So Awesome

Apologies to everyone, we had a practice last night and only a few people were there. I'm guessing it was because I didn't post a reminder. Regardless, we had a good practice. It was nice to get back not the kwoon, it feels like its been too long even though its been less than a week.

I'm realizing how much time we don't have left. We're into te final push. And added to that, we all need to spend some time getting ready for the tournament. The process really does take a full year, for a good reason.

I thought it was just me, but after talking to a couple other black belts I realized how much this process really affects a person. I've been feeling a gap between myself and many of my non SRKF friends, a gap that widens every time they ask why I spend so much time at the studio, so much time being injured and so much time away from home when I wouldn't have to if I choose not to. They will never get it, and I can't explain why without sounding like a fanatic masicist. It kinda sucks, but I cannot change it without giving up a part of myself. And I'm not willing to do that. This is way too awesome for that.

Oh, I got The Journal of Awesome too!

After the events of last Friday, everything I was planning on writing seems very insignificant in comparison. My thoughts and love go out to those now grieving.

I hugged my niece and nephew a bit tighter yesterday.

If You Join Next Year, the End is NOT Nigh!

The last few blogs posted by fellow teammates seem to be about finishing up the year of the dragon and reviewed goals and all those related topics that arise toward the end of the year. I don't wanna post about that, its all too "end is nigh" for me, and I'm enjoying this way too much to think about it being almost over. So I'm going to happily stay in Never Never Land for a while longer.

I've never not enjoyed going to classes and practices, but I will admit that its been a while since I've actually willed time to move faster so that I can go to the next class or practice or dance. No matter how crummy my days have been, my evenings completely wipe out any negativity and I just have fun, doing something I enjoy with people I enjoy. I can see the progress in everyone, and I think "wow, if one year of focus can lead to this, what can a lifetime do?". Ooohh...click. Now I understand the mastery bit...

Weekend-of-Awesome

I took this last weekend for myself. I didn't do anything I didn't want to do, I didn't stress about the things I had to do, and I didn't feel guilty when I decided to sit down and read a book. Literally, one full book. Haven't done that in a while. I'm always worried that if I took a weekend like this, I'd fall further behind or I'd feel guilty. But I feel better now. I cranked Frank Sinatra and finished the insulation in our dining room. I then cranked some classical and cleaned the bathroom and actually had fun doing it (weird). I then cranked some Muse and Aerosmith and did laundry.

I practiced because I wanted to, not because I had to. I feel better about Lao Gar because I think I have my fixes in place. My ma came over and we helped each other with Tai Chi; I guided her through the beginning of Part I and I went through the whole thing, saying the moves as I did them and she followed the sheets to make sure I was right. We've been doing this at least once a week for the last while, and I like finally having someone at home who can help me, and who's interested. We sat, drank coffee, watched my bird outwit the dog and set up my cats' new tower-of-awesome scratch post (Costco special!).

There are things going on in my life that I'm not fond of, at work, in my training and in my personal life. But right now, I don't care. I'm happy, the day is beautiful and my iPod is cranked again, sitting beside me on my desk, as I type this. Frank is singing "The Best is Yet to Come"- I think he's right!

The Gravy on the Side, Not the Meal

So I had a scare last week, and it sure put things in perspective for me. I've been working diligently on my Tai Chi, and I'm happy that I can see progress, but when I had a fellow student come up to me and say "so your degree grading is this weekend, eh?" I had a mini freak out. No, it wasn't last weekend, but the thought shook me up. This thing can happen at any time, and I need to be perpetually ready for it. The time I have now needs to be icing on the cake, not the bake time. It needs to be the cherry, not the split. You get my meaning.

I feel happy with my Tai Chi (but it still needs work), but now I'm scared I've let other things slide. I had Mastery memorized at one point, but I've let it fade. I was working on fixing some areas in Lao Guar, but I don't think I've practiced them enough to make the changes mine. And I haven't picked up my spade in a month. Ak.

With everything going on, my own training is slipping. And this is bad.

I Am Happy

I've started my 2013 requirements recently, and no I haven't completed most of my 2012 requirements. I don't have the time, but I'm making the time anyways.

A big one that I'm starting, struggling with but starting, is cutting back coffee. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to most, but to me its huge. Since I started university, coffee has been my emotional blanky- if I'm tired it perks me up, if I'm stressed it relaxes me, if I'm cold it warms me, if I'm mad it calms me and if I'm sick it soothes me. And this is just for starters. Now do you understand why I have resisted so much in the past? And yes, I'm sipping my coffee right now, as I type about how amazing it is and how I'm cutting it out. Not completely, just reducing it to one cup a day instead of one pot or more.

The other new requirement I've started is a journal- a private gratitude journal with a twist. When I was younger I was fairly artistic, something that I miss now and enjoyed then. Gratuity is something we can all use more of, therefore I've combined these two ideas. For example, a couple weeks ago, when I got home from class the snow was falling gently, it was dead silent and beautiful. I just stood there, under the dim streetlight and watched it fall, trying to see the individual flakes for what they were- beautiful. It was the kind of thing that just made me happy to be alive, made me breathe and as Sifu puts it, to recognize where I was and what I was doing. So, my second journal entry was a picture of snow, crisp and beautiful. The first entry was simply "My Art Journal", written pretty with pretty things around it. The fact that I live a life that allows me to have the time and resources to dedicate to making pretty pictures on paper- thats pretty amazing in itself.

Part II- In Theatres Soon

Part II of Operation Pistachio will be deployed tonight... I'll update as to how it goes. Or maybe the poor soul I'm targeting will provide us with some insight to its reception & possession.

Walls, Doors, Tables- You Name It, I've Hit It

So it seems to me that I've hit a wall. Hit and bounced back 20' and landed on my butt to be exact. I've been trying to apply everything that Sifu Brinker mentions in our class, but it seems that each fix I make 30 new problems result. I know this is the way it always goes, but it's more pronounced now that I've been turning my focus to Tai Chi. Not saying there's a tie, but maybe?

The climax was last Friday- not only was I having problems in our forms, I couldn't even maintain my balance. At one point I even stumbled forward from a cat stance- obviously my center was off, my weight distribution was off and my alignment was off. That would be fine, except that I've been practicing the cat stance for nearly 20 years and you'd think my body would have learned by now. Sifu has been mentioning our side kicks, and I realized I'm the biggest offender. He mentioned keeping the shoulders out of the picture, and I'm a perfect picture of shoulder chaos. What is happening?

However, the silver lining came from the forms seminar. I noticed that many of the corrections I was making directly applied to myself- I could see in my student everything I was striving for in my own forms, and it gave me back some degree of confidence. I don't think Sifu Brinker realized, but the two of us were a perfect match- her problems were my problems and I could see them plain as day. I hope that the corrections I gave her were helpful, and I know for sure that teaching the corrections and explaining what needed to happen helped me understand why it wasn't happening in me.

I'm now going to move forward from here, and figure out how to get things working for me again. I physically cannot get my shoulders to relax, and after both Sifu Dennis and now Sifu Brinker asked me why are you so tense, are you injured? its time I get my body fixed. And no, no injuries. Just crabby muscles. I run into walls everyday (literally) but this is so much harder to shake off.

MIA or AWOL?

I never realized how much I let myself get distracted. During the demo last Saturday, I had to force myself to refocus several times, after a stray thought went through my head or when I noticed a book title painted on the wall or when I glanced at the other demo-ees and started oohong and aahing. When this happened, I noticed myself speeding up and had to consciously slow down. This tells me that I practice too fast too much, and I'm reverting to what I've taught myself to do. Bummer. But, I didn't have to improvise the last half this time! Step in the right direction at least.

Now, switching gears about 180 degrees- I just wrote and deleted a very blunt paragraph regarding the attendance, or lack there of, at the last I Ho Chuan class. It was sharp and to the point and I took it out because... well because it was sharp and to the point. So, to get to the point, where is everyone?

There Were Butterflies in that Place, I Swear

The number one, most important thing in self defense is to stay calm. This was reiterated for me last Saturday during the demo. Not that I was in a threatening situation, but after watching the video of the demo you can see where and when I lost my nerve. At least, I can. The second half of the demo was strictly improv on my part- not that I don't know the Tai Chi form, but after I let myself get distracted I could not, no matter what I tried, find my place again. All of Sifu Dennis's words floated out of my head, everything about maintaining my high seat, how I need to shift my weight, keeping my upper body in sync with my legs. I was on survival mode only, and I have to say my survival mode is not pretty. Sorry Sifu Brinker, I was hoping to show you how far I've come.

But, ignoring me, I think the demo was a success. It seems to be getting good reviews, and even though we had a few glitches (what good SRKF demo doesn't) it seemed to me that the crowd was happy with it. I tease my students about paying more attention to the butterflies in the corners than to the instructors when they lose their focus. Besides me, no one seemed to notice the butterflies in that place, and everyone was on their game. Kudos, and thanks to everyone involved for making it happen. Because that's what we did- got up and finally made it happen.

Green Fields and Endless Squeak Toys

So the first of three parts of Operation Pistachio is nearly complete. I'm hoping it'll be received well, and helpful to those it targets.

The demo is coming along, I'm happy and pleasantly surprised that the song I choose worked- I was worried that it would crash and burn but everyone has been working hard and surprisingly understood my brain process when I tried to explain it at the beginning. Thanks for all your hard work everyone!

Tai Chi is coming, but I really feel like a whitebelt again. Its strange- in Kung Fu I can feel if my stances are off, I can understand what a move is trying to accomplish and I can self correct. In Tai Chi I have no eye for detail unless I look at my feet after every move to correct my stance, I have yet to identify the common fundamentals that flow through every technique. In Kung Fu, you can feel if something is wrong even if its new because these fundamentals apply. I can't in Tai Chi. Additionally, I've noticed that Tai Chi amplifies any problems that I have- the tightness in my shoulders affect all my movements, my center lifts in some movements, maintaining my high chair has to be a conscious, continuous effort, I have a problem with the harmony between my hands and feet. Ak. It reminds me of new students- you fix their bow stance, align their hips and they lose it as soon as the switch positions. They can't feel the difference yet. This is happening to me in the toyo (sp?) stance, and its driving me insane. Slowly, I'm developing a sense for the stance, but its been a rude awakening for me. But I'm excited also, because I am learning so much about the movement and the alignment of the body, so much that can help me in the rest of my training. So awesome.

On a bad note, our puppy passed away last night. By puppy I mean very old mutt, but I still remember when my mother and I bottle fed him and the rest of his litter mates. Goodbye Diesel, hope the raw hide is endless and the cats are clawless wherever you are.

I Can't Think of a Witty Title

So, to address last weeks challenge-

To begin with I had a hard time wrapping my head around the mend a relationship requirement. I understood the potential benefit of it, but my problem was that any of my relationships that went sour went sour for a reason. I have a few that definitely were left on a bad note, but these were people who were out of my life for a good reason and by my decision. As its always said, surround yourself with only good, honest people who ask more of you than you do yourself. Hence, I didn't want to mend those relationships.
But I realized I had blinders on. Those were not the only relationships that could use some work, and not the only relationships that were rocky. I've had friends that have moved away, some who made poor decisions and some where I made poor decisions. Everyone does, and if you don't think so look harder. Some relationships were good, but could be better. Some people could use a phone call and a hey, how are ya? or I love you. Those never hurt.
This summer I mended a relationship with an old friend who can be difficult at times, and who I had not seen in two years. We had dinner together, I met her new daughter and caught up on the times. If I hadn't I would have missed out. There are amazing people out there who has so much to offer, and if you don't take that step you can miss the chance at something amazing, knowing someone amazing.

As for my personal goals, gaining my third degree was a no brainer, but maybe not for obvious reasons. For progression, well yes, but I don't like to judge or be judged based on the number of pretty stripes on a belt. They may give some indication of knowledge, but they can't give you a full scope of that individual. However, as Sifu Brinker mentioned, if my students don't see me progress, what will they think? They can't see me in my own class or in my back yard, they only see me in their classes with their curriculum. Will they trust me if they don't see my own progression? Good point, I say.

But I don't Feel Less Wise...

I have to start by apologizing for being mia this last week. Things just came to a grinding halt for me, and it was more because of lack of planning than anything. I never had a fallout plan for if things went bad when I got my wisdom teeth removed, and of course Murfys law had to step in.

But I'm not mia anymore. I'm back. In spirit, anyways. And with all this downtime I've managed to pick a new demo song, came up with a couple ideas to improve the existing demo and came to realize the awesomeness of family, both the related and the kwoon versions.

Public thank you to my ma for all the soup she's made over the last week. Thank you to my pa for playing chauffeur. Thank you to my hubby for the sympathetic shoulder.

And thanks to all you guys for picking up the ball, both in my Onoway classes and in my various commitments in Stony. Hugs all around.

No AAHH!!! No Splat!

I jumped. I have to say that all the pictures show me smiling, but I think it was just frozen on my face the entire time. And for those of you who told me you don't feel the freefall- yes you do! My stomach would have been in my throat had it not been frozen too.

A buddy of mine came with me, who also jumped tandem. I think he had a good time too, although he must have been nervous because he was giggling like a school girl. Sifu Freitag followed Lyle and I out of the plane, and although you can't see her she was beside us for most of the freefall. I apologize, the minute I stepped up to the opening in the plane I forgot everything and everyone else. It was like T.V static in my brain- just a constant buzz of the wind and not much else. My mom and dad came and watched, and now my mom wants to jump too. So, I think I'll be going a second time.

Now, as for the panic- I didn't so much as panic as go into auto pilot. Yes, I was nervous, and I have never had so much adrenaline in my system. When we landed, I held my hand up for Sifu Frietag- it was shaking like a baby's rattle. But, I didn't feel panicked, just... woah.

On the way up in the plane, I was getting excited. That surprised me. At the door I went blank, and in the air I just did what I was instructed to do. I wasn't thinking AAAHHHHHH!!! like I though I would be. I just thought, "Well, its happening". I don't know if thats good or bad. If I had panicked, well then I'd know. Best case scenario was if I had kept my cool, though about what needed to happen, and then followed through. But, neither happened. It was weird. And awesome. Yes, very awesome. I think I need to apologize to Sifu Freitag for giving her so much grief about jumping out of planes for the last 6 years...

Demo 1.0

I think this is the time to explain my theory behind the demo. Those of you on the demo you've heard it already, but for the rest, this is what I'm trying to do.

I want to primarily take the responsibility off of Sifu Brinker and Sifu Playter. It's not their responsibility, its ours. We need to be up to snuff and prepared. That's our problem, if we want to participate in demos and possibly grade.

I want to give everyone the opportunity to be in a demo. This was a chance- be at the practices and you're in. I can't say whether everyone in the demo is where they need to be, but this is the opportunity to get there and to show Sifu Brinker and Sifu Playter that we are. If we're not, then its an opportunity for further practice and feedback.

As for the song I choose and the time restrictions I've placed on everyone- Sifu Brinker has a theory that fast paced, chaotic music will hide our imperfections. And it does. But, I don't want us to be pretty good, I want us to be amazingly awesome to the point that we can do a demo with no music. Yes, its a high standard, but we are supposed to set a high standard. The quick on-and-off way I've arranged it should show our organization and showcase our best. Sifu Brinker and Sifu Playter shouldn't need a 20 minute demonstration to be able to gauge if we're ready. If we're ready, it'll be obvious. If we're not, that too will be obvious. Therefore, we need to make absolutely sure we're ready. If our forms were ready, then putting them together in this fashion should be easy.

As I mentioned, anyone who wanted in is in. I am not one to judge, I'm your peer. I just created an opportunity for people to show that they are ready and we can do this.

Secret Weapons... Fail

So I'm happy with the demo so far, and I can't believe how well its coming together. I knew what I wanted before we even got together on Monday, but whether it was realistic was uncertain until everyone showed me it was. I'm excited to see the final product. And you should see Sihing Lagner with his shades on- super awesome!

As soon as I find the charge cord for my camera, the first part of Operation Pistachio will commence. Perfect timing too- one of my unknowing targets will be around for the next while. The other will have to settle for mail...

I want to wait until the demo is done before I start my other project. Sifu Kichko, I'd love it if you were my partner with this one. You have a great way of keeping me focused and on track. I am exceptionally good at following unrelated tangents and as my mother says, I can be very scatter brained.

Lastly, I went to the Sanshou class last night. Whoa. Sifu Bryant, I know where you're coming from now in regard to Sifu Leitz. Oi, I haven't had my butt whooped like that... ever. Sihing Chessal came in a close second for the beat-down-and-destroy-Sifu-Rybak marathon. Here I thought I'd have a secret weapon against Sihing Chessal, being able to kick him in the head. Tall guy like that probably isn't used to that... right. Quick block followed by a fist in the face taught me otherwise. Oh, and thanks to Mr. Hamilton for being my very own (laughing)cheer team! But you know what? I loved every minute of it!

Pistachio... Look for It

I'm planning on starting three projects right now. Two are concerning the I Ho Chuan and one is my own version of what Sifu Playter is doing- we'll see if I'm as effective as he is regarding the curriculum. I really don't know when I'm going to find the time, but as it was mentioned on Friday its a matter of making the time.

By the way, a buddy am I are scheduled to jump out of a plane this Saturday at 1:30. I'm vibrating like a leaf...

Anyways, since we need to get our butt in gear and get ready for some demo's (nevermind that we have no demo's planned...) I've taken it upon myself to get a team ready for a demo, to be ready for presentation to Sifu Brinker and Sifu Playter next I Ho Chuan class. Therefore, if any of you guys want in you need to be available for practices and you better be at class!!

Second, I want to go through the existing curriculum and define exactly what each technique is for. I don't mean how the choke escapes are to escape from chokes, but how each is connected, what should be learned from each, what is the goal of each and why is it in the curriculum? I know everything is interconnected, but I've never gone so far as to define how or to what, and I honestly don't know if I can fully. Sifu Brinker, do you mind if I bombard you with questions?

Third, I plan to... you'll see. Top secret, at least until the people who this is geared toward find out. Operation pistachio.

Remember the "Keep fit & have fun" Commercials?

Just a quick note to say I've been sick, but Nick and I were able to have a great anniversary regardless. I'll be posting my numbers by the end of the week. 'Till then...!

August Long- Fun in the Sun

On Monday I went to the Winterburn waterpark with my brother, my sister-in-law and their two kids. It was great, even though I have the worlds most awesome raccoon eyes now and a slight pink tinge. Even though I was out playing, I did think of you guys and about the I Ho Chuan, stopping to use my niece as a weight for pull-ups at the top of the slides. She thought it was a great game and I thought geez, she's getting heavy.

I hope everyone had a great long weekend and didn't let the sun stop you from getting your reps in. See you all Friday!

If I say "READ ME" a Second Time, Will it Work?

Sadly, I received very few comments on my last post, where I was hoping that it would work to rally the troops and I'd receive a huge "lets go!" from everyone. I did get a couple, plus one "how could I not read your blog with a title like that?", which is exactly why I named it thus. So I'm going to try a different method (yes, still a blog):

Everyone, what can I do to help you all? Not that I'm so far ahead on my numbers that I can afford to pump out push-ups for you, but maybe we can work something where we both benefit? Where we all benefit? I'm willing to nag, encourage, call at any hour, text, meet up with you and sweat with any of you. So, why not take me up on this non-limited time offer? As I said, I need to play some catch up of a few of my own numbers, and I recognize that if I need help I imagine I'm not the only one. So, I'm sending an offer and a plea out to all, ALL, my fellow teammates- anyone wanna play?

I know its summer and many of us have hit either a rut, a wall or just a snag... I've been through enough years of this to know exactly how easy that is. But, after how many rounds I also know that we need to push though whatever is going on if we are to be successful. And don't hesitate to admit if you need help or if your rut is deeper than you would like to admit- I've been in this for what, four years?, and I have yet to successfully achieve my third stripe. But that doesn't mean that I'm giving up or giving in or whatever. That just means it'll be that much sweeter when I do achieve my third degree (because I will!) and the changes this program strives for will be that much more ingrained in me.

If you're afraid to admit your numbers, let me help you. My name is Khona Rybak, a Sifu at SRKF, a second degree blackbelt for the last (wait, I gotta check the archives...) EIGHT years, meaning I've put in my time but not been eligible for 4 years now, and I have yet to successfully* (see note below) complete one round of the I Ho Chuan, formerly known as the UBBT.

So does your lack of mojo seem so bad now?

Yes, everything above is true. *That does NOT mean I believe the last however many years have been wasted or a disappointment or unsuccessful... yes, unsuccessful... because I am moving forward and I will make that next stripe. I've never been one to rush things anyways.

Everyone Read This

I've been a part of Silent River Kung Fu for the vast majority of my life. I've seen how it can change people, or alternatively how some people choose to walk away. Recently, being a part of the UBBT and now the I Ho Chuan, I have seen this first aspect of Kung fu amplified huge, and I see it every day in the people around me.

I know we've been struggling individually and as a team. Sifu Brinker has developed so many ways for us to succeed, and yet some of us, myself whole heartedly included, continue to struggle with things that should become as easy as breathing. And every time this happens, Sifu Brinker works his butt off to help us, and still ends up pulling out his hair (well, you know what I mean).

So, to Sifu Brinker I say this- you are an extraordinary man who has encouraged, inspired, motivated and changed countless of us into better people than we would have been without you. I am truly sorry that we (me) let you down, but I can also say that despite what you may think, it is NOT your fault. As I mentioned, we are all better people because of you. There's a saying about a horse and water that fits right here. You seem to have found yourself a lovely group of stubborn and silly horses.

And now, to my fellow team members and to every single member of SRKF, and to every other person who happens to stumble across this particular blog- what are we waiting for? Why do we continue to struggle with things we know are obtainable, beneficial and extremely important in our own success? So, get on with it! I challenge all of you to end this year the way it should be ended and to show Sifu Brinker that he has achieved what he is trying to achieve with us. I will not let him think that he has somehow let us down. And I do not want any of you ever again considering letting him down! Because that is exactly what we do every time we skip our push ups, miss a class or figure later is a better time. We let him and ourselves down. No more. Not an option. Got it?

Good with the Bad, Eh?

I feel like I'm in dire straights, my foot kills and obviously I've been tracking no miles (unless I can track limping around the office). I tried a couple rounds with the monks spade, very bad idea. Cool thing is that NOW I have bruising, a week after I crushed the thing, on the bottom & side of my foot. And across my toes. But not where the impact was. That tells you something.

This diet tracking is working to inform me about not so much what I eat, but how much I don't drink (besides coffee). I have cut down the coffee, but I take in almost nothing else, some water here, a sip if Nicks Pepsi here... No wonder I'm tired, my poor body is probably going to throw a mutiny soon.

I already miss my Monday & Wednesday classes, however I'm happy to have the time home. Good news- I'm finally going to meet a goal I set a couple years ago- my house is getting done! I've hired out the interior work, and so I'll have not only drywall but paint! yes, paint! on my walls by the end of summer. AND we're doing the shingles AND some windows! I'll have a home instead of a shelter!!

Good with the bad, eh?

Break a Leg

Despite my busted foot, it's been a good day already. It's my momma's birthday, I've made chili and my bird and my cat are finally getting along. It's gonna be a bright, bright sun shiny day!

Good luck and break a leg to everyone in the demo. I wish I was there.

I Have Such a Long Way to Go, and I'm Thankful For It

Last night Sifu Beckett and I were talking about our Friday class, and I believe I had an epiphany. The two of us ran through Mlong Kuen, and I was trying to pay attention to where in my body I was generating the power and flow, and some things felt great whereas some things felt mechanical and lacked draw from the earth. And I realized the things I felt good with are the moves I had been struggling the most with over the last couple years. There were several places in the form where I had never felt comfortable, and I was constantly looking for feedback on them, asking repetitive questions and fighting with the flow. As always, eventually an answer would ring true with me, or perhaps I'd finally understand the answers I was getting and translating them into movement. On the other hand, the areas of the form where I had always felt comfortable with I was no longer content with.

This reiterated to me the importance of striving for mastery. You will always improve, as long as you are pushing forward. And remember, forward is fluid, circular. So yes, you may feel as though you're moving backward, but it is all essential in reaching for mastery. "Correction is essential to power and mastery". Stewart Emery nailed this. If you are comfortable with something, don't just settle there. In my mind, comfort is just another word for mediocre.

Paw Prints on the Car Door

Last week, en route home one lovely afternoon from Stony Plain I saw a black & white dog laying in the ditch on the side of the highway. It was a sad sight, he was just laying there with his head on his paws. Anyone who knows me knows I can't pass that and forget it, so I pulled a U-turn at the next intersection to go see if the doggie was alright. I noticed the car in front of me made a U-turn too, and who would have guessed that they had the same idea. As they came to a stop across from the puppy, the dog jumped up and ran to the drivers' door, tail wagging.

Two things came out of this- one, the dog was fine. Just taking a snooze in a very bad spot, but dogs will be dogs. Two, I witnessed a stranger take time out of his or her day to ensure a strange animal was okay. I was thrilled- sadly, I usually see people just speed by without a second glance. But, not that day.

It was a good day.

Sorry, I'm Whining

This is going to be quick and painful. I'm sick, feel like I'm going to cough up a lung soon, my shoulder still hurts from Pandamonium & I pulled some muscles in my butt/thigh area last Monday. Needless to say, I've been slacking on my daily stuff. I meant to complete 1000 sit-ups and push-ups last Friday, but me, the couch & the blanket were fused together. We were some strange being I named Khouchet.

I feel better now, but I keep aggravating everything. I did one rep of my monks spade last night with my own spade, and now my shoulder is screaming. I should ice it, but its so cold and rainy already, I just don't wanna.

Yes, I'm complaining. I apologize, most people figure out fast that I'm a whiner when I'm sick. I admit it.

Two Titles- Update 5.0 & Whilst is an Awesome Word

Sorry for the long delay between posts, I was gone for almost two weeks in the bush, and I forgot about it this weekend. But, I'm back!

Still have Hollywood the pigeon, she (I think) looks more like a bird now and less like some freaky sideshow. Doubled in size, double the appetite. Trying to fly, but not quite there. We hung out for a while yesterday in the yard, fresh air and sunlight was good for both of us.

I think I'm done the monks spade, I just need to try it out with my spade (which is significantly heavier) to see if its possible to finish it the way I'm planning. Made progress on it when I was gone and on Friday, but my shoulder is definitely not healing because of it. Progressing wisely is a phrase I need to remember.

Need to play catch-up on my push-ups and sit-ups. Looking forward to this Friday when I have no excuse not to do 1000 of each. Horrah.

Back at work. Bah. I am not one of those people who says they'd go nuts if they just stayed home everyday. I could keep myself busy in our yard for a good two years, in our house for probably three years. And I'm not even kidding about that. If I could find a way to make money whilst staying at home...

Definitely need to get back on track with the diet thing. I have to admit, I lived off of smokies & hot dogs whilst in the bush. I don't think it added to the waist, but I know it didn't subtract either. Also have to admit, had a couple cold bevies that didn't help either. Still managed to drink mostly water though, and less coffee than usual!

And aren't these baby geese cute! View from my momma & papa's house. Momma threw out her back, so get better mommy! I'll mow your lawn for ya!

A Pigeon in a Pear Tree

So I don't know how I get myself into these situations, but it seems that I'll be taking a baby pigeon with me to our annual May long camping trip. Despite my best efforts, I didn't find a home for it yet, although I do have a home lined up for when he's able to feed himself. But, chances are I'll be attached to him and won't want to give him up. He'd fit right in- three stubborn, bratty dogs, two talkative cats and a pigeon (in a pear tree). This counts as one in my acts of kindness tally for sure.

I think most people in the office think I'm completely insane for trying to save this bird, this "rat with wings" as he's being referred to. I'm feeding it every few hours, taking it home at night and I just spent a hundred bucks for a cage, heat lamp, baby bird formula, doggie bowl used as a nest & bird bath spray (all the nests they had were too small). Maybe I am, but I don't care what it is, be it an overpopulated scavenging bird or the last endangered dodo bird, if it needs help I'll do my best. If I can afford the car I drive then I can afford to try and save a life.

On Poptarts & Dentists

I woke up this morning with a memory of a dream, none of which made sense. The one detail I remember most was teaching the kids how to break boards, only instead of using boards they were breaking poptarts. Kung fu sneaks into every part of your life, while dreaming or while awake. And its helpful in so many ways, from catching something you drop before it breaks to having the patience & discipline to wait quietly in the dentists' office. Sometimes this can backfire, like when Sifu Beckett instinctively caught falling knife blades while driving, or this morning when I had a strange craving for poptarts with blue & purple icing. But normally, its all good stuff. It's upsetting when I see a student leave the school. They are walking out on all this good stuff, opportunities that are not going to present themselves elsewhere or with the same frequency. When you see a student leave after years of training is even worse, because they should be aware of what they are leaving. To me, when you become aware, walking out is not an option. I was talking to my mom in the dentists office yesterday about this. She gets upset when I mention a new injury or ache. You have to admit, what we do is hard on the body. I'm starting to have issues with my knees, and my mom is scared I'm going to be crippled soon. The way I see it, I'm happy that it took this long to develop. And no, I will not be crippled. I just have aches and injuries on occasion. But no matter what, she agrees that the benefits far outweigh any chance of injury. Far outweighs.

Proof that 3am Exists!

See what you all are missing? Yes, this was strictly to make you all jealous, and to encourage you all to come by today and see what the Pandamonium is all about! Now I know 3am isn't just a fairy tale. Now to prove 4am is out there too!

Slidy Stabby Slidy... Try to Say That 3 Times Fast

So I'm having more trouble with my monks spade. My shoulder still argues, but we've compromised; it hurts after, and I do it anyways. But now, I'm trying to incorporate slidy stabby slidy motions instead of just poking the guy, but my hands don't want to slide and I end up stabbing myself in the chest each time I try to draw the spade back. I'm going to have to cave and get gloves or something, even though I prefer bare hands. Pandamonium is getting here quick, and I haven't reached my goal of raising $1000 yet. But, I still have hope. My brother is coming over tonight to do some plumbing stuff, and I plan on pulling the sweet little-sister-in-a-bind clause. That'll help. Additionally, I'm looking forward to spending time in the kwoon this Saturday. I plan on getting a lot done on my spade in the wee hours of the morning. However, I'm nervous on how I'm going to perform during the dragon dance after pulling an all nighter. We shall have to see. I gave up looking for a late night course for sign language and bought a couple books (one came with a DVD!). I think I'm learning the dummied down version, but if I can ask where the nearest coffee shop is, I'm happy. I've pulled my bike out of hibernation, which my butt can attest to. I'M GOING TO HAVE MY HOUSE BACK!!! This was a goal from a couple years past, to finally make good progress on our house renovations. Well, I've convinced Nick to let me hire someone. We've finally admitted we don't have the time, so if we want this done it's going to have to be done by someone else. I'll miss the chance to do it ourselves, since I really enjoy working with Nick. Surprisingly, we work well together. But realistically, it'll take a millennium for us to do it alone. Besides, we need a house if we want to start a family, which hopefully will be in the stars at some point. And if anyone can tell me how to get this new blogger format to show the paragraph breaks, I'd be very grateful!

Politics...

Forgot to post this, but this is where my brain was Monday... It's election day, and I'm currently trying to finish my research on the represented parties in my district. After reading platforms, promises and mud slinging comments, I'm jaded. Politics had never been a passion of mine, but I've recently figured out that there are things important to me that are heavily affected by all this government mumbo jumbo and brewhaha. So, I'm doing my homework. And I'm jaded about the whole thing.

I Need a Smack Upside My Head

A common topic with martial artists is recent injuries, and how they are helping or hindering. I haven't had any recent serious injuries, but listening to Sifu Stoddart on Saturday talk about chronic pain due to her sciatic nerve rang a bell with me. I don't have the same problem, but I do have chronic back pain, neck pain & shoulder pain. I don't know why. Or rather, I can't identify a specific incident or injury that caused it. I think its the result of use and abuse over the years, all my own fault.

It doesn't normally interfere, but it does drive me crazy. People have made comments on how often I grunt or groan when I bend over or pick up something, put on my jacket, sit for too long. I'm finally noticing how often I say "my back hurts". Right now, my back and shoulders ache. Not so much that I can't go about my day, but enough that I want it gone.

Thinking about it, I'm realizing that it does interfere. I'm reluctant to go hard when completing the jumps in Mlong Kuen & spear. I try to just suck it up and do it anyways, but the jar at the end usually keeps me from doing too many in a night. It makes it harder to want to do my push-ups, cuz that just wreaks havoc on my back and shoulders. Sit-ups don't hurt until the next day. Then my back tightens up like crazy.

Sadly, I can't blame a car accident or such. It's all me, failing to take care of my body before it was too late. My mom can say "I told you so" a thousand times over.

Moral of the story- don't be stupid. I was, and I'm regretting it. I imagine I'll regret it for the rest of my days. I did get a contact from a friend for a great chiropractor and a doctor, and I intend on making an appointment with both. I was stupid and got myself in this mess. I need to be smart and seek out someone who can make it better.

After that, I'll consider finding out what I did to my foot three weeks ago in class. Still hurts. And my knees, which crackle and pop more than the cereal. Oh, and try to identify the random pain I get in my ribs on occasion. And the itchy, numb lump I get in the same place on my forehead every couple months...

Wow, I've been dumb.

Sweet & Simple

Springs here, and my laundry is done. Who can ask for more.

Mutiny

I know the week isn't over yet, but I've had a good week. Although my Monks Spade still has a very far ways to go, I know I'm gonna get there. I've has several people strongly advise that I wear a helmet when I'm swinging that thing. I guess it looks scary with a few close calls- that's what I'm hoping for. I don't feel out of control, and I do know when to abort. That's what I want, something that looks like a whirlwind of terror, but where I really am in control. Yes, I have a few skin cells missing from my hands. Mainly from my right thumb, so at least I'm consistently off. Easier to fix, no?

However, I've hit a small roadblock- there's a move I'm trying to get comfortable with but it won't let me. I roll the spade behind my back, and each time my right shoulder threatens mutiny on me. Huh.

On another note- I'm playing an April Fool's joke on Dean and the other project manager. I've rotated their desktop 180 degrees. Too bad I can't figure out how to invert their mouse icon too... Office mutiny, so much fun!

I Had Already Named her Crutches

I had a.. week, last week. I can't say bad week, although there were a few rough spots, and I don't want to say good week because it really was rough.

On Sunday, en route back from my parents I had to swerve around a kitten who was dragging itself across the road. I stopped, and it was immediately obvious that her back was broken. Otherwise, she seemed okay. I took her to the vet, with the hope that she could still be saved, and maybe become a wheel kitty. The vet crushed that quick- she would be unable to clean herself, purge herself, unable to do anything another cat would. To me, it was a matter of would this cat rather be bound to wheels but otherwise safe and happy, or dead. The vet managed to convince me that she would never be happy. I still feel guilty, sad, and a bit angry at the situation. I knew this cat for maybe half an hour, but I cried for her, and I miss her.

On a better note, this Pink Method is working. In 1 week, I'm down 5lbs and 3". Boo yeah.

Friday was awesomely awesome. I received invaluable feedback from Sifu Hayes regarding Tai Chi Broadsword. The amount he managed to fix in me on Friday makes me excited for next class. How much further will I progress then?

Yesterday was fun. Of course I made the mistake of wearing my good shoes to the kwoon renos. Ah well, didn't stop me from wearing them now.

Go Pink, or Go Home

I've officially started a new program today called the Pink Method. I hate calling it a diet, its just a formal healthy eating regime. I don't believe in diets, but I do believe in healthy eating and lifestyle. Its broken into four phases; Reset, Primary, Shred and Preservation. They're exactly what they sound like- Reset is boosting your metabolism, Primary is introducing slow carbs and fruits with workouts. The Shred is meant to get you over the lull you can hit, and Preservation is, well, to keep you where you're at.

My mom actually first heard of this on Dr. Phil I think. After I read through it, it seemed logical and well, very doable. I've struggled with other methods that tell you to eat nothing but chicken and brown rice, or eat a bazillion times a day ( I struggle to find the time for once or twice a day).

That is the other thing I want to change about myself. I do consider what I eat, but I don't place enough importance on how I eat, when and how often. I eat when I have a minute, which usually doesn't happen until 2 or 3 in the afternoon, and sometimes not until after class. Or, I find the time for lunch, but then supper gets pushed back until 9 or 10pm. I don't even try for breakfast, unless I wake up two hours early to catch a ride with Nick into town.

But, as Sifu Brinker said, the UBBT was his original excuse to do something for himself. So I've made a promise to myself to put this first, and ultimately myself before work or laundry or schedules.

I'll keep you posted.

Enjoying Retirement

So a quick note on Liu Bei Sr., I spent some time with him this Saturday afternoon. He was cozy in my bedroom, but I figured he's old enough to have his own bedroom now, and so he'll be moving into one of the bedrooms upstairs. I gave him some TLC before the big move, dusted him off, groomed his horsehair and gave him a new shoelace for his mouth. Currently, he's just hanging out on the top of our staircase. He's grown since last you've seen him, and he's just waiting patiently for me to take the bedroom door off it's hinges before he settles in.

Oh, he says hi and eat your lettuce.

A Bug, But Definitely Not the Lovebug

Well, I caught whatever bug was going around our office. No fun. Been down going on two days, but I'll be heading to class in a few minutes regardless. I hate the feeling of being medicated, but I haven't been able to drag myself off the couch otherwise. Wish me luck, and I'll do my best not to share.

It Couldn't Be Done

Believe it or not, I'm reading a chapter called "Dealing with Procrastination" in a book called Productivity Power. At the end of the chapter (which is only 5 pages long, guess the writer figured he'd better get to the point before we decided to put it off for a while) is a poem, which I'm going to quote here.

It Couldn't Be Done by Edgar A. Guest

Somebody said that it couldn't be done,
But he with a chuckle replied.

That "maybe it couldn't", but he would be one
Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried.

So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he'd worried, he hid it.

He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed "Oh, you'll never do that;
At least no one has ever done it."

But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew, he'd begun it.

With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit.

He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure;

There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.

But buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;

Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That "cannot be done" and you'll do it.

I like it. I plan on working "quiddit" into my daily vocabulary too.

He Also Found the Milk in the Pantry Once

I don't really have anything specific to write about, so this is going to be a montage of things I've thought about over the last week or so.

I was just outside looking at the stars. I know we learn about stars and planets in school, but it doesn't really hit home about the size of this place until you're looking up at the sky and go, woah.

Animals are smarter than we realize. Chloe was staring at me from the floor, but as soon as I gave her a nod she jumped right up on the couch beside me. Have you heard that gophers have the most sophisticated language next to us?

Alternating from regular push ups to tricep push ups can leave you stranded on the floor.

Zombies are real. I watched Nick try to wake up at 3am this morning (had to be at work for 5). I went back to sleep.

When a rock is coming toward your windshield, I dare you not to duck. Now that's instinct in action.

A student asked me "when your doing a high rising block, what is your other arm doing?". I don't think anyone else in the room understood why I got so excited. Oh the teaching possibilities.

Several months ago, our coffee creamer went missing. After 3 days, Nick found it in the microwave. This is a good indication that I really need to practice "Where am I? What am I doing?" more often.

Traded Sand for Snowflakes

I'm back at work. I'm glad to be home, glad to be back at classes and such, but I really do miss the beach and not having to wake up at 5am. Took the dogs for a walk on Sunday since I'm not hiking and wandering Hawaii anymore. I learned it's easy to wrack up miles when you're in a tropical climate. Not so much here, with colder weather and icy roads, and no beach to wander down.

I still have my tan though. Proof that warmer weather exists!

Oh, I wanted to post this picture with my last post, but I couldn't figure out my iPad. Congrats to my brother and his lovely new wife!

Aloha

Right now I'm in Hawaii, and I have to say I know the weather there has been nice, but the weather here is great! Sorry, I just had to get that out of the way.

My brother got married two days ago. It was beautiful, married on the beach just after sunrise. My big brothers all grown up now..

I haven't forgotten about the I Ho Chuan. I can't say I've kept up with everything, but I'm making sure I don't fall so far behind that I can't catch up again in a couple weeks. I tried to build up a cushion before I left, but sadly it wasn't big enough.

See you next week.

Year of the Dragon (And Her Family!)

Tonight was the first I Ho Chuan class of the new year, and of the new team. I thought it was amazing that even though I do not attend classes at Stony during the week (excluding Fridays), I recognized every face there tonight. It gives me the feeling that this team is going to do amazing things. SRKF has broken new ground in previous years, and I don't doubt that this team will again this year.

Sifu Brinker talked about keeping motivation and focus throughout as being the key to mastery. I can attest to this, not because I have thus managed to accomplish it, but because I have not. I know I lose focus and motivation quickly. My first, second and third time around blatantly tell me this. But, I have the solution. I want to develop the first ever Sifu Brinker bobble-head, complete with a little button that you can push any time you lose focus and it'll spit out motivational phrases. "Where am I? What am I doing?" or "Only 80 more push-ups" or " The answer is... 42".

But since I first need funding for my plan, I need to think of a more immediate solution to my lack of motivation. And, I want to figure it out and implement it before I fall behind. Proactive, it's a new thing for me.

I don't think there is any other way other than to make sure I'm fully engaged with my team mates. I am the loner that tries to do it on her own, the one Sifu Brinker mentioned tonight. I always have been, and its been difficult admitting that I can't do it by myself. I remember it being a part of my speech at my blackbelt promotion ceremony, talking about my ability and independence and blah blah. I got it so wrong. I cannot be alone in this now, just as I was not alone in it then. Horrah. Lightbulb. Finally.

By the way, I'm not a dragon, I'm a rat. But, big or little, we all need family!

Take a Chance on Me

For the last couple months its been a struggle to find the time to eat, clean, sleep. I'm home only on Sundays and Tuesday evenings for any length of time. But, its okay. I finally feel good about what I'm accomplishing, what I'm helping others accomplish and in my general direction regarding my training. Nick says he misses me, but fully understands what I'm doing an why (although he thinks I'm a bit crazy).

Its a struggle, and Sifu Brinker is right when he says you find you can't relate to people who are not martial artists. They don't understand why you would be willing to sacrifice home time and free time for a "hobby". The abuse we put our bodies through, the sacrifices, the incredible devotion it takes to live the stuff we teach. My usual response to "why would anyone do that?" is to smile & shrug. I've tried to explain, and the only person who's come close to understanding is my dad.

When I think of my training, the sacrifices I make are not the first things I think of. I think about who I am because of it about who I wouldn't be if I never joined. I think about whats its given me, not what its taken. The ability to walk with confidence, the ability to catch my coffee before it hits the ground, the ability to take joy in how the snow covers the trees, how it gets so quiet at night, to recognize each and every moment for what it gives us.

Its strangely satisfying, listening to ABBA and mending a dragon. You have to live it to understand.

Happy Happy I Ho Chuan

Its already a new year, and I know I need a game plan. Fist step is completed- enlist myself once again. Step two was determine my requirements.

This year I tried to change my thought process when I set my goals. I added skydiving, not because I want to try to fly but because I have always wondered if I have the ability to stay calm in specific situations, and what better way to find out than jump out of a plane? I thought of a situation that would guarantee scare the heebee jeebee's out of me, induce panic and raise my hackles. I figured it was the same as getting hit for the first time- you really have no idea what you're in for the first time you take a heavy one to the body. I have no idea what a full on panic frenzy, scared stupid situation will do to me, be it turn me into a blob of sobbing jelly or Iron Woman. Well, I'll let you know when I find out. I'm aiming for the second scenario.

Next is learn sign language. I've always been impressed and a wee bit jealous of bilingual people. I think its an invaluable skill, having the ability to communicate with more of the population. I considered French, since I have several years of high school French to work with (but je suis, tu est, il/elle est, nous sommes, vous etes is about all I remember). I considered Spanish, since I've had language barriers with people I've worked around. Eventually I settled on sign language. Empathy is a huge part of what we do and teach. I cannot imagine how hard it could be to loose the ability to verbally communicate. Perhaps if I learn sign language, one day I may be able to use it to help someone communicate at a grocery store, gas station, ball game, who knows.

For the mastery of two forms requirement, I choose Tai Chi, Monks Spade and Tai Chi Broadsword. It reminds me of a buddy's t-shirt "There are three types of people in the world; those who are good at math and those who aren't". I have very specific reasons for each form I choose. In previous posts I've mentioned Tai Chi as being my nemesis and my sidekick. Still true today. I love Tai Chi, I can feel how it changes my body mechanics, induces flow and chi, teaches balance, strength, harmony. I'm a very visual learner. If I am learning a new technique, I'll watch Sifu Brinkers' hands, feet, knees, shoulders, hips, and absorb how they move, when and where they go, why they move, how they flow together. I watch for the correlation between whats happening and how he's getting there. There are underlying principles in Kung Fu that can be seen in everything we do. I have a harder time seeing these things in Tai Chi. I see the way Sifu Dennis moves. I see what she's doing, how it induces flow and relieves stress on the joints, forces you to move in alignment with your body. But for the life of me I can't translate it into my own body. So, I ask her for help. A lot. A good example being Carrying the Tiger to the Mountain; Sifu shows me, breaks it down, works with me, corrects me, encourages me. I follow beside her and I can mimic what she's doing, but the minute she is gone I lose it. I feel like I'm always mimicking instead of making it my own. Hence, make it a priority and do it a thousand times until it is my own.

Tai Chi Broadsword is another one, for all the reasons I listed above. But now, lets put a weapon in my hand and do it all over again.

Monks Spade. How to explain this... I need to challenge myself. I need to get myself into the best shape of my life, strengthen muscle and build endurance. What better way than to heave around (with technique!) a big, long, heavy weapon, which will force me to build muscle, endurance, patience, dedication, commitment, confidence?

These aren't all my requirements, but I think they're the ones what needed some explanation. And, they'll give the other blackbelts challenges as well- Sifu Dennis will get to spend loads of time with me (insert wink here), Sifu Freitag will have to think of a way to peel me off the wing of a plane, and everyone will have to get good at dodging when I'm practicing the Monks Spade!