that made me decide to finally take the initiative and do something. Not something to save the world, but something to change the path I'm on, to save myself. Remember, these were posts about a dog. Not world hunger, not war, not society, politics or death. The first post made me smile and made me think. The second post made me cry.
Being completely honest and accountable is harder than I thought. My head has been reeling over the last couple of months. Issues have been forced into my view that I had been ignorant about. I honestly was one of those people who were aware of problems like famine, war and social expectations, and figured I couldn't do anything about it other than live my life without being the cause. I was the person that Master Brinker was trying to reach. Thank God or Buddah or whoever you choose that he did.
I think I was more mature when I was sixteen and eighteen than I have been in the last year. At sixteen, if someone said that I couldn't do something, I did everything I could to prove them wrong. And I did. The color of my belt is proof. Lately, if someone tells me I can do more, I think to myself, yeah, your right. But what? Then the issue closes. How pitiful, how pathetic is that?
So, I'm doing something to smarten myself up. I'm taking the initiative, and I'm doing something my instructors have been telling me to do for months now. I'm making myself accountable, and in doing so I'm laying myself out as best I can in attempt to destroy all possibilities of backing out of this. How better to do this than to do it publicly, on the internet, and for my peers at SRKF to see?
I've made some dumb decisions as of late. As of today, they are corrected. I can do so much more in terms of training. As of today, I'm doing it. This page and my future posts will see to it that these things get done. Holy crap, I have never been so scared and so exhilarated in my life.

I guess this is one more way that Sophie the Bouvier has made an impact.