Opportunity

So I've locked down my requirements for next year and I can say they look different than previous years, due to the coming changes in our lives. Nothing makes you think of your future like an imminent injection of family.

I've been struggling to reduce the intensity I do some things. I'm always trying to get intensity out of my students, and last Thursday I found myself struggling to pull back when working with Sifu Langner on a couple simple counters. Forms are a little different, I can soften them just by changing my intention but when it comes to application my intention seems to be a bit more stubborn. It's something I'll take the opportunity to work on though, as there is opportunity in all changes.

Sifu Brinker mentioned this as a chance to work on flow. I find this extremely timely as per the feedback I received a few weeks ago regarding my shoulders and the impact they have on how I move. I have to tackle this on a couple different planes- first, rehabilitate my shoulders as I should have done a long time ago. I didn't think much of it; they ache but I didn't think they were impeding my physical abilities anymore. I was mistaken. Then I'll need to retrain my body to quit compensating for them. Not to mention I'll have to retrain my body after carrying around two growing puppies (as they've been referred to, accurately I think) for nine months. During this I'll have to change my thinking and change my intentions, where I'm trying to take my training, or rather how I'm approaching my training.

I'm getting excited about this, new opportunities and new ways of looking at things. We'll have to wait and see what happens.

Change is Coming

I hope everyone had as much fun at the Festival of Trees as I did. I can relate to Sifu Csillag's post- I usually don't make eye contact with an audience but this demo felt so intimate and the kids were so close I found myself smiling at them while I performed. It was rewarding, this demo, in a way that others have not been.

Unfortunately I'll have to significantly lessen my role in the new years demo and whatever others are in the foreseeable future. I don't know how much I will be able to or should be doing at that point in time and want you all to know that I'm not slacking on the team, I promise. I'm pregnant. I considered telling everyone at the next meeting but it's nice to hide behind a screen so no one sees me blush. I am on the team next year, but in planning my goals there has been a significant shift, understandably I'm sure. I'll be doing my best to stay engaged and I'll minimize my absence when it comes.

Oh, I should mention one last bombshell. We're expecting twins.

Goals

Reviewing my personal goals, I have to say that although I've made progress on them all I will not meet them. However, I'm happy to say this year was a year when I finally hit some of my old goals from years past, bigger projects and undertakings. So, I guess I'm a few years behind but on the way?

There was one goal this year that I call a success, although the numbers do not support that conclusion. I wanted to regain control over an out of control situation and originally thought meditation would be the answer and therefore I set a requirement. The number of minutes I've accumulated are minimal, however through other means I've regained the control I sought. This I'd see as a victory. And I believe that now more so than before meditation would be beneficial, a way to maintain what I have gained. As such, I'm not dropping the requirement but renewing my dedication to it.

It saddens me that I did not dedicate myself more to my personal goals. They were goals that meant something to me but seemed insignificant when compared to everything else. Yes, I still have time, but I know I won't meet them in totality. I just want to be further ahead at the end of the year than I am right now.

Motivation

I have been severely lacking motivation lately. I know that when I'm active my energy levels will increase but it's hard to start when you're already ready for bed at 9am. I find that when I wake up already drained it takes everything I have to complete the minimum required in a day, never mind stacking on form reps or housework. I know there are a few factors I can't control that are contributing to the problem, but that only seems to make it easier to wave it off. That is not what I want to do.

I've been writing out daily or weekly lists for myself and that seems to help. The simple act of crossing something off is motivating. Problem is I'm finding myself doing little bits here and little bits there. Instead of doing my 5 reps I'll do one and then I never seem to get back to them. I'm never able to cross that off on any given day. Which in turn becomes disheartening.

As Sifu Beckett mentioned, when I've committed to someone specifically I find the motivation to follow through. I managed three days of pulling fence this weekend which tells me expenditure of energy is not going to kill me. But I'm in a rut. Self motivation is something I've struggled with for what feels like forever. My permanent downfall.

Why We're Different

My mom put my brother and myself into Kung Fu when I was 9. Rene was 11. He was being bullied at school, had been placed in trashcans and other things that kids do. I wasn't being bullied but being young and female my mom saw the value of putting me in classes as well. She wasn't thinking of getting her kids trained up to throw a punch back. She wanted us to have confidence and the skills to deal with conflict.

Fast forward a few years. I'm still in school and kids are still being kids. The thing I remember is knowing that these kids shouldn't be doing these things. I know it's wrong. I find myself wanting to distance myself from specific people who pick on the younger kids, are starting to experiment with alcohol, smoking and other things. They're skipping classes and inviting me along. Academics are not as important as reputation. I learn the confidence to say no and to ignore the comments thrown at my back as I walk away. I'd rather go to social than to go to the pond and drink. I become friends with other likeminded kids who don't see the value in being one of the "cool crowd".

Interestingly enough, I wanted to quit kung fu. My mom would hear none of it, dragging my whining butt to classes twice a week.

Few more years forward. I'm living in the city in my very first apartment with a friend from high school. She was one of those who would rather be cool than be educated. I'm going to Grant MacEwan, she's working at Safeway. One Thursday night a few other friends of ours come over. One of them brings along some "recreational foods". All my friends are giggling and acting stupid. Instead of joining in I go to bed- I have an early lab the next day. I have no interest in their activities even though I can hear them calling my name though the bedroom wall.

Even though I live in the city I still make the drive twice a week out to Onoway. Classes are now a part of me and I never considered quitting when I moved away, just made sure my class schedule worked around those times.

A decade later. I'm teaching kids how to be confident, how to think for themselves and to connect the dots between what is right and kind. What kind of person they want to be and how to succeed. Although I have been in several altercations I have never had to throw a punch. When someone says something to me with the intent to harm I let it go as I understand that they themselves must be hurting somehow. I have confidence enough in myself to know the difference between insult and a harsh reality check and to be able to take criticism in an effort to be a better version of me. I know how to throw a kick and I know how to physically hurt another person but I find no desire to. I am strong without having to throw a fist.

So tell me, do you think we teach kids how to deal with a bully? Or to make the right choices, to succeed in life? Because I sure do. This is not just another activity to put your child into until they loose interest. I thank my mother for understanding that when I, being young, couldn't. I know it would have been easier on her to just let me quit, but she didn't. She also couldn't always be there when I was being pressured or when I had a choice to make, but she made sure I had the best chance the right tools to make the right decisions.

Peace in the World

You all know of the ongoing Cranes for Peace project, but I want to be sure everyone understands why.

Taken from http://www.city.hiroshima.lg.jp

Visitors to Peace Memorial Park see brightly colored paper cranes everywhere. These paper cranes come originally from the ancient Japanese tradition of origami or paper folding, but today they are known as a symbol of peace. They are folded as a wish for peace in many countries around the world. This connection between paper cranes and peace can be traced back to a young girl named Sadako Sasaki, who died of leukemia ten years after the atomic bombing.

Sadako was two years old when she was exposed to the A-bomb. She had no apparent injuries and grew into a strong and healthy girl. However, nine years later in the fall when she was in the sixth grade of elementary school (1954), she suddenly developed signs of an illness. In February the following year she was diagnosed with leukemia and was admitted to the Hiroshima Red Cross Hospital. Believing that folding paper cranes would help her recover, she kept folding them to the end, but on October 25, 1955, after an eight-month struggle with the disease, she passed away.

Sadako's death triggered a campaign to build a monument to pray for world peace and the peaceful repose of the many children killed by the atomic bomb. The Children's Peace Monument that stands in Peace Park was built with funds donated from all over Japan. Later, this story spread to the world, and now, approximately 10 million cranes are offered each year before the Children's Peace Monument.

We are currently at two thousand, six hundred and forty-five cranes folded. Ultimately, they will be boxed and sent to their new home in Hiroshima as a symbol of our desire for peace. But for now, they will hang in our kwoon as a reminder of our potential impact in the world, what it could be if we choose to.

Plum Blossoms

It's been rewarding to walk up to the kwoon and to glance over and see the trees nicely planted and growing. Thank you to everyone who contributed in this years maintenance week.

What many of you don't know is that those trees were not just planted to enhance the school. They are a thank you and a reminder that we are always growing. They were planted for Sifu Brinker to commemorate the thirtieth anniversary of his school. Thirty years. That's how long it's been around. It didn't always look the same but like those trees it's grown from his leadership into what we see now, bearing the fruit of his labour and looking to only get stronger with every passing year.

Okay, thats enough with the metaphors. Thank you Sifu Brinker. It's been your leadership and guidance that has shaped the school and many of us into what you see today. Your knowledge and experience is invaluable, your sincerity and compassion compels us to better ourselves and your willingness to invest yourself in us is deeply, deeply appreciated.

Thank you.

Here's to the next thirty years.

Concepts

Sometimes I find myself getting too wound up in the specifics instead of following the intention. Regarding the stripes, they are created to support specific ideals and to develop certain skills. But it is easy to forget about the why and only worry about the what. It likens to asking how many licks to the centre of a tootsie pop. It doesn't really matter, does it? It doesn't change the journey, only fogs up the road.

The syllabus changes. If it didn't then there would be no chance for evolution. But the curricular ideals have not changed, not since I first started training and I guarantee not since you've started training. If we can keep this in front of us then the uncertainty of the syllabus shouldn't affect how we train and how we approach our goals. Whats our goal? Developing the six harmonies. Know what will help that? These forms. Whats our goal? Developing our vocabulary of motion. Know what will help? Striking these targets or sparring with these drills. Thats what we need to keep in front of us. The specifics are only there to help support the concepts.

In my own training I try to just listen and hear what I'm being told. Which is harder than it sounds.

Update!

So, how's it going? With your requirements, I mean. And life in general, sure!

So, I suck. I have a spreadsheet for tracking my IHC requirements- according to my computer I haven't opened it since June 19. So, you know that I haven't been tracking... which, I know, is a big part of the process. Well, I'm back on track. At least for the last two days. Hopefully tomorrow will make three, Saturday four...

Which sucks. I know I've spent a lot of time on Tai Chi but I have next to nothing recorded. A very few number of requirements I have the ability to look back, blog posts for instance, but that doesn't mean much in the grand scheme.

So, can't be accountable if I don't admit where things are at. Here's to starting again. (And again, and again, and again).

A Lesson in Gratuity, Appreciation & Mindfulness

So this is one of those stories that you probably had to be there to get the full impact. Despite that, I'll try my best to relay its significance to me.

So on Saturday Nick and I attended my niece's tenth birthday. We got home around 6:30, both fairly tired and ready to relax. When I pulled up I saw my cat Jim running up to greet us in the driveway. I was in a rush as I had to turn around and leave again before I could relax, so I never stopped to give him pets or bring him inside for the night.

When I got home the second time Nick was fast asleep. I thought I'd just stretch out for a minute before continuing my day. Alas, I didn't wake up until around 10. Long story short I was up until around 2am calling Jim to come in for the night. He has stayed outside overnight before but it is not a usual occurrence. I was convinced he'd greet me in the morning for breakfast and some love, as he usually does.

Come Sunday, no Jim. We have our coffee, no Jim. We start our day, no Jim. I began to worry and needless to say I put on 19000 steps between 11 am and 3:30pm. All I was thinking about is that I saw him yesterday afternoon. He was right there, alive and looking for love from me and I ignored him, too wound up in have to do's. Finding the coyote scat and seeing fresh, massive paw prints all around our house in the bushes where Jim likes to prowl did not help the thoughts running in my head. A Facebook post went up to the locals, I asked all the neighbours I saw and I walked our road too many time to count.

Then Nick randomly asks me if I feel better now. Why would I? I ask. Because Jim is lounging on the steps. Are you sure that isn't Jack? I'm sure, I was petting him.

I bolt to the front and behold, my cat chitters at me like nothing is amiss.

I wasn't sure whether to snuggle him to death or wring his neck.

Needless to say I'll be much more aware of opportunities as the present themselves and I've been annoyingly ensuring my animals know they're loved. Which is a lesson I will also apply to the humans in my life.

Love you guys!!

Letter to the PM

Dear Prime Minister Trudeau,

I’d like to start by stating that I’m a young woman from Alberta, born and raised here, and I hope to start a family one day and this is the reasoning for my letter to you.

I want to thank you. I can imagine the volume of negative messages and letters you have received, many I’m sure from my home province. I hear it too; it seems I’m surrounded by people who think so much differently than I do. I’ve been ridiculed for my views and so I can only imagine what you must hear on a daily basis.

So I want to thank you for doing it anyways. Creating policies with not only the economy but the environment mind, making decisions with the long term future of Canada in mind instead of only short term gain. We finally have a leader that can see the greater picture, isn’t afraid to base his decisions and actions on what he deems right instead of what will create the greatest profit or what will ruffle the fewest feathers.

As I stated, I hope to be starting a family soon. I want to know that the world my children will inherit will be a hopeful, healthy and honest one. I want to know they will breathe clean air, drink clean water, have happy, stable homes and live without fear of persecution for their beliefs. I cannot put the weight of this solely on your shoulders as it is the responsibility of all people, but I am happy knowing that we have a leader who is helping drive the changes necessary for this world to prosper instead of falter.

So please, continue to do what you know to be right. I may not always agree with you, but I can respect you for living by your beliefs and thinking of the future of this country. People cry for change but cry louder when their status quo is threatened. I’m sure the growing pains will be rough, but without these struggles this country will never advance nor see a better future.

Sincerely,
Khona Rybak
Sandy Beach, Alberta
Canada

There are times in your life when you have decisions to make and those decisions can change your perception. Sometimes you don't even realize you've changed paths until you're a ways down it.

I've had seeds thrown at me for years. This time last year one of the seeds finally stuck. Then there was the challenge set out by Sifu Brinker. That was the sprout.

We live in a world of consumerism and capitalism. Anything that is inconvenient conveniently gets ignored. When you become passionate about something then you cannot ignore the issues that surround it, otherwise you are tying your hands and limiting your ability to make a difference. You have to be open to differences in opinion. Otherwise how do you know your opinion is what's best for you?

With this said, I write this as a narrative of my own experiences and belief and not as a judgement on anyones lifestyles. This is a very personal choice and no one lives in your shoes so no one can judge your decisions.

I've always held the belief that life is sacred. All life, not just human life. I never understood why so many I know hold the belief that a human life is worth more than a dog or cat or any other creature. Why would it when the only difference is in our DNA. A stroke of luck once upon a time. Chloe is programmed to grow fur and chase birds. I'm programmed walk on two legs. We both have language, have emotions and value our lives. We both value each other.

Just because I value her life equally does not mean I value my own any less. No one seems to understand that part.

I started this blog back in 2008 and aptly named it A Dog's Way of Thinking. Although the name changed, my reasoning has not. Dogs are compassionate. They kill out of necessity, not because they are malicious or cruel. You may argue that but when they kill it always has to do with survival and instinct. Their need may change but their instinct is still there.

We used to live like that. We don't anymore. We kill for greed. Industry, currency and convenience drive most of our decisions, not instinct or need. It hurts my heart to think about it. It hurts my heart to think about the suffering I've caused needlessly. I don't want to think about it, but I have to if I am to make a difference. Change starts with one person. In my case, it's me. In your case, it's you.

I'm hesitant to post this, but the way I see it if I don't ruffle a feather or two then I probably didn't say anything that needed to be said.

Girl Without a Season

Every see that movie called The Happening? Where the trees start giving off some kind of pheromone that kills off the human race? Thats my life right now. Except its grass and trees and anything green thats trying to kill me.

The only benefit so far is that I'm awake at some cursed hour and can get some things done before my day starts. Dishes done, laundry in, desk cleaned off, caught up on blogs, second cup of coffee. Oh, and working on my own blog.

I'm looking for the bright side of this and having some troubles. Spending more time with Chuck as the poor guy has the same affliction. He and I are popping Benadryl like candy. Who would have thought a dog could have seasonal allergies? Glad my vet told me Benadryl is safe for pups.

How is this related to my IHC? I have no idea.

Fields of Scruffy

You may or may not have noticed that there are always fresh flowers on the altar. Right now, there is a bouquet of scruffy white daisies. Once or twice a year when my daisies are in bloom I have the chance to provide the flowers for the altar right from my own garden. I kinda puff with pride when I see them as I know I'm contributing, even if in a small, unnoticeable way.

Ever since Sifu Brinker decided to always have fresh flowers I've been doing my best to ensure they are there. It warms my heart to do this small thing. I feel pride when I look around the kwoon and I can see where I've left my mark. Literally and figuratively.

Taking ownership in the kwoon has helped my own training tremendously. When you take pride in something you have you tend to take better care of it; when you take pride in what you do you tend to try and do it well. As it is mentioned, we are family and the kwoon is our home. I am proud and humbled to be a part of your life and training, and I want the best for us. So, I try to take care of our home.

I encourage all of you to find some daily part of the kwoon that you can take ownership of. The grass, the grounds, the plants, the planters. Or just round up the dust bunnies when they appear. Something tangible that helps you feel like it is a home you can be proud knowing you're a part of. The school will be only a school to you until you make it your home. When it becomes your home it becomes a part of you and I promise you the returns are a thousand fold.

Wage Peace

I will write peace on your wings and you will fly all over the world. -Sadako Sasaki

Today there are countless children in this country alone who have not known a time of peace. The wars in the world may not physically reach our borders but we are all affected. Every life that is lost in result of a bomb dropped or a missile launched, distant or not, is a loss to humanity for the potential of those lives will never be fulfilled and the knowledge, progress and lessons this world may have benefitted from is lost with them. Compassion has to start with those who have the ability to be merciless, for those people also hold the power to be empathetic.

Several weeks ago the childrens classes participated in folding cranes for peace. I have a box of cranes folded by these kids waiting to be strung together and eventually shipped to Hiroshima. I am humbled every time I look at it. My hope is to instill the value of empathy and compassion into these kids, to teach them that these are the qualities that give people the ability to change the world. Making intelligent, informed and compassionate decisions will ultimately create a more compassionate world to live in. Ignorance breeds fear and resentment which leads to indifference and violence.

I do not know how reach every individual in the world. However I intend to reach as many as I can in hope that they will someday reach others. And I know that this school is the best vessel I know of. The cranes we fold are an invaluable means, a tangible symbol of compassion and empathy.

One little girl was able to reach across the world with her plea for peace. Imagine if a whole generation did the same.

This is our Cry. This is our Prayer. Peace in the world.

Friends

I've been thinking hard and working on one requirement specifically- mending a relationship. I find this requirement has been a very powerful one in the past years, with a huge impact and far reaching implications. There are always going to be changes in your life, people choose different paths that lead them to different places. Sometimes drifting apart is for the better but there are a couple of my friends that I've found I've grown distant from and I want to change that.

Actually, I recently had one friend who reached out to me. That action alone meant a lot to me, told me that she was thinking about me as much as I thought about her. It gave me warm fuzzies, knowing that she still wanted me in her life and that she valued the friendship we once had. I've never had many female friends and she was one of the best ones. We have plans on getting together again after nearly seven years and the idea is both exciting and terrifying. Will it be awkward? Will we have anything in common after so long? Has she changed? Will she accept the changes in me?

One way to find out. She was my best friend though college and we had spent so much time together. The fact that the distance between us had grown so large was a shock when I thought about it.

Here's to finding out.

Torn

Well, we made it camping. My pace has definitely changed, and I'm okay with that. My acts of kindness have narrowed to coffee for Nick, breakfast for Nick, drink for Nick... that'll change tomorrow when the rest of our friends make it here.

Which leads me to Pandamonium. For the first time I feel like I may not make it. I've always left here on the Friday before, spent Saturday at the Pandamonium and then returned to everyone Sunday. In doing so I've missed most of our friends every year. I'm torn between one group and the other. I feel like I need to stay up here for once...

Guess we'll see.

Camping

I'm struggling with what to write today. We'll be leaving for our two week camping trip early next week so I'll be missing IHC classes during that time, although I plan on making the trip back for the Pandamonium. We only get to go camping once a year so it's a pretty important event for us- the rest of the year is pretty much the same thing, work at work or at home, we don't spend long weekends away very often. When we (or I) do, there's always a pang of guilt that goes along with it. If I'm gone, that means someone else has to take on my responsibilities, fill in for my absence. I very much dislike doing that to people. But I am very grateful to those people who make it possible for me. Poppyseed chiffon cake all around, if you want.

I'll be sure to pack my spear along with me, and I'll be thinking of you all while I'm off in the wilderness. The kwoon is never far from my thoughts, it's so ingrained in me it would be like forgetting about home.

The above photo was taken during our drive home from last years trip. Posted strictly for your amusement. Enjoy!

A Note from a Student

As both an instructor and as a perpetual student, I feel I have the best of both worlds. I can see both sides of the story and therefore receive a benefit that many don't. I learn so much when I teach, and I can better understand where my own instructors are coming from when things are vague for me.

These are a few things I keep in front of me as a student, and hope my students keep in front of them as an instructor.

If you want to know what you need to work on for your next stripe or next belt I say you already know. The corrections you receive in class, the things we work on and the material we cover every day is for you. Trust that your instructor is giving you what you need, that you will benefit and that they work hard every day to ensure you are progressing along the right path.

Ignore what the stripes are saying- they are tools only, they do not encompass what it means to be a black or blue or yellow belt. Nothing written on paper will get you to yellow or black- it is what you do with the knowledge, how you apply what you know and how you connect the dots. Trust that you're instructor is teaching you kung fu, true kung fu, not just a set of applications because they are written out.

Trust that even if those pieces of paper change appearance the lessons have not. If the syllabus is reworked that does not mean your instructors have changed kung fu- it's over 2000 years old, we cannot assume to know better that 2000 years of knowledge passed down before us. They are the same things you are learning, the presentation has changed. The frosting is a different colour but it's still a cake underneath. What you are being taught, the core concepts of kung fu, are ever present.

Come to class. Seeing progress is difficult if you are not where you need to be to gain competence in whatever you want to achieve. If you do not see progress then you can become disheartened and unmotivated. If you are unmotivated it is hard for an instructor to show you your progress. We see you for approximately two hours a week. If you miss classes, that time is cut even shorter. What in your life can you learn, grow and gain competence in with less than an hour a week dedicated to it?

If you are not where you feel you should be for your level, change what you are doing and fix it. Hiding weakness does not eliminate the weakness. Ignoring it will not fix it. The only way, not just the best but the only way, is to acknowledge your shortcomings and then work to eradicate them. We all have areas we can be better at. Those who do become better are those who do not hide their shortcomings but who throw them out for the world to see.

The only way to get over your fears is to realize there is nothing to be afraid of. No one can convince you of this, you won't learn there is nothing to fear without experiencing it for yourself. Baby steps are fine as long as they one day turn into something more. Confidence is key. You cannot be confident in something you have never tried.

Don't be afraid to try. Don't be afraid to fail. Don't be afraid to throw a terrible kick. No one is expecting you to be perfect the first time, even the hundredth time. However, the only way to become better is to do. No one is there to judge you- every person who has ever learned a martial art started with no knowledge, no skill. We've failed hundreds of times. We fail to this day. Perseverance is the difference.

I've noticed that I've had fewer blogs to read over during my Monday morning coffee. Hmmm... (poke).

I'm still riding the high from the horsemanship seminar last Friday. Although it ended on a wet note I came away with so much more understanding of horses that before. I've ridden many times before, but I hadn't realized that no one really ever took the time to teach me anything about horsemanship. Only that a nudge in the flanks means go, pull on the reins means stop. It explains a lot with regards to the last few rides I had been on. And why I've only felt connected to one horse in my life (unlike every dog I've come across).

I know lately my focus has been pulled away from the kwoon. I'm still there nightly and when I'm not I'm thinking about it, however my time and efforts have been going into rebuilding and finishing the upstairs floor. I've been living in a reno nightmare for a long while. There are some things that are out of my control and on hold, however the upstairs is not one of them. The only things holding me back are time and money... nothing big... :( Regardless, I see progress. Progress makes me happy.

Hopefully once the weather changes I can pull myself away from the drywall and paint. But then again I don't want to pull away.

Maybe the chilly weather is a blessing in disguise.

Limitations of Anger

Lately I've been pondering and delving into self reflection, something I don't take time to do as I've always felt confidence enough to know who I am and to admit my faults or attributes. However, events have forced me to come to terms with several aspect in my life that I had previously thought I had under control.

Wich is funny, as one of those areas specifically is coming to terms with a situation that is out of my control. Everyone has heard it before, the only thing in life you can control is yourself. If someone has power over you it is because you give them that power. I've experienced this before and can attest first hand to the validity of this statement. However, there are issues in my life that cause me stress, I loose sleep over, I get angry over and, generally speaking, make me feel like I'm going crazy. I have no control over some things, but the knowledge does nothing to lessen their impact on me and my life. To the point where I have had to seek help.

I've always admitted that I have a temper. Long fuse, big bang. It's something I've been told numerous times and something that I have accepted as truth. However, I had a major monkey wrench thrown at me when someone said to me that maybe I don't have a temper, I just have good reasons to be angry. I couldn't help but stare at her for a minute. Whether or not she was right she blew a door wide open for me. I can liken it to telling yourself I can't vs. I can't yet. One slams a door in your face. The other opens them.

It makes me wonder how many other doors I've closed for myself. Or how many doors I've let others close for me.

It's the power of your words and thoughts. We teach always strive for mastery, always try to be better today than your were yesterday. My approach on things that anger me has changed, as though I am no longer limited in my reactions- not limited to becoming angry because I have a temper. I'm learning that first you have to make sure your environment, attitude and thoughts are supporting your goals. What you tell yourself will be the truth. What others perceive will be their truth. We have to ensure that we are not limiting ourselves before we even leave the gate.

The only thing in life you can control is yourself. Your thoughts and actions, your reactions and your perspective. You need to be truthful to yourself before you can hear the lessons around you.

A Plea

I have a couple questions. Fist, why is the term environmental protection always associated with job loss? Second, why is greed the biggest driving factor in life?

I just returned home after a conversation where the the following statements were made. "Why do I care what happens in 200 years? I want to make money now!". Shortly after this was followed by "Why bother wasting money on space exploration? There's nothing out there anyways.".

Is anyone else disturbed by this mentality? Is anyone else mortified by the implications of this thought process? By the impact of this? By the sheer number of people who identify with this individual? By the cyclical nature and relationship of the two statements?

I know you're out there. And I am afraid because of this knowledge. And the problem is there is no way to convince you otherwise. I can go on and on about the industries that would be created and the jobs that would be available with a switch from current methods and resources. It is not like a switch from coal or crude will somehow eliminate the need for energy production. If there is a need, there will be industry to support the need. It may look different, act different and feel different but it will provide the same opportunities as the current industries. We will need people to work the industry. To excel in the industry. To innovate and to labor in the industry, whatever it may be. If you are afraid or unwilling to apply your skills to something different then how can industry evolve? We should still be stuck with only the spinning jenny with this mentality. Rocks and sticks, more likely.

How narrow does your vision need to be to believe that everything exists here. Especially with the current course we are set upon space exploration is never a wasted effort, in my opinion anyways. I'll ignore global warming and damages by pipelines or oil spills as, somehow, those are in debate. If you are honest, you cannot disagree that non renewable resources are not infinite. You cannot debate that we rely on these resources and that these resources will, one day, run dry. So, on the current course, how long do you figure until this planet cannot give us what we need?

Guess it doesn't matter if you are not concerned about future generations.

I know I can argue and debate and plead until I'm blue in the face and some people will not change their views. I have to accept that. So I plead with the rest of you, those who are willing to reason and think for yourself and with the confidence to listen openly and honestly determine your own opinions, your own conclusions.

I know that we as a species will one day make the right choices. I'm not completely jaded with the human race. I just doubt as to whether or not we reach that day soon enough to matter.

Millennials

This morning I saw a video about millennials. Most of the time if I hear this phrase my hackles get up in arms and I resent anyone who groups me into this category. However, this guy explains exactly what the issues are regarding the new generation and, more importantly, the why and how we got here. Using his timeframe I just barely fit into the category. And, although I'm hopeful that I am not as he describes, I can see the truth in what he is saying.

I imagine not everyone will agree with the point of view here, but it is worth a listen to if you have the time. Either way times are changing, some for the better and some for the worse, and it will be knowledge or lack thereof that leads us through or holds us back.

Simon Sinek- The Millennial Question

My Universe in a Nutshell

First, seems to me that we have a few very strong new members on the team this year. Makes me think we should have recruited them years ago. And makes me excited to see what we'll be able to accomplish this year.

Second, to answer your question Sifu Lindstrom, yes. I've hit that time of the year where my documentation is slipping. It isn't gone completely however it's sputtering. Perhaps just writing this and throwing it out there will be enough to kickstart it again. Hopefully anyways.

I'm enjoying the spear form Sifu Beckett is teaching me. It's challenging without becoming a burden and I feel happy with a spear in my hands. I couldn't say that about any of the other weapons I've dabbled with. Perhaps it's my turn to find my true love?

I'm also enjoying my living room Tai Chi, although I haven't been spending as much time with it as I would like. Life is a juggling act and I find some days that you just have to let a ball hit the floor in order to keep the rest going.

Anyways, all in all I'm in a better headspace than the last few blogs I put out into the ether. Even despite daylight savings stealing an hour from me.

Grumpiness Ensues

I just realized it's Thursday whereas Tuesday is my blog day. So today is now my Tuesday.

I've been stressed this last while. Too many balls in the air and I'm dropping so many that I'm struggling to keep from tripping on them. My brain seems to be deciding to walk out on me, which would explain why these last two sentences required me to edit and delete about twelve times before they resembled english. The originals more accurately reflected where I'm at- hodgepodge of nonsense. Autocorrect can't save me.

I am struggling to keep in the moment which is causing me to loose sight of many things. I can be working on one thing but I'm thinking about the dozen other things that need my attention so nothing really gets what it deserves from me. I've been using the list method, however my list grows faster than I'm crossing off items, which only freaks me out. Seems life is all about the list.

I talked to someone recently who mentioned she thought it would be beneficial if I took a holiday. Just pack up my husband and take a couple days where I have no responsibilities. I've been obsessed with the idea since then, but feel I can't just walk away from my responsibilities like that. Whatever balls I walk away from are balls someone else will need to try to pick up and juggle. I know what that feels like and can't be the cause for someone else to be in that spot.

Somehow I've managed to say a lot without saying anything.

At least I had some good feedback last night in one area. Couldn't have come at a better time, when I felt everything was circling the drain. Now to sort out the rest of my life and then take a long, long nap.

Pink Shirt Day

Today is Pink Shirt Day. I mentioned in an earlier post that I've been reading up of the topic of bullying, and I wanted to share a few things I've learned.

First, there is a difference between conflict and bullying. And, like most things, its all to do with intentions. Conflicts are a natural and needed part of our lives, teaches us social skills, has the ability to strengthen relationships. It is a disagreement, a clash. With bullying there is contempt, malice and always an imbalance; there is no mutual respect, one individual is made to feel lesser than another.

There are four ways of bullying- one time, continual and repeated, hazing and cyber. There are three means of these four ways- verbal, physical and social. These four ways can also be horizontal (peers) or vertical (in your care or above you).

Taunting is a type of bullying- harm is intended. Teasing is not bullying- the intention is lighthearted, and stops if things become hurtful.

I've also learned there are a lot of terms, all of which are important when trying to distinguish when a child is being bullied. Knowing the terms helps me to understand the signs and differences, helps me to identify when that line is being crossed.

It happens at all ages and can happen anywhere. In the classroom or play yard, the work place or in families. It's about power and control and it has to stop.

There's a whole book full of things I have learned I can list here but the point is that education, as always, is the key.

So, I must say I'm a bit down that no one got the reference in the title of my last entry. Alas. C'est la vie.

Anyways, happy valentines day everyone! I just spent my afternoon baking cookies for Nick. I have no worries that this post will spoil the surprise because I doubt that guy has ever seen a post of mine. He uses the Google machine for fixing his truck and looking up smoked chicken recipes. I also made him a couple corny cards using Batman and blue heeler memes. Aren't I a wonderful wife? Don't answer that.

I'm finding that I'm in the same routine as every other year. Every year I start out well, getting my numbers and reps and the like, writing them down, reflecting at the end of the day. However, I have pages and pages of the same evidence from every year, numbers written and logged and the like, and the entries all start around the January/February mark (makes sense) and slowly die off around the March/April mark. Then they spurt back to life off and on throughout the year. I don't what that to happen this year, so here is my cry for help- keep on me! I'm not dying out yet but I need to learn from the past. Wait, I've heard that somewhere before...

What is your Quest?

I love questions. I love getting asked something that I myself have never thought of, or asked about details that I rarely see people noticing. I love when a student can identify their own holes in their knowledge. It's very rewarding as an instructor when I hear these questions- it tells me that I've managed to instil some amount of motivation or enjoyment into someone else when I hear that they are thinking about the lessons they've received outside of class time.

I cannot stress enough the value of asking questions. There will be times when I as an instructor will purposely give a vague answer in hopes that the student will take the spirit of the answer to heart. Sometimes it is not about the calculations but more about the feeling. There is so much detail embedded into what we do that we can never possibly address it all, but if you understand the system and learn to listen to your body it begins to make sense and the answer will be yours without having to vocalize the question. Thats one of the cool parts about what we do.

Don't ever hesitate to as a question. Don't be shy, don't worry about whether it's a good question or not, don't worry about what your classmates will think if you ask. Chances are they are wondering the same thing. I especially love the questions that stump me- goes to show that I had a hole that I wasn't aware of and give me an opportunity to find out. For kids and adults alike, asking questions gives you a chance to boost your confidence and your knowledge. Thats a pretty powerful combination, if you ask me.

No Charge for Awesomeness

So. The banquet is over. The rush is over, the push is over and the adrenaline is clearing from the system. What a great day it was.

Biggest thing that I came away with is the immense pride in all my kids. You guys rocked the night. All you kids worked so hard and Saturday really showed how awesome you all are. I've gotten so much feedback about how amazing the kids demo was, and I have to agree. You all grew in some way, you all buckled down and grew in leaps and bounds. Some of you found your outside voices, some of you nailed your forms down after struggling in the past. Well done.

My biggest struggle? Keeping the momentum going now that there is no looming deadline on the horizon. It goes to show what you can accomplish when you're focused and motivated. Keeping that focus and motivation is the hard part, no matter your age. But, after witnessing all the successes and promotions and awesomeness on Saturday, I do believe we can ride this train for a while longer. And then? We set a new goal and continue the forward progression.

Hurrah guys. We'll see you all on the mats.

Roots

So in my recent purging efforts I came across and old gem, a video of a lion dance and demo and the practices leading up to them from 2009. It featured a couple of long haired future Sifu's and past students from Onoway. I was laughing and smiling as I watched it. The amount of long flowing hair in that demo was radical.

A few notable observations- I understand why Sifu Brinker kept telling me I was overly vigorous with my drumming. I feel bad now watching those guys trying to unicorn step to the pace I was setting. Our dance moves were epic- everything from itchy ears to beboppin tails. The commentary coming from the videographer was entertaining to say the least, "this is happening live folks", "Sifu, you're in the way! She's always in the way!", "that guy has some mad skills!". The fight choreography from a couple young girls and the aforementioned future Sifu's was fun to watch.

Watching this video, I was reminded of where we all came from. This here was evidence of my roots. It grounded me, showing me how far we have all come in the past years and I find it cool to see how it led us to where we are now. With my lion dance debut coming up, I don't think this could have come at a better time. One of those guys would go on to become the head instructor of the school. One would become a top lion dancer. One was me.

Even though I am currently engrained in the Stony Plain school, I remember that I came from Onoway. I began in that school gym, was promoted to black in that gym and set a foundation for who and what I am now in that gym.

Kids, Cats & Coattails

So once again, I've been thinking about what this past year has held for me. Although many of my goals were not met I feel that there are areas that I have grown, outside the I Ho Chuan but not necessarily separate from it. I have been focused on becoming a better instructor, especially since I became responsible for the kids. Teaching kids and teaching adults are so not the same thing. Adults you can set a task to and know they will work it out for themselves. Kids need so much more guidance, attention and inspiration. However, they seem to soak in every word when you do have their attention and focus.

I've always loved to read, but I've always been partial to reading material that wasn't necessarily beneficial in any way. Entertainment value, perhaps a life lesson thrown in in the end. Fiction. Recently I decided to make better use of the time I spend with my nose in a book and read something of significance. Something that will help me with my teaching and my understanding of the curriculum values. And so, I've been reading a book about bullying. Surprisingly, I'm more enthralled by it than the novel I was previously reading. It seems to be one of those topics that you think you understand but when the obvious is spelt out for you it gains a life of its own. I've always wanted reach the kids I teach in a meaningful way but didn't realize that I severely lacked the many of the tools.

Next up is a book on diabetes. And although it seems to promise to be less gripping, I don't doubt that it will be a beneficial read.

On a different note, I've been watching the lion dance videos Mr. Helm posted (thanks!) and I can sure tell who is the new kid out there (me). I need to remember the pointers Sifu Lindstrom has given me while at the same time remember where I'm supposed to be, where I'm not supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing. The more familiar I get with the dance the more comfortable I'm getting which will allow me to focus on the details. At least I now know you can't see my moments of panic an confusion as badly as I thought. Oh they're there, but not quite as blatant as I feared. One small victory?

I'm happy to be sharing this road with all of you. It doesn't feel like the year should be over yet, I'm just getting my feet back under me. I know I've ridden the coattails of many of you this year and I thank you for dragging me along until I finally rolled off and started walking on my own again.

Problems with Conformity, Problems with Incongruity

This past year I have tried to implement several lifestyle changes, some more successfully than others. Throughout the years I have made changes that many people saw as either selfish or foolish. My motivations have always been the same, and I promise you they are not selfish. Foolish? Perhaps.

It is not easy. Trying to do what you believe to be right. Trying to lead by example. Problem is, when you lead by example that usually implies there are few others that are the example you are looking to be. Which means that most (not all) of the people surrounding me are very different from myself, with different beliefs and different opinions. Straying from the norm leaves you vulnerable, and I have come across my share of ridicule and judgement. Those who do not understand or who live with blinders, they are the ones I try to be an example for and they are the ones least likely to accept me. I feel alienated.

People want conformity. Change is unsteady and requires effort with no guarantee of success. When you do not conform to today's expectations and standards then you risk disrupting the norm, and in the norm people feel safe. Problem is, today's norm is not sustainable, is not ethical and is not survivable.

I choose health over wealth. I have more than I need anyways. I choose ethically instead of conveniently. Food has never tasted better. I choose educating over personal legacy. The next generation can do more for this world than I ever could alone. I choose environment over economy. Without the environment there is no economy, there is no us.